Playing by the Rules

by Rosa Temple

  I stood with my hair piled high in a pineapple ponytail and a bath towel around me. I had to keep adjusting it every time it slipped and I was getting hot and flustered with all the indecision.

  In the end, I decided on jeans and slipped into a dark blue, skinny pair. I had already put on some sexy underwear, though I’d promised myself that Hugo would be lucky to get a kiss on the cheek. Having made that decision I thought back to the very first night I met him. I was wearing old knickers and a mismatched bra so I wanted to have improved on that this time round. But, as I kept repeating to myself, I wasn’t intending on sleeping with Hugo. The sexy underwear was just to give me confidence. That’s all.

  Standing in jeans, heels and a bra, the all-important which top to wear decision had to be made. Nothing too revealing and nothing that said that in the last ten years I’d become boring. I was at a loss after trying on top number six. I looked at the time. I was going to be late if I didn’t come up with something soon.

  In the end, I decided to close my eyes, walk towards my tops and just wear the first thing I touched. After closing my eyes and walking towards my clothes three times I finally gave in. Lucky dip number three was cherry red with sequins and long sleeves. It said sexy but sensible and smart and funny and wonderful and a list of other things I convinced myself of. Next, I had to hurry and do my face and hair.

  Hugo said he liked my big hair, so I went big. My make-up was subtle on the eyes but I chose cherry red lipstick to match my top and applied it generously.

  I grabbed a jacket and headed for the door. As soon as my hand touched the door handle my phone rang. If that was Hugo calling to cancel I’d go on a rampage of Holland Park.

  ‘Anya, hi,’ I said, breathless.

  ‘You all right?’

  ‘Sure. Why? You all right?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I thought about you all alone tonight and I –’

  ‘You don’t need me to make up a threesome do you?’

  ‘Don’t be silly. It’s just that Henry cancelled on me. His son vos rushed to hospital so …’

  ‘I’m sorry, Anya, but I already made plans.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes, and I’m running a little late.’

  ‘Who do you have plans vith? Couldn’t I tag along?’

  I said ‘no’ so quickly and with a snap, I immediately aroused Anya’s suspicions.

  ‘Talk to me,’ she said. ‘Tell Anya all about your forthcoming misdeeds. And don’t hold back. I vont to know everything.’

  ‘Anya you’re doing that Russian spy thing and you know it gives me the creeps. It’s better the devil you don’t know. You of all people should understand that.’

  ‘All right, be secretive. But if it blows up in your face, don’t come running to me. Remember I vos the von who tried to vorn you. I vos the von who tried to save you from yourself. The von who knows you better than you know yourself, the –’

  ‘Okay, fine! I’m meeting Hugo.’

  Anya let out her longest, ‘Vot?’ ever. It sent a chill through me and made me stop to question what I was getting myself into.

  ‘There, now you have it,’ I said. I never was any good at keeping things from Anya. ‘I don’t want you to judge me. I may or may not know what I’m doing but the fact is I’m doing it. He’s probably already there. He’s travelled all the way from Cumbria so I can’t exactly stand him up now can I? No matter how disapproving you are.’

  ‘Who said I disapprove? If I remember rightly, you ver the von who refused to see him. I thought it vos romantic, and you know that’s not like me. It could be a good thing. Besides, you insisted you’re not in love after ten years, so vot’s the harm in seeing him?’

  ‘Anya, you’re saying that to make me feel better. Don’t think I can’t hear the doubt in your voice.’

  ‘I just vorry about you. Your heart is big and you have to be sure you can handle votever tonight’s meeting brings.’

  ‘I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to handle it, so if I come running over to your place in the middle of the night you won’t scold me will you?’

  ‘Not at all. If you need me, I’m here. But don’t think the vorst. Just go out there and have a good time.’

  ‘Okay. Here I go. Out. Going out to have a good time. That’s it then, I’m going. Okay, so …’

  ‘Madge, get off the phone and go already. And call me as soon as you can to tell me how it vent.’

  She hung up and I took a deep breath for courage and set off.

  The bar was a long walk from my flat and I was already late. I hailed a passing taxi so I could get there as close to being on time as I could. I didn’t want Hugo to think I wasn’t coming. The taxi stopped a few doors down from the bar and all of a sudden my legs turned to jelly. My sexy underwear wasn’t providing me with enough confidence and neither was the startling red lipstick. I had second thoughts about the lipstick as I slowed just inches from the bar. What would it say about me? I wondered. It was too late to rub it off now.

  I took another step and then I saw him. He sat at the crowded bar but I could still pick him out, even though his appearance had changed. His hair was not spiky but longer and fairer than I remembered. The goatee had been replaced by a full beard – a slightly darker colour than his hair. It made him look mature and manly and he hadn’t lost any of his good looks. The ten years had been good to him. Hugo had hardly aged.

  All the tables in the restaurant area at the back were taken. Staff were busily serving customers. Each table was covered with red tablecloths and there were hearts hanging from the ceiling. The lights were low and I could hear the hum of romantic music playing from inside.

  Hugo was in profile. He had a drink in front of him and took a sip from it before looking at his watch. I was twenty minutes late.

  I stood watching Hugo for a few minutes more and wondered if he’d get up and leave soon and then find me standing outside, paralysed and speechless outside the bar. I didn’t know what I was doing. Now that I could see him right there, in that bar, I had no idea what to say to him. Should I be bitter? Should I be understanding? What? I had no idea how to act.

  The door to the bar opened and the guy coming out stopped by the window next to me, pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit up. He held the packet out to me and I shook my head.

  ‘You sure?’ the guy said.

  ‘No. Yes,’ I told him and went inside. The second I opened the door, Hugo’s eyes were on me and I couldn’t back out. He smiled so broadly. It was the smile I remembered, warm and charming at the same time. Eyes just as sexy and lips just as kissable. My feet took me towards him and all of a sudden I was face to face with my past right slam bang in the middle of my present.

  ‘You came,’ he said.

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry I’m late. Someone called me as I was about to leave.’ True but I was already running late at that point. ‘A bit of a St Valentine’s Day crisis. You know? So …’

  ‘So, can I get you a drink?’ He motioned to the bar and patted the stool he’d just been occupying. There were no others free so I slipped onto it. Hugo just stared into my eyes as mine flitted from him and then to the optics behind the bar. He drew a little closer. I thought he was going to kiss me.

  ‘What will you have?’ he said.

  ‘Oh, um just a Rioja. Whatever they have.’

  Hugo turned to get the attention of a member of staff. I looked down at his glass. He’d been drinking whisky. Then I looked at the hand in which he held a ten-pound note, folded between his fingers, and I recalled the feel of those hands on my body, the feel of his forefinger, stroking my skin. He had large, strong hands and I looked at the network of veins on them and the pinkish colour of his knuckles. He was in a casual jacket. His hair touched the collar of it. I looked at the fine lines by his eyes as he smiled at the barmaid when he ordered my drink.

  ‘I don’t suppose we’ll get a table here,’ he said turning back to me.
/>   ‘Silly to meet on Valentine’s, really – everywhere was bound to be packed,’ I said.

  ‘I’m sure we’ll find somewhere.’

  The waitress laid my drink on the bar and held out her hand for the money.

  ‘Six pounds, thirty,’ she said with a smile.

  ‘Is it possible we could eat here?’ Hugo asked her.

  The waitress screwed up her face and looked over at the packed house. ‘I’ll check for you,’ she said. ‘But it’s not likely.’

  Hugo nodded to her and she blushed. I wondered if he’d winked, too. He held my glass out for me to take and then lifted his.

  ‘To us.’ We clinked glasses and sipped our drinks. Hugo let out a deep breath and shook his head.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘You’re more beautiful than I remember.’

  ‘That’s got to be the worst line ever.’

  ‘It isn’t a line. It’s the truth,’ he said and leaned closer. Leaning closer still and testing me to see if I’d pull away, Hugo kissed my cheek. He smiled and looked at me. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist.’

  ‘Good news,’ the waitress bellowed at us. ‘Table in ten minutes, if you can wait. Cancellation.’

  ‘That’s great,’ said Hugo. ‘Thank you so much.’

  I half suspected, by the way the barmaid looked at Hugo, that she’d gone out the back, chopped down a tree, built a table and two chairs out of it and shoved them into a space just so she could do something nice for Hugo. Though his face had barely changed, there was something about his manner, his presence, that made a person stand back and think that this was a man to respect. I liked that. I liked it a lot.

  We made small talk until the table became available. It was awkward, polite and Hugo hardly said anything. I did most of the talking, babbling away about everything and nothing. Actually, if I was being honest, the reason Hugo didn’t say much was because I wasn’t giving him the opportunity to. But he was patient and smiled a lot.

  I noticed he still had the crooked side tooth but that his teeth were whiter than before. I noticed that his skin was a lot more rugged and darker than ten years ago. I also noticed that just like ten years ago I felt the same compulsion to walk out of that bar, hand in hand with Hugo, and go back to his place and make love for three days with him. That certain look, that certain smile was all it took. I could run my fingers through his hair, draw him close and kiss him right in the middle of the bar.

  ‘Your table is ready.’ The barmaid was leaning across to Hugo, her fingers spread on the bar, each of them adorned with a silver ring. She pointed over Hugo’s head. ‘Just follow Max; he’ll seat you.’ We turned to see a tall, skinny guy with cropped red hair beaming at us.

  ‘You’re amazing,’ Hugo turned and said to the barmaid before we followed Max to our table.

  Our table, although not recently fashioned from a nearby silver birch, was situated in a busy corner of the restaurant, next to the kitchen. My seat was almost adjacent to the woman on the next table and the leaves of a tropical plant were practically brushing Hugo’s shoulder, giving him a good reason to lean across the table towards me.

  ‘I’m impressed by your company website,’ he said. ‘I’m not into fashion as you can probably guess, but even I almost clicked, Add to Basket for a second there. I like the company’s philosophy and the charities it supports. Those are all the things I believe in.’

  ‘Are you one of these people who always stops when he sees the people shaking charity boxes outside the supermarket?’

  ‘I suppose, but I’m also someone who has given back to the country that made me through various charities and start-ups.’

  He spoke flippantly about it but when I pressed Hugo it appeared that he lived on virtually nothing in order to help the poor in his surrounding neighbourhood. It was good to know that Hugo was no longer the narcissistic dreamer he used to be.

  ‘Enough about me,’ Hugo said by the time our starters came. ‘Tell me about this place you work.’

  I talked non-stop during our first course. Hugo just stared into my eyes as I went on and on until I thought I should give the poor man a break and let him get a word in. The waitress had cleared our plates and I was still talking man bags.

  ‘From what I can gather, Magenta,’ Hugo said. ‘You are more than just a PA to this Shearman dude. I mean if you left the place might just fall apart.’

  ‘Not at all. Anthony, my boss, he’s getting his head around the business side now. He knows what’s going on.’

  ‘Yeah, but you’re the one with the finger on the pulse from what I can see. You shouldn’t sell yourself short. I remember the girl with big dreams, off to university to study fashion and here you are running a company that sells high-end fashion products. And you’ve got a show coming up.’

  ‘But it’s not the same. I mean, it’s not the reason I went to art school. I was always into clothes and I was sort of good at art so it seemed the logical thing for me to do was become a dress designer. I did have big dreams. I thought I could make it as a designer but I was never really any good. I wasn’t dedicated enough. I dropped out you know?’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, before I got slung out.’

  ‘I love the way you speak,’ Hugo said.

  ‘What too fast, too much, too posh?’

  ‘All those things,’ he said. ‘And there’s nothing wrong with posh.’

  ‘Well if you think I’m posh,’ I laughed, ‘wait until you meet my parents.’

  ‘When will that be?’

  ‘Sorry, no, I didn’t mean it like that.’ I stammered my way into a conversation about the food. I didn’t want to give Hugo the wrong idea.

  ‘So how long will you stay in Cumbria?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, it depends on Dad. I told you how Mum’s sudden passing knocked the wind out of his sails. Really, he’s good for nothing without her. I’ve got some local people helping him to run things. My knowledge of farming ended too long ago for me to be any help but I’m looking after his books for now.’

  ‘What’s it like being back here?’

  ‘Meeting you has been the highlight of being in the country. I was …’

  ‘You were what, Hugo?’

  ‘I was so afraid to get back in touch with you,’ he said, still holding my gaze but sitting back as our mains were served. The waitress told us she hoped we’d enjoy our meal and left.

  ‘Afraid? Really?’ I said. ‘You sounded pretty sure of yourself on the phone. You had all the words; you weren’t afraid to tell me how you felt.’

  ‘I don’t know how I managed that without faltering. It was a bad thing I did. Leading you on, making you believe that there was hope for us. I still had a lot of growing up to do. I realise that now. I can only apologise for how my actions made you feel, Magenta.’

  At last I was quiet, taking slow contemplative mouthfuls as Hugo, watching me, ate steadily, returning to the small talk from earlier. Finally, he reached across our barely touched plates to take my hands in his.

  ‘Everything all right with the food?’ The waitress was back. We pulled apart, smiled, nodded and picked up our cutlery.

  ‘Do you?’ Hugo asked once she had gone.

  ‘Do I what?’

  ‘Do you forgive me?’

  I looked down. ‘There’s nothing to forgive. We were young. We were at turning points in our lives. It wasn’t meant to be. But we survived right? No harm done.’ Though I smiled, traces of the pain and heartbreak lingered but I found I no longer felt bitter towards Hugo. It wasn’t his fault we met when we did. True he shouldn’t have strung me along but I should never have held on to a memory of what amounted to a few days of hanging out with a guy, a guy I knew nothing about and let myself believe in. I was young, too young, but whatever happened next would be with a grown-up head on grown-up shoulders and no matter what happened I couldn’t bleat about it afterwards. I was in control.

  We chatted and laughed ou
r way through to dessert. The wine was flowing and I was becoming light-headed from it and the atmosphere. I didn’t feel any of the unpleasantness of the past. It was miraculously gone as if we were starting afresh. A brand new me. A brand new Hugo. Everything about our evening was exceptional. I don’t know if that was brought on just because of the alcohol and vibes in the place but I was enjoying it and I didn’t care. Why dwell on the past when the brand new Hugo was so funny, so charming and so … he was everything I needed that night and more.

  I had to keep reminding myself that I did have work the next day. But I remembered Anthony was going to be late in, so I supposed I could be too. What was the point of coming in to personally assist someone who wasn’t there to personally assist, right?

  The restaurant was thinning out but the bar area was still busy. The guy called Max from earlier asked if he should get the bill. Hugo looked at me and I nodded but I could read into Hugo’s expression that he didn’t want the evening to end.

  A few minutes later Max came with the bill and laid it down in front of Hugo.

  ‘We’ll split it,’ I said once he’d gone.

  ‘No, I want to get this,’ said Hugo.

  ‘But you came all this way,’ I whimpered.

  ‘Oh for heaven’s sake let him get it,’ said the woman who was just to my right. Their table was so close she’d practically been part of the conversation all night. I looked at her.

  ‘Excuse me?’ I said.

  ‘Make the most of his wallet,’ she said. ‘It starts off all romantic. They insist on paying for everything. They say they’re in love and they finally rope you into marrying them, then bang!’ She clapped her hands together. ‘That’s when you start paying, love.’