The Tale of Nefret

by M. L. Bullock

  I pretended that I did not see Pah kiss the cloth and place it back inside the box. Didn’t she know that I would gladly see her and Alexio marry, if that was the will of our tribes? Pah did not hide her affection for Alexio—her dark green eyes always sought his face. Still, that was not to be. Omel had made marriage arrangements for his son long ago and made no secret that he expected him to fulfill that obligation. That was the way it was for sons of Meshwesh kings; we women had much more freedom. Alexio’s intended, Farafra, the daughter of a minor king named Walida, could refuse him, but she had expressed no intention of doing so. Rather, she was proud of her handsome prize. I thought she was an unpleasant sort of person who tended to laugh at the misfortune of others. She knew nothing about Alexio beyond the fact that he had a handsome face and strong arms.

  After Pah’s review of the contents of her box, she closed it and then lay on her rug, bowing at the waist. I could hear her whisper a prayer but could not hear the name of the god she entreated. Her fervent whispers filled me with sadness. As quietly as I could, I attended myself and prepared to leave her in peace.

  “Why do you pretend you do not hear me? I know you are listening, Nefret.” She rose from her rug, never looking in my direction.

  I felt ashamed for spying. It had been wrong to do, but how could I not? Not knowing how to answer, I changed the subject. “Who do you pray to, Pah? Hathor or one of our mother’s goddesses, Aphrodite or Hera, perhaps?”

  She stood before the ivory basin, scooping up the water with a clean linen cloth. I did not think she heard me at first; she washed her face and arms, whispering as she did. I could see her shadow bounce against the tapestries, her movements like that of a lithe dancer. Pah had an elegance that could not be taught. I was awkward, unsure and at times even clumsy. I envied her that natural grace. Finally, she slid on her tunic.

  My twin said, “Does that concern you? Does it matter to whom I pray?”

  “No,” I said with a sigh. “I am sorry I asked.”

  She slid on her gold bracelets and looked at me. “What do you pray for, Nefret?”

  “You know I do not pray. Why should I pray to the gods that want to divide us? Don’t you care, Pah?”

  Avoiding my question she said sternly, “You should pray, Nefret, for today I will beat you—tomorrow I will beat you too. I will best you, and everyone will see that I am the mekhma. You should pray that you do not fall and break your neck.”

  I made the sign against curses and whispered back, “Why say such things to me, Pah? I am not your enemy. I am your sister!”

  “What does that mean, Nefret? Nothing! The prophecy has been spoken, and I will not give up my life for you. I will be the one to bring the Meshwesh back to Zerzura!”

  Sudden awareness crept upon me. “Who has poisoned your heart against me, sister? We could rule together! We could! You cannot let Farrah or any of the Council divide us. If we stick together, we will stand. Remember your promise? We would always be together.”

  “The promises of a child. They mean nothing! How dare you speak so about the Old One, an elder of our tribe? Farrah sees the past and the future—she knows the way back home!”

  “If she knows the way, why aren’t we there?” To that, Pah said nothing. The silence between us grew, and I felt worried. Perhaps Pah had seen something! Had she seen my death? “Sister, please. Let us stand together and refuse to be divided!”

  “You only say that because you know I am better than you, Nefret. I am faster and cleverer. You may have a prettier face and figure, but it takes more than that to be a strong mekhma.”

  As she spoke, tears slid down my face. “How can you speak to me so? What has happened between us?”

  “Destiny has happened, Nefret. It is time to leave childhood behind and be women.”

  “All I want is your happiness, Pah. And…” My voice lowered, as if someone might hear us. “If that happiness includes Alexio I would not stand in your way.”

  She laughed sourly. “Ah, my happiness…why do you lie to yourself, Nefret? Do you think you have the power to give him to me? It is you he wants—at least for now. You and I both know that you would do anything to have him! How can you deny it?”

  “I do deny it! How can you hate me so? What has changed between us? Tell me and I will fix it! I would gladly resign my right if you would only love me again. Please…sister.”

  Pah didn’t argue with me. Instead she said quietly, “I will earn my right to rule, Nefret. That is why I should rule. I do not hate you, but I will win. That is my destiny.”

  “If it is your destiny, than I will gladly give you my vote.”

  She laughed—it was a dark, empty sound. “Always the weak one. I will not accept it. We will do things the right way. And when I have won, everyone will know I am the better choice.”

  I stared at her, refusing to believe what I heard.

  “One more thing, Nefret…I have seen the future—I know that Alexio is not my fate. He is a dream only, for both of us, I think.”

  Her words burned a scar into my heart. I felt like one of the goats that the herdsmen branded with their hot prods. I could not remember when it all began, when we drifted apart, but this conversation was proof that Fate had had her way with us.

  With a confident smile, she stalked out of our tent. I numbly finished dressing for the day. Although today was not a celebration for me, I obediently wore my silver earrings and bracelets and gold anklets. How I appeared mattered to my father and my tribe. I considered wearing my newfound necklace; it felt cool in my hand as I held it briefly. Deciding against it, I placed it inside my mother’s robe, rolled the robe up snugly and tucked it in my bed. I walked outside and went to break my fast before joining the others in Father’s tent.

  “Morning, Isha,” I greeted the older woman who handed me a small round bread from her basket.

  “Morning, treasure of the tribe.” She kissed my cheek, and I smiled at her. Such had been my greeting every morning for as long as I could remember, as it was for all children of the Meshwesh. Now that today was here, the last day of my childhood, it suddenly occurred to me that I would never hear it again. Staring at the bread in my hands, I was swept up in the emotions of the moment.

  “No need to rush, princess. The Council meeting has been postponed for a little while. Surprising news from Siya.” Alexio’s hand was upon my shoulder. “Are you going to eat that? I’m starving.”

  “What? Postponed why? What happened in Siya?” With a nod to Isha, we walked away and I tore the bread in half. “Here, greedy one.” Relief washed over me. I wouldn’t have to face Pah now—at least not for a little while.

  “Someone has been raiding the outposts along the Great Oasis of Siya. The messenger from Siya said that warriors have been seen riding there.”

  “Warriors? Who could it be? Is this messenger reliable?” We strolled through the camp to the pool where Paimu had raced up the tree the day before.

  “I think so. He seems level-headed enough. I’ve spoken to him before but not today. He was ushered into Semkah’s tent as soon as he climbed off his camel.”

  “I see.” I chewed on the soft bread and wondered what this could mean. “Have you seen Pah this morning?”

  “After she was turned away at the tent? No. She didn’t speak to me. I get the feeling that she’s angry with me.”

  “Pah is mad at the world. Especially me,” I added. We sat at the side of the pool and finished our bread. For a long while neither of us spoke.

  Finally, Alexio said fiercely, “You have to win, Nefret. No matter what! You have to win.”

  “I don’t want to win, Alexio. I want to have my sister back.”

  He sighed, tossing the last of his crumbs on the water. Hungry fish sucked up the tidbits quickly and lingered near the surface hoping for more. The palm trees beside us creaked in the early morning breeze. He wanted to say something but didn’t.

  “You think I am stupid for hoping so, don’t you?”

 
“No, I do not think you are stupid, but surely you can see that that time has passed. There is more at stake than your sister’s feelings and your own. You think that if you don’t try, Pah will love you again; that if you don’t fight for your right to lead, Pah will welcome you back with open arms. You are wrong, my friend. With all her heart, Pah wants to be the mekhma. Nothing you say will change that. Even if you were to give up your right to compete—and you cannot—you could not please her.”

  “She said as much this morning.” Feeling sorry for the golden fish, I tossed small pieces of bread in the water. “Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t we serve together? Surely that is better for the people!”

  In a burst of emotion he said, “Why won’t you fight, Nefret? Fight for your people! Fight for your right, for Paimu—and for me? You are not a coward! You are strong with a bow, fast on your feet. And you have wisdom, a deeper wisdom than your sister! You say all you want is to keep your sister, but the truth is you are hiding, Nefret—hiding from your destiny! You are afraid, and your fear brings us no honor.”

  His outburst shocked me. He had never spoken so frankly with me, at least not concerning Pah. I felt as if I had been slapped. “You’re asking me to give up my sister. You can’t ask me to do that.”

  He stood and glared down at me. “I am asking nothing of you except that you try. Pah is already lost to you, Nefret.” Frustrated, I called after him, but he walked away and did not look back.

  Chapter Three

  The Old Ways—Nefret

  I observed the fish darting back and forth as they hoped more crumbs would fall into the water. They tapped at one another with their noses, jostling for a better position. I understood them. How perfect life had been just a few minutes ago when there were no crumbs in the water to disturb their peaceful world! Now that they had had a taste of bread, they thought of nothing else. They were like Pah and me in a way. There was no peace left in our world. Why was I fighting this? Maybe Alexio was right—nothing would make Pah happy. Was I simply afraid?

  As I sat wondering what to do with myself, a small pair of arms encircled my neck. By the dirty nails and dark brown skin, it was easy to identify my sneaky visitor. “Good morning, Paimu. What have you been doing with yourself this morning?”

  “Helping.” She kissed my cheek and plunked down beside me. Her light brown dress was soiled and needed changing. I would have to wash it soon.

  “Helping who? Tam the goat boy? You smell like a goat.”

  “Nobody cares what I smell like, Nefret. Why are you sitting here by yourself? Did you make Alexio angry?”

  “My meeting has been delayed…have you been spying on me?”

  She smiled, crinkling her wide nose. Paimu was a pretty girl, in an Algat sort of way. The Algat were generally friendly people but naturally suspicious and notorious for stealing whatever they wanted. My father said they would sell their children if they could get a good price for them. Algat loved nothing more than gold and silver. From what I remembered, Algat had high foreheads, wide noses and toothy smiles, but it had been six years since any of Paimu’s people had visited our tribe. It was a strange thing indeed that some mother or father would leave a child behind.

  She ignored my question and scooted up beside me. “Are you worried that Pah will beat you?”

  “I don’t know, Paimu.” Attempting to change the subject, I asked her, “Where are Ziza and Amon?”

  “Fighting with one another, as always.” She offered me some of her grapes, and I accepted them from her sticky hand. “About you, of course.”

  I popped a grape in my mouth and frowned. “Me? Why are they fighting about me?”

  “It’s all foolishness. Who cares what they think?”

  I could judge by her grown-up tone that she disapproved of their disagreement, which was more than likely about my sister and me. She tossed her last grape into the pool and laughed as the fish dove after it. Rinsing her hands in the cool water she said, “Can we go for a swim?”

  “I cannot now; I am waiting to be summoned. But maybe later, little one.”

  With a sigh, she sat down beside me again and toyed with my silver earrings. Silver was rare in the desert. She touched them with her tiny fingers. “It’s getting hot out. I think we should swim. Maybe if we swim deep enough we’ll find some treasure in the water. Yes, we should find treasure!” She stood with a smile and tugged at my hand.

  “Paimu, I told you I cannot. Please, come sit.” She obeyed, but I could tell something troubled her. Finally she shared what was on her heart.

  “Are you going to leave me, Nefret?” Her smile vanished, and distrust and anger flashed in her dark eyes. “I know you are—I had a dream.”

  “What are you talking about, Pai? I am not leaving.” I shivered as a fleeting shadow passed behind her. It surprised me, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

  “You will, and you will leave me behind. I will never see you again.”

  “What are you talking about?” Standing, I hugged her. She felt so frail and tiny, but she had the heart of a warrior.

  “I had a dream about you—you and Pah. You left me, Nefret, and I never saw you again.” She cried loudly, and the sound filled me with desperation.

  “No, it was only a dream…hush now, little one. I will never leave you. I promise. Where I go, Paimu goes too.” I cupped her face in my hand and stared her in the eye to show her I meant it.

  Her lip quivered and she nodded. “You promise?”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  She threw her arms around me again, hugged me once and then ran down the path that led to a nearby row of tents.

  Pondering the meaning of her outburst, I was surprised by the arrival of a messenger. It was time to assemble for the meeting, time to hear what the Council had to say. I caught my breath and followed behind the tall, thin warrior. People gathered along the sides of the sandy path. Their smiling faces encouraged me; some even openly called me anni-mekhma as I passed by. I did not answer them or acknowledge the title—it would be inappropriate to do so with the trials having just begun, and I did not wish to court ill luck.

  Pah arrived at the same time, also summoned back to the massive tent by a serious-faced messenger. We stood before the tent door, wondering who should enter first. I waved my hand to show deference to her as she stepped in front of me with her head held high. Walking behind her, my eyes widened at the sight of Father in his royal attire. He wore a tunic and pants of blue cloth; the tunic’s neck dipped to the center of his chest to show an array of scars, chains and pendants, each representing something meaningful. The Meshwesh often memorialized special events with gifts of jewelry, and Father’s display showed how much he was venerated by his tribe. His stone face revealed nothing, and with a wave of his hand, Pah and I obediently knelt before him. His brother Omel was to his left, and the tribal council surrounded them on either side. Farrah, the Old One, the oldest and most powerful member of the Council, sat to the king’s right. She wore robes of white and gray, and her long, thick gray hair hung around her like a soft veil. Of all the faces that watched me, hers was the most intimidating. She spoke first, and her commanding voice filled the tent.

  “Welcome, daughters of Semkah and Kadeema. You come before the Council today to declare your intentions to compete for the role of mekhma. Is this correct?”

  Pah said calmly, “Yes, Farrah.”

  “Yes, Farrah,” I replied less confidently.

  “Very well, daughters.” She paused and looked at each of us. “Know this…once you cast your incense into the smoke there is no turning back, no changing your mind. The smoke is a covenant with the tribe—you cannot call back smoke once it rises to the heavens. If it is truly your heart’s desire to serve as mekhma, take the spoon in front of you and toss the incense into the flame. We will wait while you consider.”

  My mind ran through multiple scenarios, none of which I had the courage to pursue. Simply fleeing from the tent was not an option. How could
I shame our father in such a way? I reached for a spoon, but not before Pah did. With unexpected quickness, she tossed the yellow incense into the fire, and the smell of ground herbs filled the tent. As her cloud faded, I held my breath, dug into the powder and tossed it into the flame. Our actions were met with an unexpected song from Mina.

  She who gives her life for the tribes

  will always have life to give

  Our mekhma is the blood of the clan,

  the heart, the life

  Yield to her, enemies of the Meshwesh,

  for she is mighty!

  When her song was complete she nodded to us and made the sign of respect, a raised upright palm. We acknowledged her with a nod, and Farrah continued.

  “Today is both a happy day and a troubling one. Happy because we know that our clan will soon welcome a new leader, a woman to lead our people back to Zerzura, just as the prophecy foretold.” The Council nodded their agreement and repeated the word “Zerzura” with reverence. “For some time the Council has considered your special circumstances and have sought the gods’ help to discern the way forward.”

  I stared at her, the haze of the incense burning my eyes slightly. I tried to focus, to pay attention to every word as if my life hung upon her words. Truthfully, it did.

  “I, Farrah, was there the night you were born, the night the falcon and the Bee-Eater flew into the birthing tent. From that day forward, we knew that you were not ordinary children—you had a special destiny. It has been many years since we had a mekhma to lead us, although your father has been an honorable king and has given his tribe much wealth through his wise dealings. His brother also has led his own tribe with wisdom and strength. We give thanks to them for keeping their tribes safe, but it is the Meshwesh way to serve queens rather than kings.” Farrah paused so that the gathered leaders had the opportunity to agree with her. All did except for Omel, who merely stared at us, his face a mask. I was not the only one who noticed this. Father raised his hand to Farrah to prevent her from speaking further. His eyes flashed with anger as he brought the meeting to a halt waiting for Omel’s acknowledgement.