Path of Destruction

by Cara Dee

  "When's Keith coming?" Jesse muttered. "If I drive over to Mom's work, I could get her keys." And he didn’t wanna leave Abel alone with me. "You wanna come with?"

  Abel shook his head. "I want to know more about prison. And we shouldn’t disturb Mom. She'll get fussy and worried." One of the reasons I found even him older than his years. He was very aware of people's feelings. "What's Keith buying, Lincoln? You said he was buying shit. I made him a Christmas present in school."

  Jesus. Slow down.

  I checked my watch. Pop should've been here by now—And right then, the door opened.

  "Keith!" Abel called. "Jesse and I are here!"

  The kid's cheerful mood was kinda cute.

  *

  Showering without having to look over my shoulder was seriously awesome. The pressure of the water was ten times better here too, not to mention it was actually hot when I wanted it to be. Never again would it shift between cold, lukewarm, and scalding on a goddamn whim.

  I hung my head and let the warmth rush over me, and I took my time soaping up. Thoughts of last night filtered through, each one taking a stab at whatever denial I had left. Ade was still everywhere.

  I couldn’t get her out of my fucking head.

  As I closed my eyes, her smile appeared. I saw her, both as the person she used to be and the woman she'd become. She wasn’t the same anymore, yet the draw hadn't changed. If it had, it'd only grown.

  I was fucked, wasn’t I? Destined to be addicted to the one person who could bring me to my knees. I didn’t fire on all cylinders around her.

  Even though her life had taken a drastic turn for the ordinary, for a life with the boys, responsibilities, hockey practice, and preparing lunch boxes, I could sense the wild girl I once knew. She was in there somewhere, hidden behind a layer of uncertainty and insecurities.

  She didn’t fear me. She took my shit, rolled it up, and batted it back.

  Scrubbing my hands over my face and hair, I released a long breath and watched the last of the denial wash down the drain.

  Maybe I was just horny. Maybe I was obsessing 'cause she was a woman, and I needed to get laid.

  Maybe you're full of it.

  I shut off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around my hips. No, it wasn’t gonna work on me. It couldn’t be someone random. There was something about her. Only her.

  It was basic psychology. I hated when I loved. I went to war when I needed to surrender. Fuck fears. Goddammit, I was gonna do this. Gut feeling. Come hell or high water, I was gonna end up in the middle of a familiar path again. Because around her, I couldn’t fucking help myself. Where Ade was concerned, I didn’t know balance or moderation. Addict. I could only hope it wouldn’t end in destruction this time.

  It made me an idiot. Who else would jump in front of a bullet without knowing why? That I was willing to do this… For what, to see if I wanted to be her buddy? Perhaps get to fuck her again? There wouldn’t be anything beyond that. Michigan could suck my balls; I didn’t belong here. First chance I got, I was going home.

  She was gonna stay here. She'd made a life in this place, had kids, friends, jobs, and a home.

  For now, though, I was done avoiding her. Ready to risk a shitload for a whole lot of little.

  *

  I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before I returned downstairs. I'd kinda escaped the room the minute Pop came back from shopping. He'd given me a look of pleasant surprise when learning I'd offered for the kids to wait for Ade here, and then the shower had called my name. Now I needed his advice, so rather than hiding out in the kitchen, I rejoined them in the living room where they were watching TV.

  I stopped short in the doorway as I saw Abel putting boxes under the tree. Pop was watching him with a fond grin.

  He cares for them.

  Pop wasn’t here for only my sake anymore.

  "Hey." I felt mildly uncomfortable. The view was too picturesque.

  Abel swung his head around and smiled widely. "Keith bought Christmas presents!"

  "I can see that." I looked questioningly at Pop, who shrugged. He was in a good mood. "I, uh—" Before I could continue, there was a knock on the front door, so I excused myself.

  Reaching the hallway, I opened the door and saw Ade standing there. Someone's had a rough day. Her coat was open, and I guessed someone had thrown up or spilled on her shirt. Her uniform kinda reminded me of the ones I wore in prison. Like scrubs, though hers were pale purple instead of blue.

  "You look like shit," I told her.

  She snapped her gaze to mine and gritted her teeth. "Thank you, I love hearing that."

  I grinned and leaned against the doorframe. In truth, she looked like a messy mix of cute, hot, and tired. Her hair was gathered in a haphazard bun at the top of her head and had a pen stuck in it. The only thing impeccable about her was whatever little makeup she'd put on in the morning.

  "Bad day?" I nodded at her shirt.

  She looked down. "Believe it or not, but a child having a meltdown to the point where she vomited all over me was one of the highlights." She sighed heavily and removed the pen from her hair. "To make matters worse, my shift at the hotel's been canceled tonight."

  "I reckon that should be a good thing…?" I knew she worked the front desk at some fancy hotel downtown, and she sometimes filled in as a hostess and personal assistant to the richer guests.

  "It's not." She stuck the pen inside her purse. "The clinic's only open for emergencies over the holidays, so I'm off now until January fourth." And she needed more shifts… "Anyway, sorry to disturb. Jesse told me they got locked out. Thank you for letting them hang out here."

  "No worries." I wasn’t ready to let go of her just yet, so I didn’t get out of her way. Instead, I grabbed my smokes from the table by the door and lit one up. "I got a question for ya." Shrugging on my jacket, I stepped outside and closed the door. "What's Jesse's issue with me?"

  "Dammit." She winced and hesitated. "Did he… Has he been rude?"

  "Nah." I wasn’t gonna get him into trouble. "I can tell he doesn’t like me, though."

  Her shoulders slumped, and she averted her eyes for a second. "To be honest, I don’t think I know the whole story. He won't talk about it." She paused, facing me warily. "He puts Abel and me first. That’s why he sent you those chapters. He thought, with our history, you'd send us money if you read them, and he… For some reason, he believes it's your responsibility."

  I must've done something pretty shitty if a stranger felt I owed him.

  "I swear he's a good guy, Lincoln." Behind the confidence in her voice, sadness lingered. "I might have a theory, but I want to hear it from him. I've told him he's got no right to be disrespectful, though. I'll talk to him."

  I inhaled from the smoke, thinking, and decided to close the topic. Ade looked increasingly upset, and I didn’t need to add to that. I'd talk to him myself. I wanted to know.

  "Don't worry about it," I said.

  She smiled tightly, only for the strength to crumble. "Can—can I ask something really selfish of you?"

  I straightened and nodded once. "Shoot."

  While she was hesitating, I grew impatient, even though only a couple seconds ticked by. When was the last time anyone asked me for a favor? Or needed my help? I was an ex-con, not a delicate fucking flower. I wanted to be of use.

  "Do you mind if I come over tonight?" she wondered, her voice soft and brimming with insecurity. Fucking hell, I hated that. Had I made her this way? No, impossible. "To the deck, I mean. I can bring coffee…"

  "Yeah, sure." I nodded again, maybe even looking forward to it. "What time? My parole officer calls systematically every other day for random check-ins." I smiled dryly.

  She managed a small grin. "I can text you before." Right. Texting. That's what people did today. "You could always bring out the cordless so you don’t miss the call."

  That, too.

  "All right." I took a final drag before dumping the smoke in a soda can by
the door. "Tonight."

  *

  "How many Milky Way bars can one eat?" Pop asked incredulously.

  "I don’t know, but I'm gonna find out." I crammed another piece into my mouth and threw away the wrapper under the kitchen sink. No regrets. Milky Way was a rare sight in prison. I had the right to indulge. "What're you doing?"

  Seated at the table, he tapped away on the keys of my laptop. "I'm trying to find a sports bar nearby."

  "Oh." Fucker. I sat down across from him.

  "I've held out for as long as possible, son, and I love you with all my heart, but I need beer."

  I chuckled. "Have one for me."

  "I'll have four," he muttered, reading on the screen. He was straining his eyes. Maybe he needed glasses. "Don't forget you have therapy tomorrow."

  I suppressed a sigh. I felt like an ungrateful asshole, but it was gonna be nice when he went home after the holidays. While I sure as hell wished he wouldn’t be so far away, living together was a stretch.

  "I need some advice," I said, changing the subject. "I'm gonna do my best to get to know Ade and her family more, so I reckon I should be a good guest on Christmas and bring something. You got any suggestions?"

  "Oh, sure." He looked up with a smile. "Don't worry about the presents. A nice saleslady helped me. They're from both of us. But I guess you can get somethin' from a bakery?"

  I half shrugged, half nodded. I was game.

  The phone rang, and I rose to get it, hoping it was Kid. Considering the low number of people who had my number, it wasn’t a surprise that I was right.

  "Yeah, I accept," I said. It was a bizarre thing, being on the other end of that kind of call. "Kid, you there?"

  His voice came through. "Yeah, hi. How are you?"

  "I'm good." Fuck, it was nice hearing his voice. He was familiar. "You? You don’t call very often."

  He laughed softly. "You've been out like a week. I didn’t wanna crowd you. I'm okay."

  I blew out a breath, hit by a rush of emotions. Had it really been just over a week? "Yeah, well… People drive me bonkers out here." I sent Pop a smirk when he huffed. "So, are you still pissy about the money?" Our first call had consisted of his bitching because I'd added money to his account and left him my stuff.

  "Don't remind me." Kid grunted. "But I could finally buy new shower shoes yesterday, so I guess I'm getting over it."

  I grinned. "There ya go." Opening a cupboard, I grabbed another Milky Way. "So tell me everything."

  It wasn’t about anything happening at prison. He didn’t care. I definitely didn’t care. It was just nice to talk to him. While he filled me in on his workouts, I sent Ade a text, too. Since Pop was going out for the evening, there was no need for us to huddle up in the cold.

  "There isn't much else to say…" Kid stalled. "You know nothing changes around here in a week." Too true. "Work is the same, some new arrivals, some new parolees walked out… Nunez's kids came to visit… Same old."

  *

  Is it okay to come over?

  This texting thing was gonna take a while to get used to. Nevertheless, I replied to her and said it was all right. Pop left a while ago and was gonna have dinner and watch a game at a bar, so I'd ordered a bunch of Chinese food for myself. Though, when I eyed the containers on the coffee table in the living room, I was sure I'd bought enough to feed an army.

  The doorbell rang, and I sucked some grease off my thumb on the way to the entryway. If Ade looked worse for wear before, it had nothing on now. She'd changed into pajama bottoms and washed off her makeup. I assumed the hoodie she wore belonged to Madigan or Jesse. It was way too big.

  "Showin' up on my doorstep in slutty lingerie, huh?" I opened the door wider to let her in.

  "I know, I'm supersexy." She walked inside and smiled tiredly. Little did she know, she was supersexy. Even now. Was I fucked in the head or what? "What're you up to, Captain Sweat Pants?"

  All right, maybe I'd changed out of my jeans, too. In my defense, they were new. They would need a couple hundred washes before they were comfortable.

  "Exciting stuff," I told her. "I've got Chinese food and a Friends marathon going on."

  That made her laugh a little, and I couldn’t blame her. I hadn't followed the show ten years ago; I didn’t know why I cared now. I guess it was interesting to see how everyone had changed… Last I heard, Ross and Rachel were or weren't on a break.

  "Are you hungry?" I grabbed her a plate in the kitchen, regardless. Ade wasn’t known for taking care of herself. "There's soda in the fridge. Help yourself."

  "Thank you."

  I was standing in front of the TV trying to lower the volume when she appeared with a glass of water. Didn’t she see the bottled water in the fridge? It tasted a whole lot better than whatever came out of the faucet.

  "Don't you have a remote?" she asked.

  "I can't find it." It was probably stuck between the cushions somewhere. "All right. I'm ready to listen or whatever it is—" Just as I turned around to get back to the couch, Ade was suddenly there, and then she was hugging me. Arms around my middle. "Uh." What the hell was happening?

  "I'm sorry."

  I swallowed dryly, dumbstruck, and shook my head slowly. Don't apologize. Fuck, she was hugging me. It's been ten years. I didn’t know what'd prompted this, and I didn’t care. Oh, hell. My arms circled her without my really thinking about it. What's she doing to me? I could sense the proverbial fuse getting shorter and shorter, and once I exploded, I didn’t know where we'd end up.

  "I'm so sorry," she repeated in a whisper, and this time, I found my voice.

  "Don't." Something in me snapped. Memories of how we used to be flooded back, and before I registered it, I picked her up and carried her over to the couch where I sat down with her on my lap. "Don't say sorry." In a brief moment, our old dynamic took the wheel, and I had every right to hold her, comfort her, be near her. "Tell me what's wrong."

  She shuddered, keeping her face buried against my neck. Was she crying? Had something happened? Jesse had mentioned her being down in the dumps.

  "I didn’t mean to use you as a shoulder to cry on—ugh, literally." She sniffled and covered her face with her hands instead. "I'm so sick of feeling weak. I wanna be strong and, for once in my fucking life, not fall back into old patterns."

  At those words, I went rigid. Old patterns, falling back into old fucking patterns. Fuck no. "Ade—" I screwed my eyes shut, assaulted by a sudden hit of anxiety. "You're not—you're not using again, are you?"

  "What? No!" she cried.

  "Oh, thank fuck." I slumped back against the cushions, my heart racing like goddamn mad. Mother of Christ, if I wondered whether or not I had any emotional triggers, I guess I found one.

  "Oh my God, I wouldn’t do that." Wiping at her cheeks, she straightened and whimpered as more tears continued to fall. "I'm… Ugh, it's work. How do I convince women to do something I never could? I can't nail the bastard on my own."

  What was she talking about? She was the receptionist at a clinic that specialized in care for kids with disabilities and mental disorders, not some…vigilante bastard-nailer. "You lost me, hon." I cupped her cheek and brushed away a few tears. "What's going on?"

  She sniffled some more and tried to calm down. "One of the doctors who runs the clinic—Dr. Houston—preys on single mothers whose kids go to therapy there. He hits on them, and he only goes after those of us who struggle financially, because he makes creepy offers. Medication and sessions, stuff like that, if they agree to…I don’t even know."

  Us. She said us. My jaw clenched.

  She hiccupped on a quiet sob and covered her face again. "I hate him so fucking much, and there's nothing I can do, Lincoln. I've been trying for weeks."

  "Has he touched you?" I asked quietly, teeth gnashed. It would do me no good to flip my lid, but dammit if it wouldn’t be easy.

  "No." She shook her head quickly, her answer letting the pressure on my chest ease off a bit. "When I was hired last
year, he made it clear we could work something out if I couldn’t afford Abel's treatment—"

  "Motherfucker," I growled.

  "But," she went on with a pointed look for me to simmer down, "then you and your dad helped me, and he backed off, for the most part."

  "You're making excuses for him," I said flatly.

  "No, I'm not, I promise." She brushed away the last of her tears, calmer now. "He's nothing but a manipulative predator, and I'm embarrassed to say I didn’t shoot him down at first. I left a door open in case I wouldn’t be able to afford Abel's medication later on, and that’s how I know it's close to impossible to bring him down now. He deserves to rot, but the women who've come forward to me—in private—and said they've…done stuff with him…they're refusing to speak up. They can't afford it."

  As much as it angered me, learning that this son of a bitch was using women like that, my first thought was about Ade. Maybe I hadn't been out long enough to give a rat's ass about the rest of society, 'cause what I saw was how much she'd grown. How in the actual fuck could she not see that? She called herself weak, yet I remembered a young girl who'd run away in every way imaginable. Now she was doing her best to stand up for what was right.

  "How many have talked to you?" I asked.

  She slipped off my lap, which I couldn’t say I liked, and settled in next to me. "Three mothers. They're all single, working class…struggling to get by."

  Women like her.

  Goddammit. So what if I hadn't been out very long? I couldn’t sit by and do nothing. I didn’t want her to struggle. I wanted to help.

  "What do Madigan and Jesse say?" I shifted in my seat to face her better and leaned against the armrest. "Or the other doctor…? You told me there were two running the joint."

  Ade was pretending to find her plate interesting to stare at. "You're the first one I've told."

  Oh. All right… Don't fucking smile, you dick. I wasn’t gonna smile. It felt good to be part of something again, though. Call me selfish for all I care. It mattered that she told me.

  "Okay." Determined to make myself useful, I felt better, and my hunger kicked in again. "So, let's fix it. How would the other doctor react if you told him?"