Torn by Love (Scarred by Love #4)

by C. A. Harms

  The silence was eating away at me, and not knowing how Lily was doing was killing me slowly. “What happened?” All gazes connected with mine, but still no one spoke. “Will someone fucking talk?” I growled. I was getting angrier with each passing second.

  Carson and Jason approached me first, leaving Shawn where he stood. Carson reached out to place his hand on my shoulder, and I shoved it away. “No fucking games, bro. I don’t need you to console me. Give it to me straight. What the hell happened to Lily?”

  I could see the pain in his eyes as he began to explain. “She was attacked tonight, just after her night class. She had parked on a road alongside the parking lot. Someone heard her screams and called for help, but…” He paused, looking over his shoulder. Kate stared at him as her lower lip quivered and tears flowed down her cheeks.

  He turned back to me, taking in a deep breath. “She was beaten pretty badly, but, um, the sirens scared off her attacker.”

  “Was she raped?” I asked. The thought tore at something deep inside me. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle it if he said yes.

  “No,” he replied.

  I hung my head as foreign, staggering emotions took over. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, and I didn’t need anyone checking to see if I was all right. I was on the edge of destruction, a ticking bomb ready to explode. I needed space.

  A murderous rage filled my soul as I thought about Lily being hurt with no one to stop it. It was a vision I could not shake. A pain I could not swallow.

  The longer I sat there looking around the room, the more enraged I became. What the fuck were they all staring at? I was unable to rein in the overpowering fury. I wanted to tear something apart. I stood from the chair and headed for the exit. I had to get some air. I was about to lose my shit, and the ER wasn’t the place for me to act like some evil lunatic.

  I’d just made it to my truck when I broke loose, and my SUV paid the price. One fist after another connected with the fender. Blood covered my knuckles, yet I felt no pain.

  Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, and I was taken to the ground. “Let me go,” I grunted, twisting from side to side as adrenaline took over. I turned to get in Max’s face and gripped his shirt in my fists. “I said let go. Back the fuck off.”

  He squeezed me tighter. “This ain’t helping shit, T. You need to keep your cool. It’s hard, and I know you’re falling apart, man, but keep it cool. She’s gonna need all of us when she comes to.” He bore down on me as he stared directly at me. “All of us.” He stressed his words.

  I took in a deep, shuddering breath. A feeling I was very unfamiliar with engulfed my chest and settled deep in my gut.

  I had never in my life felt so torn and helpless.

  Chapter Seven

  Lily

  My body ached beyond belief. My head pounded with a deep throb, thumping over and over, as if someone were playing the drums within it. I turned my body just enough to feel a pain shoot up my spine and settle in the base of my neck. I groaned in agony. I had never felt such pain before.

  A hand settled on mine, and fear took over all my senses. I sunk back against the mattress behind me as the memories of my attack paralyzed me. I began to tremble, trying to hide within myself.

  “Lily, you’re safe.” A soft whisper tried to soothe me. “Please, calm down.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, willing everything around me to disappear.

  “Get the doctor, now.” Another deep growl erupted, full of anger and pain.

  Slowly opening my eyes, I blinked a few times, focusing on those around me. The people closest to me were hovering around my bed, waiting for my reaction. Bree’s eyes were beyond swollen, and Riley didn’t move an inch as her eyes zoomed in on me. She was frozen in place, awaiting what would come next.

  Still scanning the room I saw six men, all wearing intense expressions. A tickling in one of my palms caused chills to cover my arms. I turned my head, and my gaze locked with Tanner’s. He held my hand firmly in his.

  “Hi, doll,” he whispered. His grin was forced, and I could see the affliction in his eyes. “Don’t move around too much. The doctor’s coming.” He continued to stroke my fingers, soothing my racing heart more than he could know.

  Logan sat in the chair at my other side, his head resting on the edge of the bed. “Hey, shorty,” he said. His eyes held unshed tears, and the sight of them almost broke me.

  “Miss Peterson,” a delicate voice spoke from my left. I turned carefully in its direction. “I’m Dr. Morris. It’s good to see you awake. How are you feeling?” She was a young woman with dark hair and big brown eyes. Her skin was pale, only making the darkness of her eyes stand out more. Her sweet smile indicated her gentle demeanor. She carefully sat at the edge of the bed, awaiting my answer.

  “Hurts,” I whispered. My throat felt scratchy, and my tongue felt pasty and thick.

  “That’s to be expected, sweetheart. Your body has gone through hell and back over the last few days,” she replied.

  “Days?” I questioned. Had I heard her wrong?

  “Yes, you’ve been out for a few days,” she said. “Do you remember what happened?”

  I nodded. I remembered every tortured moment until his fist connected one last time. After that, everything went black.

  “The police are asking if they can speak with you. I think I can hold them off a little longer but—” I shook my head, and she stopped talking and waited for me to speak.

  “I need to tell them. I want him to pay for what he did,” I said in a weak, raspy voice.

  “So you know the person responsible for your attack?” she asked. I nodded once more. “Do you want to give your statement now?’

  “Yes.” I looked past the doctor, and my gaze connected with Carson’s. “I’ll give my statement to Carson.”

  The doctor wrinkled her brow, appearing confused. She looked over her shoulder just as Carson stepped forward. “I’m a police officer, also one of the first ones on scene. I can take her statement. If you tell the two officers outside that I’ll handle it from here, I would appreciate it.”

  She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll go do that now.” Turning back to me, she offered a gentle smile. “And I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”

  The room was eerily silent as we watched Dr. Morris leave.

  Kate approached the bed first, leaned over, and kissed my head softly. “We’ll be back later.”

  One by one everyone said good-bye, leaving only Carson, Logan, and Tanner lingering nervously. I wasn’t sure I would be able to recap my attack fully for Carson. Having Logan and Tanner in the room with him would only make it that much harder.

  “I just want it to be Carson and me,” I stated. Carson stared up at Logan, and my brother nodded in understanding. I could tell it wasn’t what he wanted, yet he gave it to me anyway. Tanner was a little harder to convince. He stared back at me without saying a word. He still sat in the chair next to me, showing no indication he was moving anytime soon.

  “Tanner,” I pushed.

  He narrowed his eyes. “I can take it,” he pushed back.

  I bit down on my lip as it began to quiver and took a few seconds to will myself to stay calm. “But I can’t,” I admitted. I felt so weak and embarrassed. I knew I had to be a mess. I could see the pity in everyone’s eyes. I could see them watching me like they thought I was some china doll. I didn’t want to give anyone more reasons to act that way around me, and sharing details of my attack would make them pity me more.

  An oppressive, bleak expression covered Tanner’s face, and I had to look away. I could tell he wanted to argue, but in all honesty, I didn’t understand why he felt he had to be there. I didn’t want him to feel that way. I refused to be anyone’s charity case.

  Carson looked past me, eyeing his brother. It was as if they were having some silent conversation using only expressions.

  Tanner’s chair screeched as he stood. “I’
m not leaving,” he stated. My heart rate sped up. “I’m stepping out for a few minutes, but that’s all.”

  He didn’t wait for a response before storming out of the room.

  “Damn pigheaded ass,” Carson grumbled.

  I smiled back at him. It was true, but they all were. Every Parks brother thought they ruled the world.

  ***

  For the next fifteen minutes I recapped the horrific night and gave all the details I could remember. Carson documented everything. On occasion I would catch his nostrils flaring in anger and his jaw ticking continuously—another Parks brother trait. One that showed when they were hanging just on the edge of self-control.

  “I already know who did this. I just need to confirm it, Lil. I need to hear the name from you,” he said.

  My eyes instantly filled with tears. I took a few seconds to talk myself down from my emotional overload.

  “Randy,” I whispered weakly.

  I didn’t turn to look at him. I could see him moving in my peripheral vision, searching for his phone.

  “Jay, it was him.” He spoke in such a fierce tone. “Get someone on it. I want Randy picked up. Now.”

  Silence once again returned to the small hospital room after he hung up. I didn’t know what to say, what to do next.

  “He was a mess when he found out,” Carson said. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”

  Tilting my head, I looked back at him, puzzled by his words. “What are you talking about? Who?”

  “T,” he replied.

  I shook my head, still trying to understand.

  “He cares, Lily. The guy just doesn’t know what to do with those feelings,” Carson said. “I was there once, and I fucked up a lot along the way, you know I did. I just think you need to know that he has feelings for you. He’s holding it together the best he can.”

  “I can’t think about that right now,” I replied. “I don’t have anything left in me, no room for what Tanner can or can’t provide me. I’m not saying that he doesn’t care, but Tanner is incapable of making a true connection, like the one you and Kate have. I don’t need a protector, a savior. I don’t want a white knight to swoop in and pick me up when I am at my lowest point.”

  Carson listened, his pity shining brighter with each word I spoke.

  “Tanner didn’t want anything to do with me prior to this.” I waved my hand over my face, indicating my injuries. “I don’t need him now.”

  Chapter Eight

  Tanner

  It’d been a week since Lily was released from the hospital. Almost two since the attack.

  A week since I stood outside the door and listened to her tell my brother that she didn’t need me.

  I walked away that day, left without another word. I knew she was hurting, and after what she’d been through, she had every right to be angry. It was just hard to hear those words directed toward me.

  I probably should have stormed back into the hospital room and told her I knew she was lying. Made her realize I was gonna be there whether she wanted me to be or not. Instead I’d turned to find Max and Logan standing within earshot. They had heard the same words I had.

  They were also looking at me as if I was going to lose my shit at any moment. And of course I did.

  Max attempted to stop me as I stormed past him, but I shoved him back, or at least I tried. I didn’t need him and his brotherly Mr. Fix It shit. I had this. I would deal with it on my own.

  I managed to stay busy working on the house I was currently remodeling. I worked days with my crew and continued to work alone at night. It kept my mind busy for the most part. Yet when I lay in bed, I was reminded of all the dumb shit I’d pulled. All the times I had Lily there, in front of me and interested, and treated her as if she wasn’t worth my time. She’d finally realized I was the one that wasn’t worth her time.

  ***

  I had just stepped out of the shower and was pulling my boxers up over my hips when I heard Paisley’s laughter. A smile pulled at my lips, because let’s face it, that sweet little girl had a special place in my heart. There was no way I couldn’t smile when she was near.

  “Tanner,” she screamed, followed by laughter before she squealed out once again. After slipping on my jeans I opened up my door and laughed at the sight before me.

  Max stood at the end of the hall holding Paisley upside down by her feet. He was laughing too as she squealed and wiggled around. She caught sight of me and began yelling out, reaching for me.

  “Help me.” She giggled.

  I approached just as Bree was climbing the stairs at the other end of the hall. “What are you guys doing to her? I could hear her all the way outside.”

  Bree was in her workout clothes, and Max was eyeing her up and down. All I could offer was a roll of my eyes. The two of them were without a doubt the most sexual people I had ever met.

  “Where have you been, babe?” Max growled, still admiring her body.

  I took the opportunity to grab Paisley and draw her into my chest. Max, of course, quickly pulled Bree flush against him. I’d spun around and was heading for the stairs when her words stopped me.

  “I told you, I met Lily at the gym. Kate and I convinced her to start the self-defense class they offer. Today was our first day,” Bree said. I turned just in time to see her wrap her arms around his neck. “She needs this. She hasn’t been the same since the attack. We’ve been really worried about her. I don’t like seeing her hide away from everyone, from everything.”

  Max looked up over Bree’s shoulder, and his stare connected with mine. Bree followed suit by turning slightly to look back at me too.

  “So, um…” I stumbled over the questions I really wanted to ask. I had spent a week avoiding the burn in my chest. The uneasy feeling of not knowing how she was doing.

  Bree obviously sensed my struggle. “Logan called me and asked for our help. Her nightmares have only gotten worse. She’s been quiet and withdrawn.” She paused and looked back at Max again. “I guess it doesn’t help a lot knowing that Randy’s still out there.”

  The police had issued a warrant for his arrest, yet they hadn’t been able to locate him.

  “Jed was really great with her today, though,” Bree continued. “He really took his time teaching her a few things. It took a while for her to show interest. She insisted that it was a waste of time at first.”

  A low grumble rolled through me. Jed was a handsy guy. I didn’t like the idea of him touching Lily. I swear the douchebag took the job at the gym just so he could grope women.

  Chapter Nine

  Lily

  I’ve moved through my days in something of a robotic state—with tunnel vision of sorts, only focusing on what was necessary, letting everything else fade away. Most of my nights since I was released from the hospital have been filled with nightmares and panic attacks—panic attacks I’ve hidden well from Logan and everyone else.

  My brother has taken some time off work, but I know he’ll have to go back soon. The idea of being here alone often caused anxiety to rush through me.

  School was hard, so I chose to withdraw from all my classes. Driving myself there for a week straight only to be unable to get out of my car was my sign that I had to pull back. It may have been a stupid move on my part, but it was necessary for my survival.

  Most days I felt like I was going to go crazy, to lose my mind to the weakness inside me. The weakness that made me feel like I was being watched and hunted, that was waiting for the moment I let my guard down. So the choice to lock myself up inside our apartment, mainly in my darkened room, was an easy one to make. It was the closest I felt to safety, and it was working out perfectly until Logan called for reinforcements. Kate and Bree were ruthless; they wouldn’t take no for an answer. It didn’t matter how hard I fought, they ignored my attempts at resistance.

  A self-defense class at the gym was their idea of what I needed, and eventually I caved. Today, I’d spent an hour and a half learning to fight back when so
meone tried to overpower me. I left feeling even weaker than when I arrived. I put on a happy face for my friends’ sakes, but I hated every moment of it.

  Bree dropped me off at my apartment, and during the ride I wanted to ask her about Tanner. I hadn’t seen him since I asked him to leave my hospital room, since I told Carson I didn’t need Tanner. I still have no idea why I decided to share that lie. It was so far from what I truly felt.

  I guess that was the first sign of shutting down. I began to crawl within myself and build a wall. Remembering the events of the attack were hard, and knowing my attacker was still out there roaming the streets was one of the most terrifying feelings I have ever experienced. I have never felt so helpless. I was a sitting duck, just waiting for him to return and finish me off. That was how I felt anyway, every day and even more at night.

  Sam was sitting on the couch when I came home from the gym. He had pretty much moved in with us, and I know it was because of me. He and Logan were always hovering over me. I knew they meant well, but I wanted my space.

  “Hey there, sunshine,” Sam called out from the couch. “How was it?”

  I shrugged as I pulled my sneakers off. “It was okay, I guess.”

  I walked past him into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. I heard him open the fridge behind me and shift through it, but I knew he was hovering instead of getting food.

  “Sam.” I sighed. I set my water down on the counter and turned to face him. “I know you’re only doing what you were directed to do. I know Logan’s worried, but I’m fine. I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “We’re all worried, Lil. You’re fading away to nothing. You look like you rarely sleep.” He took a step toward me. “Let’s not forget your nightmares and the fact you jump at every little sound.”