The Sooner the Better

by Debbie Macomber

  He’d told Lorraine a little about Mayan ruins earlier, and she’d found it fascinating.

  “There’s a dig near El Mirador?” She’d researched the tiny coastal town at the library and on the internet, but hadn’t learned much. El Mirador had a population of less than a thousand. The economy of many of these towns along the coast depended, not surprisingly, on the fishing industry, but there was little else. She couldn’t remember reading about Mayan ruins in the area around El Mirador, but that didn’t mean much.

  “Actually,” Jason said, “our El Mirador was named after another El Mirador, in Guatemala. It was an important Mayan site—one of the earliest. But there’s a Mayan temple a few miles from this El Mirador, too. It was discovered a few years ago, and they’ve only begun excavating, so I want to spend a few weeks there before I go home.”

  “Home is Missouri, right?”

  “Jefferson City,” he said. “Now what about you? Why are you traveling to El Mirador? It’s not like the town’s exactly a tourist destination.”

  Lorraine took her time answering, wondering how much to tell Jason. She’d known him slightly more than an hour. Granted, they’d become virtually instant friends, but still… This wasn’t the kind of personal information one generally shared on such recent acquaintance.

  “My father lives there,” she said without elaborating.

  “In El Mirador?” Jason’s eyes widened briefly. “What’s he doing there?”

  “He’s a teacher.”

  “The Peace Corps?”

  Lorraine looked out the window. Considering how nervous she was about meeting her father, she should be grateful for someone to talk to. She’d tell Jason the whole story, she decided impulsively. He’d certainly told her a lot about his own background, and she sensed she could trust him. She took a deep breath. “To be honest, Jason, I don’t really know. I haven’t seen him since I was three—I was told he’d died of leukemia. I only found out a month ago that he’s actually alive, and once I did, I couldn’t stay away. My fiancé thinks I’ve gone off the deep end and maybe I have.” She ended up telling Jason about her mother’s death, the letter she’d discovered with the items from the safe-deposit box and about Gary.

  Jason took a moment to absorb everything. “Does your father know you’re coming?”

  “Yes, of course,” she said, struggling not to sound defensive. Then she sighed. “I’m not sure.” Since he hadn’t been in Mérida to meet her, she no longer knew what to expect.

  “But you’ve been in touch with him?”

  “Oh, yes.” Lorraine had grown resentful when Gary asked her these same questions. But Jason seemed genuinely interested and concerned about her, while Gary had been so insistent. So overprotective. “I phoned and left a message at the school, but he didn’t return my call. When I didn’t hear back from him, I sent a letter. I was hoping he’d be waiting for me at the airport…but he wasn’t.”

  “When did you mail the letter?”

  “Beginning of last week.”

  Jason shook his head. “I hate to tell you this, but I’ll bet he hasn’t gotten it yet. The mail—” They hit a rut in the road just then. The bus jolted badly and sent both Jason and Lorraine flying upward. Her teeth felt as if they’d been shaken loose, and she heard Jason’s cry of pain as his head slammed into the roof. The pig escaped, squealing as it raced toward the back of the bus. Undisturbed by the commotion, the driver didn’t even slow down.

  After a few minutes, everything was quiet again, and Jason finished his sentence. “The mail in this part of the world is notoriously slow.”

  “Oh, dear.”

  “You should probably assume that your father has no idea you’re coming,” he warned her. “Who knows if he got your phone message—and he definitely won’t have the letter.”

  His words sobered Lorraine. She’d traveled thirteen hundred miles, the last part under deplorable conditions. Now there was reason to believe that her arrival would take her father completely by surprise.

  Ever since that night the dream had awakened him, Thomas Dancy hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Ginny. He realized this had more to do with Azucena than Ginny, since his common-law wife was due to deliver their third child any day.

  He hadn’t meant to love Azucena, hadn’t meant to start this second family. But along with his other faults, he was weak. Too weak to resist a second chance at love—and life. He usually didn’t give in to these occasional bouts of remorse and self-loathing; he was too realistic for that. But occasionally, like now, thoughts of his former life wouldn’t leave him alone.

  He sat at his desk, his classroom empty, and stared at the test papers he should be grading. Instead, his mind was on Ginny and the daughter he didn’t know. Guilt weighed heavily on him for breaking the vows he’d spoken in love. He’d always intended to remain faithful to Ginny. In the early years, after he’d fled to Mexico, she’d met him at prearranged destinations, in Mexico City or Veracruz. He lived for those few brief days together. Then Raine had started school and Ginny’s visits became less and less frequent until finally they stopped. Still, he’d spoken vows of love and fidelity. Vows he’d written himself.

  He was burdened by more than guilt and regret. He worried about Azucena and this baby yet to be born. He was fifty now, and he’d been with her for only the past eight years. Sometimes he believed he had a right to take whatever happiness he could, the happiness Azucena offered him; other times he prayed Ginny would never know of his weakness for this woman so much younger than himself.

  He hadn’t wanted more children, but Azucena was stubborn and she’d yearned for a baby. She had a loving generous heart, and he couldn’t deny her, not when she’d done so much for him. Soon there would be three children. He wondered if this third child would be a son like the first two.

  He loved his children, doted on them and, according to Azucena, spoiled them. Because of Antonio and Hector, he realized how much he’d missed with his daughter. Raine was an adult now, but in his mind she remained a child. She’d been so young when he left! Ginny had brought him photographs during those infrequent visits; the last one was a school picture of Raine, gap-toothed, pigtailed, eight years old.

  A knock sounded on his door. “I apologize for disturbing you,” one of the older students said in Spanish on entering his classroom. “A man has asked to see you.”

  “Did he give his name?”

  “Jack Keller.”

  Thomas grinned despite himself. “Tell him I’ll be right out.” He had little in common with the former mercenary, but it was always good to spend time with another American. Jack didn’t visit all that often, but he invariably brought news of home and the world. On the negative side, he tended to have a foul mouth and a quick eye for a pretty face, but both of these faults were easily forgiven. Jack was a good friend to a man who had few.

  Thomas shoved the test papers into his leather case and headed for the school office. Jack lounged in a broken-down desk chair, flipping the pages of a year-old magazine. He looked terrible. He needed a haircut, but Azucena would probably see to that. His sun-streaked brown hair brushed his shoulders. Apparently he hadn’t shaved in two or three days, either. His jeans were cut off at mid-calf, the ends frayed, and he wore tennis shoes without socks.

  “Jack.” Thomas greeted him with enthusiasm and held out his hand.

  “Hey, Thomas.” Jack tossed aside the magazine and vaulted to his feet. He gripped Thomas’s hand for a firm shake, then slapped him on the back in a gesture of fondness.

  “You’re beginning to look like an old sea dog,” Thomas said.

  “Yeah, well, you don’t look so bad yourself. Are you a proud papa yet?”

  “Any day now.” It worried Thomas that there were no medical facilities close to El Mirador, not that Azucena would agree to have this baby anywhere but in their own home with a midwife. Yet he couldn’t help being concerned, despite the ease of the two previous deliveries.

  “Got time for a beer?” Ja
ck asked.

  “Of course.” Thomas would send word to Azucena via a student. She would want Jack to come to the house for dinner. Not only did she like Jack a great deal, it was a matter of pride to her that she feed their guests like visiting royalty. She’d have Thomas’s head if he didn’t bring Jack home with him.

  He left instructions with Alfonso, then he and Jack strolled over to the waterfront cantina. No sooner had they sat down at a table and tasted their beer than Alfonso was back, breathless from running.

  “Señor Dancy!” he cried. “Señor Dancy!”

  “What is it?” Thomas’s first thought was of Azucena.

  “There’s a woman at the school asking for you,” Alfonso blurted.

  “A woman?” Thomas ignored Jack’s raised eyebrows.

  “Sí. She says her name is Lorraine Dancy. She says she’s your daughter.”

  Four

  Lorraine’s nerves wouldn’t allow her to wait quietly for her father. She couldn’t sit still, and as she paced the school hallway, her heels clicked against the hard stone floor. A framed document on the wall, written in both Spanish and English, stated that the school was financially supported by a group of Texas churches. It listed the headmaster’s name, plus the three teachers. And it explained that the children’s uniforms were sewn by the Women’s Missionary Society. She read the information twice, then paced some more. Lorraine had arrived in El Mirador half an hour ago—it was nearly six now. She’d known her chances of catching Thomas Dancy at the school this late in the afternoon weren’t good. Jason had wanted her to check into the lone hotel with him, but she’d decided to look for her father first.

  As it turned out, the school building was open, and when she mentioned her father’s name to a young man in a school uniform, he’d nodded vigorously and even managed to ask her a few questions in English. He’d suggested she wait inside while he went to get her father.

  For a moment Lorraine had felt light-headed with relief—at least her father was there. Then the real anxiety had begun, the jittery nervous fear. The almost sickening excitement.

  At the sound of footsteps behind her, Lorraine turned. Thomas Dancy stood in the doorway, framed in bright sunlight.

  “Raine,” he whispered.

  “Thomas Dancy?” she asked hesitantly, then, “Dad?” He’d called her Raine in his letter, too, but her mother had always insisted her name not be shortened.

  The look in his eyes was answer enough. Deep blue eyes, the same color as hers. He came slowly toward her and she could see that he was indeed the man in her mother’s photograph. He gazed at her for a full minute, an awed expression on his face. Then he smiled, and his eyes shone with an intensity that hinted at tears.

  “Raine,” he said again. “If only I’d known…”

  “You didn’t get my letter?” she asked.

  “No…no.”

  “I phoned, too.”

  He frowned. “I didn’t get the message.”

  “Then you didn’t know I was coming?”

  “No…but I thank God you did.”

  They stood a few feet from each other, and he continued to stare at her. “How like your mother you are,” he whispered. “So beautiful…” Thomas raised his hand as if to touch her face, then apparently changed his mind and let his arm fall. The love in his eyes was unmistakable.

  At the mention of her mother, Lorraine felt her own eyes fill with tears.

  “Raine, what is it?” He stopped short of taking her in his arms.

  “Mom was killed April first,” she told him shakily.

  His eyes widened with shock and then slowly, as though his legs would no longer support him, he staggered toward a chair. “Killed? How? Dear God in heaven, tell me what happened.”

  “She was on her way home from work. It’d been raining that day and no one knows exactly why, but her tires lost traction and her brakes locked—and she skidded into oncoming traffic. She was hit by a huge semi… There was nothing he could do to stop. Nothing anyone could do.”

  Her father closed his eyes. “Did she suffer?” he asked, his voice so low it was an effort to understand him.

  “No. The investigating officer told me death was instantaneous.”

  Thomas nodded, his face wet with tears that ran unrestrained down his cheeks. “April first, you said?”

  “Yes.”

  He nodded again, reached into a pocket for his handkerchief and wiped away the tears. “I woke up that night.” He paused for a moment. “My Ginny is dead,” he said as if he needed to hear himself say the words to believe they were true.

  Lorraine sat down in the chair beside his. “Mom told me you were dead.”

  “I know. We…we thought it best.”

  “Why?” Everything Lorraine had endured today would be worth it if he could answer this single question.

  Thomas inhaled a deep breath and turned to face her. He took both her hands, clasping them between his own. It was then that he noticed the ring.

  “It’s Mom’s. I put it on the day of the funeral.” She told him a little about her engagement to Gary and then waited, needing answers before she continued.

  His thumb tenderly caressed the wedding band. “I’ll love you always,” he whispered—the words engraved inside the ring. His eyes gazed into hers. “I loved your mother and you with all my heart, Lorraine. First and foremost, I need you to believe that.”

  “Why would you leave us?” she cried. Now that she was with him, she wanted to know the truth with an urgency that left her trembling. For more than twenty years her mother had lived under false pretenses, and Lorraine had to find out why. She couldn’t imagine what would drive her parents to do something so drastic. Honesty had been the very basis of her mother’s character. At least that was what she’d thought….

  “Mom loved you, too…all that time. She wouldn’t talk about you, especially once I got older. Whenever she did, she’d start to cry.”

  “I know…I know.”

  Tears spilled from Lorraine’s eyes. “She told me you’d died of leukemia.”

  The merest hint of a smile touched his mouth, raising one corner. “We concocted that story together.”

  “But you’re alive!” She needed the truth, and quickly, while she was strong enough to bear it. “Please—tell me…”

  “It began in Vietnam,” he said, his voice falling to a whisper. “In many ways, the man I was meant to be died there.”

  “But you were a decorated hero! Mom said the thing she regretted most about the fire was that your medals were lost and—”

  Thomas’s head snapped up. “She told you that?” His expression was sober. Regretful. “I was far from a hero, Lorraine. I deserted halfway through my tour of duty. I couldn’t take the killing any longer, the death….”

  Lorraine didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. It couldn’t be true. Any of it. “But—”

  “I returned to the States and joined a militant antiwar group. They helped me hide out. From the moment I turned my back on the army, I made it my mission, my goal in life, to keep other young men from dying pointlessly on foreign soil. I wanted to save them from watching their friends blown to bits for reasons that had nothing to do with us or our country.”

  “But surely you could come back now—even if you were a deserter. There was an amnesty, wasn’t there?” All her life she’d viewed her father as a hero. This lie her parents had lived made no sense, and she found Thomas’s story confusing.

  “I did much more than desert.” He broke eye contact and lowered his head to stare at their clasped hands. “As I said earlier, I joined a militant antiwar group. A number of us decided to blow up the ROTC building at the University of Kentucky. We didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt…. The security guard wasn’t supposed to be anywhere close to the building.”

  “He died in the explosion?”

  Her father nodded. “Two of our group were picked up almost immediately when they tried to cross the Canadian border. José and I knew it
was only a matter of time before we’d be arrested, as well.”

  “José?”

  “José Delgado, a friend, a good one at the time. The two of us made our way into Mexico before an arrest warrant could be issued.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “José? We bummed around the country for a while, then he found another cause. We argued and split up—I haven’t seen him in years. The last I heard he was part of a guerrilla group somewhere in Central America.”

  “But couldn’t you come back now? That was thirty years ago!”

  “No,” Thomas said with a sadness that couldn’t be disguised. “There’s no statute of limitations on murder. The minute I cross the border, I’ll be arrested for murder and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Raine, I want you to know I was involved with the group, but I was against the bombing. I never believed violence was the way to get our message across. But I didn’t have the courage to stand up to the others. That was my greatest sin and one I’ve paid for dearly in the years since.”

  “What happened to the two who were arrested?”

  Again her father lowered his gaze. “Rick and Dan? Rick committed suicide in prison, and Ginny told me Dan was paroled after serving six years of a twelve-year sentence.”

  Questions crowded Lorraine’s mind, and she asked the most pressing ones first. “Why didn’t Mom join you here? Surely after five or ten years she could have done so without anyone suspecting.”

  “That was what we planned in the beginning,” he said. “Your mother moved to Louisville and she visited me every six months or so. We were able to keep in touch through a mutual friend.”

  “Who?”

  “Elaine Wilson.”

  “Aunt Elaine?” She’d died when Lorraine was nine.

  “Everything fell apart after Elaine died,” her father said. “Ginny would write that she was coming, but each time she’d find some excuse to postpone it. Eventually her visits stopped entirely.”

  “But couldn’t we have moved to Mexico? Then the three of us would’ve been together.”