Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  She pushed off the wood floor with the tip of her shoe and let the swing sway slowly. “Jah. It was nice to make something different. Jim always wanted the same thing.”

  “I didn’t know you cooked.”

  “I didn’t until my mother got sick. Then I learned real quick.”

  He knew her daed was a controlling man, so she probably hadn’t had much choice but to take up her mamm’s chores. Then a speck of hope sprung up—she had learned to be domestic. She probably did much the same duties his mamm did. She lived on a farm, so the outdoor duties were familiar to her too.

  “We should eat before it gets cold.” She stood and reached for Mose to help him up. When he grasped her hand, it felt so familiar, he pulled away, not wanting the connection, knowing he couldn’t have what he really wanted.

  When she turned to him and smiled, Mose sighed.

  Daed is probably right—I’m grasping at a whole lot of straws.

  Chapter Eighteen

  AFTER ABBY HELPED Esther with the breakfast cleanup, she went to find Mose. He’d told her he needed to ask her something, and she’d been curious all morning as to what it was about. She found him on the front porch, rocking slowly as he looked out over the many acres of corn.

  “Danke for helping Mamm in the kitchen.” His smile was weak, but his words were genuine.

  “You’re welcome.” She smiled and considered his thoughtfulness since telling him how she felt about the unfair treatment between men and women. He was so oblivious, she felt badly that she’d even mentioned it. It wasn’t the same as it was in her world. They had a different understanding that she was oblivious to. Abby would be more careful to be considerate of these people and respect their ways while she was there.

  Mose stared at the wood planks under his boots, seemingly deep in thought. She was about to ask him if he was all right when he finally lifted his head and spoke. “Do you feel comfortable staying here, Abby?”

  She hadn’t expected the question, so she took a minute to answer. “Your family makes me feel at home, but I wonder if they are uncomfortable with me here.” She had an idea of where he was going with the conversation and thought she’d make it easier on him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what my choices are and what I should do next. But I like being here and learning this lifestyle. Everyone is very kind, and the amazing thing is they don’t question me; they just accept me without knowing why I’m here.”

  He smiled as she shared her thoughts and seemed content to hear them. “It’s gut to know you feel that way. You don’t hesitate to jump in and help. Everyone appreciates that.”

  “It’s the least I can do. I want to earn my keep, maybe with the new school.”

  Mose slowly lifted his head and caught her eyes. “Now that would really be something, to have a bilingual teacher…” His eyes shifted away, and he was silent.

  She felt his heavy heart and began to worry he was going to tell her something bad. “What is it, Mose?”

  He moved forward in his chair and folded his hands together. “Would you like to stay with Becca and her family?”

  His eyes were pleading with her, but she didn’t know why he seemed so worried. “Why do you ask?”

  “It might be more appropriate for you to be with more women than men.” He cracked a smile, an appreciative gesture on his part.

  “I’m fine with that.” Abby knew she was welcome but felt a little awkward, even though Becca wouldn’t let her feel that way. She would need to confirm the plans she’d been making. Only a few weeks, and school would start. She had to have her arrangements in order before that.

  “I’d prefer you’d stay here. I still worry for your safety.” He almost looked sad, but she sensed a touch of anger.

  She put her hand on his. “It’s a good idea. You know how I enjoy Becca. And if her family is anything like she is, I will appreciate my time there even more, especially if I can help at the school.”

  He searched the field as if looking for something out among the green waving leaves on the tall stalks. “I’ll be checking in on you often.”

  “I would expect nothing less.” She smiled and stood. “I’ll help you with the milking.” She was getting the hang of how to milk using the gas-generated pumps. Using them made the job go much faster, but they had a lot more Holsteins than she had on her farm, so it took awhile before all of the heifers went dry.

  “I’d like that.” He stood with her and finished the rest of the chores before they rode over to Becca’s in the buggy. “We’ll stop in and see if Joe wants to join us. He’d probably like to see Becca.”

  “That’s fine. Does he know we’re coming?” She was still getting used to their casual ways and liked Joe, so she was happy to spend more time with him.

  When Joe came moseying down the path leading to the main road, he hopped into the buggy with ease and sat down between them. Mose shook his head and tried to ignore him, but did seem to relax once Joe was with them.

  When they reached the door, it opened with Becca there to greet them. “Come in. You’re just in time for the noon meal.” She clasped hands with Joe as they walked to the back porch, where her dad sat with a couple other young men, and Mose followed.

  Becca grabbed Abby around the waist, leading her into the bustling kitchen. Abby had never seen so many young women in a room cooking, chopping, slicing, and baking. “Mose, Daed is doctoring a lame gelding in the barn.”

  “I’m on my way.” He smiled at Abby before he turned around to leave.

  The energy in the room was electric, and Abby relished it. A bowl of bread dough was the only part of the meal unattended. “Do you want me to roll out the dough?”

  “Jah, please do.” Becca went back to her station, chopping vegetables.

  The girl next to her, who seemed a little older, smiled, but didn’t stop working. “I’m Arianna. I hear you’re a teacher.”

  “Yes, I teach in town.”

  “I’ve taught my siblings a lot, taking some of the load for my mamm.”

  “I’m sure she appreciates your help.”

  “There’s some flour in the canister there.” She motioned at the glass container half full of white flour. “And Mel has the rolling pin.”

  And on it went, until the meal was prepared and all of the family finally sat down together and had a time of quiet prayer. Abby was so distracted with remembering their names, she caught herself running through them during prayer.

  The family passed around healthy portions of food, conversing all the while, most of it all at one time. Becca was next to her, for which Abby was grateful in case she forgot which face went with what name. When Abby forgot the youngest sister’s name, Becca asked everyone to say their names. By the time Abby met all of Becca’s family, she felt she should go around again so she could remember everyone. All six girls and three boys, including Mose and Joe, sat at the kitchen table with Becca’s parents, sharing the meal. Then it was time to clean up while the boys did evening chores.

  When all was done, Mose and Abby went out on the front porch to talk before he left. He was quietly studying her. She couldn’t see his eyes in the dark night, but she felt his stare. She hoped the evening together made him feel better about her staying there. The more she thought about it, the more she felt it was best and was glad he’d suggested it.

  “It’s as if the Troyers have another daughter. You fit right in.”

  “Once I got their names memorized. I’ve never been with a family that big.” She had known the Amish had large families, but actually experiencing it firsthand made her realize how different it was from her own quiet home.

  “Mamm always wanted more children, but couldn’t.”

  That felt a little awkward, and Abby searched for something to say. “Maybe she’ll have a lot of grandbabies.”

  “I hope to have a big family.” Mose was staring at the field again. Only the silhouette of tassels was visible as it swayed against the moonlight.

  Abby grew more uncomfortabl
e with the conversation and was glad to see Becca and Joe walk out the door. “Come sit with us.”

  Abby felt better with Becca with them. She figured it was frowned upon to be alone together, even though she noticed they seemed to be more lenient with her, maybe because she wasn’t Amish.

  “We should go.” Mose and Joe stood and thanked Becca for the meal. “It’s always good to see you, Becca, and your family.” When he turned to Abby, his expression softened. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be back around tomorrow.”

  “She’s fine, Mose.” Becca gave him a gentle push to the stairs. “You’ll be seeing her soon enough.” She pecked Joe on the cheek and giggled when he blushed.

  Mose took one last look at Abby before descending the stairs, climbed into his buggy, and left. She felt an unexpected loneliness even though she was at a house full of people.

  Becca settled in beside her and grinned. “We won’t have long before someone comes out, so tell me anything from the heart now.”

  Abby chuckled. “This is so opposite of how I grew up; it’s wonderfully crazy.”

  “And that’s gut, jah?” Becca was honestly asking because she didn’t understand the word. “Narrisch?”

  “Yes, narrisch, crazy.” They both laughed about the language barrier and because they were exhausted. “It’s a lot of work to be Amish.” They both giggled again and then enjoyed the quiet.

  “Do you like it here, Abby?” Becca asked seriously, so Abby answered in the same way.

  “I didn’t have any idea how it would be, but I do. It’s somewhat like living on a ranch like I grew up on, but this is so much more. It’s a good way to live.” Abby sat back in her chair and suddenly felt so tired she didn’t want to move.

  “Gut, so maybe you’ll stay?” Becca was truly asking, which surprised Abby. It wasn’t that easy, and she knew that as well as Abby did.

  “Why would you ask me that?”

  “It suits you.” She smiled. “Tell me about the English way.”

  Abby was still digesting her words about her fitting into the Amish life. Some of it was familiar to her, but there was so much more she didn’t know. “The bad part is that it’s fast. And people don’t know each other. We buy expensive things that we don’t need. There’s a lot to do, but people seem bored. The good things are that you can have a meal within minutes. You can travel the world in just hours. You can talk to most anyone anywhere. And there’s a lot of variety. Everyone’s different.”

  “Everyone is different here too.”

  Abby rolled her head to the side against the top of the chair, too tired to lift her head. “Hmm, I guess that’s true, but you can’t tell by looking.”

  “You don’t know unless you can read a person’s heart.”

  That made Abby pause. Becca’s insight made her think about things she hadn’t before, and she liked the challenge. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “I’d like to visit the English world some time.”

  Again, Becca surprised her. There was so much more to her than most of the other Amish she’d come across. “You could stay with me.”

  “Jah, I’d like to go to Africa to do mission work.”

  She couldn’t picture little Becca in another country. She was only a year younger than Abby even though she was mature and responsible. Abby couldn’t imagine why she would want to spend time someplace when she seemed so happy here. But Abby didn’t believe she would be allowed to go, anyway. “Can you leave the community like that?”

  “The Mennonites frequently go on missions.”

  “I’ve heard that, but I didn’t know the Amish went with them.”

  “They don’t usually, but I’ve made an effort to connect with a group not far from here.”

  “That doesn’t sound like something you would want to do. You seem so content here.”

  “I want to explore the outside world, be an example, living as a Christian in places where they don’t know the Lord.”

  Abby couldn’t help the jolt that caused her body to move back in the chair. She’d heard of the mission trips and seen pictures on the TV, but she never thought of actually going and doing something to help those in need. For Mose and Becca to be examples of what it means to live a Christlike life in the outside world was amazing to Abby. They were both so bold and brave, as if it was just the next thing to do.

  “That’s amazing. Even if you may not see it that way, I certainly do.” Abby couldn’t imagine an Amish person living out their faith in the English world, even in a small town like Beeville. If anyone asked her about her religious beliefs, she wouldn’t know what to say. Where did these people’s confidence come from?

  Becca shrugged and stopped rocking. “Can I ask you something personal?”

  If it was anyone else, Abby would have felt uncomfortable, but she trusted Becca. She trusted many people here—strange, since she’d only recently met them. “I suppose.”

  “You don’t have to answer. What brought you here?”

  Abby realized how much better she felt over the past few days not living in her “real” life. Her cheek was starting to lose the black and blue color that seemed to be an explanation in itself, but this was Becca, so of course she would tell her.

  “Things haven’t been so good since my mother died.”

  “I’m sorry, Abby.”

  Abby thought she might offer condolences and tell her own experience with a loss, but Becca quietly waited for her to continue.

  “It’s been hardest on my dad, Jim. He hasn’t been the same since Mom passed away, and I get the brunt of it.”

  “Is he responsible for the bruise?”

  Abby hadn’t thought of it that way—that he was the one accountable, not her. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “I’m glad you came here.” Becca’s warm smile made Abby feel the same acceptance she’d felt from nearly everyone she’d met since being there, only Becca’s meant more.

  “I wish it would have been for a different reason.”

  “What else would have brought you here? It’s all Gott’s plan. It’s just hard for us to figure out what needs to happen to get us where He wants us.” She clasped her hand on Abby’s.

  “How do you think that way?” Abby tried to wrap her mind around the way Becca thought, but she couldn’t get there. Completely trusting God with the good things was easy, but not with the hard stuff. It didn’t make sense to her.

  “Put Gott first.” Becca sat back in the rocker, and they gazed up at the stars. Abby didn’t know how to get to where Becca was. But she would sure like to have that steadfast belief in something.

  Chapter Nineteen

  NOW THAT ABBY was at Becca’s place, Mose found himself visiting there more than he ever had, and he’d never spent so much time with Joe. The girls were polite, and there were so many of them that it didn’t appear that he was there just to see Abby. A different Troyer sister (or daughter) answered the door each time. He and Abby usually sat on the porch and talked, or if she was busy with chores, he would help just so he could to spend time with her. He was getting in deeper each time he saw her, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to be near her.

  After feeding the livestock, they walked and talked until they got to the Troyers’ house. Abby took a seat on the porch swing. She always did, and Mose was careful to sit on the rocker, although he’d have preferred to sit on the swing with her. He loved to study her face as she told him about the garden she was helping Becca with.

  She reached for a tin pail that she’d placed beside the porch swing. She held it out to him. It was full to the rim with three kinds of fragrant berries.

  “The berries are ripe for picking, the blackberries and blueberries are good, but the boysenberries are wonderful. Taste one.”

  “Which one’s which?” He studied them but wasn’t sure if he even liked boysenberries. His mamm was partial to blackberries and occasionally blueberries.

  “A country boy like you doesn’t know which is which?”
She grinned, obviously enjoying having knowledge he didn’t. She picked out a berry and handed it to him. “Try it.”

  The minute he saw it, he remembered why he wasn’t familiar with the purplish-looking berry. They were tart. He popped it into his mouth and swallowed before the flavor could spread across his tongue.

  “You don’t like them, do you?” She sat quietly and waited for his reply.

  “Nee, not really.” He wished for a strong taste of tea but toughed it out instead.

  She laughed, and that made him smile. “You’re a good sport.”

  He turned to her in question. “That’s gut, jah?” Abby took her time looking at him before she answered, as if seeing him for the first time. “Yes, it’s good.”

  “Is there something wrong?” He worried there was a berry stain on his chin or a seed stuck in his teeth, and he wiped his face with his hand.

  “You’re so handsome and kind. Why aren’t you married like most of the young men your age?” She continued to stare at him, making him uncomfortable—especially with her question.

  “I’ve been told that I am too particular or difficult, depending on who you talk to.” He could tell her he had found someone, but that person was her, so he thought he’d turn it around. He knew her society waited longer before they married, and he wondered why. They seemed to be noncommittal and spend time with many partners, making it difficult to decide who a person should end up with. “Why haven’t you?”

  Her smile disappeared, and she looked to the wood porch beneath her feet. “After my mother died, I thought I should stay with Jim. He took her death very hard. I don’t think he’ll ever stop mourning the loss.” She looked away, suddenly withdrawn and serious.

  “It’s hard for me to have any sympathy for him, Abby.” He stopped, even though he wanted to go on. But he didn’t want to push too far or say too much. “But then again, it’s hard to see things from the outside in.”

  “Yes, it is.” She stood and gave him a weak smile. “I should help prepare the noon meal.”