A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  Before he could say anything else, Alex and Luca came back.

  I moved around Brett and headed toward them. “So what do you think? It’s a beautiful room, isn’t it?” I tried to regain some composure on the outside because my insides were a twisted into a knot.

  “It’s perfect.” Luca smiled and looked at Alex.

  Alex clapped. “Well, it looks like we have a partnership. Let me go over some figures with the team, and I’ll get back to you.”

  Luca shook Alex’s hand and turned to me. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes, thank you.” I gave Luca the best smile I could muster before turning to Alex. “I’ll draw up the marketing proposal and email it to you.”

  “That’s great, Jules. I’ll see you this weekend.” He hugged me.

  “Brett, it was nice to meet you.” Luca extended his hand to Brett.

  “Yeah, same here. Thanks.” Brett took Luca’s hand, but he was curt, and his eyes never left mine. Brett’s mouth opened, and the vein in his neck throbbed as he attempted to say something but didn’t.

  I couldn’t handle it. “Bye, guys.” My voice was boisterous, and I left the office the way I’d walked in: head held high, Luca’s hand on my back, and my heart riddled with pain.

  Once we were in a cab, Luca turned to me. “I’m sorry if that was uncomfortable for you. Are you sure you don’t want me to handle this on my own? Your beautiful eyes aren’t smiling.”

  He knew me better than I’d thought. Either that or I hadn’t concealed my feelings well. I wondered if Brett had seen through my façade. “No, but thank you. This is my job, and I’ll take care of it.”

  I looked out the window as the cab zig-zagged through the city. The mass of people hustling on the sidewalk caught my attention. I wondered how many of them had a broken heart that matched mine.

  “My flight is in a few days, so I’m going to spend time wandering around the city. Would you like to join me? I know you’ve been away, so I understand if you can’t.”

  “I should spend some time in the office, but I’ll definitely see you before you leave.” I would have loved nothing more than to show Luca the sights, but I had work to do. After our meeting at the White Orchid, I needed to regroup and get it together.

  The car pulled up to Walker-Stone. I opened the door, paid for my share of the fare—which Luca didn’t appreciate—and told the cabbie to take him to the Empire State Building. I knew Luca would want to see it.

  “Thank you, Julie. You have my number, so if you change your mind, call me.”

  “Yes, I do, and if you need anything, please let me know.”

  He kissed the top of my hand, and I exited the cab, ready to get my life in order. I wasn’t sure what role, if any, Luca would play in it, but it was nice having him around—even if it was temporary.

  Well, hell, that didn’t go as I expected. She’d looked beautiful, not that I’d thought she wouldn’t. I wondered about her and Luca though I could have sworn she had been affected by my presence. The way her skin flushed and the goosebumps that formed on her skin used to be telltale signs that she wanted me. But maybe I only saw what I wanted to.

  “So what do you think?” Alex asked nonchalantly.

  “About what?”

  His forehead creased. “About the partnership with Calabrese Vineyards?” He shook his head. “What did you think I meant?”

  Completely drained, I sat in the chair across from the desk he sat behind. “Oh, yeah. I guess it’ll be fine.”

  “Fine?” Alex leaned back in his leather chair. “Are you okay? I know seeing her threw you off your game today, but we stand to make a good profit with this partnership.”

  I scrubbed my hands over my face. “It’s cool, man. I knew she’d still affect me the way she always had, but it was harder than I thought it would be.” I picked an invisible piece of lint off my pant leg. “Would you mind taking point on this? I know we’re partners and we started the wine room together, but I don’t know, Alex. This hurts.” Admitting that to him wasn’t as difficult as admitting it to myself. I ached for her to love me again, to touch her soft skin and kiss her tender lips. Would there ever be a day when I didn’t feel that way? I shook my head to pull myself out of my Julie-induced daze.

  “Whatever you need, you know that. But once Aubrey has the baby, we’ll need to reevaluate our schedules.”

  Baby. What if I have a baby? A chill ran through me. “Yeah, okay. We may be in the same boat, except you’ll be a family. Nikki and I won’t be.”

  “I think you need to wait and see what happens. This baby may not be yours, so you could be worrying for no reason, but if it is, then I know you’ll find a way to make it right.” He spoke with such assuredness. I only wished I felt the same.

  “There’s just no way I didn’t use protection.” I was still struggling to remember even a hint of that fateful night. Then in a flash, it hit me—an ill attempt to open the foil wrapper. “Fuck!” Purple! “I did wear a condom! I remember Nikki handing it to me.”

  Alex’s eyes widened like a cartoon character as he leaned forward. “You used a condom that she gave you? Don’t you think she’s the type to fuck with it beforehand? She’s been wanting to land one of us since the first day she walked into the club. She’s a gold-digger.”

  Bile churned in my stomach as Alex’s words penetrated my brain. “Son of a bitch. She trapped me.” It was official—I was in hell.

  He stood. “Let’s go to the bar. I think you could use a drink.”

  We sat down, and Tyler brought us a couple beers. I felt numb, and I hadn’t even taken a sip yet. How could I have let her do this? How could I have been so stupid? I wanted to run to Julie and tell her what I thought had happened. I couldn’t prove it, but it would at least show I’d taken precautions. She’d looked so good today and, for the most part, happy. If I told her this, would it just remind her even though I wore a condom, it didn’t change the fact that I slept with someone else the night after we broke up? I didn’t want to bring her down further than I already had, so I needed to gauge where she was in her life.

  “How much do you know about what Julie’s been doing?” I asked. “I don’t mean to break any husband-wife confidentiality pact, but I’m worried about her.”

  “She’s, you know… Julie.” Alex shrugged.

  “What do you mean she’s Julie? Toss me a bone or something.” I was concerned for her. She’d seemed okay, but I thought she was almost too okay. Maybe she’d been putting on a strong front so I wouldn’t know she was hurt. I knew I’d broken her heart, and when I thought of that, mine broke more.

  “Julie seems to be doing well. You saw how she was.” Alex shrugged and turned toward Tyler, obviously trying to avoid the topic.

  I grabbed his arm and turned him back toward me. “Do you think she’s with Luca?” My heart leapt to my throat. When they were there, Luca had looked at her as if she were a fine wine. He drank in everything she said and seemed mesmerized by her.

  “Look, man, I don’t know the details. Aubrey said she was happy Julie was back. She got all teary-eyed, and I figured it was hormones or whatever. Then she said that she was glad Julie didn’t travel back alone and would have company for a while. What did you want her to do?”

  My tongue raked over my teeth. “I want her to come back to me. I don’t want to lose any shot of getting her back to some slick-talking Roman Romeo.” My muscles tensed. “Man, I didn’t want to lose her at all.” I drained my beer. I wished I could have a shot of tequila, but I needed to get out of there.

  He lowered his brows and let out a breath. “Brett…”

  “Yeah.” I stood. “I know, I know. I’ve already lost her.”

  I was weaving through traffic when my cell rang. Using my hands-free device, I answered. “Hello.”

  “Bella! It’s Luca.” His sexy voice reverberated through my car, and I smiled.

  “Hi, Luca. What are you doing?”

  “I’m still sight-seeing. Papa called and would
like pictures of the wine room at the White Orchid so he can see how the bottles will be displayed.”

  I thought about what pictures I had at the office that I could send to him. I was closer to the club though. “Okay, I’ll go to the club, take some, and send them to you. Will that be okay?”

  “Si, si. I mean, yes. Thank you. Is it okay if you go there? I hope it’s not too far.”

  His worried tone made me realize he was thinking about Brett. His broken English told me he was nervous—probably for me.

  “It’s fine. I’m right around the corner. I’ll text you in a few minutes. Did you have fun sight-seeing?”

  “This city is amazing. I went to Times Square after I saw the Empire State Building. My feet are killing me. I shouldn’t have worn my new loafers.” Luca let out a hearty laugh.

  “No, probably not. But I’m sure your style is appreciated.” I was sure people had thought he was a model or an actor.

  “Yes, well, I don’t know about that. No one pays attention to anyone.”

  I pulled up in front of the club and was relieved Brett’s car wasn’t there. I wanted to get in and out quickly. This day was never-ending. “Okay, well, I’m here already, so I’ll send you the pictures soon.”

  “Thank you, Julie.”

  “Have fun. I can’t wait to hear more about your day.” I hung up and took a deep cleansing breath before exiting my car.

  The club was quiet except for the music they piped in. I missed this place. Yes, I had just been there for a meeting, but I missed hanging out, having fun with my friends—the beat of the music pulsing through the air—and dancing. I quirked my lips to the side and sighed. Maybe someday I’d be able to be there without feeling as though I didn’t belong. Knowing the virile man Brett was, I’d have been shocked if he wasn’t hooking up now and again, even if it didn’t mean anything. Maybe Nikki was the safest play since she was already knocked up. I shook my head to get rid of that picture and walked toward the wine room.

  “Jules?” Alex called from the stairs.

  “Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t call, but I wasn’t far. I need to get some pictures of the wine room for Luca so he can show his father. Is that okay? I didn’t want to disturb anyone, and I figured I could sneak in.” I smiled.

  He strutted toward me. “Yes, of course, it’s fine. You can come here anytime you want.”

  I grinned. “Thanks, I’ll be out of here in no time.” I hustled into Amoreaux.

  Alex followed me in. “Jules, can we talk?” He pulled out a stool at one of the wine-tasting tables and motioned for me to sit. “I want to ask Brett to come over for the barbecue on Sunday, but I wanted to make sure you’d be okay with it.”

  “Alex, I don’t want to make you feel as though you can’t have Brett over when you want to just because I’ll be there.” That was the truth. Maybe if Brett and I could move past the awkwardness, we could be friends again. “We were together earlier, and it was okay.”

  “Was it? Were you okay? Because he wasn’t.” He shook his head. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but he’s so torn up.”

  I opened my mouth to say Brett had made his bed and needed to lie in it, but I didn’t, even though his remark grated on me. Alex had always been the fixer. Telling him not to bother wasn’t an option, so I changed my approach. “I’m sorry he feels that way. I truly am. But I think our breakup is trivial in comparison to everything else he has going on. So if you want him there, then please invite him.”

  Laugh lines formed around the corners of his mouth as he nodded. “You’re the best, Jules, and you’re right. Brett hasn’t been himself since you guys broke up. I want him to have fun and relax. I’d never thought I’d say it, but I miss his jokes.” He chuckled.

  Hearing Alex tell me about Brett made my heart ache and me wonder if we could all be friends. I mustered up the most sincere smile I could. “Then I guess I’ll see you all on Sunday.”

  “Thanks, Jules. I appreciate it.”

  “You got it.”

  He kissed me on the cheek and walked out.

  My phone snapped away like a professional camera. I took panoramas and some close-ups. I walked backward to get a full shot of the back wall, and hands on my shoulders startled me. I spun around. Brett was staring at me.

  “Shit!” I brought my hand to my chest. I was lucky I didn’t drop my phone.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Brett stared into my eyes, and I couldn’t look away. My hand was shaking, and it caught his eye. He took the phone out of my hand and set it on the table. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

  The air around us stilled, and the music I’d heard before was muffled. I looked behind him and saw that the door was closed. My brows lowered. “Why did you close the door?”

  He slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks. My eyes betrayed me and stared at his stomach. I knew what rested under his black shirt, and I’d have been lying if I said I didn’t miss it.

  “I don’t know why I closed it. I saw you in here, and it was automatic. Jules, I was just invited to Alex’s place on Sunday. He told me you would be there. If I make you this uncomfortable, I won’t go.”

  I exhaled and did my best to let go of some resentment. “He told me, and I’m fine with it. Like I told him, his guest list isn’t up to me.” His hazel eyes still didn’t sparkle, and my chest clenched. “We’re not together anymore, but I know you have a lot going on. I won’t add to it.” All I could think was, in a few months, he could have a family that wouldn’t include me. Given our connections, I couldn’t avoid him, or his family, forever.

  He raked his hand through his hair. “I want you to know, regardless of the test results, I won’t be with Nikki. She’s not the one I love.”

  I gasped. “You’d walk away from your child?” I was appalled. Who was this person standing in front of me? He wasn’t my Brett. But that rang true on several levels. He wasn’t mine—not anymore.

  He huffed. “No! Of course I won’t walk away from the baby. You think I’d do that? I’ll be there for the baby if it’s mine, but that’s it.”

  I shook my head. “Look, this isn’t any of my business. We’re just friends, so what you do and who you do it with doesn’t concern me.” I grabbed my phone off the table. “I have to go. I need to get these to Luca.”

  “Are we, Jules?”

  I looked at him and furrowed my brows.

  “Friends, I mean… are we?”

  I closed my eyes and tried to gather my wits while my nerves frayed. “I don’t know. Could you handle it if we were? I told you months ago I’d be your friend.” That was the truth, but that hadn’t seemed to be enough for him then. I wasn’t sure it was now.

  “Yes, I’ll take what I can get. I miss you so much. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think about you. I need you in my life, and if being your friend is the way for that to happen, then yeah. What I can’t handle is not being close to you and feeling on edge all the time. I don’t want every conversation to be full of I’m sorrys.” He stepped closer to me. “Friends?”

  I closed the gap and extended my hand. “Yes, friends.”

  We shook hands, and a chill ran up my arm. He could still make every ounce of me come alive. Dammit. I knew he’d noticed because his eyes widened. I’d concealed it well enough during our meeting, but being alone with him was a completely different experience.

  “You still feel it too, don’t you.” Not a question—a statement.

  All of a sudden, I was drowning in everything Brett: the smell of his cologne, his sexy smile, his strong yet gentle hands… everything. He pulled me into a hug. Every bone in my body told me to let go and step away, but I couldn’t. The feeling of his chest against mine and the pulse of his heart made me warm from the inside out.

  He released me and cupped my cheek with his right hand while his left went to my hip. His eyes met mine, and I lost the ability to blink. My blood rushed up to my ears as we stared at each other.

  Then my phone
beeped and brought me back to life. With a shaky voice, I said, “Excuse me.”

  I turned away and looked at my phone. It was a text from Luca telling me he was with Rachel at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. I wasn’t sure who Rachel was. I thought maybe he’d met a friend until he sent me a picture of himself standing next to Jennifer Aniston’s wax figure. I giggled and sent him a quick text.

  Glad you’re having fun.

  I continued snickering until Brett cleared his throat.

  “Oh, sorry. That was Luca.” I smiled as I pictured Luca sending that picture to his friends.

  Brett exhaled. “So, you and Luca…”

  “What about us?”

  “Nevermind. It isn’t any of my business.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I should go. So I’ll see you on Sunday?”

  “Yes. Sunday.” I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat as he turned to leave. “Hey, Brett?”

  He pivoted to face me. The disappointment etched in the creases on his forehead wounded me.

  “There isn’t anything going on with me and Luca. It’s business.” There was no reason for him to think otherwise. My days of playing games and making him jealous were over. Not a day went by when I didn’t wonder if that night would have been different if I’d never started flirting with other guys.

  He nodded and gave me a tight grin. “I’ll catch you later.”

  “Okay.” After he left, I let out the longest sigh. I sat at the small circular table, looked at the pictures I’d taken of the room, and sent them to Luca.

  Then my finger grew a mind of its own and started scrolling through my photos, automatically stopping at a selfie of Brett and me. It had been my phone’s wallpaper. I thought about deleting it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d been the funniest, most loving man until we fell apart. I sighed, tucked my cell away, and left to go to my office.

  Luca called from a cab, speaking broken English, which he tended to do when he was excited. “Julie, I got a photo with Leonardo DiCaprio.” He chuckled, making me laugh.

  “I’m so glad you’re enjoying the city. Did you see the pictures I sent you?”