The Icing on the Corpse

by Mary Jane Maffini

  He would have done his homework, would have had some confederate research all of Lindsay's contacts. He probably had my home address. He'd know where I worked. All he'd have to do was sit and watch my office during the day until I headed out. Then he could follow me. He'd have no trouble waiting. Plenty of practice in Kingston.

  I had failed Lindsay once, and I was about to fail her again. I pulled over and sat nudged up against four feet of solid packed snowbank. On the far side of the banks the red vinyl covers on the parking meters told me parking was off limits until the snow clearing had been completed.

  A steady stream of cars edged by, most of the drivers shooting reproachful glances. Every second driver blew his horn.

  I stared back at each vehicle, expecting to catch Ralph Benning's hard black eyes boring through my soul. The first break in the traffic, I climbed out and pretended to fish a blanket from the trunk. No one was parked behind me. I didn't spot Benning in the straggly line of traffic.

  But he was out there. So how the hell could I connect with Lindsay without inviting Benning to the party?

  “What?” Alvin said. “Are you out of your tiny mind?”

  “Show a little respect. I am, after all, your employer.”

  “I suppose you are. In the broadest sense of the term.”

  “I am your employer in every sense of the term. Do I understand that is no longer your heart's desire?”

  “Yeah, but this is not an office administration activity. Admit it, Camilla.”

  “I believe it falls under Other Duties as Required.”

  “Well, I don't think it's legal to ask someone to pretend to be someone else.”

  “Alvin, say the word, and I'll put an ad in the paper for a replacement.”

  “No need to be snotty. You could at least give me one good reason.”

  “Lindsay Grace is the reason. If Benning follows me, and he's sharp enough to, I'll lead him right to her.”

  “Well, why didn't you say so? Do you have to be so frigging mysterious? Give me a minute. And listen, I cant reach Elaine. I left messages at her home, her office, and her cellphone.”

  “Did you leave my cellphone number?”

  “Of course.”

  “Don't worry. We'll hear from her. And Alvin.…”

  “On my way.” He hung up before I could tell him it would take me a while to negotiate the drive back.

  The line was already busy when I dialed again. Oh, well.

  “Aloha,” I said.

  With a one-way street system, you don't get anywhere in a minute. No matter how much you want to. With the clogged streets and cop cruisers everywhere, it took nearly half an hour to reach my parking garage.

  I drew some satisfaction from the thought of dragging Benning on a wild goose chase. I tried not to dwell on Alvin in the garage. By the time I edged up the ramp and into my spot, the car was nice and warm. Alvin was neither warm nor nice.

  “If you hadn't hung up on me, I would have told you to wait for me in the office.”

  I couldn't make out what he answered the way his teeth chattered.

  “Head back to the office.” I clanged after him down the metal stairwell to our level. “We'll talk on the beach at Fort Lauderdale.”

  “Mmmind over mmmatter.” He didn't break stride.

  “All right,” I said when Alvin showed signs of recovery. “I should have made myself clear.” It was hard not to feel bad about Alvin's half-frozen state. Especially since I'd been hoping he'd exhibit an unacceptable level of insubordination and I would be forced, despite my kind and gentle nature, to fire him.

  “The weather doesn't bother me.” He shook like a wet wolfhound.

  I was not used to him being polite. “I told you I was sorry.”

  “And I told you I'm fine. Not cold at all. Don't waste time. That maniac could be on his way to Lindsay's right now.”

  “I don't see how. She made sure nobody knows where her new place is, except us.”

  “Us? You mean you,” said Alvin.

  “Right. Me. None of her friends. None of his friends. Not the police. No one but me and Elaine, of course.”

  “He could find out.”

  I shook my head. “I don't think so. Not this quickly.”

  Alvin took a deep breath, but I wasn't finished.

  “I'm his best bet. He'll figure I'll head straight for her. I can't take the chance that he'll follow me there.”

  “Lord thundering Jesus, you need to check on her.”

  “Hold that thought, Alvin. So, to finish up, he can follow me. Only I will be you. You will be me. And you can lead him to think he's on his way to Lindsay's.”

  On the bright side, at least Alvin would be warm, and I wouldn't have to put his pine-boxed frozen corpse onto a train bound for his weeping mother in Sydney.

  No indeedy, Alvin would be real toasty in my parka, my thinsulate-lined gloves, my red hat and my recently-warmed car as he led Ralph Benning on a fool's errand around the second coldest capital city in the world. He even had my cellphone, for what it was worth.

  I tried not to dwell on how Alvin would drive without the cat s eye glasses. Sometimes you have to trust in a higher power.

  I wanted to give Alvin plenty of time to drive down the ramp of the garage and back out into traffic. I figured after twenty minutes he'd be stuck on Elgin going nowhere fast. Not even Benning could find Lindsay Grace in less than an hour.

  I hoped like hell I was right.

  Four

  My old friend Merv picked up on the first ring.

  “Blessed are those on sick leave,” I said, “for they shall be available on weekdays to help their buddies.”

  “Sorry, wrong number,” Merv said.

  “Can you pick me up?”

  “In this weather? Not if my life depended on it.” That Merv. Always one with a snappy comeback.

  “Someone's life does depend on it. Pick me up at the library front door in half an hour.”

  “Forget it, Camilla. I'm busy with daytime TV. And I've learned people have to respect my boundaries.”

  “You're an active RCMP officer, even if you are malingering. And I know how much you like to save defenceless women at risk from dangerous men.”

  Merv snorted. “Defenceless women? I love that, Camilla. You're about as defenceless as a grizzly with two cubs.”

  “Not me. It's a serious and dangerous situation. I'll explain later. And, as an added bonus, I promise to respect your boundaries. You can tell me what they are when you pick me up.”

  “Aw, c'mon, Camilla.” I could tell by his voice he was hooked.

  “The library. Laurier entrance. Keep your front passenger door unlocked.”

  “Don't tease. Tell me what's happening.”

  “And bring your pajamas.”

  “What?”

  “Twenty-nine minutes, Merv. You're a bud.”

  I stuck my nose in the Lost and Found section, otherwise known as the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. It was a great source of mismatched gloves, scarves, a couple of musty cardigans, an Icelandic sweater, four umbrellas, several handkerchiefs, paperbacks, glasses, an old raccoon hat and Alvin's lunch. I filled a bag with all the sweaters, scarves, gloves and the fur hat. I left the umbrellas. I slipped on Alvin's glasses and surrounded myself with his jacket. It was long but tight. I guessed I could learn to live with the coconut smell of the flash tan. At least we were both wearing black pants.

  My teal suit would have been a dead giveaway.

  The cold was like a blow.

  I had kept the silk long underwear and the thermal socks, but the thin skin of Alvin's studded leather jacket and the Mickey Mouse scarf wrapped around my head were definitely too little too late.

  I was heftier than Alvin, so slipping on a few sweaters would have thoroughly undermined the disguise, even if there had been room. So what, I decided. When the going gets tough, the tough get the lead out.

  I concentrated on Benning, a man filled with hate and anger. A man w
ho would express his emotions physically. Perhaps with an aluminum baseball bat, perhaps with a gun. Those thoughts propelled me down Elgin Street towards the public library, one of Alvin's regular runs.

  I told myself Alvin's own mother would be fooled by my appearance. The light snowfall helped to obscure vision. It was supposed to be too cold to snow, but I guess no one told the guy in charge of precipitation. Overhead, blue and white Winterlude flags snapped in the wind.

  I kept my head down to keep the sharp blowing snow from my eyes. I checked for ice patches. The leather jacket made the cold colder. How the hell did Alvin survive?

  His glasses didn't help. What kind of a wacko prescription was that anyway? Typical of Alvin to have unusual eyes. In spite of the vision problem, I hurtled along the sidewalk. I must have been clocking six miles an hour when I collided with someone solid and stubborn. The impact knocked the breath right out of me. Visions of lawsuit danced in my brain. I could see the headlines: negligent lawyer mows down elderly woman, claims temporary blindness. My ears rang.

  “I am so sorry,” I blurted. “I hope you aren't hurt.”

  The person was still standing, although I wasn't sure how. I took off the glasses for a better look. Only after I'd apologized to the parking meter did the full impact of the damn cat's eyes glasses sink in. I glanced around. All I saw were faces half-hidden by parkas, scarves and tuques. No one cared what I did.

  I reapplied the glasses, this time pushing them halfway down my nose, and shouldered on down Elgin.

  When I hit the Main Branch of the Ottawa Public Library, I scurried through the front door and up to the Reference area. Alvin spends a lot of his time on site, doing errands for Justice for Victims—but I suspect also putting the moves on some of the junior staff. Thanks to my tax dollars hard at work, the library was warm.

  I asked for a couple of back issues of magazines. The girl at the counter blinked at me. “Do you have a brother?”

  “Weird, people keep asking me.” I carried my mags to the table with the best view of the staircase. Ten minutes later, I was convinced Ralph Benning had not followed me to the Reference Department. I headed to the ladies' room.

  Five minutes later, Alvin's jacket, scarf and glasses were in the bag, and I was redefined. I had a quick drink at the fountain to rinse the taste of old clothes out of my mouth. But the dusty, musty, bottom of the drawer residue was the least of my problems.

  The girl at the desk didn't even blink as I slunk past. She also didn't ask if I was related to the guy in the Mickey Mouse scarf.

  Merv had been under the weather since my friend Robin had headed off to spend a month in Mexico with another man. That's a different story, but I wondered if it were connected to Merv's spell of bad health. It doesn't do to coddle middle-aged heartbroken Mounties, especially not tall, lanky, good-looking ones. I was doing him a favour, I decided, as I wrenched open the door of his car.

  “Hey, you, what are you doing? Get the hell out.”

  “Morning, Merv. Nice to see you too.”

  “Yeah, yeah. What's going on, Camilla? Make it important.”

  “What ever happened to ‘Good Morning, Camilla, you look lovely today?'”

  “First of all, it's not a good morning and second, you look unlovely.” He eased into the traffic on Laurier Street. “What's with the get-up? Costume party? Bag lady convention?”

  “I have a strategic reason for the disguise. Turn left on O'Connor.”

  “Who elected you queen, Camilla? What the crap is going on? Didn't you buy a new Civic in the fall?” In all the time I'd known him, Merv had always been crotchety, so I let it roll off. “Start talking.”

  I might have felt some apprehension if I hadn't known how Merv felt about pale, delicate women who find themselves in desperate situations. You could count on a man who still wore Old Spice after twenty years.

  “Do you remember the Benning case?” I said.

  “How could I forget it? It was all over the media.”

  “Do you remember Benning's girlfriend, Lindsay Grace?”

  “The one who testified against him? Sure. Why?”

  “Have you listened to the news today, Merv?”

  “Nah. I'm watching Rosie and Jenny and the other girls.”

  “Did you hear Benning broke out?”

  “Broke out of what? Isn't he some kind of psycho?”

  “He's a psycho all right. He was on his way to court, his sentencing hearing. He shot a cop, and he's on the run. And he'll be after her.”

  “Shot a cop? That explains it.”

  “Explains what?”

  “We must have passed twenty Ottawa cruisers. And plenty of unmarked ones. They'll get him. Wouldn't want to be him when they do.”

  “He won't be easy to catch. He's not going to hitch a lift in a police cruiser. He doesn't look like a psycho. He has money and connections. He'll have a plan. He'll hide out, and he'll go after her.”

  “Money and connections?”

  “The money's supposed to be from drugs, big-time stuff. He's a career criminal. People say he's such a loose cannon even the major suppliers and dealers are scared shitless of him.”

  “Jeez. That's bad. I'll give you a hand, but you know the Ottawa force has jurisdiction. They have communications, backup, they'll call in a tactical team. That's the kind of protection she needs.”

  “They're not at Lindsay's place, Merv.”

  “Be serious.”

  “I am deadly serious. Head right down O'Connor and cross over at the Pretoria Bridge. She's on Echo Drive.”

  “Holy shit. Why isn't Ottawa covering this Lindsay Grace?”

  Good question. “The last time Benning jumped the fence, he had help, and he always was one step ahead of the police. Rumour is he had inside help.”

  “Crap.”

  “That's the buzz. Might explain why it's been so hard to keep him behind bars, and why he was able to break loose today.”

  “Where'd you hear that?”

  “P. J. Lynch has been talking about it.”

  “Oh.”

  “Right. Not some wacko. P. J. s a serious guy, and if he believes Benning has an inside man, my money says he's right. Lindsay thinks so too. But Benning never let on who the inside connection was.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You still need the Ottawa guys.”

  “I realize that. Elaine Ekstein will hit the police brass. She's probably there already. She'll make sure the address is given out on a need-to-know basis. They'll cooperate with Elaine if they know what's good for them. In the meantime, Lindsay's my client. She's afraid, and I had to respect her wishes. And I'm scared shitless he'll find her.”

  “And this Benning's been out how long?”

  “Couple of hours. You don't know this guy, Merv. He's smart and capable of extreme violence. Totally out of control. We have to protect Lindsay now. We'll sort out jurisdictions after. But are we ever going to move?”

  “Aw jeez, someone stalled up ahead on the bridge. It's too late to back up. We're stuck here.”

  “Mind if I use your phone? Alvin has mine.”

  “Would it matter if I did mind?”

  I dialed Lindsay's number. Still no answer. “I should hop out and run the rest of the way.”

  “Better let me go. What can you do if this guy shows up?”

  “She doesn't know you. She'll never let you in.”

  “Two women up against this maniac? Your best bet is still the Ottawa Police.”

  “Watch your blood pressure. I have no choice. I'll get to Lindsay's on foot. You could be stuck here for an hour.”

  “Wait a minute. We're moving again.”

  He was right. The tow-truck lights flashed up ahead. Traffic started to inch over the bridge. I leaned back and exhaled. Three more minutes.

  “So listen, Camilla. Does the get-up relate to the situation?”

  “This? Yes, it does. At this moment, Alvin is on a mission.”

  Merv snorted. “Alvin? And speaking of blood pressure, t
hat guy's a one-man stroke-inducing machine.”

  “Sure is. But at this moment he's risking his own life in my car wearing my parka and hat in order to draw Benning away from Lindsay.”

  “Sounds like a weird plan, even for you, Camilla.”

  “We think Benning might try to follow me to locate Lindsay. Alvin's laying false trails.”

  “I like it. Alvin could be in danger. God knows he has it coming.”

  “I don't think you should be bitter over imagined slights.”

  “Hey, he could be killed. This Benning's a time bomb, right?” Merv grinned, even when the light turned red. Probably imagining thoughts of Alvin laid out on a bed of blue satin with a wilted lily in his cold, dead paw.

  “Let me give him a call.” I kept the phone out of Merv's reach.

  Five

  Im sorry, Ms. Camilla MacPhee is not available at the moment, please leave a message after the long snore.”

  “Most humorous, Alvin.” I could afford to be snarly, since he was not dead.

  “I thought you were one of your sisters. Don't they have lives?”

  “Don't go there.”

  “They've all called. Some twice. You need to set them straight.”

  “I'll set them straight after I practice on you.”

  “Oh, he's alive?” Merv said. “Too bad. Any chance he's been tied up by Benning and is about to be dumped off the Interprovincial Bridge into the frigid but open waters?”

  “I'm sure he would have mentioned it. No, not you, Alvin. Merv inquired about your wellbeing. Tell me, any sign of Benning?”

  Alvin said, “I'm not a hundred per cent sure it's him, but there's this red Taurus. I can't shake it.”

  “Who's driving?”

  “Can't tell.”

  “It's not close enough?”

  “He's riding on my bumper. But the windows are fogged.”

  “Try and see if it's Benning.”

  “I told you, I can't see through the windows.”

  “Fine. What about the licence plate?”