Waves of Solace

by Ariel Bonin

  "And last time I checked, we buried you."

  "Well I'm here now, and I'm not leaving without my wife."

  Andrew laughed, but without humor. Withdrawing his Beretta, he leveled it at Jared's head. "Lindsey, go inside."

  "No, Andrew, stop this! We can work something out," she said from between them, a hand outstretched in either direction.

  "Oh, like what, we trade off with you every night? That's bullshit and you know it," Jared snapped at her.

  Sighing, Lindsey looked to Andrew. "Put it down. Please, baby?" After speaking the endearment, Jared promptly pulled out his own gun. Lindsey's heart thundered in her chest as she looked between the two men. "It doesn't have to come to this. Come on, let's be civilized."

  Jared scoffed. "'Civilized'? That's what you call this?" he said in reference to her and Andrew and their unborn child.

  "Please, Jared," she sobbed. "Don't do this. It's not fair. You were gone. I had to move on…"

  Jared winced, a frown lingering from her painful statement. His hand shook, the gun unsteady. In an effort to disarm him, Andrew lunged at Jared and the sudden movement startled her former husband. The gun discharged into her abdomen and she cried out.

  Waking in an instant, the gunshot faded from Lindsey's ears, signaling to her that it hadn't been real, though, in the dream it had been deafening. That thought barely registered as the sharp pain in her stomach, which was very much real, intensified. Her breaths rushed in and out and she tried to control them, to control the excruciating pain, but to no avail. She groaned and it tapered off to a whimper.

  "Lindsey?" Andrew whispered in the darkness. "Are you okay?"

  Hot tears streamed down her cheeks but she knew he wasn't able to see them. Curling her knees upward, she clutched her stomach in a desperate attempt to ward off any further discomfort. It didn't work. "The baby." She gasped. "Andrew, there's something wrong with the baby."

  He bolted from the bed, dragging on his jeans and shirt. He haphazardly got his boots on and circled around to Lindsey's side. He slid his arms under her shuddering form and cradled her to his chest. She cried out at the change of position, but found Andrew's warmth to be a tad comforting. He hurried from the room, stopping to kick the bottom of Zoey's door, as he didn't have use of his hands.

  "What's going on?" the girl mumbled from the other side. She opened the door, her gun at the ready. When she saw it was her dad, she replaced the safety. "What happened?"

  The words spilled from Andrew's mouth. "Something's wrong—she's in a lot of pain. Watch your brother while I take her to the clinic."

  "Okay..." Zoey began, but her dad was already out the door.

  _____

  Halfway there, Lindsey slapped at Andrew's chest. "Down. Put me down."

  He swung her upright, but kept her supported because he didn't think she had the strength to stand on her own. She crumpled over and vomited into the dirt. He grimaced as the knot of worry tightened even more in his chest. He knelt down next to Lindsey, gathered her hair away from her face, and rubbed her back in smooth circles.

  "I can't—" she croaked. "I can't lose my baby again..."

  Andrew took the opportunity and scooped her into his arms again. "Was it like this before?" he asked, getting onto the trail once more.

  "No."

  His chest felt like it was going to explode. For the woman to be in this much pain could only signal something far worse than losing the baby—possibly losing his wife.

  They reached the clinic and, like before, Andrew kicked the door with the tip of his boot. "Doc! Dr. Anderson!"

  The blessed doctor appeared opposite the glass pane and dashed to let Andrew inside. She didn't look fatigued—or any more than usual. That told Andrew she'd probably been up with a patient.

  "What happened?" the doctor asked.

  "I don't know. She woke up in pain and started throwing up on the way here."

  Like a true professional, Anderson's expression didn't give anything away. She motioned for Andrew to follow her and they made their way down the winding corridor to one of the exam rooms. The doctor flipped a switch and white light glowed above them—their generator and solar panels hard at work. Andrew's arms were on fire but he hardly felt it. He was too worried about the woman—and child—in them.

  When he got Lindsey onto the green, vinyl surface, paper crinkling beneath her, she gestured wildly to her closed mouth. Andrew spun around and picked up the closest container, a silver basin. She threw up again but hardly anything came up. She moaned between dry heaves, the sound ripping out Andrew's insides.

  "Do something, Doc," he begged.

  Not wasting time on a reply, Anderson urged Lindsey onto her left side. Her hands had a vice grip on her middle.

  "Lindsey, I know it hurts but you need to move your hands."

  Andrew reached out to help pry them away and allowed her to grasp his own. The doctor pressed along her stomach, feeling for a source of the sudden distress. She reached a spot halfway down Lindsey's side and stilled when the woman howled in agony. Her concerned gaze flicked up to meet Andrew's. "I didn't expect that..."

  "What? Expect what?" Andrew muttered, his heart knocking against his ribs.

  "I think it's her appendix."

  "I-I thought that was usually further down…"

  "It is," Anderson said, "but it moves upward during pregnancy."

  "Well, can you do anything?" Andrew asked desperately.

  "I've done this procedure before, but not on New Canaan. I need everyone I've got and we need to do this now—before it ruptures."

  "What happens if it ruptures?" He already suspected the answer but wanted Anderson to drop the bedside manner and give it to him straight.

  "She dies."

  Chapter 22

  Andrew stared at Dr. Anderson as the words sunk in. He shouldn't have been surprised, but to hear them aloud made him realize just how dangerous the situation was. In the same moment he glanced down at Lindsey, she crushed his hands with her grip and choked out a ragged whimper, tears escaping from her shut eyes. Suddenly, her body went limp and her hands relaxed. He touched her cheek with a shaky hand.

  "Lindsey? Doc, what happened?" he asked, beginning to panic.

  "She passed out. Her body's under a lot of stress right now. She'll probably wake up in a few minutes. Andrew, I'm the only one here right now. I need you to get Robert and the nurses—Hannah, Caren…" she said, listing off anyone who could help.

  Frozen with fear, Andrew kept his hand on Lindsey as a million thoughts raced through his jumbled brain. He couldn't possibly leave her. If she came to without him or if she slipped away while he was gone…

  "Andrew! I need you to go now," Anderson said through gritted teeth. "I'll do my part. Do yours."

  The man snapped out of his daze, collected himself and fell into get-it-done mode. He pushed back Lindsey's hair and gave her one last kiss on the forehead. A few seconds later, he was outside. Hannah and Tyler lived closest to the clinic so he went there first.

  After knocking repeatedly on the wooden frame of their screen door, Tyler's gun emerged from the shadows before his timid face did. When he saw who it was, he lowered the weapon. "Captain? What're you doing here at such a late hour?"

  Andrew was short on breath but managed to ask, "Is Hannah here?" His eyes searched the darkness around Tyler and she appeared then.

  "Andrew? Is something wrong?" Red strands escaped from her messy ponytail as she zipped up her hoodie.

  "Lindsey needs an emergency appendectomy. Can you get the other nurse and go to the clinic right away?"

  "Oh, my God. Absolutely," she said, bending over to retrieve her shoes by the door.

  "Thank you," he whispered. "I'll get Robert and Caren, and meet you back there."

  Hannah agreed and he spun around to race down the steps. He reached the couple's place in record time, sprinting the whole way. While he possessed some guilt over waking a pregnant woman in the middle of the night, he was sure Caren
would be eager to help.

  Not a moment after he'd knocked, Caren opened the door, her green eyes alert.

  "I take it I didn't wake you?" Andrew asked.

  She shook her head. "Baby beat you to it—loves to kick me while I'm trying to sleep." She smiled, but became serious as she studied the anxious look on his face. "What's goin' on?"

  He didn't waste any more time, saying, "Dr. Anderson needs you both at the clinic. Lindsey has appendicitis."

  Caren's hand lifted to cover her parted lips as she gasped. Quickly, she nodded. "All right, let me get Rob and we'll go."

  "I appreciate it," Andrew said, bending forward to prop his hands on both knees. He closed his eyes and blew out a lungful of air, but continued to feel like someone was strangling him.

  _____

  Hannah and the other nurse arrived at the clinic only a minute after them. Everyone but Andrew hurried to remove their coats and began to wash up at the sink in Lindsey's exam room. Dr. Anderson was ready to go with her gloves and mask in place.

  Andrew approached the unconscious woman and glanced at Anderson. "Did she wake up at all?"

  "No. I thought it best to give her anesthesia before that happened. She'll come to afterward and be better for it."

  Andrew observed as the doctor lifted Lindsey's shirt to expose more of her curved stomach. She cleaned the area and then formed a square with four blue surgical towels. As Robert picked up a pair of clamps, Dr. Anderson wielded a scalpel and made the incision.

  Andrew had seen many unpleasant things throughout his adult life, but to watch someone cut into his pregnant wife's belly was deeply unsettling. The sight made him sway and a faint ringing resounded in his ears. He grasped a nearby counter for support and someone laid their hand on his shoulder.

  "Andrew," Caren said, "let's give them some space to work."

  "Okay," he breathed. His voice seemed far away, like he was disconnected from his own body.

  They wandered out to the hallway and Hannah promptly closed the door behind them. Andrew dropped into a nearby plastic chair, slumping over as he hung his head. He wove his hands into his hair and took deep, calming breaths—or something close to it. Caren sat down next to him.

  "Shouldn't you be in there?" he asked distantly.

  She shrugged. "I think I'm needed out here more…" She paused, and then said, "When I was little, my dad needed his appendix out. I thought he'd be in surgery all day, but in reality it only took like a half hour. They can handle this, Andy. Rob's got steady hands. Just trust 'em."

  "Thanks," he whispered, appreciating the support. "I'm tryin'…"

  The clinic's front door opened and Zoey materialized from the outside as Charlie and Ana trailed behind her, the woman holding Jacob. Andrew surged to his feet and strode down the hallway. Zoey met him halfway and they hugged.

  "Is she okay? What about the baby? Is the baby okay?" the girl asked in rapid succession.

  Andrew explained everything and saw her visibly relax. It brought him solace to know that Zoey truly cared for Lindsey's well-being.

  "What're you guys doing here?" he said to the unexpected newcomers.

  Charlie shrugged. "Figured you could use some back up."

  "Thanks," Andrew said and followed it with a sigh. He scratched his brow and gestured toward the exam room. "Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do."

  "We don't mind," Ana said softly. "Lindsey's family—there's nowhere else we should be right now."

  Andrew nodded in appreciation, touched by the woman's honest words. They hadn't spent much time together as a group since they'd landed on New Canaan, but when it really mattered most, they were there for each other.

  Charlie reiterated that thought when he took a step toward Andrew, squeezed his shoulder and said in confidence, "She's gonna be all right, man. The baby, too."

  Suddenly, a muffled voice drifted through the shut door. Silence overcame the awaiting group as they heard, "There! Right there! Clamp it! Hannah, I need more light!"

  The door swung open and the named girl emerged, a line of bright red blood splashed across her chest. She seemed stunned, her eyes wide as she regarded the group outside for a millisecond, and then scurried to an empty room down the hall.

  Drawn like a moth to a lantern, Andrew peered through the open doorway and was once again overwhelmed with a light-headed sensation. Crimson liquid glistened on the various gloved hands that were working to tie off a nicked blood vessel. Robert pulled back on a protruding metal instrument, which opened the incision further in order for the nurse to remove the excess blood impeding Dr. Anderson's view. Numerous soiled patches of gauze littered the operating space.

  All of a sudden, the doctor looked up and spotted a distraught Andrew in the doorway. "Get him out of here!" she instructed to the rest of the group, who also couldn't help but gawk at the unexpected scene.

  As Charlie and Ana pulled the man back, Caren stepped in to help and Hannah rushed past with a rolling lamp. Her gaze was apologetic as she slammed the door in Andrew's face. He simply stared at the wooden surface, his eyes not really seeing—just what he had seen. All of the encouraging words spoken by his fellow group members were suddenly irrelevant. His chest heaved as harsh breaths rushed in and out of his slack mouth.

  "Andrew, hey, sit down," Charlie instructed, forcing him into his original chair. "Pull it together, man. A fuckin' appendix isn't gonna take Lindsey down—you know that. The doc's got this, all right?"

  Finding strength in the man's statement, Andrew lifted his tormented gaze. Very slowly, he nodded.

  _____

  Forty-five minutes later, the exam room door opened and they all stood to attention. Dr. Anderson had removed her outer layer of clothing from the surgery, much to Andrew's relief. She was clean and composed.

  "I'm sorry you had to see that," she said to the edgy leader, "but the appendix is out. Lindsey and baby are stable."

  Andrew breathed an audible sigh of relief, a smile erasing the lines on his weary face. He reached out to shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you."

  She returned the gesture. "You're welcome. We're going to put her into a recovery room—the same one you were in. It may take a little while for her to regain consciousness, but I don't mind if you stay with her until then. No more than two at a time, though—she needs to rest."

  After giving Andrew a comforting hug, Caren left to return home with Robert. The sun would be up in a couple of hours and they needed to catch what little sleep they could. Zoey wanted to check on Lindsey before going back to the bungalow with Ana and Jacob. Andrew and Charlie remained, sitting bedside while the woman continued to sleep for an indefinite amount of time.

  Sometime later, she began to stir.

  _____

  Lindsey fought the darkness, struggling to lift her heavy lids. The foreign surroundings came into focus and they registered somewhere in her mind, but she still couldn't place them. Her head inched to the side, resting her gaze upon two very familiar men in the chairs next to her bed. Charlie sat forward and tapped Andrew on his upper arm. The sleeping man opened his eyes. When he saw that she was indeed looking at him, he immediately perked up and seized her hand.

  "Hey, how do you feel?" he asked in a whisper.

  For the life of her, she could not remember why she was here, but his question brought on a tight, throbbing pain in her stomach. The sudden ache jogged her foggy memory and she sucked in a shallow breath.

  "Oh, God…the baby!" Tears clouded her vision as she ripped her hand from Andrew's grasp and felt along her swollen belly.

  Not again! Please, not again…

  "The baby's okay! It was your appendix. Dr. Anderson removed it. You didn't miscarry." He said the last sentence with a slight curve of his lips, possibly to reassure her.

  She was elated to hear that but continued to cry, now for the opposite reason. Andrew must have misread it because a frown cut through his uplifting expression. He rose from his seat and placed his hand atop hers, moving the othe
r to stroke her golden, matted hair.

  "Linds, honey, you're okay. Everything's going to be all right…"

  "I know," she wept. "I'm sorry…I'm just so relieved. I didn't know if I could live with myself if it happened again. I was so scared, Andrew…"

  "I was, too," he whispered, leaning in to kiss her gently on the lips.

  When he pulled away, she remembered Charlie's presence and became embarrassed by her confession. He wouldn't judge her for it, but nonetheless, she tried to keep those kinds of things between her and Andrew.

  "Hey, mama," the rancher said, coming to stand next to her as Andrew took a step back.

  She offered him a sleepy grin. "Hey."

  "I told him it would take more than an appendix to bring you down. Ain't that right?"

  "You know it," she said as exhaustion enveloped her body like a thick blanket.

  Andrew moved toward her once more. "I'll be right here. Just rest, okay?"

  She may have answered him, but couldn't say for sure.

  _____

  The next day, after receiving an enjoyable visit from Zoey and Jacob, Lindsey was surprised to wake to an empty chair. She glanced at her bedside table and noticed there was something new—three paper cards. She started to reach for them, but felt a twinge in her side as the movement pulled on her stitches.

  "Let me get those for you," a voice said from her opposite side.

  She jumped and turned her head to look at Hannah. The young woman gave her a kind smile and rounded the bed.

  As she handed over the cards, she said, "Elizabeth dropped them off while you were sleeping…"

  Lindsey opened the first card and was greeted by crayon messages from her Intermediate class, most defaulting to "Get well soon, Miss Lindsey!" The other two cards were similar, with some of the older kids drawing goofy-looking cartoon characters. The thoughtful act warmed her heart in a way that she couldn't even begin to describe.

  When she finally dragged her gaze away from the cards, Hannah pointed to Andrew's chair. "He took Jacob home for a nap. I could tell he didn't want to leave you, so I told him I'd stay until he got back."