Sunlight

by Gwen Cole

  I automatically grabbed Ethan’s limp hand and lead him away towards one of the bedrooms before he would collapse. He followed me without question, even as I led him past the big screen TV and refrigerator to the first bedroom I came upon. I sat him down on the bed, pulled off his shoes, and made him roll underneath the blankets.

  He grabbed my hand before I turned away, his eyes half open. “Reese?”

  “Yeah?”

  But when I looked down, he was already asleep.

  I stepped out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me, knowing he was going to be dead until morning. It had been a long two days for all of us. I went out into the kitchen and West was sitting on the couch. I plopped down on the large chair beside it and let out a long, exhausted sigh.

  West stared blankly at nothing, thinking.

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked.

  His eyes shifted over to mine. “About what happened tonight. Everything happened so fast, and I’m not sure if I was even conscious for all of it.” Then, “I think I saw a monkey,” he mumbled.

  I laughed once, too tired for anything else.

  “I shot Mia,” I finally said.

  West turned toward me but I looked away, unable to meet those stormy eyes. I was afraid of seeing something I didn’t want to. Maybe sadness, or anger, disappoint? I wasn’t sure.

  “This might be horrible to say but,” he said, and I looked up to see him giving me another smile, “I’m glad it was you who made it out on top.”

  “I felt horrible afterwards, and I still do,” I said. “I had this horrible taste in my mouth and I couldn’t even look at her.”

  West studied me a moment before saying, “It’s different when you know the person you’ve killed, rather than a stranger. You know their name. The sound of their voice. It’s . . . just not the same.”

  “I’m sorry it happened though . . .” I shook my head, having a hard time meeting his eyes. “Even though she betrayed us, you still knew her.”

  “I knew the Mia I grew up with,” he said. “That girl out there?” He shook his head. “War can do strange things to people, even to those who you think you can trust.”

  “Or it can do the opposite,” I said, smiling a little. “And you can start trusting someone you never thought you would.”

  West looked like he wanted to say something, a small smile on his lips, but the words weren’t coming out. But then I thought of something that I hadn’t thought about, and I was afraid of the answer. Deep down I knew the answer . . . but I was just afraid of hearing it.

  “What happened to Dersa?” I asked.

  His smile dropped and that was all I needed to see. “I tried looking for him after we had crashed but . . . nothing.”

  “Well, I’m sure he won’t bother finding us now.”

  “No, but if you happen to see him again in the future, I would suggest you run the other way.” West cracked a smile, making my sullen mood disappear. “You know what’s great about this place?”

  “What?”

  “It has a shower.” He grinned, knowing what that meant to both of us. I couldn’t look down at my hands, afraid to see them stained from Seth’s blood. But just thinking about it made my mood lighten.

  “Do I really look that bad?” I asked.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, and about that, what happened to your head?”

  I lifted a hand to it and winced, finding it still tender. “I kind of jumped.”

  “Jumped?”

  “From the helicopter.”

  West let out a quick laugh and then suddenly dropped it at the sight of my face. “You’re serious.”

  A smile formed on my lips and leaned my head back. “Yes.”

  “Why would you do that?” He was trying hard not to laugh, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

  I shook my head and laughed at myself. “I really have no idea.” I sighed and stood up from my chair. “We should go to sleep.”

  He rubbed his hand through his hair and nodded. “Will you do me a favor and actually sleep?”

  “Only if you do.”

  West stood and we shook on it like we were making a business deal. He brought his head closer to mine until we were inches apart. My heart rate picked up again and I was conscious of how bad I looked right then. His eyes searched mine and brought up the corner of his mouth.

  “Good night, Reese.” He grinned.

  West straightened and walked around me, closing his bedroom door behind him. That wasn’t what I was expecting, but with West I never counted anything out. Either way, I still happened to smile.

  I went straight for the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was a walk-in shower, with glass walls and tiled walls. I stuck my hand in, and the moment I felt that warm water coming from the shower head, I smiled.

  When I heard something behind me, I spun around to find West standing there, staring at me like no other. My heart knew before I did. It started beating faster and faster, like it had been waiting for this moment for months.

  West suddenly strode forward, not stopping until his lips were on mine. He’d never kissed me like this before. Never. There was so much needing behind it that I felt relief. Relief because I wasn’t the only one feeling it.

  Before I knew it, I was backing into the shower. The water came down from above, soaking us both in a matter of seconds. Our clothes stuck to ours bodies, our hair darkening with water.

  We moved together like we’d done this before. But we had never done this before. I would have remembered. My hand pressed against his back, feeling his strong muscles and spine curving under my fingers. Both his hands were holding me against him, making me feel so small but infinite. I pulled him closer, using the belt loops on his jeans.

  My whole body was on fire, feeling everything but not getting enough.

  West broke away, his eyes never leaving mine. Water dripped from his hair and lashes, making him even more beautiful than he ever was. And I couldn’t believe he was mine . . . and for the first time, I had no doubt that he was.

  “Reese?”

  “Yeah?”

  His hand brushed against my neck, his fingers slowly trailing up into my hair.

  Then he said, in the most normal voice, “I fucking love you.”

  “God,” I breathed, trying to keep my head from spinning, “I’ve loved you since the first time you said my name. It’s a stupid thing to say but it’s true.”

  He came in closer. “It’s not stupid because I remember. I loved the sound of your name in my head, but the moment I said it, I just . . . I knew I could say it a million times and love it just as much.”

  “Because it’s weird?” I asked, smiling.

  He shook his head. “Because it’s you.”

  He kissed me again, slower this time.

  Every second that passed, a new memory came up, forcing me to remember, one right after the other. All starting with the war and ending tonight.

  It’s like I’d kept myself from thinking of it. Because each one hit me harder than the first, building and building until I was ready to burst. With the boy I loved standing in front of me.

  I couldn’t breathe because everything started hitting me.

  Ethan and I didn’t have a home.

  Our parents were dead.

  I killed people.

  Had their blood on my hands.

  Their faces in my mind.

  And each time something good happened, it was taken away.

  And I realized if something happened to West, I wouldn’t know what I would do.

  “Reese?” I opened my tear-filled eyes to see him looking at me, worry filling his face. “What is it?”

  I sank down, the cold tiles against my back, the water hitting my feet. I couldn’t stop, no matter how hard I wanted to. West sat next to me, wrapping his arms around me like he did back in the field, after Seth had been shot. My strength when I needed him most.

  “Everything,” I finally said. I shook my head, every
tear I held in the last few months, suddenly coming. “It’s just . . . I’m afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  I pulled back just enough to look at him. “For what’s to come,” I said. “I want nothing more than this to be all over, but it’s not. I’m just—” I could feel my salted tears on my lips “—tired of everything. I just want to be with you and have everything else disappear.”

  He leaned forward and brushed his lips against his forehead, then my nose and cheek, and lastly my lips. “We will,” he murmured. “Just not yet. But this time I’ll be there with you . . . every step of the way.”

  “You promise?”

  This finally got me a smile, making my tears stop all together.

  “I promise.”

  I felt a new light grow within me. Somewhere deep, somewhere hidden. But it was there now, giving me the strength I needed to finish this war.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  I woke in the morning with light streaming through the window, the rain residue quickly drying from the early sun. I sat up, admiring my still neat bed and the fact that I had slept like I had been drugged on cold medicine. After two days of no sleep, I’d needed it.

  The apartment was quiet, practically undisturbed, and I figured West and Ethan were still asleep. I swung my legs over the bed, just now realizing I had no clean clothes. West didn’t either. We’d lost everything when they had—very rudely—taken us.

  I eyed the dresser in the corner and wondered if somebody had actually thought of us homeless people and stocked it. The wooden floors were cold and hard as I walked over and pulled on the small metal brackets. And to my surprise, there were two sets of clothes. One side of the dresser was filled with men’s clothes, but the other half had girls.

  I pulled out a grey hoodie and inhaled the fresh smell of detergent like an addict. Without another thought I pulled it over my head, never knowing how much it was possible to miss clean clothes. It was the little things like this I missed most. After I put on a fresh pair of jeans I snuck out into the hallway.

  I walked down the hall and straight into the kitchen as my stomach growled right on cue. It was spotless and unused just like one of those kitchen sets in big furniture stores. The ones that just sat there, taunting you with their shiny appliances and unstained counters. They seemed to smile at you, almost laughing because you can’t use it, and you have no choice but leave that perfect kitchen sitting unused for a while longer.

  I bit my bottom lip and eyed the freezer door, almost trying to make something appear inside. It would be amazing if it was there. It would be a priceless moment if it was. I crossed into the kitchen and pulled the door open, letting the fog roll out.

  A smile spread across my lips.

  Fifteen minutes later I was sitting at the kitchen island with my head propped up in the hands, just waiting for what I knew was going to come. The apartment was quiet until I heard the sound of creaking floor boards. A door opened down the hallway. There was a pause, and then it closed again. Dresser drawers opened and closed, quickly followed by the shuffling of feet. A door opened again and footsteps came down the hallway, almost hesitantly, as if not believing something was here.

  West stopped on the other side of the island with a sleepy but curious expression on his face. He wore a new pair of jeans along with a clean white T-shirt, looking like he had just walked out of a fashion shoot for a magazine. My face flushed but his mind was only on one thing at the moment, so he didn’t notice. Thankfully.

  His eyes went from me and back to oven several times before he stopped, finally choosing me. His mouth opened but no words came out.

  He tried again. “Is my nose deceiving me . . . or is that what I truly hope it is?”

  I straighten up and glanced back at the oven.

  “If you don’t want it, I could just throw it out.” I shrugged, and finally the smile I was holding back came out. A grin broke across West’s face as he walked around the island, his hand coming up to the side of my face and giving me a soft kiss.

  As he pulled away, he let out a short breath. “I’m still not used to that,” he murmured.

  “Used to what?”

  “My heart racing every time I’m near you.” I must have made a face because he studied me more. “What?” he asked curiously.

  “I thought I was the only one with that problem.”

  “So, you’re admitting you only have one problem?” He looked up at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression and I knew where he was going with this. “What about the time you jumped from a helicopter?” He looked down and was met with my glare. But I couldn’t keep that up for long, and he knew it. His eyes were pulling me in again, like they always did so easily.

  Just then the buzzer went off. His eyes lit up as he spun around me like a windstorm. As West was cutting up his dream food, Ethan shuffled out og his room and sat down on one of the barstools. He still looked tired but his eyes were more awake than yesterday.

  “Did anyone call about Seth?” he asked.

  “No, not yet. We’ll go right after we eat, okay?”

  He glanced around me with his eyebrows raised. “Pizza for breakfast?”

  “Pizza everyday,” West stated behind me, and I gave a small roll of my eyes. He set plates in front of both of us; his mouth already full, and gave me another silly glance. For a whole three minutes the room was silent. Ethan was finished first and he went into his room to get changed. It almost felt like life was normal again. Almost.

  “Do you think it’ll ever feel the same as it did before this all happened?” I asked quietly.

  West didn’t no long to answer. “No.”

  The whole war felt like a never ending nightmare. Even if it did eventually stop, what would we do? Go back home to an empty house and no parents? The South City was probably totally destroyed anyway.

  Someone knocked on our door and West opened it, revealing Cruz backed by two other soldiers in full gear. He nodded to us, including to Ethan who had his head poked out of his bedroom door.

  “Sorry to come by so early, but General Martin wants to see you as soon as possible.”

  “I thought we were going to see Seth this morning,” Ethan said, walking out of his room.

  I turned back to Cruz. “Can we drop my brother off at the hospital so he can see our friend Seth?”

  “Sure thing. He just asked for the two of you anyway.”

  West gave me a curious look, but I just shrugged and grabbed my shoes. You would think I would be getting used to us being confronted with these situations, but I really wasn’t. We followed the three men downstairs and into the back of their Hummer.

  Now that is was day, and we could really see the damage around us. It looked as if an earthquake shook the entire city, causing buildings to crumble and break, but I knew that wasn’t the case. The roads were now one lane roads, looking as if a plow went through to clear away the rubble and anything else that might have been in the way. There weren’t many people on the streets either, almost like they had just gotten up and walked away, abandoning everything that was destroyed or buried.

  “Where is everyone?” I asked, looking out the window. Cruz glanced in his rearview mirror and frowned, making the dimples on his stubbly face stand out.

  “Most everyone is still here, just staying indoors or helping us. We’re letting anyone who wants to fight alongside us.” He made a quick glance at West. “Including your people. There’re more here than you think.”

  “They’re not my people,” West mumbled.

  I looked over to him, on the other side of Ethan, and he seemed to be deep in thought, just staring out his window.

  “Well, whatever you want to call em’. But to answer your question, Reese, a lot of people—especially families—have left the city to find a safer place until everything’s done and over. There’s no point cleaning up the mess if there’s going to be more coming.”

  I nodded solemnly and watched the passing buildings out my window again.
It was weird seeing the world this way. My whole life I had nothing but a great family, and a house with a roof that had never been blown in before. I never thought it could end up this way, so broken and chaotic. Thousands dead for practically nothing.

  The Hummer slowed to a stop and Ethan quickly climbed over me to get out. He gave me a small wave before disappearing into the hospital tent. The vehicle slowed again a few minutes later but this time in front a large building that almost looked untouched. After we walked inside, the extra soldiers Cruz had brought with him stayed behind as we came to an elevator. There were only three levels and he punched his fist into the second.

  We all stood in silence as it rose higher. It was classic elevator scene from a movie in my mind, and I almost laughed.

  The doors widened, revealing a long hallway with dark rugs and natural lighting coming through the windows at both ends. Cruz led us straight across the hallway to a pair of large wooden doors. He was about to knock, but paused, turning back towards us.

  “Um, just don’t stare into his eyes for too long, all right?”

  My eyes widened a bit and West’s eyebrows raised. Cruz stared at us a moment before a grin broke out and he let out a laugh.

  “It was a joke.” He nudged West in the shoulder and finally knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Cruz turned the knob and we followed him in. The office was large and furnished with a sitting area, and a long desk centered in front of a wide window. A big area rug covered the middle of the floor and dim lights were placed in the darker corners, making the room seem bright and welcoming.

  The general standing behind the desk was older than us, but younger than I expected. His short light hair was disheveled but seemed to match his appearance. He wasn’t wearing an officer’s uniform either, but full out gear, same as Cruz, just minus the guns. As he stepped around the desk, I could make out a thin scar running down the side of his face to add to his ruggedness.

  “West, Reese.” He nodded to us before turning to Cruz. “Could you wait outside the door for a moment?”

  “Yes, sir.”