The Pact

by Brenna Darcy

  “You like him, don’t you?” Lacey stopped walking and turned to look at her.

  Flic looked down. “He’s nice.”

  “Come on Flic, don’t dish out the nice card, you know what I’m talking about.”

  “Look, Lacey, we already tried a few times and it just complicated things. Now we’re just awkward.”

  “And how has that changed anything? I remember the first meditation night, you two were at each other from the moment you walked in the door, but that’s half the attraction I think, or was, until you both decided to go on this ridiculous path of ignoring each other like there’s no chemistry, and you both don’t miss each other like crazy. Everyone else can see it, I don’t know why the two of you can’t admit it.”

  “You said it yourself, the attraction was twisted from the very beginning—it’s better this way, trust me. He deserves someone who can give him so much more than I can, someone without baggage, someone unbroken and not so damaged.”

  “What someone who hasn’t lived? or someone without substance? That’d bore my brother.”

  “Someone who hasn’t experience heartache doesn’t necessarily lack substance,” Flic argued. “ They’re just luckier than the rest of us.”

  “Just because someone has experienced heartache doesn’t mean they are damaged and broken beyond repair.”

  “Maybe not, but I am.”

  Lacey didn’t push the subject further.

  Dave deserved more, and didn’t she see why he should settle for less. There may have been chemistry at one stage, but Flic was positive the fizz had faded and she wasn’t going to try to reignite it again.

  “DID YOU INVITE FLIC to join us?”

  “No why would I?”

  Lacey rolled her eyes.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Not nothing, if you have something to say then you should say it.”

  “Okay, the two of you are so into each other. This pathetic school yard game you have going on, ignoring each other may be enough to fool the two of you, but the rest of us see straight through it.”

  “That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, but I’m still not inviting her. You want her here, you do it.”

  “Coward.” Lacey stood up, and wrapped a towel around herself. “Come on Ty, let’s go get Flic.”

  “Okay. Are you coming Uncle Dave?”

  “Nah, I’ll get us some drinks.”

  Ty shrugged and walked the short distance to the cottage with his mother.

  Flic was hesitant until Ty joined in the plea. Coming from him she couldn’t say no, and Lacey knew it, giving her son a high five when Flic agreed.

  “Don’t forget your bathers, you have to come swimming with me,” he called as she went to her room to put on some sandals. “And a towel too.”

  “Alright,” Flic called back, “I think you’ve inherited some of your Uncle’s bossiness.”

  “Isn’t that the truth?” Lacey agreed.

  “Aww, Mum, you’re so silly.”

  Lacey laughed. “And you, Sir Tyler, are cheeky.”

  Flic knew the invitation hadn’t come from Dave even though he was pleasant enough. He didn’t speak to her directly and barely looked at her, until she was a safe distance away, or in the pool.

  “See, you watch her like you’re scared she’s not real and going to vanish.”

  “I was watching Ty for your information.” Dave turned his gaze to Lacey. Ty was curled up on the lay out chair, in the sun behind her. “I was scanning the pool for him.” Dave laughed, but stopped when Flic joined them wearing a white bikini.

  PICKING UP HER TOWEL she covered herself, before sitting next to Lacey. A mistake as now Dave sat directly opposite her.

  “So what did the doctor say? Any news?” Dave looked at Lacey and waited.

  She ignored him.

  “Well? Why won’t you talk about this, you agreed you wouldn’t keep things from me.”

  “We’ll talk about it later.” Lacey shot Dave a meaningful stare. Flic wasn’t sure if it was for her benefit, or Ty’s, but he got the message and the frown crept onto his face.

  She noticed Lacey wasn’t her usual self lately. At work she barely ate, and Friday nights saw Dave eat half of her meal. Already so petite, she clearly wasn’t trying to lose weight. Dave would’ve been spoon-feeding her if that were her intention.

  When Dave’s scowl was in place, and there was nothing anyone could do to shift it, Flic decided to give them some privacy, using the excuse she’d cooked her dinner already and was hoping to have an early night. Lacey tried the same, but Ty was quick to dob her in.

  “Thanks for having me.”

  “What are you, five?” Dave snarled at her childlike goodbye.

  “No, polite. See you on Tuesday Lacey.” Flic bent to hug her, and dropped a kiss on the top of Ty’s head. “See you later, pirate.”

  Ty grinned.

  Flic didn’t bother to look at Dave again, picking up her things she walked away.

  “Good one hot shot, way to ruin a pleasant day.” Lacey scolded him.

  AS FLIC SWITCHED THE light out in the kitchen a knock on the door had her turning it on again. Obviously Ty wanted to say goodbye. She opened it without confirming who was there. Surprised when she saw Dave, wishing she’d grabbed a dressing gown to cover her tiny satin boxer shorts and singlet top, which left little to the imagination. He didn’t seem to notice her lack of clothing, insulted until she noticed the look on his face. She knew pain when she saw it. Not the sore, injury sort, but the grief stricken pain that cuts to the core of your being—nothing can disguise it.

  “Umm, hi. Come in. I was about to put the kettle on, do you want a cup of tea?” Flic didn’t think a white lie was inappropriate given the circumstances.

  “Tea would be great, thanks.”

  Flic nodded and took two cups from the cupboard. Dave stood still, so unlike his usual self, the strange behaviour had her on edge.

  Waiting for the kettle to boil, she turned to face him. “Lacey left?” A comment made for the sake of saying something, which required no response, as the answer was already obvious.

  “About an hour ago.”

  Flic nodded, and watched him for longer than normal. The kettle boiled, dragging her thoughts from what could be wrong she focused on making the tea. “Do you want to sit in the lounge room?”

  “Yeah, sure, okay.”

  Flic was unable to tell if Dave felt as uncomfortable as she did. He appeared dazed, as though in shock.

  Taking a seat on the couch, he accepted the cup Flic held out to him before she sat beside him.

  “It’s late. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. You’re ready for bed.” Dave stood up as though ready to leave. “I’ll come back tomorrow morning if you’re not busy.”

  “It’s fine Dave. I wasn’t expecting company, but I’m not doing anything, so sit and relax.”

  “You look like you’re about to go to bed.”

  “Well I had nothing better to do, but now I have, I’m having tea with you.”

  “But you’re in your pyjamas.”

  “If they offend you so much, I’ll change.”

  “They don’t offend me, but go for it if you feel more comfortable—don’t change for my sake.”

  Flic shook her head, “I’m fine.” Maybe he was in need of something a little stronger than English Breakfast. She had a feeling she was in for a long night. Thankfully she didn’t have to get up early for work in the morning.

  Dave sipped at his tea, still too hot to drink. The frown remained set, as though deep in thought. Still he said nothing for a long time.

  “I thought you wanted to get dressed.”

  “Dave, I am dressed, but if what I’m wearing makes you uncomfortable I said I would put something else on.”

  He changed the subject. “Ty’s a great kid, isn’t he?”

  Flic nodded, curious where his line of conversation was headed.

  “But he needs
stability in his life now more than ever and I don’t know what more I can do.”

  Flic was about to jump to Lacey’s defence, to inform him that she was an amazing mother and could figure it out without his interference, but stopped when he looked at her, eyes filled with doubt. “What if I’m not enough? What if I mess him up even more than he will be, growing up without Lacey?”

  Flic didn’t understand. “What do you mean, where’s she going?”

  Dave didn’t respond, but stared at her like she was the one not making sense. Then it hit her, the conversation earlier, regarding the doctor’s visit that Lacey silenced.

  “Dave, what’s wrong with Lacey?”

  “She hasn’t told you?” The expression on her face obviously enough to confirm she was clueless. “Damn it. How can she get close to people and not warn them. It’s not fair.”

  “Dave, tell me, is Lacey sick?” Flic’s heart raced as she waited for his answer.

  He groaned. “She’s going to kill me. Of course she wouldn’t have said anything, you’ve had enough of your own problems without further burdening you with hers. She’s so good and kind. It’s not fair.” Dave paused. Leaning forward to rest his head in his hands. “She thinks the world of you, and me an arse for treating you so poorly. She even said she felt partially responsible for my behaviour toward you, because she should have been a better role model in relationships.” Dave rolled his head to the side so he could look at her. “It wasn’t her fault, I was a complete arsehole to you and now you hate me, and so you should because I turned my back on you when you needed me. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

  Flic hadn’t a clue how any of what he was saying related to Ty and him not being enough. Clearly he had a lot on his mind, so she let him talk until he ran out of things to say. Confused by his sporadic comments that seemed random and unrelated, she didn’t try to piece them together.

  Running his hands through his hair Dave stood and began to pace the small room, looking every bit like the caged lion his emotional state was clearly experiencing within. He stopped pacing and stood in front of the empty fireplace as though willing it to warm the chill of his pain away.

  “She has late stage liver cancer.”

  Flic gasped, she didn’t know if it was loud enough for Dave to hear, but she guessed as much when he turned to look at her.

  “How bad is it?”

  “She has a month, two at most.” His eyes glazed with tears that threatened, but he blinked them back, turned his head to face the fireplace. With his hands spread wide he supported his weight on the sturdy mantle, and let his head hang forward. He stayed that way for a long time. Flic didn’t know what to say or do, but sat motionless and in shock.

  Lacey seemed the healthiest, most vibrant and alive person she knew. There had to be some kind of mistake. No wonder Dave constantly wore a frown the size of the one she was now supporting. He had more on his mind than she ever imagined. It was the worry for his sister, not for himself, that had him so withdrawn and distant from those who cared about him.

  Although he probably didn’t realise, he needed someone to be there for him—to comfort him. Why else would he come to her in the mid of the night. Flic walked over, slipped under his out stretched arms and wrapped hers around his waist. Dave folded his around her and held her close for a long time.

  Letting her arms drop, he did the same. Taking his hand she led him back to the couch and sat closer than before. She cared about him and wished things were different, that the past few weeks hadn’t left such a void between them before they even had a chance to get to know each other.

  “It’s a silent cancer, she tells me this will be kinder on her, that she can live normally up to almost the day it takes her life. I have read that on the Internet as well, but I don’t know if I believe it. It’s screaming pretty loud at the moment.”

  Flic squeezed Dave’s hand, rubbing her thumb backwards and forwards as she listened.

  “She tries to keep up a brave front for me and Ty, but I know she’s scared and I am too.” Dave stopped talking and drew in a deep breath. “She’s leaving me guardian of Ty, but how am I supposed to know what to do with him. I’m being thrown into the father role without having the time to grow with him.”

  “How haven’t you?”

  “What?”

  “Did you visit Lacey in the hospital?”

  “Yes, I was in the waiting room until the delivery was over and Mim came out to get me. I got to see Ty when he was only a couple of minutes old. He was so little, but he had a set of lungs on him. You could probably have heard him a kilometre away.” Dave smiled and shook his head thinking of the moment obviously burned in to his memory.

  Moving closer Flic caught Dave’s face in her hands. “Do you not hear yourself? Dave, whether you are his uncle or his closest friend, at the end of the day you’ve been the only father Ty has ever known. Lacey wouldn’t leave him in your care if she didn’t think you were capable. Besides you have Mim and all the people who care about you to help you with this. We all love Ty and want the best for him. You will be a wonderful father figure. Your concern about whether or not you’ll be enough is proof you already want what’s best for him.”

  “But what about Lacey. She’s so good—she should be here with him, enjoying his first day of grade one, and all the things a mother should be there for. I can’t begin to imagine what this would be doing to her.” A tear ran down Dave’s face, but he didn’t seem to notice. “She’s my best friend, what am I supposed to do without her?”

  Flic wiped the tears from her own cheeks. “The best thing you can do is love and care for her little boy and never let him forget what an amazing mother he had, no matter how hard it is for you, never let her memory fade.”

  Dave wrapped her in his arms and held her again. She couldn’t tell if he was crying, but he sniffed a few times.

  When he let go, he stood and took his place leaning against the mantle.

  “I’ll fix us some fresh tea.” The first one had since gone cold. Dave looked like he needed a moment alone, and so did she. As the kettle boiled, Flic slid to a squatting position, leaning against the kitchen cupboards for support. Wrapping her arms around herself, Flic cried for her friend with this most destructive horrid disease, the little boy who’d be losing his mother and the man she cared about, maybe even loved, was losing his little sister. She had to try to be strong for them, but at that moment she couldn’t.

  He didn’t look up when she entered, but she noticed he was holding a picture of Ellie in his hand. It was the last photo she had taken. It wasn’t a professional shot, but it was how Flic liked to remember her, natural, happy, and full of life. It still tore at her heart to look into her beautiful big blue eyes, but she would never pack the pictures away no matter how much it hurt. She didn’t want to forget her, or what it felt to love someone so completely. She hoped for Ty’s sake Dave would take her advice and keep Lacey’s memory alive, as the most vibrant light that touched the lives of so many and in the most positive way.

  Flic didn’t notice the tears running down her face until Dave set the photo down and turned toward her. She stood, tray with tea and biscuits in hand.

  “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Dave took the tray, set it on the table and then took her in his arms again.

  “You still miss her don’t you?”

  Flic nodded, but didn’t trust herself to talk for fear that she wouldn’t be able to stop crying. Not your normal every day sort of crying, the sort that was big and ugly, and often noisy. Her jaw ached from clenching it shut.

  “It’s okay, Flic, you don’t need to hold it in, and you have every right to feel sad and to miss her.” Dave kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her. “I know you’ll miss Lacey. You should know, she’s never had a female friend close to her the way she’s been with you. She loves you like the sister she always wanted.”

  The last comment was her undoing. The sobs came like cascading wate
rfalls and her shoulders shook. Why did everyone she cared about, or had loved at one point in her life, have to be taken from her?

  How was Ty to make reason of this when she, as an adult, couldn’t get over losing her little girl? It didn’t matter how wonderful Dave was to Ty he would never be able to give him what his mother could. Dave couldn’t do anything to change that, only help by loving him and hope that he wasn’t too damaged by it all.

  Lacey had been so good to her, why now did she have to lose the only friend she had. To witness a little boy deal with the pain and heartache she’d been trying to deal with after losing Ellie, and still was. Why, if Lacey was so ill, did she look so well? Even if she had been getting a little tired of late. How could her body betray her when she clearly didn’t want to die? She was still so energetic, so patient and kind as though she had a lifetime to do for everyone else, and never taking for herself in return.

  Flic clung to Dave, and he to her, for a long time before she stepped back.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lost it like that.” Flic looked down and played with her fingernails, a habit when she was uncomfortable with a situation and didn’t know what to do with her hands.

  Dave reached out and gently, with his hand cupped under her chin, tilted her head so her gaze met his. “Please don’t ever apologise for caring.” He didn’t take his eyes from hers as he slowly lowered his face to hers, giving her plenty of time to move away if she wanted to. But she didn’t. His mouth brushed her mouth ever so softly, as though to gauge her response. She’d longed for him to take her in his arms again, but at this moment she had never wanted the touch of a man so much. Leaning against his body she made it clear to him also. Not knowing if the raw emotion of the devastating situation was responsible for bringing them together in such a way, something they would later regret, but Flic wasn’t going to think about it. She’d done enough thinking, all she wanted was to feel again.