My Once and Future Love

by Carla Krae

  “God, pet, I’m sorry this happened to you while runnin’ my stupid errands. You’re too good to me, Bethie, all the time, and I probably don’t pay you enough. Please wake up, alright? I need you here--” There was a knock on the open door.

  “Mr. Lindsey?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Dr. Bodner. I’ll be Miss Lawson’s primary physician.”

  Jacob got up and shook his hand. “Like I told the other one, expense doesn’t matter. Give her your best. Is she waking up soon?”

  “That’s what I came to talk to you about. All signs point to her being able to reach consciousness, but it’s like her body refuses.”

  His stomach dropped. “She’s in a coma?”

  “No…that’s the odd thing. Her level of brain activity says she’s asleep.”

  “Asleep.”

  “And yet we can’t rouse her. Was Miss Lawson on any medications that you know of?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Hmm. How was her mental state prior to the accident?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Has she been depressed, distant, acting unusual…?”

  “As of this morning, she was fine. Same as ever. What are you implying, Doc?”

  Dr. Bodner scribbled a note on his clipboard. “The more information I have, the better I can treat her, son. Visiting hours end at eight o’clock.” He left the room, closing the door.

  Jacob took to the chair and held her hand again. “What a quack. Could you believe that guy? Thinkin’ you’re hiding in your head… You’re too much of a workaholic. Don’t listen to him, love. He doesn’t know you like I do.”

  But the day went on and Beth didn’t move.

  ****

  “Hey.” Bob walked in with a guitar case in one hand and flowers from the gift shop in the other.

  “Thanks for bringing it. Who are those from?” Jacob had called and asked for his guitar, thinking music might bring Beth around.

  “Us. Lady downstairs said they’re tulips.” He set the case on the floor next to the chair. “Reach her family, yet?”

  “Her father’s flying in. Should be here tonight. The desk folk are pretty good at trackin’ people down.” Jacob opened the case and took out a red Taylor acoustic. “Paps downstairs?”

  “You know it. When Jake Lindsey runs out of an interview, everybody hears about it.”

  He sighed and plucked a few strings with his thumb, checking the tuning. “None of their business this time. Did we release a statement?”

  “Yeah, Lynn was on CYA duty last I saw. We’re all laying low ‘til you decide what you wanna do.”

  “Thanks.” Jacob smiled up at his friend. His bandmates could always be counted on and he needed that more than ever.

  “Got your back, man. Well, I should go. Lynn’s not letting us out of appearances just ‘cause you’re MIA.”

  Typical. Though Jacob would put money on his manager doin’ the pushing. Business always came first.

  He softly played until a nurse came in to shoo him out for a few minutes. It was too far of a walk to get outside where he could smoke, so he found the cafeteria and a cup of coffee. This started a routine of sitting a while, stretching his legs while a nurse did their thing, then the disappointment of still no change in Beth.

  Her father arrived around six.

  “Elizabeth?” He crossed to the bed and glided a hand over her hair, just brushing the brown strands. “What happened?”

  “Beth…Elizabeth was in a car accident. Her arm and leg were broken and they did surgery on the leg fracture. She bumped her head, too. We’re waiting for her to wake up.”

  Mr. Lawson squinted his eyes at Jacob in recognition. “Aren’t you the neighbor boy? Jake…Lindsey, was it?”

  “Yes, sir.” He’d always felt intimidated by her father. “She, uh, works for me now.”

  “Oh? She didn’t tell me that.”

  “Yes, for three years, now. She…didn’t tell you?” That was odd. She and her dad were close back then.

  Her father stared at the light blue blanket covering her. “Elizabeth and I haven’t spoken in a while…since her mother’s death. She sends cards, but…”

  “Mrs. Lawson died? When?”

  He always liked her mother. She treated him like one of her own and was a dear friend of his mum’s. He knew she was sick at one time, but when Beth never told him the outcome…

  Oh my God…

  No wonder she never went home for the holidays.

  Mr. Lawson looked up in surprise. “Elizabeth was nineteen. Breast cancer. Toward the end, work happened to pick up, so…I wasn’t there for the process. Elizabeth never forgave me for that. She was there for all of it, of course. Sarah…she didn’t say a word about…” He broke off, visibly composing himself. “Anyway, my daughter’s been mad at me since, not that I blame her.”

  He was such a berk for never askin’ his mother about the family. When she couldn’t give him answers to why Beth stopped talking to him, he stopped bringing up the topic or anything related to her. After the way they broke up, she was an off-limits subject.

  “I’m glad she has a friend here,” Mr. Lawson added.

  “Yeah. Friend.”

  ****

  Jacob was asleep in a chair. My body was on a hospital bed—I looked awful—and all the lights were off except for an indirect glow in the wall above my head.

  “Am I dead?”

  “Can you not hear the heart monitor?” I stood to my left—rather, a slightly different me stood next to me. She wore a figure-hugging dress, no glasses, and her hair fell in glossy waves.

  “Sorry. Uh, why am I talking to myself outside my body?”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re not. You’re dreaming. Or something close. And I need to figure out how to snap you out of it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You ran away again, only this time into your own head.”

  “I don’t--”

  “Uh, yeah, you do. Something hurts, you hide every time. Do I have to remind you?”

  Chapter Eight

  I sat up, eyes snapping wide open, then squinted in the darkness, trying to see the room with what little help came from the light filtered through the curtains. This didn’t look like my bedroom.

  I moved the bedclothes off my legs and swung my feet down to stand. Silk fabric smoothed over my body to brush my knees. A nightgown. Not my particular style of pajama pants or shorts with a tee or tank.

  Looking down, I had more cleavage even though I was braless. What the hell? Last I knew, women didn’t gain a cup size overnight without a good reason.

  I crept toward the light filtering in under the door, wary of any objects that might be in my path, and breathed a sigh of relief when I found the doorknob. Stepping into the hallway, I could see better now, the moonlight shining through a large window at the other end.

  This was the upper story of a house, and I’d never seen it before. My photos were on the walls, sorted in collages by particular event just like at home. How could I live somewhere and not remember it?

  A door labeled “Allison’s Room” by a little hand-painted sign was on my right. The writing was my mother’s hand. Turning the knob quietly as possible, I bit my lip and looked into the room. A little girl, probably no more than two, slept in a crib. Whoa.

  I hastily backed out of there, not wanting to wake her or face the possibility of having a child I couldn’t remember. It would explain the change in my figure, though. What was going on? Why wasn’t any of this familiar?

  Flash of a car hitting mine, searing pain in my body, and darkness.

  The next door was ajar, a night-light shining into the hall. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door, cringing at the sudden bright light when I flipped the switch. The woman looking back at me in the mirror couldn’t be me.

  “I can see.” It clicked to me for the first time I hadn’t needed to reach for my glasses. “Man, I’m slow. Maybe I had eye s
urgery?”

  The woman in the mirror looked like an improved version. Leaning forward, I peered closer to the mirror, and thought she looked less stressed. Her hair was colored a deeper shade of brown, subtly highlighted, with a one-length cut flowing over her shoulders. The mirror also showed her body to hip level.

  I ran my hands over my new curves and turned to the side. My hips and butt were fuller, but I still had a flat stomach, though it felt less taut then I remembered.

  “Okay, if this is my house, then there must be some info somewhere that will tell me where it is.”

  I turned off the light and continued slowly down the hall. It widened into a junction point. To the right was another hallway with doors and to the left, the staircase. If this was mine, then my purse was either by the door, or in the kitchen.

  It wasn’t by the front doors, so I glanced both ways and saw the kitchen to my left. “Aha!” I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth. “Ooops.” I tiptoed to the counter.

  A black leather handbag with lots of pockets sat next to a pile of mail. I unzipped the center section and dug around for a wallet. The kitchen looked like my style, if I had the money for a place like this. Weird. I pulled out the wallet. Opening it up and glancing at the driver’s license, I screamed and dropped it.

  I was Mrs. Lindsey.

  “You okay, sweetheart?”

  I whipped around to see Jacob, shirtless and in a pair of sweatpants, his dark hair shorter than I was used to and deliciously tousled. I swallowed and nodded, hugging my body and feeling suddenly exposed in the thin gown.

  “Bug,” I croaked.

  He stepped forward, loosely wrapping his arms around my waist. What the hell? “Aww, did you have the spider dream again?”

  Only my mother knew about that nightmare. I hadn’t even told him when we were dating.

  I nodded, feeling shock take over. “I need some water.”

  He nuzzled my nose with his, making me ache with the sweetness of it. “Come back upstairs. I’ll help divert your mind to more pleasant thoughts,” he said, letting go.

  “Yeah.” God, my heart was pounding so hard, he had to hear it. I bet the neighbors could hear it.

  He took my hand and led me up to the bedroom I woke up in.

  “Um, goodnight,” I muttered, getting into bed. It was just a dream; it was just a dream…

  I lay on my side with my back to him and twitched when his arm wrapped around my middle. He pulled me close and started kissing my neck. My heartbeat skyrocketed. Why did my mind have to torture me with this?

  “Mmm, I missed you earlier,” he said.

  “I was only downstairs.”

  “So? I still like having you right here.” He slid his hand toward my breast.

  “I’M tired,” I yelped, stopping his hand before it reached forbidden territory.

  He propped his head on his hand and looked down at me with concern. “You alright? You’re acting a little…weird.”

  “Am I?”

  “Sweetheart…you can tell me anything.”

  I sighed, averting my eyes. “I-I just woke up feeling…weird.”

  He shifted to settle me into his arms again. “Anything I can help with?”

  I shook my head. “No. Thanks. I’m sure it’ll be different in the morning.”

  “Alright.” He nuzzled into the back of my neck, cuddling closer. “Goodnight, baby.”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  He drifted off quickly.

  Wake up, wake up, wake up.

  Screeching metal and waling sirens. Pain everywhere, especially my leg.

  My eyes popped open. Daylight shone through the curtains in the dream room. I hopped out of bed.

  “Mmm, where are you going?” he asked.

  “Thought I’d take the shower first.”

  He smiled sleepily. “Want some company?”

  “No, no, I’m good. Go back to sleep.”

  “Okay…”

  It was a relief to get into the master bedroom and lock the door.

  Married? Maybe I hit my head. There was no way I’d forget being married. I plunged my head under the water and tried to clear my mind. For the next twenty minutes, I was at home in my little cottage and everything was normal.

  Pretending I wasn’t here didn’t work, of course. Home didn’t have a granite shower with massaging showerheads. Home didn’t have fancy salon shampoo and conditioner or heated towel racks. And home definitely did not have carpet so soft it felt like walking on a cloud.

  “Denial isn’t going to help you,” I told my mirror image. “You need to wake up.”

  “You can leave any time you want to, you know,” Mirror-Beth said.

  Well, that was a new way to chastise myself. “Really. I don’t even know how I got here.”

  Mirror-Beth arched an eyebrow. “Don’t you? This is what you could’ve had.”

  “I created this place?”

  “And you can end it. Just wake up.”

  I glanced down at his stuff on the counter. “He’s so nice here.”

  He knocked on the door, making me jump. “Baby? You okay?”

  “Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Yeah…”

  “You’ve been in there a while…” He didn’t sound convinced.

  “I’ll be out in a minute.” Please don’t have a key.

  “Okay…”

  My new husband was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom.

  “Hi,” I squeaked, surprised. “You really have to stop doing that.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Appearing in a room so when I’m not looking, there you are! It’s creepy.”

  “I’ll…try to walk louder in the future…”

  “Good. Thank you.”

  I went downstairs. Calling up all the babysitting experience locked deep in my brain, I discovered spending time with Allison came pretty easily. It was even fun.

  We stayed in the backyard most of the day. She chased butterflies and picked flowers. Then we lay on the grass while I pointed out shapes in the clouds. It was amazing how much she talked at not quite two. She babbled on and on as we cuddled until she tired herself out. I didn’t realize I drifted off, as well, until I felt something tickling my foot.

  “Hey,” I said, blinking at him.

  “Hi, yourself,” he said, grinning. “I came out to see if you’d had lunch, yet, and my girls were snoring their heads off.”

  “I was not. I do not snore.”

  “As the man who sleeps next to you every night, love, I’d have to say you do,” he teased.

  “I do not. My parents would have mentioned it.” I picked up Allison and carried her inside.

  “So ask your mum. I bet I know what she’ll say…” he sang.

  “Oh, shut up.”

  Wait, Mom was here? Alive? How? Had I entered a parallel universe and traded places with a luckier Beth?

  He laughed as I carried the girl up to her room.

  We watched a movie while she napped, then made dinner and fed her in her highchair. He went into his music room after that, so I went to bed early and faked sleep when he came upstairs.

  He wrapped his arms around me from behind and nuzzled my hair. He’d always liked the scent. I’d forgotten how well we fit together.

  I heard a beep. Beep. Beep. Smelled a faint hint of Obsession and heard my ex ask me to wake up.

  How did you accept suddenly being happy when you’d been miserable for so long? I felt like I was stealing something that didn’t belong to me. Picture of sanity, that was, since I was locked in my own head.

  While I made up my mind, the bed dipped next to me, confirming I was still here. My mind was cruel keeping me in this fantasy.

  His honeyed voice murmured in my ear. “It’s almost noon, gorgeous. You gonna lie about all day?”

  Resisting opening my eyes, I said, “I was thinking about it.”

  He chuckled, sending butterflies fluttering in my stomach. “I’d like to let you, but there’s a little munchk
in that gets pretty cranky if she doesn’t see her mum.”

  I opened my eyes, wrinkling my nose up as I rolled over. “But I don’t wanna be a grown-up today.” I pouted and fluttered my eyelashes. “Can’t you do the Mr. Mom thing?”

  “Ooo, pouty…you know what that does to me.”

  He kissed me, cutting off my reply. Eight years without this, I’d almost forgotten how talented he was. He hovered over me, burying one hand in my hair while the other caressed my cheek. His thumb brushed back and forth over my cheekbone as he lazily kissed my breath away. I wrapped my arms around his back.

  I wanted to fight it, to say I wasn’t his Beth, but god…it’d been so long. How could I turn him away?

  It was over before I had time to savor it. He brushed my lips with his one last time, kissed the tip of my nose, and pulled back, smirking.

  “Awake now?”

  “Uh-huh.” My nipples certainly were.

  He rolled off the bed, the smirk now a full smile. “Better be downstairs in ten minutes, baby, or I’m comin’ to get you.”

  I nodded and scampered into the bathroom.

  That set the tone for the whole day. He flirted, teased, found excuses to touch me… I knew he wanted to get laid, but there was no mistaking the love in his eyes for his Beth.

  Love I never saw in my Jacob.

  This one kept showing me new sides of himself.

  We sat cuddled up on the sofa after dinner, Allison put to bed. “Tell me our history,” I asked.

  “I believe you know the story, love. You were there.”

  I twisted to look at him and poked his ribs. “Just humor me, please? I want to hear it from you.”

  “Very well,” he sighed. “If I must.”

  “Drama queen. Get on with it.”

  “Now, see, if I’d known you were this bossy, I probably wouldn’t have taken up with you,” he teased, eyes twinkling with mischief.

  “Jacob.” I started to get up, only to be grabbed around the waist.

  “Alright, alright. Quit your wigglin’, woman. I’ll tell the story.”

  I stopped struggling and leaned back against his chest.

  “Right…the night we reunited. Well, I was on a writing streak and you know how I need my munchies.”