I grabbed a cab and headed to Walker-Stone for Alex’s emergency meeting. What could be so dire about marketing? The last thing I needed was to look into the eyes of the woman I loved while knowing she hated me—with good reason. What an asshole I had been. Not to mention I had the mother of all hangovers.
I was the last one to arrive. Alex, Aubrey, and Julie were already sitting at the conference table. I took the seat across from Julie, who looked beautiful. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she was wearing a white blouse which was unbuttoned just enough to alter the rhythm of my breathing.
She pulled out her notepad and pen. “So, Alex, what can we do for you?”
Her professional tone, lack of friendliness, and the sadness etched in her eyes was painful. This wasn’t my fun and exuberant Julie. Knowing her transformation was all my fault made me sick to my stomach.
Alex cleared his throat, stood, and walked around the table. “Nothing. I’m sorry to have deceived you all, but I don’t have any marketing needs at this time.”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here because this is the only place I could think of where you and Brett could talk without killing each other. Aubrey and I are getting married soon, and I’d like both of you to get along. Our engagement party is coming up, and I don’t need you two taking aim at each other. Aubrey doesn’t need the stress. If you two can’t find a common ground, then I’ll take Aubrey away and elope.”
“Alex! You can’t force them to talk.” Aubrey’s voice was so loud it made me balk.
Julie shifted in her chair and sat straight up. “No, it’s okay.” She looked at me, and every nerve ending in my body stood at attention. The natural light in her eyes wasn’t there, and it was because of me. “This is good. I have a question for Brett, and his hopefully honest answer will clear all this up.”
I leaned back in my chair and prayed she didn’t ask me what I knew she wanted to. After our twenty questions session, I knew she didn’t hold back. “Okay, what do you want to know? Do you want to know if I love you? Because the answer is yes. If you want to know if I already miss you, that answer is yes too.” That wasn’t what I’d intended to say, but I meant every word. My head throbbed and was ready to explode.
A look of disgust crossed her features, but Julie calmly ran her hand over her hair. “No, actually. I need to know if you slept with Nikki last night.”
“What? Why do you need to know that?” Fuck!
“Tell me.” Her features hardened, and her voice had a finality in it. There was no way out of this.
I let out a deep breath and took a moment before I looked into her eyes. Lying wasn’t an option. I knew if I didn’t tell her, Nikki would be more than happy to. Better to hear it from me. The entire situation pissed me off. This would all have been a non-issue if the topic of marriage hadn’t come up, and that wasn’t my doing. Granted, I could have handled it better. On any other night, I would have, but she’d caught me at the wrong time. I thought of Samantha, and my anger returned in force.
“Yeah, I did. Feel better now?” That came out a bit harsher than I’d intended.
Julie picked up her notepad and pen and stood. The room was completely silent. I was sure Aubrey was in shock, and Alex undoubtedly wanted to punch me.
Julie’s sweet voice broke the silence. “No, I don’t, but thank you for your honesty.” She walked toward the door, but before she left, she turned toward us. “Alex, I appreciate what you tried to do here. Although I doubt this is the way you wanted it to go, I’m glad you brought us together. This way, everyone knows how my ex-boyfriend, who claims to love me, shows his love. I promise your engagement party will be beautiful and won’t be dampened by our issues. Same goes for your wedding.” She looked at Aubrey, whose eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “I’ll be your maid of honor, Aubrey. I wouldn’t miss that for anything in the world.”
Then she looked at me. Although I knew she was doing her best to be strong, I wasn’t fooled. “Don’t worry, Brett. When you and I walk down the aisle that day, we’ll be walking away from the altar, not toward it.”
That was it. She was gone.
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “What the fuck, Brett!” He shook his head, making me feel worse than I already did. “You need to make this right.”
“I don’t think I can. I fucked up.”
When I left the office building, I felt as if I’d left my heart and soul inside. I was hollow, and the space could only be filled by the one person who hated me and had every reason to.
Over the next month or so, my life felt robotic. Aside from working, I didn’t do much of anything. I didn’t even go to the gym.
The one time I went to the club when I wasn’t working, I ran into Julie and Aubrey. Julie asked me where my girlfriend was, and when I told her I didn’t have one, she reminded me that all I wanted was fuck buddies, so she wasn’t surprised I wasn’t dating. Truth be told, I hadn’t been with anyone since my awful mistake with Nikki.
With every fiber of my being, I wanted to pull Julie into my arms and tell her how much I missed her and needed her in my life, but she was getting stronger. She didn’t cry when she saw me, and for that I was thankful. I’d always known Julie was a strong woman. She was exquisite, confident, and every man’s dream, but her strength made her who she was. So I put my hands in my pockets and walked away, leaving my heart with the beautiful blonde who had once been mine.
As soon as I made my way outside, my phone rang, and it was my brother. I wasn’t going to answer, but I wasn’t sure if he needed me, so I picked up. “Hey, Bentley.”
“Hi, Brett. Are you at work?”
“Nope, I’m getting into my car to head home.”
“I’ve been thinking about you. How’s everything going? How’s your girl?”
“You always know, don’t you?” I had decided not to tell my family about my break-up with Julie in hopes I wouldn’t need to, but ever since we were kids, he’d known when something was up. I could never hide anything from him.
“Know what? I just called to shoot the shit before intermission was over.”
“You’re at the theater?”
“Well, I stepped out for a bit, but yes. So I only have a few minutes—give me the Cliff’s Notes version.”
“I ran into Samantha a while ago.”
“Oh shit,” he said.
“Yeah. Anyway, we fought—no surprise there. That same night, Julie came over because I may have mentioned to her friend that I never wanted to get married. So Julie confronted me, and I was so pissed off at my situation with my ex-wife that Julie and I broke up.”
“Jesus, Brett.” His voice had a vague hint of disapproval.
“Yes, I know. But there’s more because your brother is an asshole. I decided to get back at Julie by sleeping with someone else the following night.”
“So let me get this straight. This started with your ex-wife and ended up with you gaining an ex-girlfriend?”
“Don’t forget the part about me fucking someone else. I mean, when your brother sets out to prove a point, he does so with gusto.” I arrived at my apartment building, and Nikki was standing out front. Son of a bitch. “I need to go. I’m sorry I dumped this on you. We’ll talk soon.”
I clicked the phone off and looked at Nikki. “What are you doing here?” If she was there for sex, she shouldn’t have bothered. It had been a several weeks since our tryst, and I wasn’t interested in a repeat performance.
“We need to talk. Can I come upstairs?”
“No, here is fine.” I wasn’t going to bring her up to my apartment.
She shrugged. “Fine, have it your way. I’m pregnant.”
Am I asleep and having a nightmare? Did I die and end up in hell? “What did you say?”
Her hand went to her stomach. “I’m pregnant with your baby.”
Nope. I’m wide awake and alive, but definitely in hell. “How do you know it’s mine?”
Her jaw dropped. “Because I’ve been away on a modeling shoot since the last time I saw you, and I haven’t been with anyone since you and I made love. You’re the only man I’ve slept with in the past two months.” Her lips turned up into a sinister grin that could rival the Joker’s. “Plus, we didn’t use a condom.”
What the fuck? Made love? We fucked! And I always used a condom. I’d never gone unprotected, not even with Julie or Samantha. “You’re lying. I always wear one.”
She shook her head. “Well, accidents happen.”
“You need to leave and figure out who the real father is.”
She shrugged. “You’ll know later this summer. It was confirmed this morning.”
I couldn’t look at her anymore. The only thing I could do was walk away, so I did. When I opened my door to my apartment, I lost it. I grabbed a small vase that was on the entry table and hurled it across the room.
What the hell was I going to do? Could Nikki have been telling the truth? I flopped on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. I searched my brain, struggling to remember that night. How could I have not been careful? If only I had a rewind button and could go back in time, I’d change everything.
The following weekend was the engagement party, and if it weren’t for Alex being my best friend, I’d have skipped it. I sat at the bar alone, sipping a whiskey and tried to be cordial. I couldn’t help but be in awe of Julie. She said hello to people and laughed as if everything in her life were normal – maybe it was.
Aubrey came up to me, and I glanced at her. “Hi, Aubrey, nice party.”
“Thank you. Are you okay? No offense, but you don’t look great.”
I sat up straighter. “I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. Don’t be offended, but I can’t talk to you about it.”
“It’s about Julie, right? Look, Brett, I know she’s my—”
“It’s not Julie. Well, in a way it is, but not entirely.” I swallowed another sip of my drink, relishing the burn as it slid down my throat.
Aubrey’s eyes widened. “This is about Nikki, right? You broke it off with her and she’s upset?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s fine. You don’t have to tell me. Can I say just one thing?”
I turned toward her and saw her arms were crossed over her chest. “Am I going to be able to stop you?”
She shook her head. “No, probably not. I’m just surprised you’re this upset. When you stopped seeing Julie, who you claim to love, you moved on. Are you telling me you’re more broken up over Nikki than Julie? Because if that’s the case then—”
I couldn’t take it anymore. “She’s pregnant.”
She opened her mouth in dismay. “Nikki’s pregnant?”
Aubrey’s voice was full of sorrow. Not disgust, because that wasn’t the type of woman she was, but she sounded so sad I ached.
“So she says.” I dropped my head and looked at Aubrey, who had turned pale. “Ironic, isn’t it? Julie left me because I didn’t want to get married, and now I may have a kid on the way and I’ll probably end up married to someone I don’t even love.” My eyes found Julie, and what was left of my heart broke. “And the love of my life will hate me forever because of it. I’m stupid. That’s all there is to it.”
“How do you know it’s yours? She’s not a one-guy type of girl.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s what I said to her, and she got pissed and said that she’s only been with me. I’ve always used protection, but like she said, things happen sometimes.” I looked at Julie again, who was still mingling with guests. “She’s going to hate me forever, but I need to tell her.” I shook my head and tossed my crumpled napkin across the bar. “I’m an asshole. I let her go. What the hell was I thinking?”
Alex came up to us. “Trying to steal the bride-to-be?” He slid his arms around Aubrey’s waist.
I was consumed with jealousy for the love they had and how much smarter than me he was. I threw the rest of my drink in my mouth and swallowed hard. “No, but never let her go. Don’t do what I did and totally screw up your life because you got scared. I lost the one person I truly loved, and I’ll never get her back.”
“You were scared?” The hopeful tone in Julie’s voice was like a bullet to my chest.
“Jules, I need to go to the ladies’ room. Want to come?” Aubrey gently tugged on Julie’s arm, but she pulled it away.
“No, I want to hear this.”
“You look beautiful, Julie.” I couldn’t help it. She was a gorgeous woman.
Julie tilted her head in confusion. “Thank you. What did you mean when you said you were scared?”
“Babe, let’s leave them to talk.” Alex took Aubrey’s hand, but she didn’t budge.
“No, I think we should hang with our friends.”
Alex looked at her and chuckled. “I think they’ll be fine. Let’s dance.” Alex pulled her to the dance floor, and once again it was just me and Julie.
“I don’t understand. What do you mean you were scared?” Her green eyes didn’t sparkle, but I saw a flicker of hopefulness in them, and I couldn’t do it.
Defeat coursed through me as I slowly shook my head. “Just the thought of a legally binding commitment scared me because of what happened before, but that doesn’t matter now.”
She lowered her brows. “Why? Why doesn’t it matter now?”
God, how I missed her sweet voice. I braced myself and decided I needed to rip off the bandage. “Because Nikki told me she’s pregnant and claims it’s mine.”
The force of her hand against my flesh made my ears ring, and I completely deserved it. She ran off before I could tell her that I thought Nikki was lying. My eyes trailed her as she ran toward the ladies’ room. I saw Alex and Aubrey go after her. All I could do was hope she was okay because I knew I was anything but.
I went home alone that night and each that followed. I had no desire to do anything other than wallow in my grief. Granted, no one died, but it felt as though part of me had. When the flicker of hope dimmed in Julie’s eyes after she heard about Nikki, wounded me so deeply, I knew it would haunt me forever. I did that to her – to us. If only we could get past it – if only she understood how sorry I was and how much I loved her.
The next time I saw her, Alex, Tyler, and I had just wrapped up a meeting at the White Orchid and as we made our way toward the bar, my heart stopped as I watched Aubrey, Val, and Julie laughing and hugging each other. She was here.
“What’d I miss?” Alex asked as we approached the happy trio. “Why is my fiancée jumping around? I hope you guys haven’t been doing shots.”
Julie slapped his arm. “No, we haven’t been doing shots. You know Aubrey can’t drink while she’s taking her medication.”
Alex rubbed his arm. “Damn, Julie, you didn’t have to hit me so hard.”
“She has quite the right hook,” I deadpanned.
The women stopped laughing, and Julie glared at me. “You deserved it. You deserve everything you have coming to you.” Her voice grew colder with each word.
My frustration came to a head. “Okay, I’m done with this. Let’s go, Julie. You want to lay into me? Go ahead. You want to punch, kick, or scream at me? Here I am. Let me have it. Get it all out. Will that make you feel better?” I stretched out my arms and stood stock still and egged her on. “Come on, I’m waiting. We’re all waiting.”
The group went silent.
She stepped forward until we were chest to chest. I held my breath as Julie raised her hand as if she would slap me again, but instead, she gently placed it on my cheek. The warmth of her skin on mine made it hard for me to breathe. “I don’t want to fight with you or scream at you. What’s done is done.” She removed her hand, and I immediately felt the loss.
Nikki, who was sitting at a nearby table, glared at us. Julie gave her a glance and then returned her attention to me. “Brett, I don’t forgive you for being with Nikki, but for the sake of our friends, I’ll forget it for now. I
won’t be the dark cloud at their wedding. So… that’s it.”
I couldn’t help it or stop myself, I pulled her into my chest and held her. I softly said, “I love you, Julie.” When I felt her body flinch, I raised my voice for all to hear. “Did everyone hear that? Did you hear that, Nikki? I love Julie! This woman right here! I will always love Julie!”
Nikki got up and stalked toward us, but instead of coming all the way over, she turned and walked out of the club. Julie didn’t say a word.
Julie stayed stock-still until Aubrey came up to her and placed her hand on her back. She looked at me with the same confidence she always possessed and I missed. “Yes, okay. We can be friends, Brett, but that’s it. I just can’t be here right now, I need to leave.” I watched as she walked out not realizing it would be one of the last times I saw her for months.
The last time I had spoken to Brett was at Aubrey’s wedding.
Aubrey had been a stunning bride, and Alex’s love for her oozed from his pores. She deserved all of the happiness in the world, so I knew I needed to step up and be civil to Brett even though I gave my other groomsman, Tyler, most of my attention. I’d promised I wouldn’t do anything to ruin her day, and I would stick to that. But being with Brett wasn’t easy; it was physically painful.
When I’d linked my arm with Brett’s to walk down the aisle at their wedding, I felt nothing but hurt, loss, and the jolt of electricity that used to make my stomach flutter made my nerves spike. My heart ached when I saw him, which was funny, since seeing him also made me feel alive.
I blew off the bridal party dance and blamed it on a headache. Brett looked as lost as I felt. It was as if we both had amnesia and couldn’t recall the good times, friendship, and love we’d shared. Every once in a while, I thought I saw a flash of remorse or love in his eyes, but then it was gone. It didn’t matter anyway. The thought of him not only sleeping with Nikki but having a child with her was too much to bear. Once the wedding was over, Brett and I had no reason to coexist—except for the fact that I still loved him and our best friends were married to each other.
A Heart's Forgiveness Page 10
