Gil sauntered over, looking around. He saw she’d removed both tires. “Let me help you,” he said, picking up the second new tire.
Kai got up, moving away to give him room. He was a big man and she didn’t want to be that close to him. Being near Gil made her ache to be even closer. She knew it wasn’t his fault. “You don’t have to do that. I can swap out tires.”
He gave her a patient look, and one corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he pushed the tire onto the axle. “I know, but it’s always nice to have a bit of help every now and again.”
She pushed her dirty hands down the sides of her jeans. “Thanks…” Kai felt nervous, as if on new ground with Gil. The easiness of his smile softly touched her pounding heart, made her feel things she hadn’t ever felt. And that confused her even more. What was it about Gil that he influenced her this way? This morning he was wearing a red bandanna around his neck, a white cowboy shirt and jeans. A pair of heavy-duty leather gloves hung out of one of his back pockets and he put them on. He carried a Buck knife on his black belt. Whether she wanted to or not, she watched him handle the tire easily.
His forearms were covered with a sprinkling of dark hair, the muscles moving and tightening as he got the tire anchored to the axle of the trailer.
“There,” he said, pleased. Gil stood, brushing his gloves together.
“Thanks.” She gestured to the other side. “The trailer’s ready to go. I was wondering if we could pick Mariah up today sometime. Or I can go over and get her myself?” She could smell the sage soap on his flesh from the shower he’d taken this morning, along with his sweat. It was a fragrance to her and she felt herself stirring, and Kai groaned inwardly. The look in Gil’s eyes was without rancor, unlike the other day. His mouth drew her. She remembered how powerful and crushing his kisses could be, sweeping her off into another realm. But she also remembered how tender his mouth became when teasing her sensitive skin behind her ear, the nape of her neck and… Kai dragged in a breath, forcing herself to hold his gaze.
“We’re busy with posts and postholes until dark. If you want, you can go pick her up.”
“Great, I will.”
“Do you have a box stall ready for her yet?”
“No. Gotta do that first.” She saw him study her and it made her breasts tighten beneath her black tee. Thankfully, she wore a sturdy cotton bra, because she felt her nipples responding to his look. The energy around Gil felt completely different from the tense discussion they’d had in the truck days earlier. Maybe he’d forgotten all about it. She hadn’t. Kai felt as if Gil wanted to say something, but he didn’t.
“I’ll see you tonight at dinner,” he said, turning and leaving.
Kai felt bathed in Gil’s energy and it always lifted her, made her feel better. Hopeful, maybe. But there was nothing hopeful between them. Cat’s words bothered the hell out of her. She knew the woman was wise beyond her years and had a very calm, settling influence on everyone. In a way, Gil did that for her, too. And it mystified Kai. But it had always been that way from the time she’d met him so many years ago. Sam was hyper and intense. Gil was solid and low-key, so much more like Cat. The look in his blue eyes just now tore at her. Kai swore she could feel that Gil wanted to tell her what was in his heart. It was so real she could feel he was going to say something important.
Wiping her hands on a nearby cloth, Kai muttered to herself and got busy going to the red barn to choose a box stall for Mariah. In a way, she wished Gil was going with her. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she wanted his quiet, calm company. Life was not easy.
*
SLADE MCPHERSON SHUT the trailer door on Mariah, who was standing quietly in the trailer. “Okay,” he told Kai, “she’s ready for her new home.” He pulled out some papers from his back pocket, handing them to her. “Tell Gil the receipt is in there for Mariah. I’ll be sending in her papers to the registry and you should get them in about six weeks. Any problems with this little mare, you call me, okay?”
Kai took them. “I will, Slade.” She thrust out her gloved hand and shook his. “Thank you for everything. Mariah is just so beautiful. I can hardly wait to throw a leg over her.”
Grinning, Slade tipped up his Stetson. “Tell Gil he made the right choice, will you? I think you and Mariah are well paired.”
Getting into the cab of the truck, she watched Slade casually walk toward the large barn where he kept his prize endurance horses. She opened up the papers. Her eyes narrowed. The price for Mariah was marked as three thousand dollars. Stunned, Kai looked up, frowning. Talon had given Gil a check for fifteen hundred dollars, the most he could afford to buy her a horse. She pulled out a second set of papers, a credit card receipt. It was in Gil Hanford’s name and it was for fifteen-hundred dollars. Down below, Slade had written “final deposit on Mariah.”
Her heart started to pound as she realized what Gil had done. Slade had wanted three thousand for the mare. Swallowing, she felt tears burn in her eyes. The numbers on the credit card receipt blurred for a moment. Gil had used his own money to help buy this horse for her.
Why? Oh, God. Why?
Her heart trembled in her chest and so many escaping emotions of loss, love, grief and need swept through her. What had Gil done? And why? She wiped her tears off her cheeks, but more fell. Feeling Mariah moving around in the trailer, wanting to go, she quickly started up the truck and slowly pulled out of Slade’s graveled driveway.
Kai couldn’t let this go. She wondered if Gil was going to hand Talon the receipt that said fifteen hundred dollars on it, making Talon think that was the cost of the mare. Was this another secret Gil was going to carry? How many secrets did the man have? Black ops men were known to carry so many of them. Was he going to say anything to her about this? She got a feeling Gil would never mention it to her.
Sniffing, Kai grabbed a tissue from the glove box as she drove out of the ranch driveway and onto an asphalt road. Wiping her nose, more tears fell. Why the hell was she crying? What were Gil’s intentions by doing this? Was he trying to say he was sorry by helping get Mariah for her? Or was it out of guilt? Or a combination of both? Or something else?
Kai hated confusion more than anything else in her life. She always wanted clarity and transparency, not these damned black ops secrets.
She didn’t know whether to be angry with him or hug him. Gil had seen how taken she’d been with Mariah. The mare was easily worth more than three thousand and Kai knew Slade was probably giving them a good deal; one struggling rancher to another. Her heart expanded with such a keening desire for Gil that it almost avalanched Kai. There was no way to deny any longer that she was attracted to him. She always had been, but when married to Sam, she’d thought nothing more of it. In fact, Kai thought that because Sam and Gil were like inseparable brothers, she would like Gil as much as she liked Sam. But her heart and mind never went beyond that point. Sam had been her life, her love.
Rubbing her cheek free of the last of the tears, Kai braked at the stop sign, looked both ways and then slowly pulled out onto the main highway that would take them into Jackson Hole. Somehow, Kai had to get Gil aside tonight after dinner and have a private, serious talk with him.
CHAPTER TEN
“CAN I TALK to you, Gil?” Kai tried to keep her voice neutral and low as everyone left the dinner table. He had taken a shower before dinner and she inhaled his clean scent. Tonight, he wore a red polo shirt and tan chinos, looking more like a civilian than a cowboy. It was the first time she’d seen him not in Western clothing. The polo shirt looked almost too small for him, accentuating the breadth of his powerful shoulders and massive chest. There was nothing small or weak about Gil. There never had been, but tonight her lower body tightened. Unhappy about her physical reaction to him, she saw his blue eyes narrow briefly on hers as she caught his attention.
“Sure. Where do you want to go?”
“The porch?” Because Kai knew that it was her night off from helping clear the table. That duty fell to Ca
t. And rarely did people go to the porch after a meal. Her stomach fluttered and she was more than nervous. In her pocket were the receipts that Slade had given her.
Gesturing, Gil said, “Sounds good. After you?”
Always the gentleman. Kai walked in front of him and she swore she could feel the heat of his gaze on her butt and legs. He had loved every part of her. In truth, he’d loved her so thoroughly, so well, that she’d felt guilty comparing Sam’s skill with his. Gil had loved her until she couldn’t remember her name. No man had ever taken her to the pleasure heights that he had. And he’d taken her with him. She wasn’t second in his book when it came to loving someone. She self-corrected: Women called it making love. Men called it sex. That was so cold, clinical, and without any human feelings, intimacy or tenderness from her perspective to just call it sex.
Gil leaned ahead across her and pushed open the screen door for her.
Kai barely turned her head, nodding thanks to him. Outside, the sun was very low on the western horizon behind the ranch house. The sky had fluffy clouds here and there, growing darker in the East with the coming veil of night approaching within a couple of hours. Nervously, Kai motioned to the swing at one end of the porch. “Do you want to sit there?”
Gil said, “I helped build, paint and put it up. One of the first things I did when I got the job here.”
“It looks strong and sturdy,” she said, sounding inane. How would Gil react to those receipts? What would he say? Would he get angry at her like Sam did when she questioned him about something he didn’t want to talk about? Kai was within her right to demand an explanation. Pure and simple. And she didn’t want to embarrass Gil in front of anyone else. This was between them. The swing had light green cushions on the seats. Gil had made the swing with an arc of rays that reminded her of the sun on the back. It was beautiful and yet utilitarian. She moved her fingers down one of the thick chains, choosing one side of the large swing.
Gil took the other end, leaving room between them. The swing creaked in protest when he sat down.
“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, holding her gaze.
Kai pulled out the two receipts. “Slade McPherson gave these to me today when I went over to pick up Mariah. He said to give them to you and that’s what I’m doing.” Her cold, damp fingers touched his warm, dry ones as she transferred them to him.
“Oh,” he murmured, “the receipt on Mariah. Thanks.” He started to stuff them in his pocket.
“Aren’t you going to check them out?” Kai demanded in a low voice, watching his face.
“No, I know what they are.”
Was Gil trying to avoid talking about this? He acted as if nothing were wrong. Kai watched him stuff the receipts into his pocket.
Kai frowned. “I looked at them, Gil.” She pinned him with her gaze. His face changed a little, as if surprised. Her voice faltered as she said, “You paid fifteen hundred dollars of your own money in order to buy Mariah for me.” Her hands closed into small fists on her thighs. “I want to know why.”
Gil took a deep breath and steadily held her gaze. “Because I know you liked the mare,” he said gruffly, becoming tense. “I wish Slade hadn’t given you those receipts.”
“Well, he did.” Kai forced her hands to relax and unfist. Right now, Gil looked as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His cheeks had turned ruddy. And he was damned uncomfortable. “That mare cost twice as much as Talon was willing to pay,” she said quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear their conversation. “She’s a fine horse with excellent conformation and even at three grand, she’s a steal. You and I know that.” She pointed at the pocket that held the receipts. “I can’t let you do this, Gil. That’s a lot of money. I’ll pay you back out of every check I get.” She saw him suddenly go thunderstorm dark, his eyes flashing with anger as he sat up.
“You’ll do no such thing,” he growled. “I took care of it. It shouldn’t matter to you how that horse got paid for.”
Sitting straighter, lips tightening, Kai held his glare. He was really upset. She felt it, heard it and saw it. Why? “Is Talon going to pay you back, then?” she demanded, keeping her voice firm but low.
“No.”
She stared at him, the silence brittle between them. “No? Well, what is this, then, Gil? I don’t know what to think. How about you tell me why?”
Gil looked away for a moment, gathering his thoughts, taming his sudden emotional reaction to being found out. Kai had caught him red-handed. Dammit! Swinging his head toward hers, he said, “Because you needed a good horse. And you’re right—Slade gave us a deal on that mare. He knows the Triple H is struggling. He did right by us.”
“I could easily have gotten a decent enough horse that would have cost half that,” Kai said, feeling suddenly emotional and her stomach tightening. Damn him! Gil wasn’t going to tell her the truth. He was giving her words, not reasons. “You knew that, too.”
Gil pushed his fingers through his short black hair. “You liked that mare. You two complement each other in height and weight. She’ll be a good mount for you, Kai.”
Her heart was beating hard now, the adrenaline pouring into her bloodstream. Kai felt she was in a battle of words with Gil. She could see the set quality to his mouth, that warrior side of him starting to raise its head. Both were breathing a little raggedly now.
Trying to keep from curving her hands into fists, she whispered angrily, “That’s not the real reason, dammit!” She took a look toward the screen door halfway down the porch. Kai wanted no one walking in on their conversation. She saw Gil’s brows draw down. And she saw emotions in his eyes. He had never hidden how he felt at any time he’d been around her when she was married to Sam. Or that time he came and asked her for help. And up until just now, he’d purposely kept his feelings hidden from her. But there they were: easy to read. She saw anger in his eyes. And frustration.
“Well?” she goaded. “Want to tell me the truth?”
“I always tell you the truth,” Gil snapped roughly.
Snorting, Kai’s voice quivered. “Sure you do! You left me after being with me for five days with no note, no explanation, no nothing. I realize you told me you were ordered out on an unexpected op, but you could have left something behind to let me know why you left without saying goodbye.” Her voice rose. “So much for truth, right, Gil? Or maybe by just leaving without saying goodbye, that was your truth?” She felt his anger surge, but all he did was stare at her with that hard look he possessed. Her emotions were bleeding out of her and Kai was barely able to control them at this point.
“I told you why I had to leave you, Kai. Do you think I wanted to do it that way? Did you think I wanted to leave you?” He snapped his mouth shut and stood up, the swing rocking. Gil walked several feet away from her, his hands tense at his sides. His nostrils were flared, his chest rising and falling sharply as he turned on his heel, staring down at her. “I wanted to give you something to… Oh, hell, I don’t know.”
Her throat ached with tears as she stared up at Gil. He stood so tensely, his eyes flashing with frustration. “This makes no sense to me!” Kai cried out softly. Her mind spun with his blurted admission that he hadn’t wanted to leave. The words had come out with such emotional force that she felt slammed by them. She saw the rawness, the grief and desire in his eyes for just a moment when he’d spoken those words, and then it disappeared. In its place, a game face she couldn’t begin to interpret.
“Stop manipulating me!” Kai hissed, standing.
Gil’s head snapped up. His eyes widened. “Is that what you think I’m doing?” He moved toward her, a foot separating them. “Do you think I’m deliberately trying to hurt you, Kai? Is that what you think?” Gil breathed roughly.
“I don’t know what to think! What man doles out fifteen hundred dollars of his own money like this?” Her chin jutted out and she was damned if she was going to be intimidated by Gil. “Are you trying to buy me? Do you feel sorry for me? Guilty? J
ust why the hell did you do it?” She punched him in the chest with her index finger. “Tell me the damned truth for once!”
Gil backed off. He turned and walked to the railing, leaning his hips against it, his arms across his chest. “It was a chance for me to…say I was sorry for the way I left you, Kai,” he admitted in a growl. “It didn’t work out the way I wanted. I didn’t know I was going to be called out of the blue for that op. I knew I’d hurt you and you were the last person on this earth I’d ever wanted to hurt.” He looked to the left, trying to think through the haze of emotions whipping through him.
“So,” Kai rattled, “this is your way of fixing our past? Give me a gift? Call it even. Is that it?”
He glared at her. “Dammit, Kai, you can be hardheaded sometimes.”
“I don’t want your sympathy, Gil. I will pay back every penny of that money you spent to buy Mariah. I will not have this standing between us. I just won’t!” Then she choked, her voice breaking. Tears jammed into her eyes. Kai refused to cry. She would not cry in front of Gil Hanford!
“Son of a bitch!” he snarled, stalking down the porch, his shoulders hunched. He turned around, moving to where she stood. “I get that you’re angry. You have every right to be, Kai. But you know how ops work. Once I’m committed, I’m incommunicado. I had no idea it was going to last so many damned years. I knew it would tear you up. Hell, I was torn up. All I could hope for when I got called out on that mission was that you would understand. I was hoping it wouldn’t last as long as it did, and I could come back and explain. To apologize.”
Kai wavered. The anguish in Gil’s lowered voice vibrated through her, stirred her up even more until she wanted to burst into tears. But tears were not going to get this fixed between them. “Well, it didn’t happen. Did it? And I will pay you back. You can’t tell me not to.” She saw his face suddenly lose that mask, saw the bleakness, the grief and regret in his eyes as he stared down at her.
Night Hawk Page 13
