The Healing Touch - Anniversary Edition (A Manwhore Series Book 3)

by Apryl Baker

  “Why did you decide you wanted a relationship with me?” She sipped at her bottle of water. “You don’t do relationships. It’s something you’re proud of, so what changed?”

  “You.” He leaned back, absently rubbing the tops of his thighs. “When you were just a voice on the phone or someone behind a text message, I never had to face my feelings. When you quit and I couldn’t get a hold of you, it was more than panic. My world crashed. I hit the first plane I could catch, and when I came face to face with you, my body lit up like a firecracker. Lust, Becca, hard and fast. I argued with myself so hard. You were someone I couldn’t screw with because if I lost you, I wouldn’t recover.”

  “I think you lost that particular battle.”

  He grinned his cheekiest grin. “I would lose a thousand battles if it meant I get to taste you again.”

  She felt her cheeks warm. She didn’t normally blush at anything. Fucking asshole.

  “When I pushed you and you pushed back, I tried again to stay away, to push the lust down, but it wouldn’t go away. I wanted you. You wanted me too. I saw it, but you were better at controlling it than I was.”

  “Because I don’t want to get hurt, Dimitri.”

  “I know.” He reached over and cupped her cheek. “You’re the last person I want to hurt, Krasivaya.”

  “Is that why you ran when you realized how I felt?”

  She studied the myriad of emotions flicking in his eyes, making them darken to an almost gray color.

  He gave her that shy smile again. “For a writer, I’m having the hardest time putting this into words. Yes, I ran from it. I’d already decided I wanted to see where things with us could go, but seeing your feelings right there in front of me…it scared me. I knew we could both get hurt so badly if I couldn’t be the man you deserved. So, I ran. I needed time to think, to talk to my dad.”

  “Your dad?”

  Dimitri nodded. “Yeah, the old man is the only person whose advice I wanted. He and I talked for a long time. I told him all about you, about how much I love you, but I was afraid that it wasn’t the forever kind of love I write about, and at the same time, I was terrified it was that kind of love. I wanted to know how he knew Mama was his.”

  “What did your dad say?” Becca had heard all about the whirlwind romance of his parents. It was what had inspired him to write in that particular genre.

  “He asked me a simple question. Basically, how would I feel if I lost you?”

  Becca worried her bottom lip as she waited for his answer. She was a little excited, but more nervous to hear how he felt. Part of her dreaded it, part of her hoped, but it was a tiny part.

  “I gave it some serious thought.” His thumb rubbed gently against her cheek. “I can’t imagine a world without you in it. It nearly robbed me of breath imagining never hearing your voice or teasing you until you get riled enough to give me that sass of yours. You’re the most important person in my world, Rebecca. I do love you, and I want you here with me until my dying day. So, you have to say yes, Becca. You have to.”

  “Say yes?”

  “To us. I want you to give us a chance. To give our love the chance to be the epic kind of love. The Notebook kind of love. Will you do that?”

  Asshole had to bring her favorite movie into it, didn’t he? How was she supposed to answer that?

  “I don’t know, Dimitri. How can I trust you with everything I know about you?”

  “You don’t know everything about me.” He leaned forward and kissed her, so softly his lips felt barely there. “And you need to know everything before you agree.” He sat back, and her trepidation escalated.

  “I know all about your finicky stomach and its epic blowouts. What else is there?”

  He laughed, but it was a little forced. Nervousness shone in his eyes. What the hell did he have to be nervous about?

  “After we got back from the signing room and you were asleep, I went out to get us food and called Nik. I thought he might have some ideas of how I could help you because of Lily.”

  “Lily?” Why would anything having to do with his brother’s fiancée help her?

  “Lily has an extreme fear of being touched. She has panic attacks, like you do, when someone tries to get near her.”

  “How does that work with the two of them?”

  “It took Nikoli a long time to get her to trust him enough to relax her guard around him, to let him in, and to eventually touch her. He did what he does best, which is what I do best.”

  “And that is?”

  “Dominance.”

  The breath went of her lungs. They simply froze, refused to work. He was one of those men who liked to do awful things to women? And little Nikoli, the sweetheart with the face of an angel, was the same? How had she missed that about them?

  “Get your head out of the gutter, Rebecca.” Dimitri laughed. “I can only guess what you’re thinking.”

  “Bondage, whips, chains, beatings…you name it, I’m thinking it.”

  He laughed so loud it made her jump. “Krasivaya, you do please me. So much.”

  He was laughing at her? Enraged, she stood so fast she knocked the chair over, intending to march back into the room and lock his laughing ass out on the terrace. Instead, he caught her hand and tugged so she landed in his lap.

  “Don’t run. I can’t chase you. My legs will give out.”

  Becca ground her teeth. She wanted to hit him. Why had she never known this about him? Never even suspected it. She was not one of those women who was so insecure they’d let a man abuse her. Dammit, why did he have to be one of those men?

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “How could I not know you were an abuser?”

  “Abuser?” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “Did it feel like abuse in the bathroom?”

  “No.”

  “Then why do you think I’d abuse you? You know me better than that, Becca.”

  The censure in his voice cut straight through her soul. What else was she supposed to think, though? He liked to dominate women.

  “First, I don’t do the BDSM scene. Whips, chains, leather? All that is nonsense. Some people like to use them, to roleplay, but I don’t. I have no need to collar you, dress you in things you clearly won’t be comfortable in, or ever lay a hand on you intending physical harm. That’s not me. It’s true, I like a little pain…”

  “See!” Becca reared back. “Pain, Dimitri. I don’t do pain the way you don’t do relationships.”

  He stared at her, shocked she’d think he’d hurt her. He knew where she was getting all these preconceived notions. The market was flooded with books about BDSM relationships, relationships that would never be considered healthy anywhere except the pages of a work of fiction. He agreed with Nikoli there. Their brand of dominance did not involve ever harming a woman.

  “Let me finish before you jump to those conclusions of yours, will you?”

  Her glare was hot enough to fry an egg on the Arizona pavement, but she nodded.

  “Good girl. Now, I like a little pain, meaning me as the receiver. It’s why when you sank you nails into me this morning, I nearly fucked you then. It sends my own lust out of control. Do I like to be hurt? Fuck, no. Someone ever tries to come near me with a whip or cane, they won’t walk away from it. I don’t do BDSM. But nails? Does me in every time.”

  “But you said you were dominant.” Accusation rolled off her tongue, and he leaned forward to kiss her lips lightly. They were adorable all puckered up in a pout. He couldn’t help himself.

  “I am, but not the way you’re thinking about it. I do like control. I do like to have you bound, unmoving while I fuck you. Does that mean you won’t get the same satisfaction I do? I think you can answer that for yourself.”

  The blush that sprang up was instantaneous. He loved the soft bloom of color. It was just something else about her he loved.

  “Dimitri, I am not a submissive person. I…I won’t
ever let someone control me.”

  He sighed. She wasn’t seeing this the right way. “I don’t want to control you, Becca. I love you the way you are. I love your sass and that smart mouth. I love the way you fight back, the way you stand up to me and tell me what for. I would never change that.”

  “But…”

  “But nothing. Stop interrupting me and listen.” He waited for her nod before he continued. “I don’t want to control you, Becca, just situations.”

  “Situations?”

  He rolled his eyes. What about “stop interrupting me” did she not understand?

  “You said you liked me challenging you, so don’t roll your eyes at me. I’m trying to understand.”

  “You got me there.” He pulled her head down so it was resting against his chest and started to stroke her hair. “Situations. Simple things, really, like where to go to eat, what movie to watch, how I fuck you in the comfort of our own bedroom. See, nothing really too outrageous.”

  “Dimitri, I may not want to eat where you want to eat or see the movie you want to see. We don’t see eye to eye on movies. I’d go watch The Notebook while you’d see a rerun of whatever action movie is playing.”

  He chuckled. She knew him all too well. He hated chick flicks even though that was what he wrote. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t compromise on those things. I’m not an evil bastard who’s going to tell you what to do, how to do it, and where to do it in all things. You are a brilliant woman. I wouldn’t take that from you. Let me ask you something, though. When was the last time you were able to not worry about something? About having to solve something all by yourself. Wouldn’t you like someone to help you? Even make some of those hard decisions? Wouldn’t you like it, for once, to rely on someone else?”

  “Not if it meant giving up my own free will.”

  Her reply was quick and to the heart of it. He didn’t want her to give that up. That wasn’t what he was trying to do…or was it? He thought about all his past relationships with women, at least the ones he’d had this kind of relationship with. Hadn’t he asked them to do that? To give up everything and do as he told them? Was that why he’d gotten so bored so fast?

  The more he thought about it, the more he realized that wasn’t the type of relationship he wanted with Becca. He wanted her to be herself, not someone there to do with as he pleased.

  “Here is what I want from you, Becca. I want you to be yourself, no worries about what I might do or say or think. Just be the same person you’ve always been around me. The only place I really want dominance is in the bedroom. I want to tie to you up and fuck you. I want to bind you so you can’t move while I make you come over and over. I want control there.”

  “But what if I want to tie you up?”

  Her question surprised him so much, he couldn’t even form a response. Tie him up?

  She sat up and twisted so she could face him, and he saw the devilment in her eyes. She was enjoying his discomfort. “What? You never thought about anyone doing those things to you?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Let me get this straight. You want me to let you do these things to me, but you’re not willing to follow that old adage, ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’?”

  Well, when she put it like that, it wasn’t fair, but he’d never so much as ever let anyone near him with any kind of bondage. He was the dominant, not the submissive.

  “If you ever want me to let you do that, D, you’re going to have to cave and let me tie you up first.”

  “The fuck you say.”

  “The fuck I say.” Becca jumped off his lap. “I mean it, Dimitri. If you’re not willing to do the same, then you can forget about ever tying me up.”

  Wait, had she just agreed to give them a chance?

  “Does that mean you’re willing to try this? To see if what we have is true love or…”

  “Or just two horny adults who have no control?” she asked sarcastically.

  “I have control.” Usually. “It’s just when I got back and you weren’t here, I panicked, thinking you’d left me. Then I see you naked and…well, yeah, I did lose it, but can you blame me? You’re a beautiful woman.”

  “This isn’t a romance novel, D. It’s real life, and we can both get hurt, so very much.”

  “I know.”

  “But you know how I feel about you. I want us to work more than you can ever know because I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen years old. Does that mean I’m blind? No. It does mean I am willing to give this a shot, but on one condition.”

  “What?”

  “No sex.”

  “The fuck?”

  Becca watched his expression bleed from hope to confusion to outrage. He hadn’t expected that, but it was the one thing she could think of that would give her time to sort all this out. If he added sex into the mix, she’d not stand a chance of protecting her heart.

  “You heard me. If you want me to believe I mean more to you than your other women, then you’re going to prove it.”

  “By not fucking you?” He followed her inside, their meals forgotten. “How is that going to prove a damn thing?”

  “It means you respect us enough to see what’s here without the lust and the blind passion sex brings. Sexual chemistry only goes so far, D. I want to know if you’re going to be around for the long haul, if you’re going to be able to deal with my anxiety, if I can deal with it enough to give you everything you deserve.”

  His eyes softened, and he dropped his outraged stance. “You are all I need and more than I deserve. I could give two shits about your anxiety.”

  “And you can say that now because you haven’t been around it day in and day out. Two weeks from now? You might change your mind. I want you to think about this, Dimitri. Really think about what it means. Take the next two weeks to do that. Then when we go to Texas, if you still feel the same, we can go at it like two Energizer bunnies if you want, but until then, no sex. I mean it.”

  “You seriously think I’m going to go home and change my mind?”

  “You might, Dimitri. Once you realize I can’t do all the things your other flavors of the week can. I hate going out. I’d rather be home, safe behind four walls and a door. You saw what crowds do to me. You’re asking me to accept you being the control freak in the bedroom. The least you can do is respect me enough to take the time to think about what I’m asking you to accept.”

  His gaze became calculated, and her hinky feeling decided to rear its head. He was up to something. She knew that look.

  “You’re right. I haven’t been around your anxiety day in and day out. I don’t know what it looks like, but how am I expected to evaluate it if I’m not around it?”

  The asshole. She knew where this was going.

  “So, to be fair, you need to come to LA with me. We need to spend time together, to get to know each other’s ins and outs. Like the fact I leave the cap off the toothpaste all the time. Or I leave my dirty socks laying around. Things like that.”

  “You want me to come to LA?” That meant an airport. People. Crowds. Standing in line…

  He grabbed her hand before she could panic. “No airplanes. I can book a train, our own private car. You won’t have to be around anyone longer than it takes to board.”

  He really was beginning to learn the early signs of her panic. Not only that, but he’d thwarted it. Maybe he could handle it.

  “So, what do you say? I’ll stop trying to seduce you if you agree to come to LA and let us work on our relationship.”

  “No sex for two weeks.”

  “No sex until Texas. Pinkie swear.”

  Becca took a deep breath and let the first real ray of hope invade her chest. She hooked her pinkie with his.

  “You have a deal, Dimitri.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The rest of the evening passed without incident. They’d reheated their food and eaten while Dimitri started working on signing all his preorders, and Becca went thr
ough his email, answering what needed to be taken care of, then working on his new book’s teasers. It released next week, and she’d been remiss in working on the project.

  Not that she really got much done. Her thoughts were too screwed up. Never had she expected him to declare he had feelings and in the same breath admit he wanted to tie her up and fuck her. She wasn’t that girl. But…

  Yes, but. There was the crux of it. She had liked being immobile way too much. Enough to think about letting him tie her up.

  Could she really let him, though?

  Maybe.

  The one question that worried her the most whether he did love her or was reacting to his own lust. He’d found a bright and shiny new toy to play with. Once he got bored or too frustrated, she was worried he’d toss her aside like all the others. That was why she demanded no sex. It would only complicate matters. If he still felt the same way about her in a few weeks, then she’d know it was real, that it wasn’t only a lust-induced declaration. She had to be sure.

  Finally done with Dimitri’s stuff, she opened her own Facebook page and wasn’t surprised by the messages waiting. Was she going out with Dimitri, what happened with Dimitri and Henry, and finally Henry demanding to know what was going on. So much drama. This was why she kept her personal life off Facebook.

  She answered everything as best she could then left Henry a message explaining her anxiety and why she’d reacted the way she had. Normally, she wouldn’t have explained, but he was a good friend, and he’d not blab about it to everyone.

  Dimitri’s phone rang, the noise harsh in the comfortable silence. He looked up and motioned for her to grab it since it was next to her. How it managed to find its way to the couch, she had no clue.

  “It’s Mason.”

  “Answer it for me, please?” He kept signing, and she shook her head. She’d never met Mason.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh, hello.” The younger version of Dimitri’s voice sounded confused. “Ah…sorry, I think I have the wrong number.”

  “No, you don’t.” Becca chuckled. “This is Dimitri’s phone. He’s just busy at the moment.”