All for You

by Christi Barth

  Ella crossed the room to shut the door. Then leaned back and braced her palms against it in a dramatic pose. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you should try? To argue with Pierce? I mean, if he’s suddenly decided he cares enough to fight for you, do you want to give him a chance?”

  “Being with Pierce would be easy.”

  “Nope. You said easy already.”

  “Unchallenging. Nice. Did I say comfortable already?” He was a nice man. A good man. Well-off. Which sounded like the perfect description for a debutante to snag in Regency England. As far as long-term with Casey, though, all his good points didn’t mesh with her the way they used to. When she thought easy and shallow was her only choice. Now she was tempted by all the more that Zane brought to the table. No matter how stupid it might be. “But probably, ultimately, Pierce is a little dull.”

  Piper slapped her hands together as if dusting off flour—or all of Casey’s inane babbling. “Decision made.”

  Nooooo, she wasn’t there yet. “Maybe I need dull.”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake, could you waffle any more?”

  “I’m serious. I have no problem hiding secrets from Pierce. Protecting Dawn. I don’t feel guilty. He’s a nice man, who would treat me well.”

  “Nice again.” Piper threw up her hands. “At this rate, if you guys did commit, the only word in your marriage vows would be ‘nice.’ So let’s change it up. Tell me—does he make you feel alive? Tingly?”

  Yes, but probably not in the way Piper was asking. “For about forty-five minutes, give or take. When he’s all triumphant from dabbling in oral surgery, sometimes twice in a night.”

  “Do you hear yourself? Maybe we haven’t given Pierce enough credit for his bedroom acrobatics, but that is all kinds of depressing. The tingling shouldn’t only be during sex. Here’s the million-dollar question: Does Zane make you feel alive?”

  The answer boxed Casey straight into a corner. Still, she wouldn’t hold back the truth. Not from these women. Not from herself, either. “Every single second we’re together. Even when he’s pissing me off, or when I’m consumed with guilt from holding back this enormous part of myself. Which just happens to be the same enormous part that could catapult his career. So I’m doubly bad.”

  Ella narrowed her eyes. “This isn’t like you. You’re usually decisive. Annoyingly so. You sure toss out opinions on what everyone else should do. What’s with the personality transplant? Because I’m not a fan of this new version of you.”

  “Me, neither.” It drove Casey nuts when people dithered. Doing it herself was doubly painful. “I know what I should do. I know what I want to do. And those two things couldn’t be more opposite. It’d be smart to shove Zane away. Do it in an ugly and hurtful enough way that he won’t want to stick around and take the job at Hobart.”

  Piper took a tidy, tiny bite of her sandwich. “I assume not doing the smart thing involves following your heart?”

  “It’s not just that I don’t want him to leave.” Ella was still leaning against the door, but that wasn’t good enough for Casey. She got up, nudged Ella out of the way and then opened it to check that no one was in the hallway listening. Which was beyond ridiculous. The life she and Dawn had created here in no way drew suspicion. But she’d talked more about her secret in the past three weeks than she had in the past seventeen years. Having it in the forefront of her mind was wearing on her. “It’s that I want to tell him. Everything. I want to open myself up to him, be naked inside and out like I’ve never been with any other man. But that would be dangerous. Probably stupid. Definitely risky.”

  “You’re talking yourself in circles. And slapping against any suggestions Piper and I make.” Ella sounded as miffed as Piper at how long this conversation was lasting. “What if you put it to the mailbox journal for a vote?”

  “I couldn’t do that. I’m not you, Ella.”

  Ella gave her a playful—mostly—sock in the arm. “Don’t say it like I’m a freak. The whole town uses the journal. Didn’t you write in it just a few weeks ago, asking people to keep your secret from Zane?”

  “That was a plea for help. Not a plea for advice. Other people—or the fear of them—have controlled my life. Have controlled how I make choices. Not anymore.”

  “Aargh. Fine. Make your own choice. Just stop overthinking it.”

  The soothing music tinkled in the background while Casey did think just a little bit longer. “I’m driving you nuts, aren’t I?”

  With a soft smile, Ella nodded. “A little.”

  “Me, too.” Casey sat back down, picked up Ella’s glass and drained it. “Here’s the plan: I’m going to have sex with Zane.”

  “Terrific.” Piper slapped her palms against the leather of the chair. “Then what?”

  “That’s all I’ve got so far. I think I want to see how it goes before deciding where to go from there.”

  A half laugh-half snort erupted from Piper. “Really? Baring your heart and soul comes down to his sexual prowess?”

  “No. I’m already sure he’ll be off the charts great.” Casey picked up her own glass and sipped it. Rolled the sweetness around on her tongue as she imagined rolling around in bed with her hunky professor. “But sex isn’t just about sex, you know? I mean, sometimes it is. Most of the time, actually, for me. I know there can be something more. A connection that’s made. A click as you fall even deeper into each other.”

  “How many romance novels have you been reading?” Piper teased.

  Ella shook her head. “She’s right. You know she’s right. I think it’s smart waiting for the click. The slide. If that happens with Zane...”

  “I’ll tell him.” Casey knew that was the difference between the ease of Pierce and the complex layers of Zane. She and Pierce could go on forever just skimming the surface of a relationship. Zane would never let her get away with that. And for the first time, she wanted to share all her deep, dark secrets with a man. “Who knows what’ll happen after that. He’s the wild card in this plan of mine. But that’s what I like about him so much.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Casey couldn’t believe she had to go in to work, at the end of the hectic holiday weekend, on her day off. Tonight was supposed to be the night with Zane. They’d buffed and polished her at the spa. Slathered on some lotion that smelled exactly like sunshine beating down on wildflowers. Piper and Ella had toasted to an eye-opening orgasm for her.

  She’d ripped apart her bedroom looking for the matching yellow satin panties and bra, because Casey loved it when Zane called her buttercup. The only question left was where to do it. She could surprise Zane in his room at Mayhew Manor. It was huge and romantic, with a stone balcony overlooking the lake. But Casey knew at least half the people who worked there. The possibility of one of them walking down the hallway and hearing...something...was slight, but real. And really uncomfortable.

  Asking Zane to come to her house came with its own special problem. If the sex ended up being nothing more than spectacular bedroom acrobatics, then she’d want Zane gone. Out. Immediately. Not to mention Casey wouldn’t want the memory of him there. Just like she wouldn’t want the memory of him in her bed if it went great and she told him everything and then he freaked out on her. Because she really had no clue how Zane would react to her news.

  But none of this mattered anymore. The end of shift text from Brian Dooley, the ranger in charge, requesting her on site ASAP meant the only place she was headed was the Gorge. This had better be one rocking emergency. Once they’d called her in just because the cash register drawer jammed. But to be fair, the last time they’d called her in off shift, it had been to get a group of thrill seekers off the top of the Gorge. Base jumping was illegal, period. Doing it down into a waterfall chasm? That just heaped a big scoop of idiotic death wish on top of the law breaking. It turned out well. Nobody g
ot hurt, thanks to some fast talking on Casey’s part. And a few threats combined with waving her badge around. Funny how people responded to a badge, even one that only said Forest Service on it.

  She parked her Jeep right at the path into the Gorge. Tried texting Brian again, and got nothing. Service often flickered in and out around the waterfalls. Guess she’d have to just hike until she found trouble. There was only one other car in the lot, so it couldn’t be too bad. It only took a few minutes to climb the steps to the entrance tunnel and emerge onto Sentry Bridge. It was wet, as usual, which was why she’d changed into her hiking boots. The stone paths through the park were always damp from the waterfall mist.

  Then Casey saw a light flickering. A perpetual gloom hung over the Gorge due to the high walls of the chasm topped by bushy trees. Even with the sun so bright late into the summer nights, it mostly looked like perennial dusk. Dark enough, in other words, for her to notice the light. And then another. Casey picked up her pace and discovered a glass hurricane shade encasing a glowing white candle on the low stone wall. That was...weird. Unorthodox. Not reason enough for Brian to drag her down here, though.

  But then she realized there was a whole line of them, at least two dozen, lighting the way to the Cavern Cascade. This wasn’t just some prank. It was deliberate. Deliberately romantic, because there was Zane, striding toward her with a cocky smile a mile wide. It was a pretty great gesture. Probably the most romantic one she’d ever gotten. Of course, she’d never been this serious with a man before—maybe this sort of thing was a standard perk once you fell in love with someone? Because, oh yeah, she’d tripped and splatted hard for Zane. The only hard part had been admitting it to herself.

  Heart thudding in triple time, Casey said, “The park’s closed for the night. You’re trespassing on state land.”

  “I’m not too worried,” he said with a tweak to the end of her left braid. “I’ve got friends in high places.”

  Casey grabbed his hand. “What sort of trouble are you up to, Professor?”

  “Whatever you’ll let me get away with, Ranger.”

  She deliberately used both hands to pat her chest, her stomach, down to her hips. “No uniform tonight, see? I’m off-duty. Which means nothing’s off-limits.”

  Zane grabbed her hips and pulled her flush against him. “I like the sound of that. You set an exceptionally high bar. One I’m still going to do my best to blow right past.”

  “Wait.” It sounded great. They were both definitely on the same page with the plan for the evening. Zane might even be a few steps ahead, and Casey was more than happy to scramble and catch up. But practicality won out. She wriggled out of his grasp and took a few steps back until she pressed against layers of shale instead of the heat burning through Zane’s white cotton shirt.

  “Seriously?” He did a good job of sounding surprised instead of pissed. His eyebrow, however, arched up into something a tad more pointed. Like utter disbelief.

  “Tell me that Brian isn’t still hanging around.”

  “No. Brian agreed to help by sending you that text. Then he cleared out.” That brow descended as Zane laughed so hard that a lock of dark hair fell over his brow. “Don’t worry. There’s no audience for our tryst.”

  “I can honestly say I’ve never had a tryst before. The way you use words is a real turn-on for me.” Every less-than-common word that rolled off his tongue made her quiver inside. Other men did it and sounded pretentious or stuck-up. Zane’s delivery always held a unique combination of zest and matter-of-fact-ness. Utterly irresistible.

  “Nice to know.” He ran a hand over the curve of her hip. “Since I can’t stop talking about your comeliness.” Slowly traced a thumb along the lower edge of her lip. “The allurement of your full lips.” Skimmed his fingertips along her cheekbone. “Your pulchritudinous features and flocculent hair.”

  Okay, not for a million dollars would she admit to him that she had no idea what flocculent meant. Laughter welled up from Casey’s belly and her funny bone and her heart, then out of her throat. “Pulchritudinous? Really? Well, just throw me down and take me now!”

  “You had only to ask.” Zane bent a little, threw his arm beneath her legs and lifted her in the air.

  “This is definitely another first. Nobody’s ever carried me at work before. I don’t know if anyone’s ever been carried along the Gorge pathway. Probably because it’s slightly dangerous. It’s all wet, Zane. What kind of shoes are you wearing?” She twisted, trying to look down at his feet.

  “Deck shoes. The kind that will be fine unless you don’t stop squirming.”

  “Oh. Sorry.” Casey did feel safe. Zane wasn’t huffing or puffing a bit. His obvious physical strength was as much a turn-on as his words. This man, her man, was the whole package. A tan, muscled package that smelled of her favorite pine trees, soap and some musky spice.

  He carried her around all the way to the bend of the Cascade Cavern. The waterfall poured down in front of them, creating a streaky, glassy window on the world. Even though she’d walked this way thousands of times, Casey was still continuously struck by the magic of being behind the rushing cascade of water.

  The path widened as the cavern opened into the spiral stone staircase. It was covered by a tarp. Her professor had remembered from his single trip here about the dampness. That’s the kind of detail others ignored, but Zane tucked away as carefully as a squirrel hoarded nuts for winter. So adorably thoughtful.

  Over the tarp he’d spread what looked like an assortment of blankets. Probably borrowed from Mayhew Manor. Casey wouldn’t think about how pissed Gray would be if he knew his hotel property had been relocated to the dank, dirty ground. Of course, Zane had piled up enough that probably only one would end the night beyond repair. More candles—at least a dozen—bracketed each end of the blankets. Their glow reflected off the waterfall, making it twice as bright in their cozy nook.

  “What’s all this?” she asked as he set her gently on the ground. Casey curled her legs beneath her.

  “I decided to come full circle. Our first date was a picnic.” Zane held up one finger as he plopped down next to her. “Some might say I ambushed you with that picnic, and our first real date—that you actually agreed to participate in—was our hike through the falls. So either way, we’re covered. A picnic at the waterfall.”

  “Not just any of the nineteen waterfalls we’ve got here. I told you this was my favorite spot in the park. You remembered.”

  “Of course. It’s important to you, so I remembered. That’s how this works.”

  He made it sound so easy, so ordinary. Yet Casey was well aware how remarkable the gesture, and the man, were. “Are you sure our first date wasn’t the night I rescued you at the lake? After all, it was our first kiss.”

  “That was more of an introductory meeting than a date. Besides, I was shivering and recklessly stupid. Not something I want to come full circle to, if you know what I mean.”

  “All I remember is the kiss.” Nope. Casey had tried, really tried, to get in the moment and make a grand romantic statement. But she did remember how cold his skin had been at first touch. She bit her lip to try and contain her smirk. Clearly this romance stuff was going to take practice on her part.

  “What?”

  “I know you’re big on the truth. So...truthfully...I’m trying to only remember the kiss. But your teeth were chattering. And you did look a little bit silly—sexy, of course, but also a little silly—wrapped up in that crinkly space blanket.”

  He shrugged and gave a self-deprecating smile. “Fair enough. Because I do always want the truth from you. No matter how uncomfortable it might be for either of us. Truth equals trust in a relationship. I’m trusting you with my heart.”

  Casey could already count three times in the last five minutes Zane had made her heart ka-thud to the ground. He kept lobbing these passionate
statements at her as easily as if giving her a weather report. Casey wasn’t some naïve virgin, expecting their first time to be rainbows and glitter. Sex was fun. Zane clearly knew his way around a woman’s body, and she had a few well-practiced tricks of her own. And yes, she’d hoped that in the heat of the moment, there might be some magical zing of connection. But he’d already way overshot her expectations. They weren’t even naked, and yet they were already making love.

  Finally, she understood why Ella went so googly-eyed over Gray. Why Dawn would’ve gone off with Casey’s crazy father all those years ago. This love stuff was so much more powerful than her previous and entirely interchangeable experiences with men. Kind of addicting, too. The more she got, the more she wanted. And the more she wanted to give it back to Zane. He deserved to know that it wasn’t a one-way street.

  Then she got stuck. Zane was good at all this. He clearly had experience in the how to be a good boyfriend department. Casey had experience in how to have a really good time on a handful of dates and part friends approach to men. Which needed to be noted as a very smart way to live in a very small town. But it made her feel like the professor was starting with a guaranteed A in the class, and she’d have to crack the books just to pass.

  Never great at studying, Casey preferred to wing it. Had, in fact, bluffed her way through her oral exam in her college Shakespeare class when she accidentally read Richard II instead of Richard III, thinking that last Roman numeral was part of a tree doodle she’d started in the margin of her notes. Uh oh. Now she was in a full-on mental babble mode to avoid sucking at being romantic. Which, frankly, made her a coward...and was enough to propel her into action.

  Casey laid her palm on his sternum. “How about if, instead of you giving your heart to me, we do a swap? I’ll watch over yours if you watch over mine.” Too sappy? Too cheesy? Too greeting-card-esque? What if he laughed at her? Worse—what if he expected more? She held her breath.