Mine to Lose

by T. K. Rapp

  CHAPTER 14

  I’m still reeling from the realization that Trey is standing here in front of me. He asked what Ryan and I had planned for the weekend, and now I can’t remember if I told him where we were going or not. Whether it is unintentional or not, my dream floods my memory and my neck is suddenly hot. I step back and wrap an arm around Ryan’s waist, feeling exposed, but his arm at my waist protects me.

  “Hey, babe,” Ryan’s voice breaks my thoughts, “You ready to head out? I think everyone’s coming over for a bit, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Yeah, that’s great,” I lie, anything to get me out of this situation.

  Ryan holds me against him with one hand and reaches out to Trey with the other. “It was nice to you meet you, man. We’re heading out, but y’all enjoy the rest of your night.”

  “Same to you,” Trey answers and then looks at me. “See you next week, Em-Emogen.” I give him a curt nod and allow Ryan to take my hand and lead me away. I don’t bother looking over as I pass him, because I can feel Trey’s eyes on me.

  I hear his date snap at him, “What was that all about? You take me to a club and then flirt with some other girl?”

  “She’s a friend,” he bites back.

  “Looked like more to me.” I hear her say, and it’s the last thing before I’m out of earshot. I look up at Ryan to see if he heard their exchange, but he only looks down and smiles at me lovingly.

  Standing out in the cool night air, our small group lingers in stale conversation. Cam and Dean decide to go get some coffee and talk some more. Joss looks at me with a raised brow. “I’m not going to be a third wheel. Love you guys, but I’m out.” She walks over and gives me a quick hug. “Call me tomorrow when your man leaves.” She walks over to Ryan and kisses his cheek. “Have a safe trip home - and, try to come home a little more often, this chick is crazy when you’re gone.”

  I give her a playful ‘I’m gonna kick your ass’ glare, and she returns a similar look before heading off in the opposite direction.

  Neither one of us drank too much, but we don’t want to drive either, so we decide to walk the short distance to our apartment. Ryan’s fingers are entwined with mine; our stride is slow and easy. The wind picks up, and an involuntary shudder escapes me. Without a word, Ryan lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around me, bringing me close to his side as we continue to walk.

  “So that was your client, huh?”

  “Yeah,” I yawn, sounding bored with the topic trying to buy time. “That’s him.”

  “He’s younger than I thought,” he admits, and I know there’s a question in there. Why didn’t I tell him?

  “I was surprised to see him there,” I offer, because it’s true. “That doesn’t seem like the type of place he’d go to.”

  “Too good for it?” he asks, trying to find a flaw in Trey.

  “Not ‘too good,’ maybe,” I pause, trying to find an accurate description. “Too uptight?”

  “Seems like a nice guy, I guess. His girlfriend seemed a little pissed,” he scoffs.

  “I don’t know anything about her, but yeah, he’s pretty nice. Been an easy client to work with so far, but I don’t want to talk about my work. Did you and Alex get that project completed?”

  The arm that’s around me tenses, and I know that work is stressing him out. He exhales a loud breath and groans, “We’ve busted our asses this last week, but we got an extension. It’s only a couple of days, and that doesn’t really help. I’ll just be pulling more long hours this week.”

  “What’s the issue with it?”

  “There’s a few key details missing, and our boss is insisting that we get those by Tuesday, or he will get involved. That’s that last thing Alex and I want; this is ours,” he adds, sounding as though it’s personal if it ends up being taken from him.

  “Is he easy to work with?”

  “Mr. Jameson?” he asks with a shrug. “I guess he’s alright.”

  “No,” I correct, “Alex. Does he pull his own weight?”

  He looks at me and cocks his head in confusion. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  He gives me a squeeze before letting me go to walk up the stairs to our apartment. He opens the door and closes it behind me, and the silence has become too much to bear. I turn around to say something, but Ryan is leaning back against the door, staring at me with sad eyes.

  “I hate that I have to leave you tomorrow.” He finally speaks up.

  My eyes shut tight, willing the tears back, because I can save them for when he leaves. But when I open, they’re still there, below the surface, waiting to erupt. I take a deep breath and walk over to him, stand on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. He lifts me up and squeezes tight, and I feel all of his love in this embrace.

  “I don’t want to talk about you leaving, okay? Let’s talk about what else we have coming up. I need good things to focus on, otherwise I might just spend the next twenty-four hours in tears.”

  He kisses my nose and winks before setting me on my feet. “What other wedding plans to we need to nail out?”

  “Hammer, Ryan,” I correct with a laugh, “the saying is hammer out.”

  “No, I meant nail,” he says, lunging toward me, “as in nailing you, on our honeymoon.”

  I laugh and try to get away, but he reaches me too fast. He drags me to the couch and pulls me on top of him, and all I can do is gaze into his eyes. “I don’t think we can afford a honeymoon, Ryan.”

  He narrows his eyes, no doubt trying to come up with an argument, but he knows it’s the truth. It’s already hard for us to afford the tickets to fly out to see each other.

  “Vail,” he says, making a decision.

  “We can’t go to Vail,” I insist, because all of the resorts will cost an arm and a leg.

  “I’ve already talked to Dean,” he smirks at my confusion. “Remember that place we went to after graduation, before I started working? He’s got a cousin who manages that resort. He said he could get us a deal. It’s not free or anything, but this is our honeymoon, and trust me when I say I plan on taking one and getting all the advantages that come with it.”

  I lean down and kiss him, pouring every emotion into that single kiss. “Why wait for the honeymoon?” I get up and pull at his hand, leading him to our bedroom.

  * * *

  “Don’t cry, Em,” he says into my hair, holding me close. “We’ll see each other in a few weeks, I promise.”

  “I know, it’s just, this is the hard part - well, this and then the next few days,” I admit.

  His hands move to my shoulders and he pushes me back, dropping his head to look into my eyes. He lifts his hand to my chin, urging me to look at him, “You can handle this. Hell, you’ve already handled it, and I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too.” The words escape past the tightness in my throat. “Have a safe flight.”

  He kisses me one more time and grabs his luggage and heads into the airport. I watch as he disappears through the sliding doors before getting into my car to head back home. I’ve barely moved before my phone buzzes a text from Ryan.

  You’re still the most beautiful girl I know. I love you.

  That’s all it takes and the tears spill from my eyes. I find Langley’s contact information and call her cell. She answers on the first ring, “How you holdin’ up, Emmy?”

  “Not so good,” I say through my tears. “I just left him at the airport.”

  “How was the visit?”

  “We had a really great time.” I smile, remembering our first night.

  “Ew. Gross. Spare me the details,” she gags, eliciting a laugh from me that I’m thankful for.

  “Then don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” I remind her.

  “What’d y’all do?”

  “We-” She interrupts and makes weird noises.

  “Aside from the bedroom, what did y’all do?”

  “We hired a florist for the wedding,” I beam with excitement. “Then we we
nt out to a bar with a few friends last night. That was- eventful.”

  “What happened last night?” she asks in a hurry.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You tell me,” her tone turning nosey. “You’re the one whose voice just sounded all down and mopey.”

  “Nothing happened, necessarily. We just, happened, to run into my client.”

  “At the bar?” she clarifies with shock.

  “Yeah, it was weird, Lang. I don’t think I told him I was going there, but he didn’t seem shocked to see me. In fact, I think he liked watching me squirm. I dunno. But luckily, Ryan didn’t seem to remember him from that night, so I guess that’s good.”

  “Wait, what you do mean, he liked watching you squirm?” I can totally picture her using air quotes, even though no one is there to see them.

  “Well, he knows who Ryan is from that night, he’s the one who reminded me, but obviously Ryan doesn’t remember him, and he seemed to be enjoying that little tidbit.”

  “Why don’t you just tell Ryan, and get it over with? The longer you keep quiet, the more it looks like you did something wrong. Did you do anything wrong?”

  “No, of course not!” I protest.

  “Then stop acting guilty, dumbass!”

  “Thanks, Lang. I needed this.”

  “Anytime, sis.”

  It’s amazing how simple she can make everything appear. But Ryan is living in another city, I’m working with my first solo client, and we’re planning our wedding, which is supposed to take place in less than a year. We don’t need any more road bumps messing with us. And to say anything at this point would just be stupid.

  The drive back to the apartment is quiet, and upon entering the empty home we shared this weekend, I feel tired and lonely, all at once. I still feel him here; our coffee mugs side by side on the counter from this morning, his towel hanging on the rack after our shower and a note? I see a folded piece of paper on my side of the bed that simply reads, ‘Open when you go to bed.’

  There’s no way I can wait until tonight to read his words. I force it open to read the contents, laughing when I read the first line.

  Em,

  I knew you wouldn’t wait to read this like I said, you never can. Guess that’s why I love you so much. You can’t wait for anything. (Kidding)

  I know this is messed up. I don’t like being away from you any more than you like being away from me. I still wish you’d pack up and come with me, but I know you have things to do there, and I’m proud of you for doing what you love. We’ll get through all of this in the end, but this year assignment came at a bad time, and I’m sorry for that. I hope you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you.

  When you go to sleep tonight, just imagine me next to you, holding you, because that is where I want to be. And if you need to, I’m always ready for a ‘phone call.’ Kidding. Unless you’re up for it. Just kidding. I love you, Emogen Rae Tate. In case there was any question, you are taking that name, because you belong with me, forever.

  I love you,

  Ry

  When I finish the reading his note, my heart swells with love, and my eyes fill with tears. Why does he do this to me? He knows that I’m going to be a mess until I hear from him tonight.

  Nope, can’t wait. I decide to call him right away and don’t even wait for a greeting when he picks up. “I love you so much.”

  “You caught me just in time, we’re about to board in a few minutes.” Hearing his voice now feels like it’s been years, not just hours since I last talked to him.

  “Thank you for my note,” I say through a tear.

  “Impatient, aren’t you?”

  “You already know that about me, which is why you left it in plain sight.” My giggle lightens the mood.

  “It’s one of the things I love most about you. We probably wouldn’t be together if you were actually patient.” A voice sounds over the intercom and Ryan stops talking to listen for a moment. “Hey, babe, that’s me. I gotta go now, but I’ll call when I land. I love you.”

  “Me, too.”

  CHAPTER 15

  “Morning, Cam.” My voice is quiet in my greeting.

  She wastes no time in joining me at my desk. She sits on the corner to face me, a huge smile covers her face. I don’t think I have noticed how beautiful her smile is until now, but as soon as I notice it, it disappears. “How ya doin’?” Her look is sympathetic, and I feel bad that I’m bringing her down.

  “I’m good,” I lie, thankful I was able to make myself look presentable enough to back up my words. “It was hard saying goodbye, but we had so much fun. I’m good, I promise.”

  She looks at me and nods, which allows me to get away with the charade, for now. “What do you have going on today?”

  “Oh no you don’t.” I shake my head, making sure I have her attention. “You don’t get off that easy. You and Dean, huh? I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. You two disappeared and I haven’t heard anything from you,” I tease, prompting a laugh from her. “Care to explain?”

  Her smile is one of authentic happiness. “He’s really funny,” she gushes, which surprises me. Most people would probably comment on his eyes, or tall stature, but not Cam. It’s all about what’s on the inside with that girl.

  “Funny, huh? Is that all he is?” She blushes. Cam actually blushes when I put her on the spot about Dean, so of course I continue. “What else is he?”

  “He’s kinda great,” she admits with a shy smile.

  “Ryan’s a good judge of character, and he and Dean hit it off right away, so I think you’re in good hands.” I wink. “What did y’all do the rest of the night?”

  “We were going to a coffee bar down the road, but there was some guy playing there. We wanted to talk, so we just ended up walking around for hours.”

  I look at the person who I’ve come to consider a good friend, and I love seeing her happy. She’s been nice to me since day one, she’s sobered me with unsolicited advice that I appreciate but I’ve been so self-involved that I didn’t notice how things were going for her. I really hope that whatever this is between Dean and Cam works out. They are pretty opposite; sure, they’re both good looking, but he comes off cocky and his loud inappropriate comments throw most people off. But then again, Cam isn’t most people. She’s a quiet observer and one of the most intuitive women I have met, so yeah, they make sense.

  “I’m glad y’all had a good time. So- are you gonna see him again?”

  The smile on her face is the only answer she gives as she gets up to walk back to her desk, so I push the button to power my computer on. My coffee mug sits at my desk, and I decide to fill it while I wait for everything to load on the screen. I haven’t checked my email since I left work early Friday, so hopefully my inbox won’t be too bad.

  With hot coffee in hand, I sit down and open my email. The first one I spot is from Ryan.

  Ryan Tate

  September 16, 2013 6:04 AM

  To: Kane, Emogen

  Subject: Miss you

  Hey baby,

  I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. I thought you might like to have a message from me when you get to work. I love you, and thank you for this weekend.

  Love,

  Ry

  Ryan Tate

  ARK Consulting

  I consider a response, but stop when I see the next one is from Trey. The time stamp says that he sent it early yesterday morning, which I find odd. The only thing that makes it even stranger is the content of the email itself.

  Trey Miller

  September 15, 2013 1:32 AM

  To: Kane, Emogen

  Subject: (None)

  Emogen,

  I need to cancel our meeting this week. I apologize for the late notice, but I have some things I need to take care of out of town. If you have any questions, or if there is anything that needs to be done in the meantime, my new secretary, Hattie should be able to help you.

 
Regards,

  Trey

  Trey Miller

  T.M. Enterprises

  I’m not sure why, but this email has me confused. I wonder if I did something wrong. I’m not sure who Hattie is, maybe he finally found someone to replace Sandy, the woman I was originally working with. But still, I find the email perplexing, especially given the timing. I think back to the other night, aside from it being painfully awkward, nothing happened that sticks out as bad. I have no other emails or texts that would give me any indication as to what’s going on, but I send a short response anyway.

  Emogen Kane

  September 16, 2013 8:13 AM

  To: Miller, Trey

  Re: (None)

  Mr. Miller,

  I will be sure to contact Hattie if there are any problems. Have a good week.

  Regards,

  Emogen Kane,

  Event Planner

  Elle E. Grant Events

  I debate whether or not I should even hit the “send” button, because it seems pointless to respond, but business etiquette deems that I should at least acknowledge. Right?

  “Emogen?” Callie calls through the intercom. “Mr. Miller is on hold for you.”

  “Thank you, Callie,” I say; anxiety is filling me while I wait for her to send the call through.

  He wastes no time in speaking when I answer the phone. “Emogen, it’s Trey.” His voice is hurried, and I can only assume he’s running late somewhere.

  “Good morning, Mr. Miller, is there something I can do for you?” I answer, bemused that he’s calling, when his email already said everything, I would think, he needed to say.

  “I know my email said I had to cancel the meeting this week, but can we meet today instead?”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure that’s possible. The entertainers were set to meet with us on Thursday. I’m not sure how many, if any, we can get on such short notice.”

  “That’s fine, we can reschedule that. I just need to discuss a few changes I’m thinking about making.”