All for You

by Christi Barth

  One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.—Euripedes. The quote made her smile. Ward was the furthest thing from a scholar. She’d given him a quote-a-day calendar for Christmas to force him to read more than the back of a mustard bottle. To her amazement—and his—Ward had discovered he got a kick out of whipping out quotes at the drop of a hat.

  It also put a bandage across the raw hole in her heart. As did the package of Red Vines beneath the makeshift wrapping. “My favorite candy.”

  He moved to the bottom of the steps. “Figured I’d given you enough sourness lately. You deserved a little sweetness in your life.”

  Wow. Casey couldn’t ask for a better friend. Wasn’t even entirely sure she deserved him. “You’re just a big, gushy teddy bear beneath that manly muscle frame, aren’t you?”

  “Stop it.” He used the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his carefully maintained three-day scruff. “This is why I didn’t want to talk to you. I’m no good at the mushy stuff.”

  “No, Ward. You’re terrific at it.” But she didn’t want to drive him away again with any more heartfelt compliments, so Casey reverted to their usual banter. “It’s a miracle your dates’ panties don’t spontaneously fall off when you romance them.”

  “Maybe they do. I don’t panty-steal and tell.” A dimple winked out from the edge of his scruff.

  Objectively, he was the whole, sexalicious package. Except that they’d never had a single spark of chemistry. Probably because he and Piper had been so into each other. Until that imploded. Ward was filed entirely under a combination of BFF and the brother she’d always wanted.

  Casey tapped her finger against the wrapping paper. “This quote? Not that big a compliment, actually. Remember, I know how you feel about your relatives. Saying I’m worth ten thousand of them is still setting a pretty low bar.”

  “You’re right. If I had a pen, I’d up that to at least fifteen thousand.”

  “So...we’re okay? ’Cause I can keep groveling. I’ve got it set as a daily reminder on my phone.”

  “Nah. That’s getting old. We’re good.”

  “Then brace yourself.” Casey jumped off the top step, launching herself at him in a tackle hug. Ward said he didn’t want to be mushy. But his arms grabbed on and held just as tightly as hers did. He was sweaty and disgusting...and her world was no longer topsy-turvy.

  Well, except for the whole, ginormous Zane issue.

  “See you for breakfast tomorrow?”

  What a relief it was to be back to normal. Casey let loose of her chokehold around his neck. “Of course. I’ll even ask Dawn to put in an order for those double chocolate glazed donuts you like.”

  With a wave, Ward jogged off. Right past her stepmother turning into the driveway. Casey waited on the porch for her.

  Dawn wore a red, white and blue plaid shirt tucked into a denim skirt. And it was only July first. By the fourth, she’d be in red, white and blue head to toe, bandanna to multi-colored boat shoes. She claimed it was her patriotic duty as mayor to go over the top with holiday celebrations. Which was all well and good, except that it didn’t excuse her holiday-themed sweater collection. Casey remembered the humiliation of Dawn picking her up from school in a cardigan with pumpkins on the pockets. And the time with the reindeer sweater with a light-up nose.

  Even with far shorter legs, Mitzi made it to the porch before Dawn. Casey crouched down to scratch the dog’s belly and got a face full of sloppy, wet kisses. The perfect way to start the day. Well, that and a handful of the red vines. And about a gallon of coffee. All the late night smooch-a-thons with Zane were taking a serious toll on her beauty sleep.

  “Ward was here early. Are you kids cheating on Cosgroves and meeting for breakfast in your kitchen now?”

  “Of course not. That’s way too much work for me. I go to Cosgroves so I don’t have to make my own breakfast. Plus, I’d miss playing with the mutt here.” With a final tummy rub for the blissfully happy wiener dog, Casey stood.

  “What was Ward doing here?”

  Rats. Casey had momentarily forgotten her stepmother’s love of gossip. Her need to know...well...everything. Her talent at ferretting out whatever people didn’t want to tell her. Regardless, Casey could at least try to gloss over the truth. “Um, he was just out on a run. Training for the big race this weekend. Joel’s got him doing a whole bunch of different routes to keep his muscles from getting bored.”

  “What did he bring you?”

  Damn it. The torn paper hung half off the box of candy. No disguising that it was a gift. “We had a fight. This was his way of making up. Cute, huh?” Casey grabbed for the bulging sack of basil hanging off Dawn’s arm. All she got was a fistful of air as Dawn shifted out of her reach.

  “Hang on. You two never fight. Oh, you bicker like tween-aged siblings, but you don’t actually fight. Certainly not anything serious enough to warrant an apology present.”

  Casey made one last, desperate attempt to get out of this discussion and get to work on time. “It’s no big deal. Over and done with, now.”

  “Nonsense.” Dawn strode past her to sit on one of the white Adirondack chairs. Tapped the seat of its mate. Dumped her precious bag of basil on the side table to keep it from Mitzi. “Come sit down and tell me the whole story.”

  Oh boy. This wasn’t going to be pretty. As Piper always said, nothing good ever happens before coffee. She gave a tug to her uniform shorts and sat down. “Don’t freak out.”

  “Any story that leads off that way guarantees an excessive reaction.”

  “There are times when you really channel the whole mothering thing.”

  “Only because you need it. Being grown-up won’t ever stop me from mothering you. With your father thankfully out of the picture, I’ve got to do double the work. You’re actually quite exhausting, you know.” Dawn patted her mouth over an elaborate yawn.

  The single mention of her father wiped the smile from Casey’s lips. Because he was at the heart of the whole problem with Zane. And darn it, she didn’t want a problem. She wanted to be able to enjoy her new boyfriend unencumbered from seventeen-year-old drama. The whole thing sucked. Hashing over it with Dawn would only re-salt all their wounds. But at this point, there was no way out of the conversation.

  Casey looked out at the lush woods that lined her property. As always, the peace and beauty of the green trees and dappled sunlight soothed her. It was why she’d chosen this cottage. No neighbors within view. Nothing but nature. The extra commute time was worth it. Hopefully if she stared at the plants and birds instead of her stepmom, she could get through this.

  After a deep breath, she began. “Ward found out about me. About the real reason you brought me here. About my time in the Sunshine Seekers.” When she heard no response after a decent amount of time, Casey had to turn and look.

  Dawn’s mouth had dropped open a bit. Then it closed. Opened again. “My word. What a surprise. Especially after all these years.”

  “He, uh, wasn’t too pleased that I kept him in the dark. Especially not with Piper and Ella being in the loop.”

  “Oh, honey.” Dawn patted Casey’s leg. “Of course he was upset. He must’ve felt so foolish and hurt and angry.”

  “That about sums it up. And I don’t blame him a bit. I’m actually pretty surprised he forgave me so quickly.” Casey was utterly torn. She knew it had been the right thing to do to protect Dawn. Not to mention herself. But she’d treated Ward horribly. If she could go back and make the choice again, would she make the same one? Casey didn’t have a clue. No matter which scenario she played out in her head—as she had every night since the big reveal to Ward—somebody got hurt. Which was a problem. It meant no easy answer as to whether or not she should ever dial anyone else in to the big secret.

  “Ward’s a wonderful man. I couldn’t have hand-picked better frien
ds for you.”

  “The way he took it? Made me wish I’d told him a long time ago,” Casey confessed. “Or at least made me wish that I could’ve told him, instead of accidentally letting him find out.”

  “How did he?” Dawn’s voice was too carefully relaxed. If she’d been a ladybug, her antennae would be whirring and perked up.

  Of course she wanted to know. Every time another person learned the truth, the risk to Dawn multiplied. Casey knew Ward wouldn’t breathe a word. But she understood Dawn’s concern. “He caught me writing about it in the mailbox journal.”

  Dawn jerked forward to the edge of her chair. Not an easy feat with the steep angle of the butt to thighs ratio of the wooden slats. “You did what? Have you lost your mind? Why not go ahead and chalk it onto the sidewalk in front of the liquor store?”

  That was a random suggestion. Most people would’ve made a joke about hiring a skywriter or putting an ad in the paper. Dawn must really be rattled. “Calm down. I didn’t do anything stupid like signing my name. I didn’t mention any names. Just begged everyone who has kept their mouth shut on the subject to continue to do so.”

  “Why? Why take the risk? Why pull off a seamless scab and poke at things?”

  “With Zane nosing around, I had to do something. He’s got an easy way about him. It makes people open up.”

  “People? Or just you?” Dawn said sharply.

  “Not just me. The man’s famous for prying his way into close-mouthed, secret societies. Cults who hide from the law, from the media, from family members. He somehow gets through to them and unleashes the verbal floodgates. If he can do that with people who are so guarded, what sort of a chance does a gossip like Leona Miller stand against his relentless charm?”

  “Leona doesn’t know anything.”

  Casey threw up her hands and let the words gush out in a tight yell. “How would I know that?”

  The fight with Ward had left her raw, left emotional scabs picked clean off. Damn it, it was time. Dawn had kept bits and pieces of Casey’s history locked away from her. Casey was sick of it. Sick of the secrets. Sick of the hiding. It was the same frustration that had led her to let down her guard the night she met Zane. Dawn wanted to know what was going on? Well, she’d tell her.

  “You’ve never told me who in town is in on our secret. Sometimes I walk down the street and catch an odd, sideways glance and wonder if that person knows. I second-guess conversations, looking for layers of meaning with everyone over the age of forty.”

  “Acacia.” The name came out in a hushed gasp.

  “I deserve to know. Ward deserved to know, if only because he’s my best friend. So don’t I deserve to know the full story on my own life? The one anywhere from forty to a hundred other people hold in the balance every damn day? I’m expected to hide everything, to stay shut down and buttoned up and not let anyone new see anything more than a thin veneer of who I really am. I had to lie to him, every day. And you know what I realized? He might have known the truth all along. You and I, we hide from everyone else, but we shouldn’t hide the truth from each other. The least you can do is tell me who holds the choke chain over us? Who knows? Who knows more about me than I do myself?”

  She’d been yelling. Casey could tell because of the raw tickle in her throat, and the way all the birds had gone quiet. But she hadn’t meant to raise her voice. Not to Dawn. All she meant to do was express her frustration. Guess there’d been a hell of a lot more pent up than Casey anticipated.

  Dawn’s face had gone white. Her hands gripped the armrests as though they were the only thing holding herself down in the seat. Mitzi lay on her belly, whimpering softly. Casey bent over and scooped the shaking dog into her lap.

  “I’m sorry.” The apology was for all of them. For scaring the dog, for upsetting the woman, and even a bit to Casey, for popping the cork on so damn much.

  “Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for your feelings.” Dawn licked her lips. “Do you want to do this over coffee?”

  “God, yes.” Grateful for the caffeine and for the time out, Casey lurched out of her chair and barreled to the kitchen. That outburst was weird. Regrettable. Unkind. As she clanged around filling the coffeepot, Casey figured out why it had happened.

  It must be the lack of sleep. Caused by hours of kissing. Caused by Zane’s irresistible blue eyes and sexiness. In other words, the whole outburst was definitely Zane’s fault. Blaming him felt right. Because she’d been turned upside down since the first moment they met.

  Dawn busied herself, too, watering the rosemary and oregano on the windowsill. They were both regrouping. Part of Casey wanted to beg Dawn to forget she’d opened her mouth. To jam the basil in the refrigerator and head to work like this hadn’t happened.

  But the bigger part of her really, really wanted to hear what Dawn had to say.

  Once the coffee started brewing, Casey leaned against the sink. Waited. ’Cause God knows she wasn’t going to open her mouth again until Dawn said something. Anything. Maybe another brush off, like the last time Casey had asked just before college graduation. Maybe they’d do it CIA style. Dawn would write down a list of names and silently slide the paper across the table to Casey. Or maybe she’d just been reading too many true-crime novels recently. Since, on second thought, that didn’t seem likely. Hanging out with Zane all the time left her almost no time for reading.

  Dawn wiped her hands on a freshly bleached dish towel. “I did this all wrong.”

  “You did? You mean there’s a how-to book on rescuing a child and hiding from the law as a result?”

  “Not a book. But I’m sure that by now, there’s a website that covers the basics.” Dawn tucked her tidy blond bob behind her ears. “Acacia, I brought you here to give you freedom. That’s what I thought. It appears, however, that I just built you a prison with bigger walls.”

  “No. I was just running my mouth off. Stupidly. This thing with Ward threw me off-kilter. Not to mention that Zane’s got me constantly on guard. I didn’t mean...” Casey trailed off. She wouldn’t lie to Dawn. She did mean everything she’d said. “I didn’t intend to explode like that. My emotions sort of tumbled ahead of common sense and good timing and, well, everything else.”

  “I’m worried that I set the wrong example. You know I haven’t dated since your father left me.”

  “I was afraid of that. I hoped that you were secretly having a string of torrid affairs, though.”

  “Ha. That makes two of us.”

  Since they were being all honest, maybe Casey could finally get the scoop on a mystery that had driven her nuts for years. “Not even when I was twelve and you went on that secret two-week vacation without me?”

  Dawn tucked the towel back onto the stove door. Sat back down on the bench and folded her hands in her lap. “That wasn’t an affair. Or a vacation. Not really. I spent that time in Iceland. With Peter.”

  “Peter who?” Then the pieces clicked into place. “You mean Phoenix—Dad?”

  “He only used the name Phoenix when he was swept up in the whole cult thing. His legal name, the one he went by when we met and fell in love, was Peter.”

  “Why...” Casey’s mind whirled like a roulette wheel, unable to stop on one question long enough to spit it out. Why meet with him at all? Why Iceland? Why not tell Casey? Why not take her along?

  “I was still worried he’d try to swoop in and take you away again. Back when we started dating, I’d brought him home to the Finger Lakes for a visit. Even though we only communicated through lawyers after he fled the country, I assumed he knew where you and I were living.”

  Casey had gotten so used to the cloak and dagger routine that she accepted it without question. Now, it seemed as obvious as a forehead pimple that Phoenix had to have known where they were. “I never realized.”

  “We were married for nine years, C
asey. People share everything in a marriage.”

  “Which is why you’ve never done it again.”

  Dawn ignored the comment. “Obviously, with the authorities eager to talk to him about the deaths within the Sunshine Seekers, he’d never come back to the States. He’d made it across the Mexican border the day after I rescued you when the whole thing imploded. But I needed assurances. I needed guardianship of you made official, and I needed a divorce. So our lawyers chose a spot, and we met to hash everything out.”

  “In Iceland?”

  “Peter was living in Europe. It wasn’t too far for either of us. He agreed to keep his distance. To not meet you in person at all unless you requested it, as long as I kept him fully informed about you.”

  “So it wasn’t my therapist. It was you who made me write those letters to him every month.”

  It had been pure torture at first. No junior high kid liked to be forced to write a letter, let alone with such regularity. Dawn had dragged her to a therapist twice a week to make sure the Sunshine Seekers hadn’t messed up her psyche, what with being left to fend for herself so much as a child, and the weird religion forced upon her. Casey was eager to shed all remnants of the cult, so therapy didn’t last long.

  But the doctor had insisted that she write to her father. Said it was a way of honoring the man she’d once adored. A way to not be bitter with how his choices impacted her life. Casey did miss her dad. Of course, she missed the dad she’d grown up with, and not the kooky version of him that had gotten indoctrinated by the Sunshine Seekers for two years. That’s who she thought about when she laboriously wrote the letters. And had felt immensely relieved to receive letters back that sounded utterly normal.

  Phoenix—as he’d insisted she call him—didn’t share any of his life on the run with her. But he did praise her accomplishments. Told her how much he loved her, and missed her. As the years passed, he felt not like a dad, but an effusive pen pal. Which was enough for Casey.

  Now, it hit her how odd it was that he’d never asked for a meeting. Never tried to call her on the phone. It was Dawn who’d given her the gift of that buffer.