The Tattoo

by Chris Mckinney

  When I went back to the bedroom, Claude was already sleeping. She’d left a dirty glass and plate by the bed. I sighed and took them to the kitchen to wash them. After I was done, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and watched Jerry Springer. The panel was full of family members fighting and I laughed. In the middle of all the screaming, there was this shrink trying to calm everybody down. No one listened. I fell asleep in front of the T.V. that night with an empty beer bottle in my hand.

  The phone woke me the next morning. It was Uncle James. “Hey boy,” he said, “what you doing today? Come down, help us set up fo’ da party.”

  Just then, I saw my father walk out of the bedroom. His hair was messy and he was wearing only his boxers. His gut hung over the elastic waistband. He reached for the bathroom door knob, but it was locked. I heard him say, “Fuckin’ Korean.”

  I put my mouth back near the speaker on the phone and said, “Yeah, Uncle, I’ll be right over.” I looked out the window and saw dark clouds forming over the ocean.

  It was the same deal as the graduation party Koa and I had on top of Puana hill years before. We hung up the same blue tarp, set up the same tables, and we even put everything in the same place. Everything and everybody looked older, though. The tarp had lost its crisp color and was looking dull like a real sky. The wooden tables were chipping at the edges. Most of the folding chairs had lost some of the rubber nubs on the bottoms of their legs. Some of the chairs were rusting badly.

  While I folded out the chairs and put them at the tables, I watched the old uncles set up. Most were fatter then they had been at the grad party. Some of them limped now, or easily ran out of breath. Koa’s cousins, the guys closer to our age, had begun cultivating their own beer bellies. Then there was the growing number of children, a lot of them rail-thin. It was like the evolution of the country folk was happening in front of me. After unfolding the last chair, I looked over to Uncle James. “Where’s Koa?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know. I tried calling da house, but no one answered. Fuck, da odda one, Kaika, Koa’s younga bradda, I don’t know where he stay, too. When both dose guys missing at da same time, me and Aunty Kanani start fo’ worry.”

  Uncle James pulled a cigarette out of his t-shirt pocket. It looked tiny in his enormous hand. Despite his panting, which had been caused by the hanging of the tarp, he lit it and took a long drag. “Sometimes, Ken, I wonder. What’s wit’ dose kids? Fuck, me and Aunty Kanani, we tried our best. But dose kids of mine, dey still come out fucked up. Dey eidda fighting or doing drugs. Da kids nowdays, I no understand. I wish Koa came out like you.”

  “Uncle, I ain’t dat good.”

  “I know, but at least you stay hea showing kokua. Fuckin’ Koa, dis his own son’s birtday, and he not helping. At least you still know, family gotta take care family.”

  He never knew, I thought. He never knew that almost every time I was here on this hill, I was running from my family. I looked over the edge of the hill and saw that a few new houses had sprouted around the area. These were nice houses, two-story, with clean yards and shiny metal fences. When I looked at the older houses, they looked ugly as ever. Wearing either dried, crispy-looking wooden shingles, or rusting corrugated metal roofs, the houses looked like old wounds capped with crusty scabs. I looked out into the bay and noticed there were fewer flat bottom boats tied in the shit-brown water. All of a sudden, it started raining hard. I watched the rain pelt the ocean. The water reminded me of the story Koa had told me about his cesspool problems. I wondered if it were possible for the brown sea to overflow and reach the top of the hill.

  I turned around and faced the mountain. It was still as green as ever. I thought about what I had said to Claudia the day before in traffic. How it would be better if more people left and fewer roads were built. I suddenly realized that people were going to be leaving, people who could no longer make a living in Hawai‘i. But then, more people would be coming, too, people who could afford to live here. I looked at Uncle James. “Things are changing, Uncle.”

  “Das da truth.”

  Like my father, he looked old. Old, tired, and run-down. The rain had wetted down his curly black hair. He dropped his cigarette and stepped on the cherry. The cigarette butt floated in a forming dirt puddle. He let out a violent cough, then smiled. “Ken,” he said, “do me a favor, run store and go buy about three more cases beer. Here, I give you da money.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills, mostly ones. He handed me the wad. It was sprinkled with lint. I walked toward the Pathfinder dodging brown puddles, and I wondered how many more generations of Puanas the family would be able to pump out on this hill.

  I left the hill to pick up Claudia at five. It was still raining, but when I got back home, she was waiting outside with a pissed-off look on her face. Before I could even turn off the engine, she pulled herself into the Pathfinder. “I can’t believe you fuckin’ left me here.”

  I smelled the rain in her hair. “What could I do? Uncle James needed my help. I can’t leave him hanging. Koa didn’t show so he needed another man as soon as possible.”

  “You could’ve at least waited until I got out of the shower.”

  “The party is tonight. We had to get it done.”

  She threw me a clean shirt and said, “Fuck you.”

  That’s when I realized we were pretty far away from Schmaltz City.

  She didn’t even let me shower. While we were driving to Kahaluu, I watched the big raindrops strike the windshield. The wipers weren’t fast enough to wipe them all off. I thought about how my and Claude’s relationship had been. The laughter, the lack of concern for the future. Somehow things had changed, and time was now a concern, therefore an enemy. Our lives were filled with questions of “when.” When will the baby be born? When will we get out of Ka‘a‘awa? When will we move to the mainland? When will we get the money to make our escape? Time was like this burly interrogator shining a light in my face and threatening to kick my ass.

  What we were stuck in now, it wasn’t working for me. I looked over at the passenger side and what I saw revolted me. I saw a young, bitchy, pregnant woman, who probably found me disgusting, too. I thought about how Koa dealt with his feelings and it was beginning to make more and more sense. Why not say fuck it? I could hook up with Freddie, deal drugs, get my own place in the country and say fuck the world. Instead, here I was, working my ass off and coming home to shit. I focused back on the road and thought, I could just drop her off at the party and keep on driving. But where would I end up? I was on an island. I’d end up in the same place after driving in one big circle. As we passed Chinaman’s Hat, I envied the little neanderthal island, all by itself out there, out in the ocean, but close enough to the shore. I re-focused on the road. I swore I saw a sign which read, Schmaltz City 2000 miles.

  As we passed Kualoa Beach Park, I told Claude, “We gotta talk.”

  She sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Is it going to work?”

  “It could’ve if we went to the mainland instead.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “So what do you want?” she asked.

  “I want it the way it was.”

  “I don’t know if we can get back there. Nobody invented the time machine yet.”

  “If it didn’t work, what would you do?”

  “Go crawling back to my mother.”

  We occasionally glanced at each other. But for the most part, I was looking out of the windshield watching the rain, while she fiddled with the air conditioning switch. We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride. I began thinking that the dive light which we shared went off a long time ago and I didn’t even notice it. Or maybe I got my own light again?

  When we got to the party, we walked our separate ways. I went straight to the bar. Claude walked toward the dull blue tarp and greeted Kahala with a kiss on the cheek. I was surprised to see Cheryl there, smiling away.

  Koa, Kaika and Freddie showed up at nine, about when the ra
in stopped. All three were frying from coke. I was glad to see them. The four of us gathered by the cooler and cracked open beers. I looked over Freddie’s shoulder in the direction of the tarp, where I saw Kahala, Cheryl and Claudia playing with Kealii. I looked at the rest of the people at the party and noticed that their eyes avoided us.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up. Koa was grinning. “What’s wrong, bradda, you no look too happy. See, I told you da life wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.”

  Freddie laughed. “See, you guys stupid, hooking up wit’ one girl and living wit’ her. Me, I jus’ nail ‘um for about a month, den when I get tired, I fuckin’ dump ‘um. Fuckin’ Kaika, learn from dese two braddas. If we catch you getting married and shit, we goin’ mob you.”

  They laughed. “Shit,” I said, “at first was fuckin’ great. But now, I don’t know. Just shitty.”

  “I know, brotha,” Koa said. “Fuck, at first, I was stoked I had Kahala. But damn, my eyes went open. I glad she staying ova hea away from me.”

  It finally happened. Instead of Koa reading my lie, I read his. I knew when he said it, that it was killing him that Kahala had left him and hadn’t come back. Before I could brag about my detection, however, Freddie spoke up.

  “See, you guys so fuckin’ stupid. It’s like dese chicks sucked out your brains wit dea pussies. Fuckin’ good ah at first. Dey fuck your brains out, do any kine. But afta a while, you notice, dey no give your brains back.”

  Kaika laughed. “Ah, you two stupid fuckas.”

  Koa stared at him. “What was dat?”

  “Nah, nah,” Kaika said.

  “You betta ‘nah, nah’ you fuckin’ little drug addict piece of shit. You betta tink befo’ you open your fuckin’ mout.”

  I could see the rage building up in Koa. I looked at Freddie, who seemed to be enjoying it.“Hey, cruise,” I said,“dis one fuckin’ party. Jus’ relax.”

  Koa looked at me. “Relax? You, you Japanee motha-fucka. You take off fo’ fuckin’ yeas and you come back and you tink you can tell me what fo’ fuckin’ do? You and your fuckin’ chick come down hea and start giving my wife money? You tink I neva know, ah? You should know you cannot lie in front of me. Now beat it. Dis is one family matta. Mind your own fuckin’ business.”

  Just as I was about to walk away, I heard Kaika’s voice.“Fuck you,” he said.

  I think maybe Kaika thought it was three against one, that if Koa attacked him, Freddie and I could pull Koa away from him. He was wrong. Without saying anything, Koa hit him right on the bridge of his nose. It was as if Kaika’s nose exploded. Blood shot everywhere. Some caught my shirt, some sprayed on Freddie’s face. I looked back at Kaika. His nose was this drooping mass without cartilage to hold it up. It looked like a popped balloon pinned to his nose. Before Kaika could even touch his nose, Koa hit him again. This time, Kaika went down. Freddie grabbed one arm, I grabbed the other. Koa flung us around like rag dolls while he repeatedly kicked his brother in the ribs. Finally, Uncle James showed up. Without hesitating, he blasted Koa right in the jaw. Koa stopped kicking Kaika and looked up. It was like he was responding to a tap on the shoulder.

  Koa pulled his arms away from me and Freddie. “Hit me again, you fucka,” he said to his father.

  But Uncle James just said, “Go. Get da fuck off my property. And neva come back.”

  “Okay, you fucka, but befo’ I go, you betta give me back my wife and kids.”

  “Dey no like live wit’ you,” Uncle James said. “In fact, nobody like live wit’ you. Now get da fuck outta hea.”

  Koa ignored him. He marched toward the tarp, where Kahala and Claudia were holding the kids. Cheryl stepped away from them. Uncle James, Freddie and I followed Koa. As Koa walked, the people parted. We followed in his wake. When he got to Kahala, she gripped the baby Kealii tightly. The baby began crying and Kahala didn’t look up at Koa. Claude did, though. She stared at him, pregnant and completely unafraid.

  Koa stared at Kahala. “C’mon, we going home.”

  Kahala was quiet. She just stood there and rocked Kealii, who was screaming his head off. I looked at Cheryl, wondering if that lawyer mouth of hers would start. She was frozen.

  Claudia spoke. “Get the fuck out of here.”

  I only had about a tenth of a second to feel admiration and pride toward Claude. Before Koa’s fist reached Claude, I managed to snap out of it and grab his arm. He swung his other arm at me and hit me on the head. It felt like my skeleton shook. Before he could hit me again, Uncle James grabbed his other arm. Uncle James’ wife came on the scene. Aunty Kanani stood in front of Kahala and screamed, “Koa, you get da fuck home!”

  The scream was so loud, my ears rang after she yelled it. In fact, in the houses below the hill, the lights began turning on. Kealii stopped crying and looked at his grandmother. The scream seemed to have affected Koa, too. He stopped struggling and looked at Kahala. “O.k., you fuckin’ bitch. Stay. But you betta give me my kids or I goin’ fuckin’ kill you.”

  Kahala was still rocking Kealii. Again she said nothing. Claudia looked at me with disgust.“I telling you one more fuckin’ time,” Koa said. “You fuckin’ give me my kids or I going fuckin’ kill you.”

  Kahala remained silent. I noticed Cheryl had left. Aunty Kanani picked up Kealii from Kahala’s lap. “You get da fuck outta hea now,” she said. “You not touching dese fuckin’ kids.”

  Koa turned around and walked away toward his truck. Kahala watched Koa and then ran. I ran after her, wondering what had made her panic. Even with my speed, I had a hard time keeping up. Before I could reach her, she took off in Aunty Kanani’s little Honda Civic. A few seconds after the car had left, I saw Koa’s truck whiz by. I ran again. I ran as fast as I could. It was dark. I stepped on a patch of sleeping grass and it awoke, its thorns biting into the soles of my feet. The rain started again in a slow drizzle.

  When I reached Kam Highway, I heard metal crash against metal. I tried to run faster. The street lights guided me. The rain fell harder. I heard a gunshot. It was like the amplified sound of wood snapping. When I finally saw the two cars about a hundred yards away, both had toppled off the side of the road. I heard another gunshot.

  When I reached the crash site, I saw both cars down the embankment. The Honda was smashed into the thick mangrove plants growing at the edge of the ocean, while the truck was completely turned over. Both cars’ lights were still on. I didn’t want to look any closer, but I felt my legs move me closer to the Honda.

  I climbed down the embankment and felt my feet sink into the muddy shore. I looked through the smashed driver’s-side window. Kahala’s dead body was held up by the seat belt. Her head leaned down toward the steering wheel. The bullet had gone through her temple. I quickly stepped back and tripped. I landed on Koa’s body. Trying not to look at it, I scrambled up the embankment.

  I saw the Pathfinder approach. Before Claudia even made a complete stop, I opened the door and jumped in. “Let’s go,” I said.

  She looked at the smashed cars. I looked at her. “Let’s go,” I said again.

  She turned the Pathfinder around and drove towards Ka‘a‘awa.

  I didn’t even go into the house. I grabbed my wetsuit and diving gear from the garage and walked toward the beach. I felt Claudia grab my arm. She was saying something, but I wasn’t listening. I pulled my arm out of her grasp and marched toward the sand. She was screaming and following me.

  When I reached the shore, I took off my clothes and put on my wetsuit.The entire time Claudia was yelling at me. Ignoring her, I put on my mask. When the fog built up in the glass, I couldn’t see her either. While I was putting on my fins, I felt her hitting the top of my head. I felt for my dive light, bang stick and spear. I think she took it as a threat. I didn’t feel her hitting me anymore. It pissed me off that she thought I would actually spear her or something, that she thought I was like Koa. Before putting the snorkel in my mouth, I yelled, “Get back in da fuckin’ house and leave me da fuck alone!”<
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  Before I could hear her response, I quickly slipped into the black water and slithered out toward the horizon.

  The water was freezing. The rain dirtied the water, so visibility was bad. I swam over the spot where my father had thrown me in years before. Without even looking for fish, I swam out in the sand fog toward Chinaman’s Hat. It was a long swim, but I kept heading out.The tide was high, so the reef in front of Chinaman’s Hat was easily deep enough to swim over. I kept my head down and kicked hard. I shined the light ahead of me. The water was cold and dirty so I couldn’t really see too far in front of me. I didn’t have enough room in my head to worry about it. All I could really see was the image of Kahala’s dead body held up by the seat belt. All I could really feel was hatred for Koa. I kept telling myself that his killing and my killing were different from each other. My body shook because I feared they were not.

  By the time I reached the island, I was blowing hard through the snorkel. I took a deep breath and swam behind the island. I tried to look for fish there, hoping the hunt would clear my head. Every time I dove and stuck my head under a deep crevice and saw a fish camouflaged by the dirty water, I hesitated. I was letting fish go left and right. I was making myself even angrier. I stuck my head out of the surface of the water and spit out the snorkel. I shined my light toward the horizon, which was so dark and far away that I couldn’t see it. I turned around and shined the light towards Chinaman’s Hat. I looked at the massive head and watched the surf crash into the rocks on the back of the island. There was no sand on this side, only a rocky surface. I turned back around, not knowing which direction to go. Suddenly I felt a cramp hit my foot. Reaching for my foot, I dropped my spear. I put the light in my mouth and grabbed my foot with both hands. Bending my toes back, I began to sink. As my head sank below the surface, I held my breath and closed my eyes.