Missing

by KH LeMoyne

  “Why didn’t he tell you those things sooner?”

  “I didn’t warrant the knowledge. I’d refuse the alpha call. I can’t fault him.”

  She grunted and placed her palm over his heart. She could blame the overgrown werewolf. “Where does he come from?”

  “Even I don’t know his origins. He was always just Vendrick Grayson, an enigma, though he referred to himself once as Hárbarðr. From things he alluded to, he felt responsible for the creation of our race. Responsible for the failure of some alphas.”

  “How? It’s not like there’s such a thing as an immortal, is there?” Lena stepped back.

  “I’m an alpha, not God.” Deacon pulled her into his embrace. “I don’t have the answers. The magic we possess is his, and shifters have been around for centuries. Trust me on this, Vendrick hails from a much, much earlier time. We may be part of him, but he is something entirely different.”

  She inhaled, gripping the front of his shirt as she buried her head against his chest. He held her tight, memorizing the fit of her softer body against his. Unbidden, his cock grew hard, his lust rising with the need to bury himself deep inside her. His power swelled, seeking escape, but he gritted his teeth and refused to let it go.

  “Is he still alive?” she asked.

  Glad for the distraction, he closed his eyes, his nostrils flaring as he scrutinized the area. “I still sense him. Not close, though alive.”

  She blinked fast and glanced over her shoulder. “You’d do anything for your people, wouldn’t you?”

  He took a deep breath. “There are lines I won’t cross—for them.” Tell me, Lena. Trust me with your fears.

  “So are you seeking full disclosure now? All my secrets and all yours, bared to each other?”

  His heart beat faster, and he was certain, as her eyes widened, that his eyes must be gleaming gold. His pleasure at having her read his mind, anticipating his deepest desire, wasn’t something he could withhold from her. “We could be that to each other.”

  “Since you trust this place and see this as your sanctuary, let’s start here.” She stepped back, her fingers still linked with his. “Be together with me here, and let me catch you, Deacon.”

  Air turned to ice in his lungs. Whatever he’d expected, it had not been that she would attempt to control or appease the power rising in him. He’d rather lose every hard-won battle he’d fought than have her injured because of him.

  The love in her eyes beseeched him and he realized this was the consequence of sharing the sad tale of his father’s fall.

  This was her test of him.

  He prayed the sacred soil would restrain his power.

  Lena watched shock, then fear, and finally determination alter Deacon’s features before he stepped forward and scooped her into his arms. She bottled her disappointment. Her instincts screamed that Deacon could let go with her.

  He needed to let go with her. Yet he wouldn’t.

  The energy she’d felt from the moment she’d seen him wasn’t an accident or a fluke, or even discountable as initial attraction. His energy rose and fell like waves when he kissed her, when he made love to her. She suspected interacting with small groups of his people performed the same feat.

  Her past with Vendrick had put her at ease and made her happiest with shifters. However she truly craved being with Deacon for the joy their time together brought her. So if she couldn’t be the instrument to help him find his balance, then her instincts were truly broken. She wouldn’t risk his future for her dreams.

  It was that simple.

  Failing Deacon meant Vendrick’s promise of her role with his people was a cruel joke.

  Worse, if she was Deacon’s mate and couldn’t help him, then his battle for equilibrium would eventually consume him. In the grand scheme of things, whatever happened to her mattered little. But he mattered. To his people and their future.

  She opened for his kiss as he lay on a soft surface. Her hand reached out, and spongy moss tickled her palm where moments before she knew only rock existed. His desire to protect and please her surpassed anything she’d ever experienced.

  Cupping his cheeks, she gazed into his eyes. “Do you honestly believe your father would be alive if he had treated your mother differently?” When he tried to pull back, she held tighter.

  He tried to kiss her again, but she shied from his touch. Then, resigned to the discussion, he lay over her, his legs bracing hers with his weight cushioned on his forearms. “He suffocated her, but she was also young and impetuous. Perhaps their fates were at odds.”

  “They challenged and battled each other,” Lena said softly. “How about us?”

  “The wolf shifter and the park ranger. Given your job safeguarding people in the wilderness, we should be well suited. I’m here, and”—he waved around them—“wilderness.”

  She flinched. “I left the park service.”

  “After nine years of exemplary service.”

  “Leaving out bits you’ve gathered, aren’t you?”

  “The tragic flash fire in the Sierras wasn’t your fault. At least according to the review done after your team came home.”

  “Missing a member.” How had this gone from seduction to confession? “The fatal choices during the rescue were mine. As was the decision to move on.”

  “So you took the easy way out by running.”

  She shoved against his chest, which didn’t move him at all. “You have no idea what really happened. My decision committed the wrong person to the action, and it cost him his life.”

  “Do you take the blame for every accident and failure?”

  “Why not? You do.”

  “Touché.” He held up his hands. “I’ll admit, just because saving every person isn’t statistically possible, doesn’t mean we don’t carry the guilt when we fail. I believe the wilderness is your true calling and”—his fingertips stopped her from speaking—“there are people who need the skills and insight you can bring.”

  “What is your point? There are plenty of good people who work for the park service, and skilled volunteers in SARs. They’re effective without my help.”

  He gripped her shoulders and gave her a small shake. “You want to take risks for me, and yet you seem incapable of understanding I feel the same way about you. I don’t want a moment or an hour. I want you happy for a lifetime, doing what comes naturally for you. Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe it’s my people who need you?”

  His words echoed too closely to Vendrick’s, and she felt a sudden chill. Her body started to shake, and, caught beneath him, she had nowhere to flee.

  Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her hair. Solid male heat replaced the eerie chill, and her thoughts fled. “Damn it, Lena, I didn’t mean to push so hard.”

  He sought her kiss, and she returned his touches with a fervent need. As if determined to drive away her demons with bare skin, he shed his clothes and hers with surprising speed. She didn’t argue. She wanted him in her arms, his body hot and hard against her. She’d held that hope since he’d walked into the boardinghouse hours earlier.

  The future and the past didn’t matter here, only the two of them.

  His erection slid against her belly, his balls nestled with heat at the entrance to her pussy. She squirmed and rubbed for more contact, but he held her hips in place as his mouth committed a tender yet torturous exploration of her breasts. Panting, she wrapped her legs around him. “What does the wolf say about using a condom today?”

  His chuckle tickled her skin. “You’re still safe.” He held her nipple with his teeth and lashed softly with his tongue, then raised his head to kiss her. “From pregnancy, if not from me. We can do other things if you prefer.”

  “Quit teasing and get inside me now.”

  “Yes.” Eyes lit with golden fire, he moved with exaggerated slowness and sank his cock into her. She strained against him, urging him faster or deeper. Both would be good. He held off with a grim set t
o his mouth as if determined to hear her plead.

  She almost did, but then she felt the steady vibration of power rising in him. The weight and heat of it swam across her flesh and sank into her bones—almost enough to force her orgasm, but not quite. He was holding back to spare her.

  Hell with that. Nearly peaking with his stroke, she lifted her hips to take more of him. Perhaps an out-of-control Deacon would think less about saving her and more about a fast, voracious fuck. Because that was what she needed. A brutal explosion of pleasure to cleanse them both of their fears.

  Yet still he held her to the ground, controlling the exquisite rise.

  Using the only resources she had, she dug her fingernails into his shoulders and squeezed her pussy as hard as she could around the solid thickness filling her.

  Deacon shuddered as his eyes flashed red and gold. Then he plunged into her with a cry, wrapped her braid tight around his hand, and grazed his teeth across the flesh of her shoulder.

  Yes, do it.

  Her scalp stung and her womb clenched as her climax waited just out of reach. White spots flooded behind her closed eyelids. Deacon’s breath rasped as his teeth closed over a small patch of her skin. Not a bite, not breaking her skin, but the contact sent delicious jolts to her nipples and clit. He tugged hard on her hair, as if holding back a storm.

  Her body pulsed in response.

  Just as she prepared for sensation to shoot through her system, his teeth released her. A slight alteration, hardly noticeable with the cresting of her orgasm. Yet, as she tumbled over the edge, she maintained enough awareness to feel heat in the ground beneath her shoulder and a momentary chill sweep her body—as if for a second, he’d abandoned her. Perfection almost reached—and lost just as quickly. Oddly, the brief sensations echoed the emotional blast she’d felt from Shanae and Matthew’s mating, if only like a firefly echoes moonlight.

  Still catching her breath, she blinked as Deacon extracted his fingers from the earth beside her. He’d released the power at the last second. Trust in her wasn’t enough for him to take what she offered. They’d both achieved release, but knowing he’d held back left her empty.

  She counted her heartbeats with her eyes closed, not wanting him to know.

  Before she could laze in their aftermath, he lifted her thigh, moving again inside her, teasing a new spot, and fanning her passion back to life. Okay, she could definitely go for round two. Maybe there was more than one way to wear him down so he could trust.

  With a groan, she grabbed him again as he took her with a speed that knocked the breath from her, plunging into her several more times with an impact that sizzled her blood. Her weak cry of his name didn’t match the pleasure pulsing through her body. She fell over the edge, not caring how he’d performed his special act of magic.

  Sanity came back, and she wondered. “What was that?”

  His lips softly brushed hers in a kiss tender enough to bring tears to her eyes. “Shifter energy jumping from my veins to yours,” he whispered. “I can’t resist you any more than I can stop breathing. So forgive me if I need time to work this out.”

  Eyes drifting closed, he sighed and rolled to his side, tucking her against him. His breath on her skin matched the soft rhythm of her heartbeat.

  He’d known she was paying attention. Seemed there were no secrets between them in their naked selves. He couldn’t give her what she’d asked for now, but he’d offered her what he could.

  When he moved to rise, she clung to him, silently asking for one more minute of closeness. He sank back to her and covered her with his warmth.

  “I don’t believe you’re capable of hurting me or anyone,” she whispered. “I’ve seen your wolf. He fought for me to live, not to consume me. Fighting for others is who you are.”

  He kissed her hair and said nothing, but he rose and gathered her clothes.

  The journey back passed in silence, but he kept her hugged to him as they headed back toward town.

  They skirted the town on the way back. As a stadium came into view with low bleachers equipped with enormous seats, Lena tried to disengage herself from Deacon’s hold. Their time together was going to become everyone’s business, and the field was full of nearly a dozen teenagers—and a very large lion.

  “What is this?” she asked as he let her get only far enough away to link hands with her.

  “Our life isn’t all death-defying challenges and great sex.” He mentioned the last with a wink and a very wicked smile.

  “Ego much? Though those are both exciting shifter pastimes.”

  He laughed. “You’ll enjoy this. I promise. Since I need to get some things done, Trim is waiting for you.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “Until we have more closure on the attacks in the forest, I want you and Matthew’s family with one of my people at all times.” He drew her close and bent his head until his lips nearly touched hers, but not quite. “Please, do this for me.”

  It was the closest he’d ever come to asking for something for himself. How could she deny him? Besides, a side-glance at the field had her riveted. Some teenagers were taking running jumps at the lion while shifting. Others merely rolled beneath him without changing and receiving a growl. Dazzling. She could watch all day. “Don’t say I never did anything for you.”

  He kissed her and then, in the blink of an eye, shifted into his wolf. He circled her three times rubbing against her legs and her hips, no doubt spreading more of his scent on her. As if the sex hadn’t preformed that task well enough.

  Several parents were in the stands, or at least she assumed they were parents, watching the whole show with interest. She gave his hindquarters a small swat and headed toward Trim. Deacon’s second stood watching the field, her hands stuffed in her jeans pockets, her back toward Lena. Beside her on the nearest bleacher sat a very pregnant woman with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail.

  As Lena approached, Trim glanced over her shoulder and nodded, also catching a glimpse of Deacon trotting off in the distance.

  “Long walk?” Trim’s inhale and quirked brow unnerved her. However, she’d be damned if she was going to give any excuses for where she’d been or what she’d been doing.

  The blonde on the bench glanced up with a smile and raised a hand. “You must be Lena. I’m Dani Barduc, Chisholm’s wife.”

  At Lena’s puzzled expression, the blonde nodded toward the field. “The lion. Or, as everyone is instructed to call him on training day, Coach.”

  Lena took a seat beside the woman and noticed that Trim’s eyes remained focused on the field and the woods. Despite their past animosity, Trim was taking her bodyguard duty seriously.

  “Is the training for a shifter sports game?”

  “Actually.” Trim glanced over her shoulder. “It’s just shifter training—no game. The kids are being indoctrinated into how to handle their powers and changes for when they’re taken by surprise.”

  Lena sat back and looked between the two women.

  Dani leaned closer and whispered as if Trim couldn’t hear, “It’s a new policy.”

  Trim climbed up the bleachers and sat behind them with her knees between their shoulders. “A lot of the children here are foundlings. The ones with parents assimilate better once they get the training. The orphans don’t know what type of shifter they are until they change. So practice and the camaraderie take the shock out of the new experience.”

  “Less chance of endangering themselves or others?” Lena responded.

  Trim nodded. “Their coach is very good with children. He understands their issues.” She narrowed her eyes at Dani. “Don’t you dare tell him I said that. His ego will become unmanageable. Lions.”

  Lena looked back at the field and the children. She ran her gaze over them, concentrating on the half who hadn’t shifted. A few came across as fuzzy blurs, the fuzz being fuzz and fur—bears, cougars, and wolves. Four more stood clustered at the edge, all boys. They shifted into bears as well and head
ed toward the lion. One whose outline resolved for Lena’s vision with a flash of black-and-white stripes with a long pointed nose, headed toward the bears. Then the image vanished.

  “Several of the teens are here with their siblings,” Trim remarked, leaning back with her elbows on the next highest riser. “Like the boys at the edge. It helps when one of the youngsters is more anxious. Team support.”

  “That explains the vivid colors around the smaller boy,” Dani said.

  “What?” Lena looked at her in shock. “Can you see emotions?”

  Dani slowly shook her head. “I detect the colors of anxiety, but not a cause. Perhaps if I had a chance to speak with his brothers.” She turned to Trim. “Could you send them over?”

  Trim shrugged. “Chisholm will bring them by later today. Ford’s been worrying about his first shift. Not sleeping. Anxious. His older brothers already spoke with Chisholm.”

  Lena glanced back at the bears who’d transformed. “So the herd of young men standing around Ford are his brothers?”

  Trim snorted with a laugh. “Yeah, some of his many brothers. They can’t wait to see his first shift and tease him. Boys.”

  “Do shifters have multiple breeds in one family?” Lena asked.

  “Not from a blended pair of shifters.” Trim gave her a strange look. “One species is always dominant, but—wait, are you talking about Ford? He’s adopted. Deacon brought him to the grizzlies at the orchard because with the Romalds, the more the merrier. No one knows what Ford will be.”

  Dani’s eyes widened as she stared at Lena. Then she nudged her with her elbow. “You do know, don’t you? No wonder you and Deacon are so well matched. Chisholm will be thrilled. He’s running out of ideas for how to draw the boy out.”

  Lena hesitated.

  Trim leaned closer. “She’s right. We can’t help him if we don’t know.”

  “I’m pretty sure his markings are of a wolverine.”

  With a long, low whistle, Trim leaned back. “Explains a lot.”

  The boy rushed the lion and then circumvented the beast in a wide arc. Surprisingly, he avoided contact with the two bears as well. He glanced their way with a shocked expression, almost as if he’d heard their conversation.