Chaos (The Realmwalker Chronicles Book 1)

by C. M. Fenn

  I look around the room at the dazed faces. I wonder at the doubt they must be feeling. We gave everything we had tonight and it wasn’t enough. I wish I could give them all hope, but I can’t find enough of it for myself.

  “Long night, Addy,” Ember commiserates.

  I nod absently. “For all of us.”

  Simone passes in front of me on her way out and I feel the distress pouring off of her. She must have been so frustrated sitting here all alone and unable to help. I feel terrible for her.

  When Sam approaches, I stand to meet him and am surprised when he pulls me into a tight embrace. This public display of affection is rare. I take advantage of the moment and melt into him, soaking up as much comfort as I can. He holds me for a long time until nearly all the Walkers have wandered off. Over his shoulder I see Mikhail as he leaves. Our eyes meet briefly, long enough for me to see sadness in his gaze, and then he’s gone.

  “We need to get top-side. Timothy’s asleep on your couch. We should move him to a bedroom so he isn’t disturbed while out in Chaos.”

  I reluctantly pull away from him and check my watch. It’s already six a.m. Ember’s still here, standing next to us. I look back and forth between the two of them desperately.

  “What are we going to do?”

  Ember tries to be encouraging. “We’ll figure something out.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Come on, girly. Let’s go.”

  The three of us walk back to our hall, and Ember gives us a quick wave before disappearing behind her door. Lang’s room is a few doors down, and I hear a guitar being played from inside. It’s a sad, eerie melody. Sam stops outside my door and lifts my chin until I’m looking in his eyes. I lean into him.

  “This isn’t so bad, all right? We know his game now. That’s an advantage we didn’t have before.”

  “I wish I could be as strong as you. As confident.”

  “You are strong, Addy. You were brilliant tonight. Watching you fight out there, it took my breath away.” He leans down and kisses my cheek, his mouth warm against my face. “I’ve got one or two things I need to do here, but I’ll be up top-side in a few minutes.”

  “Okay,” I say, backing away slowly, a little dizzy from his presence. “See ya in a few.”

  I close my door and immediately remove the night’s clothing and throw it in the waste bin. I shower quickly, washing away Shade blood, dirt, and sweat.

  Once I’m in some clean, comfortable pajamas—cotton shorts and a white tank top—I climb into bed, ready for the night to be over. But as I’m pulling the blankets over me, I hear a soft knock on the door. Exhausted, I lie still for a minute, hoping that maybe I was hearing things. Seconds tick by. Then, another soft knock.

  I throw the blankets back, walk on quiet feet to the door, and open it. Sam’s standing in the hallway.

  “Did you forget something?” I smirk at him playfully.

  Without saying a word he pushes through my door and grabs me. He kicks the door shut behind him and pushes me back against the wall of my room. His face is inches from mine and I think my heart stops. He’s pressed up flat against me, pinning me to the wall. His breathing is quick, heavy.

  “Sam—” I start to say but am cut off when he pulls my face toward his and kisses me. For a second I’m lost in the kiss. My head is spinning, and my once-still heart is pounding. I lean into his kiss, which makes him even hungrier. He feels urgent, desperate, almost angry. His hands squeeze my waist tightly, fingers digging into my skin. It hurts.

  I push back a little. “Wait,” I try to say, but he pushes his lips hard into mine. As much as I care about Sam, as often as I’ve thought about this moment, I’m confused. I never imagined Sam would be so rough with me. I send my mind out tentatively, trying to feel for his mood, searching for some kind of explanation behind this abrupt change in behavior.

  Something’s wrong.

  I can’t feel him.

  All around Sam, where I can usually feel his strong familiar presence, it’s just empty air. A void.

  No.

  I push back harder this time, managing to free myself enough to get out from between him and the wall.

  “Stop,” I say, hands out in front of me as I slowly back away. “Please. This isn’t like you. This isn’t what you want.”

  He reaches out and grabs my arm. He tries to pull me closer to him but I continue to back away. He jerks me forward roughly, and I use the momentum to twist my arm out of his grasp and pull free. I pull too hard and the force of it sends me tumbling backwards. I trip over my bed and land on top of it. And then he’s on me. He’s trying to hold my arms down and I’m trying to push him off, but he’s stronger than me. He pins my arms to my side and presses his mouth into mine.

  SAM! I send out the mental cry as loud and far as I can. SAM PLEASE!

  My arms are pinned but my legs are free. I’m kicking out at him but I’m not making any difference. Hurt and betrayal pour through me so strongly that I grow weak. I turn my head sideways, breaking his kiss, and sob in desperation and heartache. My cries affect him. He stops fighting me. His weight shifts and with relief I realize he’s trying to get up.

  Before he can, my door is violently kicked open. Standing in my doorway, silhouetted by the light in the hall, is Sam. MY Sam. His familiar essence is so strong that I wonder how I ever believed this imposter on top of me was him.

  He bursts into the room and grabs the phony Sam, lifting him up and throwing him into the nearest wall, his head making an audible crack on impact. He slides down the length of the wall and crumples into a motionless heap on the floor.

  “What did he do to you?” Sam demands as he helps me up from the bed.

  “He—, he—” I can’t get the words out. I’m staring at the unconscious Sam on the ground as he slowly begins to morph into someone else. His hair shortens, and his shoulders broaden. Sam sees it too. He must have lost control over his disguise when he lost consciousness. Sitting limply on the floor is my fellow Walker and—I thought—my friend, Mikhail.

  “I’ll kill him,” Sam says through clenched teeth. He launches himself at Mikhail.

  “No!” I scream. I grab his arms at the last second and pull him backwards. “Don’t, Sam!”

  “What’s going on?” Lang, then Ember appear in my doorway.

  Sam points to Mikhail. “Help me. We need to get him to Inner Silence quickly.” Without hesitating, Lang hurries over and he and Sam lift Mikhail and carry him out of the room. Ember walks over to me, eyes wide as saucers.

  “Addy, are you all right? What happened?”

  I wrap my arms around myself, trying to fight the feeling that I’m coming apart. “He came in here, as Sam. He kissed me.”

  “As Sam? What do you mean?”

  “I mean as SAM. He looked like him.” I feel numb, in shock. And then the look of anger on Sam’s face comes to mind. “I have to go. I have to keep Sam from hurting him.” I rush out of my room. “Come with me!” I shout over my shoulder as I run.

  When I get to Inner Silence, Sam is disappearing behind the heavy metal door. I slip through before it can close all the way. Sam spins around.

  “Get out, Addy!” he shouts at me, furious.

  Mikhail is laid out on the metal bed, still passed out. I don’t see Lang-hao anywhere.

  “No.”

  “GET OUT!”

  I stand my ground, refusing to be intimidated. “Not unless you come with me.” We stare each other down. “I’m not leaving you alone in here with him. You’re too angry. You’ll do something stupid, something you’ll regret.”

  Reading the resolve in my eyes, he growls in frustration.

  “Come on, Sam,” I say softer, reaching out for his hand. “Let’s do this the right way.” He’s still angry, but deep within him he must know I’m right.

  He turns to look at Mikhail once more before grabbing my hand and leading me out of Inner Silence.

  Seeing Ember, Sam immediately sends her top-side to make
sure our sleeping bodies aren’t left unguarded.

  “Just because he’s locked up here, doesn’t mean he isn’t free to go wherever he wants in Earth Realm,” he warns.

  Lang returns with Angel and Mel in tow. “The sealers are here,” he reports to Sam.

  “Good work.”

  I stand in between Angel and Mel as we put the seals on Inner Silence. It takes all three of us working simultaneously to do it properly. The method is a failsafe to assure that a rogue Walker can’t imprison anyone on their own.

  Strangely enough, I’m fairly certain I could do it by myself if I had to. I only need to perform three different wardings at the same time. It’s really only a matter of multi-tasking, but I keep this information to myself. The wardings are impossible to break from the inside, so there’s no reason to worry anyone.

  “We’ll need to take a vote as soon as we can. Procedure calls for it. I can only hold him in there for twenty-four hours without a majority consensus.”

  Watching Sam pace, I try to comfort him. “Really, Sam, I don’t think he would ever hurt any of us.”

  He stops pacing. “How can you say that, Addy? He attacked you!”

  “But I don’t think he was trying to hurt me! He seemed like he was trying to stop. He did stop, right there at the end, before you came in,” I insist. “I mean, come on! How many times has he saved my life?”

  “Please tell me you aren’t defending him,” he says incredulous.

  “No. I’m not,” I say adamantly. “What he did was wrong. I know that. It’s just …”

  Mel shakes her head. “I’m with Sam on this one, Addy. At this point it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

  I look to Angel for help. “Angel, you know he’s not dangerous.”

  Her blueberry eyes look sad. “I know you believe in him, Addy, but what he did tonight was really bad.”

  “I know, but—”

  “No, I don’t think you do,” says Sam. “He not only wronged you tonight, he wronged all of us. He’s a shifter? What other abilities does he have that we don’t know about? He’s done nothing but lie to us from the very beginning. We can’t ignore that.”

  The dread begins to sink in. I know Mikhail is secretive, but I’ve always tried to believe he’s had his reasons for that. Has my desire to believe in him been so strong that it’s made me blind? Even now, with all the ugly evidence against him, my instincts still won’t let me see him as a bad guy.

  Angel soothes the tension with her soft voice. “We all need a break from this. We need time to let it settle so we can look at the situation with clear and,” she looks at Sam, “CALM minds.”

  Sam glares at the door to Inner Silence as though he can see straight through to Mikhail.

  “Don’t worry.” Angel assures him. “He’s not going anywhere.”

  “Fine. Let’s get top-side. We need to inform everyone about what happened. Angel, could you fill in the others who aren’t with us at Addy’s house?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good. I’ll send another pair of Walkers to relieve Timothy and Kira in a few hours.”

  “Sheesh,” Mel says tiredly, “as if we didn’t have enough trouble to deal with.”

  Chapter 47

  When I open my eyes, I want to cry. Mikhail. How could you do this? I know the Walkers are probably all out in the living room where Sam and Ember are filling them in. I’m in no hurry to join them. I don’t want to see the looks on their faces as they learn of Mikhail’s betrayal. I don’t want to hear “I knew it” and “I saw this coming.” I lie still, taking my time, as I try to sort through my warring emotions.

  Why? How could he think that I wouldn’t have known? That I wouldn’t have figured it out? Is he really so desperate for affection that he has to lie this way and betray my trust? Why couldn’t he talk to me? He knows I care about him. I’m the only one who makes the effort to be kind to him.

  And now, of all times, he pulls this. Right when we need him the most. I picture him in battle last night, zipping through the forest nearly unseen, effortlessly hacking down Shades. He’s one of our very best fighters. We can’t expect to defeat the Elder Shade without his help. I can feel it in my gut. We need him. We’ll need every last Walker.

  I can hear Kira breathing from her makeshift bed on the floor. I peer down over the edge of my bed at her. I feel for her presence, searching for her state of mind. She seems peaceful. Chaos must be pretty calm at the moment. It seems Ben was right. It looks as though I’m the catalyst that causes the Elder Shade to attack.

  But why? He made it very clear last night that there was nothing I could do to defeat him. I’m no threat to him. So why?

  The sounds of dishes clanking and cupboards being closed float back to my room. I can’t hide back here any longer. I pull myself out of bed and make my way to the kitchen, bumping into Mel in the hall.

  “Hey, how is everything?” I ask her warily. “Do they know?”

  She nods her head. “Yeah, Ember filled them in. The atmosphere’s a little tense right now. It’s not easy learning one of our own has done something ugly to another one of us.”

  “Are they angry?”

  “A bit. Also concerned for you. I told them not to worry, that you seem to be handling it better than the rest of us.”

  I rub the side of my face wearily. “Thanks Mel. I want this to all go away. We don’t need this kind of trouble right now.”

  “I get your concern, Addy, but you have to understand there’s a procedural process that we need to go through. We can’t forget what he did. There are rules in place that have existed since the beginning of our history, and they’re there for a very good reason.”

  The dread I feel knots and twists inside my stomach.

  “Can’t we make an exception? Considering everything?”

  “I don’t know,” she says doubtfully. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up about that. Sam’s pretty upset. I don’t think he’s going to let it go.”

  Seeing my dismay, she pulls me tightly to her side. “Buck up, mate. There are still reasons to smile. You graduated last night, remember? And I hear you’re off to L.A. base with Ember soon. That’s exciting, isn’t it?”

  Smiling weakly, I say, “Yeah, that’s right. Thanks Mel.”

  In the living room I find a note taped to the television.

  Addy,

  Jana and I didn’t want to bother you and your friends this morning, so we snuck out early to do some errands. Love you!

  ~Mom

  In the kitchen, huddled around the tables and counters, the Walkers eat and talk in hushed voices. A few look up and smile at me, a vague sort of nervousness in their eyes. Others are more obvious, forcing artificial looks of good cheer. They’re putting on a good show for me, trying to lighten my spirit. Between failing to kill the Elder Shade last night and then the whole thing with Mikhail, they must know how badly I need it. If only I wasn’t so sensitive to their true states of mind, I might actually fall for it.

  I love them for trying though, and not wanting to disappoint them, I smile big and say, “Man, I had the craziest dreams last night.”

  This earns a hearty chuckle and the tension seems to crack and fall away.

  Ember brings me an unholy amount of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon, and I sit down on a bar stool at the counter to dig in. Sam lets me get through all of my breakfast before getting into the subject of Mikhail.

  “I made sure everyone knew the details so they could vote fairly,” he says quietly from the stool next to me.

  “You already voted?” I ask surprised and feeling wounded.

  “Yes, and Angel took votes on her end. It’s unanimous. Mikhail will stay in Inner Silence for three months.”

  “Three months?”

  “And then he’ll only be released if he allows Angel to fully assess his abilities. He must give her complete access to his mind or he stays in there indefinitely.”

  “That’s pretty extreme,” I say, trying to push down my
anger. “No one should be forced to open themselves up like that. It’s not right, Sam.”

  “It’s fair. In our line of work we can’t afford to have secrets, Addy. It’s too dangerous. We HAVE to know we can trust one another.”

  “Don’t I get a vote?”

  “Sure. But just so you know, it’s unanimous so far, so if you vote against—”

  “It won’t change a damn thing.” I glare at him. “This isn’t fair. I’m the one he came after. I should have a say.”

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  I fume at my empty plate, too mad to look him in the eyes. “How do you expect to fight without him? You know how badly we need him,” I whisper. “Locking him up where he can’t fight … I don’t know Sam. Something about this is wrong. I can feel it. I can’t explain it, but when I think of fighting without him, a sense of dread comes over me. Can’t you feel it?”

  He’s quiet for a while. “His timing is unfortunate,” Sam finally says. “I wish things were different. I wish he could fight with us. I wish he never even looked at you.” He’s whispering now too. “I wish you would’ve believed me when I told you he was no good. But I can’t change any of those things. What happened, happened. We have our law and we have to follow it.”

  He places a hand on my lower back. I try hard not to be angry with him. I know he cares for me. I know he’s trying to protect me. He’s Boss and he has a job to do. Even though I know he’s wrong, I can’t afford to distance myself from him right now. With our gloomy outlook, I really need him.

  Sensing me give, or perhaps reading it in my expression, he asks, “Are we good?”

  I’m finally able to look up at him. The concern I see in his eyes is heavy, visibly weighing him down. It hurts me to see it.

  “Of course we are,” I say, wanting to relieve him, happy to know that I’m able to. A softness touches his eyes, and he leans in closer and rests his forehead against mine.