My Once and Future Love

by Carla Krae

  “Okay.”

  I put my backpack in an overhead compartment and rejoined the group. They each had a beer bottle in hand. Jacob handed me one.

  “I don’t drink, remember?” God, he should, of all people.

  “We’re toasting the kick-off of the tour, so clink your bottle with the rest.”

  I smiled and humored him. Lesson the first: touring musicians don’t care about open-carry laws, and neither did their driver. All he told them to do was sit down.

  I watched their dynamic and listened. I didn’t expect to be one of the gang, being new and a girl, but I hoped they’d at least see me as a benign presence.

  Chapter Three

  When Aaron and Mikey started a debate on the best rock band of the ‘80s, Bob sat next to me.

  “What’s your story, honey?”

  “Jacob warned me about you,” I said quietly.

  He grinned, hazel eyes sparkling. “Did he? I could say Jake’s no angel, either, but you probably know that.”

  Understatement of the decade. “I don’t read tabloids.”

  “I do. I like to know what they’re saying about us.”

  “Doesn’t it piss you off?”

  “Nah. If it was really personal, like family or some shit, maybe, but who cares if they say I banged a girl in a janitor’s closet?” He took a long swallow from his bottle. “So. Jake said you’re old chums.”

  “From high school.”

  He whistled. “You two ever hook up?”

  I wondered what Jacob really told him. “We were neighbors, and I was his math tutor.”

  “You’re got stories, though.”

  “Bob, I’m not sharing anything he doesn’t ask me to.” Not that I wanted them knowing about my private life, either.

  He smiled and said, “Good.”

  “You were testing me.”

  He nodded once. “He’s been my best friend for three years. No one can fuck with a guy’s life like a chick, no offense.”

  “None taken. I think.” Would they all put me through Twenty Questions?

  Jacob came to the table. “Bob, I told you, man. Beth’s like a hound. Never known someone more dependable.”

  Old Reliable, that’s me. The way he put it nagged at my insecurities. Dependable, reliable, and faithful translated into boring and un-dateable. I bet the girl that answered his phone with the sexy voice that night never got cheated on. I’d only been with one person since Jacob, and Nathan didn’t know the real me.

  Once I figured out the boys were going to be night-owls, I asked Jacob if he needed me for anything (he didn’t), and called it a night. I was the early riser and it’d be my job to make coffee and start breakfast.

  One touch of a button turned the room into a full-size bed. Not fair when my boss was stuck in a bunk, but oh, well. If anyone asked, I’d say of course he had the big bed. He was the star.

  I hoped to fall asleep soon, but my body wasn’t having it. The boys were kinda loud, this wasn’t my bed, the feeling of moving didn’t sit right, and my ex was right outside the door. I put the pillow on top of my head and hoped I’d get used to this soon, because right now, I wanted to go home.

  ****

  My bladder woke me at seven. I peeked out my door, heard snoring, and made a beeline for the bathroom. Really didn’t want to get caught in my PJ’s. Once that was done, I turned on the coffeemaker and slipped back to my room to get dressed. My phone buzzed with a text from the road manager asking for our ETA. With my jeans buttoned and a t-shirt on, I crept forward to talk to the driver.

  “Good morning,” I whispered.

  “Mornin’, miss. What can I do for you?”

  “I was wondering when we might be arriving at the venue.”

  “One o’clock, maybe. Noon, if we don’t run into traffic once we hit city limits.”

  “Thanks.” I sent the text reply and stowed the phone in my back pocket.

  The coffee woke Bob first. He nodded to me on his way to the bathroom. From what I could gather, he was the closest in age to Jacob, with Aaron the youngest. I already expected to have to wake him today. When Dylan stirred next, I got up from my breakfast and turned my bedroom back into the living room.

  I came back out to run face-first into Jacob’s chest. “Sorry.” Oh, God…he still smelled like Obsession.

  He shrugged. “How’d you sleep?”

  “It’s a strange bed, but I’m okay. You?”

  “I can sleep on a rock, remember?”

  Vividly. “A lot can change in five years.”

  “Not everything.” There was a strange light in his eyes that made me shiver.

  “I guess.” My lust for things Jacob-shaped certainly hadn’t gone away. “Well, I left my plate, so…”

  “Of course.” He pressed his body flat against the wall to let me by.

  Lesson the second: the guys didn’t care if they ate breakfast in their underwear in front of me. Jacob wore sweatpants and Dylan had a t-shirt on, but the other three were only in boxers. Guess I should be grateful no one slept in the nude.

  They had showers at the venues, so at least we wouldn’t have to deal with that awkwardness. I didn’t care where I had to go--I wasn’t going to bathe in earshot of six men.

  “Beth…Beth.”

  “Huh?” Caught with my mind wandering again.

  “How much longer are we stuck on this thing?” Jacob asked.

  “’Til noon, maybe.”

  They groaned.

  “Watch TV or something,” I said. “This thing came with entertainment.”

  They split between watching a DVD and playing Playstation 3, Jacob taking his guitar to the back. I followed and checked my laptop for e-mails.

  “Working on something new?” I asked.

  “Kinda. There’s pressure, you know, after a debut. Everybody asks when the next album will come as soon as the first is on the shelves.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Eh, goes with the territory. But they won’t push unless we take a year to start recording demos again.”

  I looked up from my screen. “You like all this?”

  He nodded right away. “Hell yeah. Livin’ the dream.”

  “I just wondered if it’s what you hoped for.”

  “I know. I think it helped that it didn’t come instantly. I wasn’t ready for the commitment at eighteen.”

  Or twenty. But I wasn’t going to touch that subject.

  Once we got inside the venue, it was go-go-go. Sacramento was the first gig. The band did some press while the tech guys set up, then sound checks started. They dialed it in some, did a half-hour rehearsal, tweaked it some more, and broke for lunch. I got their stage clothes in the dressing rooms and made sure Jacob’s rider was adhered to. The show would start at seven o’clock, no warm-up act.

  If I’d forgotten how kinetic Jacob was before, I’d never forget again. My feet hurt by six from staying at his side. I finally got to sit while he showered, then watched him get ready. He wore leather pants and a sleeveless vintage tee. Concentrating on his image in the mirror, he applied black eyeliner, then spiked his hair straight up.

  “Crunchy,” I teased.

  “Hey, they like it.”

  “Whatever sells tickets.”

  Once he was finally satisfied, he stood and turned to face me. “Well?”

  Gorgeous as ever. I gave a thumb’s up, not trusting my voice.

  He kissed my cheek on the way out. “Thanks, love.”

  I felt his breath on my skin more than his lips, but it still left me stunned. I shook my head clear and ran after him to watch from the wings.

  The band played their intro to his hit single. He waited, bouncing on his toes, until a second before the lyrics started, then ran out, grabbed the microphone, and instantly had the crowd in his hand.

  My god…

  He’d always been a good performer, but now…the confidence, the control, the charisma. They ate him up. Women screamed and tried to grab his feet when he neared the s
tage’s edge.

  It was the first time I heard the whole album.

  You know how women think it’d be sweet or romantic to have a song written about them? Not so much in real life. Not when I was the villain of half the set. My body debated between throwing up and fleeing in tears. If any of his fans found out I was the girl in those break-up songs, I couldn’t show my face in public.

  He sang for over an hour and they demanded an encore. He ran off the stage and grabbed me in a sweaty hug. “Do you hear that?”

  “It’s deafening. Go! Give them what they want.” What was with all the touching?

  They screamed when he came back. I watched him say something to Bob, then he approached the audience. “Okay, okay. Two more songs.” They groaned en masse. “I’m outta songs, guys! Seriously, you’ve been beautiful. Goodnight, Sacramento. Thank you!”

  The band left after the encore, running for the dressing rooms whooping and hollering over their success. People were backstage to talk to them, and it was close to an hour before they got a chance to change clothes. We had to wait another hour after that before we could get to the bus. The fangirls had swarmed the parking lot.

  The first concert going so well was a good omen.

  We hit San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, crossed down to Vegas, over to Denver, to Kansas City, up to Chicago… If I thought he carried grudges, I’d swear Jacob hired me in revenge. The album was stuck in my head by now and half the songs eviscerated a girl that sounded a lot like me. Could I take two more months of this?

  By the time we reached Philly, then NYC, the shows were selling out, it was two days before Christmas and Jacob’s voice was getting a little rough. I did some research on the Web for coping remedies and made a note in my planner to schedule time for vocal warm-ups before the remaining shows. He didn’t balk at my suggestions until I sent him out in the cold with a scarf.

  “These things look stupid.”

  “No they don’t, and keeping your throat warm will help protect your voice.”

  “Couldn’t you find one in black?”

  “Navy blue was all I had. Do you see me with the time to shop?”

  “Alright, alright…” He wrapped it around his neck. “Happy, boss?”

  “Thank you. You have the drops in your pocket?”

  “Yeah.”

  I picked a speck of lint off his sweater. “You drank all the honey-lime tea?”

  “Yes, Mum.”

  “She says Happy Christmas, by the way, and she misses you. She wants you to call.”

  “I know, I know.”

  I smiled at his pout. “Aaron! Get out of that bathroom. I told you five minutes and that was six minutes ago.”

  ****

  Jacob watched Beth run off to boss his mates around. She’d settled into the role of den mother quite nicely. They were in New York until the twenty-sixth and even had hotel rooms instead of the bus. He was looking forward to the brief break and a little present shopping. After performing on GMA this morning, they’d get a little personal time.

  This tour wouldn’t have gone smoothly without her. She was amazing in a crisis. He didn’t know how she kept everything straight even with the assistance of her devices. Didn’t have to ask for what he needed half the time—the thought popped in his head and she’d be placing whatever it was in his hand or on his dressing table.

  She was a different girl than before, though. Harder, sadder, keeping even more to herself. Her hair was always tied back in a braid or bun and she never wore make-up anymore except lip balm. A part of her spark was missing and he wondered what killed it.

  ‘Course, they weren’t thick as thieves now, so it wasn’t his place to ask. But he wondered.

  He sang three songs at the show, signed a few autographs, and got back in the limo. They were dropped off at the hotel, a few hours to kill before needing to be at the venue for the last concert of the year. He grabbed a hat in his suite and told her to leave her coat on.

  “Why?”

  “We’re going back out.”

  “But--”

  “’Tis the holiday season.”

  She sighed. “Oh, fine…”

  “Where’s your Christmas spirit, pet?” He tried hard to remember not to call her ‘love’ since she wasn’t his anymore.

  “Back in California where it’s warm,” she grumbled.

  “Lightweight.”

  “Freak.”

  They bumped shoulders. “That’s Mister Freak to you.”

  “Am I on the clock right now?”

  “Not as such.”

  “Then there’s no ‘mister’.”

  “Cheeky wench.”

  She grinned. “Have to keep you in line somehow.” They reached the street. “Do you know where you’re going?”

  “No, but I bet if I tell a cabby I want to go shopping that’ll work.”

  “You live on the edge, Jacob.”

  It did work and he found a street to browse. When her teeth started chattering, he bought her a hot chocolate. Seeing a shoe store, he had an idea.

  “Uh, men’s shoes are on that side, Jacob.”

  “I know.” He walked over to the shelves of women’s boots.

  “Am I about to learn something I don’t want to know?”

  “Get your mind out of the gutter. You need warmer boots.”

  “I’m fine.”

  He arched a brow. “No you’re not. The one thing you’ve been complaining about for a week is the cold. Warmer feet will aid the rest of you.”

  “I can buy my own shoes.”

  “Consider them a Christmas gift.”

  She glared at him, stubborn as always, but he didn’t budge. She sighed and walked to the display of fur-lined shoes.

  “This store is too expensive.”

  “Uh, have you seen my house?”

  “But--”

  “Just try something on, Beth.”

  She grumbled, grabbed a random pair, and asked the saleswoman for her size. Then she sat down to take her trainers off. He took the chair next to her.

  “Cute.”

  “What?”

  “Christmas socks.” They were red with a snowman printed on the front.

  “I’m festive,” she said, getting defensive. “Don’t look at my feet.”

  “Why not? Seen them before.” Kissed them, nibbled on her toes…

  “They’re too big.”

  “You’re daft. They are not.”

  “I wear an eight most of the time. They’re big.” She tucked her feet under the chair so he couldn’t see them.

  “Beth, you’re five foot eight--”

  “Seven.”

  He rolled his eyes. Always interrupting him. “Five foot seven. If you had a petite foot, you’d topple over.”

  “Oh, sure, throw physics at me.” She pouted. “Stop trying to make me feel better.”

  “Were you always this difficult?” he teased. The answer was yes, but he’d always found it a good challenge before.

  “Jerk.

  The banter was fun. He didn’t know he missed it until he had it again.

  “What comes after the tour?” she asked. The clerk wasn’t back, yet.

  “If you don’t know, I don’t. We might release another single, maybe make a video. Award shows come up. Maybe we’ll tour overseas next year. I don’t know.”

  “Wow. How do you handle never knowing what’s next? Wait, you thrive on the unknown.”

  She looked genuinely disturbed by the idea. He shrugged. Life always worked out, so he just…lived.

  But she was a control nut. She excelled once she figured out how the game worked. The more she could form the world to her preferences, the more comfortable she was. With her worrying over all those tedious little details, he didn’t have to. The freedom from being chewed out by his people was nice.

  The saleswoman finally arrived with the shoebox. Beth had chosen a basic black mid-height boot with a fuzzy lining. She slipped her snowman-decorated feet into them and zipp
ed up the sides. A few laps around the store later, she still looked undecided.

  “Do they fit or not?” he asked.

  “They’re okay.”

  He looked at the shelf and picked up a sheepskin design that looked like a glorified slipper and tossed it to her.

  “Maybe that for your downtime. They’re squishy.”

  “Squishy? And I don’t have down time.”

  “Soft. You know. Plush.”

  “Ah.” She ran her fingers through the wool lining.

  “We sell a lot of Uggs,” the clerk said.

  Beth handed the shoe to the clerk. “I’ll try it if you have my size. And miss, we have limited time, so if you could be prompt…”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Get both if you want,” he told Beth.

  “I’m not letting you buy two pairs.”

  “It’s Christmas. Let me be generous.”

  She started taking off the black boots. “I don’t need these. I just didn’t wear my other pair today because I thought I’d be indoors.”

  “Fine. I won’t argue anymore.” Damn independent woman.

  She liked the Uggs—a ridiculous name—so he handed the clerk his credit card before Beth had a chance to block him.

  “Hungry?” he asked as they left.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  ****

  We ate room service back at the hotel for lunch, considering the time. I didn’t want to take the risk of getting caught out too late by a traffic problem.

  We were sharing his suite. By the time he hired me, it was too late to add a room to the reservation on this floor, so I was sleeping on the sofa.

  He’d offered to share the enormous bed, but unh-uh…I wasn’t touching that idea with a ten-foot pole. It was one thing to bunk together for a night as kids. Entirely another to share a bed for a few days now we had history. Three weeks of cramped quarters and annoying male habits, and I still wanted him.

  Stupid brain.

  The PA experience was weird. On the one hand, Jacob and all his people were my boss. On the other, as long as my request was on Jacob’s behalf, when I said jump, people asked how high. A happy star was a repeat visitor, so that meant I was always greeted with a smile, even if it was insincere. The power felt good. Too bad I was still essentially a middle-man.

  But the suite was nice. Gorgeous, even, with everything we could want for a comfortable few days. The bath tub was separate from the shower, and huge. Jacob slept on thousand-thread-count sheets and thick terry robes were complimentary to take home. Don’t know about him, but I was keeping mine. And because of the season, the usual flowers had been replaced with a gift basket of Christmas cookies and gourmet hot chocolate. Loved these people!