“I uh, I want to…”
“But?” she asks, raising her brow, her breathing rapid as she gapes at me waiting for me to answer.
“I can love you without making love to you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”
“He raped me, Brax. He forced himself on me for his own sick pleasure. I don’t want to relate sex to the torture he inflicted on me. I need new memories, something other than the ones buried inside here,” her finger jabs her forehead. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want me?”
“Don’t,” I warn, “Don’t ever think that.”
“Well, what?”
“Izzy,” I let out a puff of air, my heart hammering and our chests touching. “I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and every fucking day after that.” I feel my airways tighten as the emotion becomes my weakness. “I just don’t want to rush things. I want it to be fucking perfect, just like you.”
“I’m far from perfect,” she replies in a torn voice.
“Look at you,” I gasp, nodding my head toward her. “Everything you have been through and you are so strong. So fucking strong.”
Her thick eyelashes flutter a little as she fights back tears, and I can’t help but think how cute she looks. “See, you’re doing it now,” I say, darting out my tongue, wetting my lips. In one swift movement, she presses me back against the bed, her legs straddling me. I look up at her, her fucking tits all on show, her eyes fixed to mine.
“Perfect,” I growl, sliding my hands into her hair. I look at her, or maybe it’s classed as staring, but I can’t help it, and I don’t fucking care. My raging hard on presses against her pussy and I can’t deny how much I want to bury my cock deep inside her.
“Someone is pleased to see me,” she wriggles on my dick, a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth. “Your body wants me just as much as I want you. What the hell are you waiting for, Brax?”
I reach up, grabbing the back of her head and drawing her down against my lips. She sighs against them, the sound like music to my fucking ears. Flipping her over, I stand up from the bed, removing the only barrier left between us. I throw my clothes into a pile on the floor. My dick springs free as I drop the boxers and kneel back beside her on the bed. Our lips kiss again, but somehow, this time is different. The kiss is raw and full of intensity, and I feel completely intoxicated by her. We both breathe fast, but our hearts beat faster. I drop my hand, guiding it inside her panties. She reaches down, freeing herself from them and kicking them onto the floor.
She wants this, just as much as I do. My hand grazes over the soft shaven skin above her pussy, my finger sliding down between her folds. I swallow down as the excitement grows. She is so warm and wet for me, it sends my brain in a frenzy. I can’t stop, I need more.
“Oh, Brax,” she moans, my finger working over her engorged clit. All the times I thought about how it would feel to make love to her, to finally hear her calling out my name couldn’t compare to this moment. It’s my name she’s moaning. Mine and only mine. I kiss every bit of her searing skin I can, working down her neck and over her collarbone. As I reach her scar, she stiffens beneath me, but I don’t stop. I kiss my soft lips over and over wanting to make it go away.
“Please stop,” she says, her voice taut, her hands landing heavily on the bed.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No,” she gasps, “I just… I just feel weird about it.”
“He hurt you, and I want to take it away.”
She moans, her eyes flutter shut as I continue to work her clit. I resume my kisses down her neck, landing on her breast. I suck and tease her nipple with my tongue. I’m tasting and owning every part of her body, and I fucking love it. I love seeing how her face contorts as I work my fingers in a circular motion, over and over.
She trembles, her body writhing beneath me. I use my knee to spread her legs apart, my kisses trailing further and further down her searing hot torso. I reposition myself until I’m between her thighs, pushing them up, spreading her until my lips land on hers. Her flesh is hot and silky as my tongue darts between her folds, licking and tasting everything she has to offer. I circle her clit with my tongue, her body jerking with each lick of her sensitive spot. Her hands curl into my hair, grabbing and guiding me. I push two fingers gently into her soaking pussy, her body pressing back down, meeting me, deepening the contact.
“Oh, God,” she groans. “So good, Brax.”
I continue to pump inside of her, my tongue swirling and lapping at her clit, addicted to the moans and sounds escaping her.
“I’m so close,” she murmurs, her body moving in time with the rhythm of my hand and tongue, and within seconds I feel her pussy clenching and tightening against me, her come lacing my fingers. I withdraw them, stepping off the bed, and repositioning her, lining my cock up at her soaking entrance.
“Hold on, baby. It’s only the first of many,” I groan, her legs wrapping around me. I press into her, slowly to start with, letting her adjust to my size. She groans as I fill her completely.
“Shit,” she clenches her eyes shut.
“Too much?” I breathe, my eyes searching hers for reassurance.
“Slowly,” she replies, her eyes almost pleading with me.
I nod, leaning my head down, pressing further inside her. I work slowly as I press my lips against hers, my tongue invading her mouth as I deepen the kiss.
“Taste,” I bark between breaths. “It’s you. All you,” I say, my eyes connecting with hers as I rock gently, her breathing speeding up.
“So fucking tight,” I gasp as the feeling almost overwhelms me. Her hips move with mine as she settles into the rhythm with me. Her eyes fall to half-mast as we work in a slow tempo, the feeling one I never imagined would be this good. Our warm bodies mold together as one, as do our hearts. Finally reunited and more perfect than I could ever have dreamed.
But I’m touching her. Finally.
I trail my fingers across her flat stomach, my thumb landing on her clit again.
“I want you to come again. I want us to come together,” I tell her, the pad of my thumb finding her clit once again as I continue my slow, sensual thrusts. I’ve never made love to anyone, only fucked. But this here, the joining of two hearts is us making love. And it feels better than any experience I’ve ever had.
I pull out, just enough for the head of my cock to be felt, and then plunge inside her, deeper and deeper every time. She whimpers every time, her tits rocking back and forth with every jerk. I stroke her clit, her pussy tightening around my cock as I intensify my touch.
“Oh… God,” she cries out, her back arching from the bed.
“Come for me, baby,” I say, feeling my cock swell inside her, my body flushing as I feel the intensity of my impending orgasm. Izzy lets out a whimper of pleasure, her whole body trembles and her pussy tightens and relaxes around my cock.
“Fuck,” I growl as I can no longer hold on. Her orgasm and moans ignite something that overcomes any ability I have to control it. My cock pulsates wildly. I drop on top of her, exhausted and stars cloud my vision.
I pant, hoping to catch my breath enough to say something. To tell her that nothing I’d ever imagined lived up to this moment. The intensity of what I feel is so raw, a want and desire I never thought possible.
I blink down, trying to clear the dizziness from my eyes only to see tears welling in her eyes.
Fuck.
I should have known this wasn’t right. I knew it was too soon.
“Izzy,” I croak, rolling off her and pulling her into my chest.
“I’m okay,” she blubbers. “They are happy tears, or something like that. I just don’t know.” A light chuckle escapes her and I drop my head to focus on making contact with her eyes. I slide my fingers into her hair, tilting her head back, forcing her to look at me.
“We’re in this together. You have to be honest with me. Too soon, huh?”
“No,” she says, her lips brushing against mine. “It�
�s just… so much… so much has happened. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to process. Not just in my mind but in my heart too.”
“My heart feels like it’s about to fucking explode. I lost the girl I loved. No, not just loved, but depended on. You and Travis were the only people who cared about me. The two people who gave me a fucking reason to live when all I wanted to do was to die. The punishments, the abuse. It was just too much Izzy…”
“I know,” she chokes out, stroking the side of my face with her hand.
“But you, Izzy, you, you made my life worth living. Then I Iost you. My whole world was blown into a zillion fucking pieces when you disappeared without a trace. But one thing I know above everything, every fucked up thing that’s happened in my life, is that it all boiled down to this.” I nod toward her. “Here. You. Me. Forever.”
“I felt the same, Brax. I was isolated, so alone with the one man who I should have been able to trust. Only, he was so lost in his own mind that I’m not even sure he understood what he was doing to me. How keeping me away from the world tore my soul into a thousand pieces. Just when I thought I’d found my freedom. When my dad had the heart attack, and I finally escaped, I walked straight into the exact situation my father had tried to save me from.”
“I feel like I failed you, Izzy. For years I paid for private detectives to trace you. Track down where you were. But they couldn’t locate you. No one had a clue.”
“My mother got the cards, right?” She says, swiping away a stray tear. “She knew I was still alive.”
I shake my head, flaring my nostrils. “Nope. She never mentioned it. Not until just a few days ago.”
“What?” she gasps, staring at me with a trembling lip. “Why? Why would she keep that to herself?”
“I have no idea. Fucking weird if you ask me. I always thought she knew more than she was letting on.” Her tear-soaked, bright-blue eyes stare at me as she blinks with confusion.
“I should really go see her.” Her body sits upright, her eyes searching for her clothes but then her eyes fall shut slowly, as though she just realized that she didn’t want to put them back on.
“Baby,” I plant a soft kiss on her cheek. “Call me a selfish prick, but just today, give me all of you; just for the rest of this day. I’ve waited so long to have you back that right now I just want to hold you and make love to you the way I’ve ached to do for so long.
“I feel like there is so much unfinished business. So many things I don’t understand, so many things that don’t make sense.” Her beautiful long lashes flutter as she leans her head forward, resting it on my arm.
“We need to take this one day at a time. There are six years to catch up on. And some of it’s not good, babe. You need to be strong. Let me help you.”
She nods, as though she’s defeated, but understands completely.
“My heart aches, Brax. I need to know what happened to Travis. I need to know, regardless of how bad it is.”
I inhale slowly and deeply. “The memories haunt me every night in my dreams. It’s not an easy story to tell, but I will try.”
“You’re scaring me, Brax.”
“I’m sorry,” I say with a shake of my head. “I tried to save him,” I bury my head in my hands. “But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t save him.”
I open my eyes only to see Brax’s hazel-colored eyes staring back at me. There is a look in his eye that I’ve never seen in anyone else’s. It’s the look of wanting, the look of love. Like I’m his everything. I open my mouth to say something, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips, but his mouth pressing against mine stops me. I melt into him, hoping that every morning feels as good as this one. Our hearts fused together well over six years ago and despite the time apart, the time where I was ripped from his life, they were always connected. As one.
His hand strokes my hair, then works across my back and grabs my ass. Pulling me closer, I wrap my arm around him. His arousal presses against my stomach and I can’t control the pool of excitement between my legs.
“Well, good morning to you too,” I tease, pressing just a little against his straining cock. “This is by far my most favorite morning, ever!”
“Fuck,” he says gruffly. “I can’t cope with your cuteness. And sexiness, and fuck, I just can’t cope,” he laughs, the kind of laugh that ripples through his entire body, vibrating against mine. I glance down at something that catches my attention. It’s a tattoo. I blink rapidly, wondering if my tired eyes were deceiving me. Three huge roses are tattooed on his impressive, right upper-arm. I hold my breath, my mouth opening once again to say something.
“It’s your name, baby.”
“You had my name tattooed on your arm. Like, for real?”
“Can’t get these fuckers at the damn Walmart,” he laughs, twisting his arm, glancing down at the black ink scribed into his skin.
“And the three roses,” I quiz, drawing my brows together.
“You, me and Travis,” he murmurs; his features are dark, a stormy expression creeps across his face.
“I like it,” I say sweetly, grazing the soft skin of my thumb across the tattoo. His jaw tightens, clenching as though he’s fighting back the pain. “You don’t have to hide it from me,” I say, gripping the sides of his face with my hands.
“I’m okay,” he says with tiny movements of his head. “I’m good.” He sucks in a noisy breath. “I wanted both of you with me forever. The three of us together.”
“It’s beautiful, really. I was just a bit shocked and taken aback that you actually have my name on your arm. A girl that you didn’t know would ever return. But you proved that I was with you all along.”
His palm caresses my lower back. “I hate that our worlds have been torn apart. I hate that there was nothing I could do to stop it happening. But I fucking swear, we will work through all of our issues. We will overcome our demons. Together. Me and you.”
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. We can fight this. Together we can do this. One step at a time though. It will take baby steps. There will be tears and nightmares and things that will tear us to pieces. But together, we can do this if we have each other.”
“Fuck. I always knew you were kinda special, but Jesus, Izzy. You never fail to amaze me.”
“You’re pretty damn amazing yourself. After all, I owe you my life. I never thought I’d get out of there alive. He swore he would take me into the torture room.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he growls.
“Harlan told me that I wasn’t the first. He’d gotten so frustrated with some of his captives that they went into the torture room and never returned.”
“Sick bastard. I want to rip the cunt to a thousand pieces for what he did to you.”
“What will happen? Will the police go there? What if they know it was me?” My own questions stir a million more in my mind. What the hell happens now? If they place me there that will surely put Brax in the frame. My mind flips from total ecstasy to intense anxiety as I think about the man I now know as Alvrez.
“I don’t know. I need to talk it over with Carter when he’s calmed down.”
“Millions! You lost millions because of me.”
“I couldn’t care less about the money.” He scoffs. “Nothing is worth more to me than having you here, safe, with me.”
“But still…” I blow out a controlled breath. “That’s life changing kind of money.”
“Not for Carter. That’s just a drop in the ocean, but he was hoping it was the start of things to come. Big lucrative deals with a new supplier. Doesn’t look like that’s an option now,” he says, lifting his brows. “Who was the psycho that saved us?”
“That was Helena. She was his first captive. She lives and works for him. Harlan told me she was besotted by him. She’d lived that life for so long that she didn’t have anywhere to go. She didn’t want to leave him.”
He nods his head slowly. “Hmmm… like Stockholm syndrome,” he says with a quick
lift of his brow. “I wonder what made her snap?”
“Who knows? Maybe she’d been waiting all that time for revenge. Maybe she wasn’t as besotted as Harlan thought.” I say, sinking at the thought of leaving Harlan behind. Guilt is a funny thing. It stings and eats away at your gut. Although I didn’t technically do anything wrong, I’m not sure my conscience will allow me to think I did the right thing.
“Don’t worry,” he says, hooking his forefinger under my chin and tilting my head back. “Everything will work out just fine.”
“I’m worried about Harlan, Brax. I can’t explain why; I just feel bad. Like I didn’t do enough to make sure he was okay. I left him there to deal with the fallout of what happened. And I shouldn’t have.”
He pulls his brows together; his eyes narrow in on me. “Did he help you get away from that monster, Izzy? I know you said he helped, but helping would have been getting you away from the torture and abuse, not helping you feel okay after the fucker did what he did to you.”
I breathe in, the pressure in my chest building as I feel something like protectiveness toward Harlan. “You don’t understand,” I say with a heavy sigh, my shoulders falling forward. “You weren’t there, you don’t know what it was like.”
“You’re right,” he grumbles, pressing his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose. “I’m not gonna pretend I have the first fucking clue what it was like, or what happened to you. But I ain’t gonna lie either. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You shouldn’t have been there and by doing nothing that makes him a fucking accomplice in my mind.”
“You killed two men. That makes you a murderer in my mind.” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest as the annoyance burns deep down in the pit of my stomach.
“I am,” he says gruffly. “And they’re not the only fuckers I’ve killed who deserved to have the air sucked from their motherfucking lungs.”
“What?” I screech, my hand pressed against my chest as I try to steady not only my thudding heart, but the sick that I feel rising. “You’ve killed more than those guys?” I stammer, throwing my arm out as I try to process what this means.
The scars of you (The scars series Book 1) Page 18
