“Sure, I can. I accepted that you had moved on.” And there it was. The elephant in the room we’d always managed to tiptoe around. Well, I had managed to tiptoe around. Bolton managed to slip it into conversation here and there.
“Bolton, that is different.” I made myself look at him.
He shrugged. “Of course, it is. I’m just saying, people do what people have to do.” He ran his finger over my cording mark. “We all do.”
I tried to push away the thoughts and memories that flooded me from his words. It was easy to be brave when you had others to consider. It was easy to pretend that the choices we make are far easier than they really are. “Do you think she’s going to be okay?” At the core of everything now was the answer to that question. Bolton couldn’t know any more than I did, but I still asked in the way we always taunted each other with rhetorical questions.
“Faith?” He leaned back on his elbow. “Of course. She’s got a great mother.”
“Great mother? Hardly. I have no idea what I’m doing. But that aside, it takes more than a great mother…” I’d been born to a fantastic mother. Unfortunately, she hadn’t lived long enough to see us grown. And even if she had, there is no way she could have protected us from the outside world forever. Our father had died trying.
“Well, Faith has got a whole commune.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing.” This wasn’t the first time I’d admitted that fear, but I felt it even more now as I listened to the gentle sound of the water lapping against the dock.
“You’re doing just fine so far.” Just fine. I was glad he’d dropped the whole great charade. No one could be a great mother in our world. Not even the best I knew: Quinn.
“Why are you so nice to me?” It was a question I’d come back to time and time again. By all accounts he should hate me, or if not that extreme at least keep his time with me to a minimum.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
A ripple formed some little ways into the lake. I was sure it was a fish, but I watched it to make sure it wasn’t something more sinister.
“Because it isn’t natural to be nice.” I’d seen true human nature, and there was nothing nice about it. It was cruel and selfish. Inherently unkind.
“Says who?” He snorted.
“Forget I said anything.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. “Let’s talk about something happy. You got your peach trees.”
“I did. But not the wife. Not the family.”
I opened my eyes. “You’re young. It may happen. There are some others here. They might not be breeders, but—”
“We don’t live in a world of families anymore. You do know that eventually… well, eventually you should probably…” His eyes clouded over.
“Is this where you tell me I should continue breeding?” Anger surged through me.
“No.” He shook his head. “I hate that word.”
“Mason will be back.” I tried to shut out the chill growing around me, threatening to seep inside my heart.
“Yes. He’s going to discover his gills and come right up out of the lake.” Bolton pointed out right past where I’d seen the ripple. “Right from that spot. You see it there?”
“I see it.”
“Then focus on that spot, but don’t let it blind you to what’s here.” He tapped the dock between us. “Also, don’t forget to eat.”
“I’ll be up there in a few minutes.” I knew he wasn’t only talking about himself. He was talking about the others, especially Faith. He didn’t need to remind me. I would never be blind to her.
“I’ll hold you to it.” He stood up and walked back up the dock.
I stared out at the water. I knew Mason wasn’t going to suddenly appear, but he’d come back one day. If not, I’d go out and find him myself. I’d promised him that the last time I saw him. I’d been strong back then. Determined. I needed to stay strong, if not for myself then for the little girl Mason and I had brought into the world.
Mason
There wasn’t a moment since leaving that I didn’t regret it. I knew I was doing the right thing. The only thing. But that didn’t mean I was happy with the decision. I missed Kayla like hell, and I didn’t like who I was leaving her with. Maverick had promised to protect her, but would he ever put her safety above that of Quinn and Bailey? That was an easy question to answer. No. Kayla would have been angered even knowing I was thinking of things that way. She didn’t want anyone protecting her—and she’d want her family to come first. But for me, she’d always come first.
“Let’s go.” The shrill voice jostled me from my thoughts. I was enjoying my last few moments of downtime before the sun rose. It was the only time of day I allowed myself to think of Kayla. It was the only time when such a distraction might not get me killed.
“Why so early?” I pulled myself upright from the makeshift bed.
“Because today is the day.” Addison was dressed and had her boots on. Her dark black hair was pulled back into a low ponytail.
“Oh yeah? Why is that?”
“Because there’s been silence at the wall all night.”
“Which means it’s probably a trap.” Silence wasn’t a good thing. She knew that as well as I did.
“Or it means our last wave made it through.”
“I love that you’ve maintained your optimism all this time, but you also need some realism.” I was having no problem with the latter, and I was struggling with the former. The only thing keeping me going was thoughts of Kayla.
Addison frowned. “I have realism, Mason. Don’t you worry about that.”
“And we may not find him when we break through.” That was the crux of it. There was no reason to sugar coat it.
“We will.” Addison appeared unmoved by my words. “He’s there waiting for us.”
“He may be.” I didn’t want to hurt her, but I didn’t want her making decisions from a sense of false hope either.
“You know Kayla is probably thinking the same thing right now. Trying to stay hopeful that you’re not dead.”
“Which is why I’m not going to get myself killed. We have to be smart about this.”
“And we have to go after Denver.” She said his name. She usually only referred to him as ‘he’, knowing I’d understand exactly who she meant.
“We will. When the time is right.”
“When will the time be right?” Addison dug her toe into the dirt ground. Although our shelter had walls and a roof, the wooden floor had mostly rotted away. “You always have an excuse. The sooner we get through the wall, the sooner we get back. If you miss Kayla so much, then stop stalling.”
“This has nothing to do with Kayla. It has to do with succeeding with the mission. Otherwise this was all for nothing.” This all being leaving her behind.
“We are the only ones left.” Addison’s voice fell to barely a whisper. “The only ones.”
“Which is why we can’t rush this. If we fail, there is no one left.” There was no hope left.
“I’d rather die failing than get captured here.”
“What’s the plan then?” I pulled on my jacket.
“The plan? Isn’t that your job?”
I turned it back on her. I’d listen if she had anything concrete. “Usually, but my plan involved waiting until the switching of the guard at the end of the month. You want to deviate from my plan, so tell me what the alternative is. With details.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know the details.”
“So, based on the fact that things have gone quiet at the wall you want to rush in headlong without a plan?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Exactly.”
“You know you might actually be killed. Your value won’t be as high once we get inside.”
“Do you think that’s something to worry about? You think I’d rather be sold than killed? You’re crazy.”
I gritted my teeth. I needed to be careful about how I responded. “I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“The
n stop trying.” By the expression on her face, she was completely serious.
“Addison.” I laced my boots. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why? Because of this?” She held up her arm with the Sray cording. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, we sure aren’t at the club anymore.” There was a harshness in her voice that was so entirely different from what she used to sound like. Her life had never been easy, but the bubble of relative comfort had burst when we left the club.
“This has nothing to do with the club. I made a promise to take care of you, and I intend to keep it.”
“That promise was made when there was a club. The obligation is gone.”
“I’m not talking about that obligation.” While we argued the sun was likely on its way up. Living without windows had become the norm for us.
“Then what promise do you mean?”
“To Denver. I promised Denver.” And I’d promised myself, but she wasn’t going to like that one.
“And why would Denver ask you to promise that?” She put a hand on her hip.
“Oh, come on, Addison. I know you’re smarter than that.”
“There’s nothing real between us. The only things that have happened have been for release.”
“Tell yourself whatever you want, but he cares about you. Or he did. As I said, I don’t really believe he’s alive.”
She scowled.
“Oh? I thought you didn’t care? I thought what happened between the two of you was only for release?”
“That doesn’t mean I want him dead. I already told you I was worried.”
“There is nothing wrong with caring. Nothing.” I’d learned that myself.
“Except it makes everything harder.”
“So?” We were short on time, but somehow making her understand this seemed terribly important. “That doesn’t make it less worth it.”
“Let’s go.” She tossed a gun at me. “We’re wasting time.”
I caught the gun before it hit the floor. “I’m not promising anything, but we can check it out.”
“You really think it might be a trap?”
“Yeah. Things don’t just go quiet at the wall.” Not that I was an expert on the matter, but generally that wasn’t how things went down.
“Then I want one of those pills.” She wrapped her hand around her throat.
I shook my head. “No.”
“I already told you I’d rather die than get taken.” She was so young, yet her eyes and voice told an entirely different story.
“I won’t let either of those things happen.”
“Not everything is in your control.” She was right, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t protect her.
“I’m well aware. That doesn’t mean I can’t do this.”
“Just give me the pill.” She held out her hand. “Just in case.”
“And what happens if you take it too soon? Before we know for sure?” Time and again I’d been in situations that seemed dire only to have them change at the last moment. “It’s too risky.”
“But it’s not too risky for you to have it?”
“I never said that. I’m not bringing one either.” I wasn’t dying here. I would make it back to Kayla.
Addison nodded. “Yes, I know you want to get back, but it’s different for you. You won’t get kidnapped. They’d just kill you on sight.”
What a world to live in when getting killed on sight was the positive outcome. “I’d be tortured. They won’t kill me on sight. They also may have even more control than I know.” I’d been used as a lab rat. I liked to forget that but doing so was dangerous.
“Yeah, Denver worried about that...”
“He isn’t the only one. So far everyone has failed to get through. We are the only hope, and we can’t screw this up.” No sense sugar coating anything.
“Is this where you tell me you think we should go back for reinforcements before we try?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not at all. It’s going to take too long to recover the ground. Besides, if I go back, I might not be willing to leave again, and I’d have to. Who knows how long they have before the commune is discovered.” I didn’t say what I was really thinking. My true fear. What if it was too late already?
“Then let’s go. Let’s do this and do it right.”
“Agreed.” As much as I urged caution, I also understood we couldn’t just sit around and wait. “But we need to suit up.”
“Suit up?” She raised an eyebrow.
“We may not have the numbers, but we have the equipment.”
“Have you been holding out on me?” She inclined her head to the side.
“No. Denver was holding out on all of us.” I stepped past her into the small hallway. “Or really, Denver was saving things for this very situation.”
Addison followed me down the hall. “Well, come on. Don’t leave me waiting.”
Maverick
Sometimes when the sun was rising or setting at just the right point I was able to pretend happiness was possible. I’d usually experience that sensation while Bailey and Faith ran around us with their arms stretched out like little planes; Bailey looking positively huge next to the teetering toddler that was her cousin. And when Quinn lounged near me, her head back with a huge grin on her face, I felt almost at peace.
I often fantasized about leaning over and kissing her, right there, without any regard to the consequences. But it never left the fantasy stages. I held on perhaps too tightly to Quinn’s declarations that I was truly a good friend. That she couldn’t imagine life without me. I reassured myself she didn’t want someone to be more than a friend to her. She just wanted companionship. That was more than I’d ever dreamed of having. As usual, I didn’t rock the boat.
“It’s been too quiet.” Kayla sat cross-legged next to Quinn in the grass. The girls were fast asleep in the cabin already, so we sat nearby in case one of them woke up. Bailey still woke up screaming from time to time. Screaming for her mother. Even more often, Quinn did the same. Screaming for Bailey.
“You worry too much.” Quinn patted her sister’s leg. “Nothing has changed in months. We got rid of those traders, and they never sent more.”
“But that’s the point. Something is going to happen eventually. What if the quiet is only the calm before the storm?” Kayla began bouncing her leg.
“You may have a point.” I chose my words carefully. Quinn wasn’t going to like it if I seemed to be siding with Kayla, but I’d sworn to protect all of them—once three and now four. I couldn’t just brush aside common sense to keep Quinn happy. “It has been really quiet.”
“Quiet is good.” Quinn braided her long blond hair down her left side.
“Not this kind of quiet.” Kayla pulled her knees up to her chest.
“You’re just upset about other things.” Quinn pulled a long strand of grass and used it to tie the bottom of her braid. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“That is not true.” Kayla wrapped her arms around her knees. “And you know it.”
Quinn hadn’t used Mason’s name, but we all knew what she was talking about.
Quinn reached out and took Kayla’s hand in hers. “When Benjamin died I thought life was over. But look at us now. You can do this. You have all of us to help you with Faith.”
“You think that’s what this is about?” Kayla slid her legs back down. “That I don’t think I can raise a child alone?”
“No. That’s not what I mean.” Quinn took her hand back. “Don’t twist my words.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“Just that you’re lonely. You miss him. I understand. Trust me I do.”
“This has nothing to do with Mason.” Kayla scowled. “Nothing.”
“Then what is it you want us to do? Throw up our arms?” As if to demonstrate, Quinn put her hands in the air.
I held back the smile that wanted to come out. Siblings were so rare in our world that watching the two sisters squabble was ent
ertaining, even if the subject matter was urgent.
“What good would that do?” Kayla sighed. “We need to double the patrols. Make sure that we have all the information.”
“That we have all the information?” Quinn gasped. “Are you seriously doubting Ramona and the others?”
“I’m not seriously doing anything. I’m trying to be careful. For the sake of our daughters.” Kayla glanced at the dark cabin.
“We are safe here. Completely safe.” Quinn tapped the grass next to her.
Something akin to anger flashed in Kayla’s eyes. “You know as well as I do that we aren’t completely safe anywhere. I’m fine with you pretending in front of the girls, but not in front of me.”
“What brought this on?” Quinn leaned away from Kayla slightly. “Why right now?”
Kayla pulled at the grass. “It’s just a feeling deep in my bones.”
Quinn paled. “Okay. That’s important then.”
“Wait.” I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “You’re willing to listen because she has a feeling deep in her bones?” How had she done such a complete 360?
“Kayla has a sixth sense. She has saved us more than once by listening to it.”
“Too bad it doesn’t always work,” Kayla mumbled.
“Thomas may be fine. Completely fine.” Quinn patted Kayla’s arm. Thomas? How did she know Kayla was talking about their brother? Did the two share some unspoken communication?
“Just like Mason,” Kayla whispered.
Quinn gasped again. “Kayla… you’ve never. No. You can’t. No giving up hope.”
“I’m not giving up hope; I’m trying to face reality.”
“It’s Bolton, isn’t it?” She jumped to her feet. “Don’t listen to him. He’s interested in you. He’s angry.”
“This isn’t Bolton. It’s me. It’s me feeling guilty that we’re sitting here while he’s out there. While they are all out there.” Kayla’s expression hardened.
“You needed to stay. I mean can you imagine if you had gone and then found out about the pregnancy? That would have been a disaster.”
The Corded Saga Page 33
