Decoy Date

by Mira Lyn Kelly

  But then she was thinking about the way he’d touched her hair, smoothing it back from her face. That hadn’t looked like some obligatory kindness, and it hadn’t felt like it either. It had felt like Brody not being able to keep his hands to himself. It felt like tenderness and caring and connection.

  Except he’d let her go. And he hadn’t had a thing to say when she’d broached the subject of friendship.

  “Gwen, are you coming?” Ted asked as the elevator doors rattled open.

  “Sorry. Yeah, I am.” Shaking her head to clear all her jumbled thoughts, she took one last look down the hall. He wasn’t coming after her. She stepped into the car and pressed a hand over her belly.

  Ted let out a long breath, giving her one of his reassuring smiles as he stepped closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, readjusted, and then pulled her in again. She knew he was being sweet, but the hold felt off, and all she wanted was to step back so she could breathe.

  “I’m sorry you had to see him again. But maybe now you’ll be able to put him behind you, once and for all.”

  That sick churn in her stomach started to rise, pushing higher. She thought she might be sick.

  “Gwennie, it’s time to let yourself move on.”

  God, everything felt wrong.

  Like she was about to make a mistake she couldn’t come back from.

  The elevator doors opened, and Ted reached for her hand, brushing his thumb across the skin as he pulled her out into the lobby. “Come on. Let me take you home.”

  Her brows furrowed, and her feet dug in. “Wait, can we stop for a minute?”

  Ted slowed. “Sure. You hungry or something?”

  “I just want to talk. And not while we’re in the car.” She knew what she needed to do, and she knew how she was going to move on. But after that stroke of his thumb…despite all the times they had talked, all the times she’d told him not to wait for her, that she didn’t feel the same way, he hadn’t really listened. This time, Ted needed to hear her. Because he needed to move on too.

  Ted nodded, his eyes shifting nervously away. “Yeah, you bet.”

  The seating area was empty, so she headed over to the couch where she’d waited for Brody earlier.

  Ted didn’t wait for her to start. “Look, I know what you’re going to say. Your feelings aren’t going to change, and I shouldn’t be waiting on something that isn’t going to happen. But, Gwennie, I want to wait.” She opened her mouth, but he held up a staying hand. “I believe your feelings will change. They changed once, right? And now that O’Donnel’s out of the picture—sorry, but I mean, he’s let you go twice—maybe that’s the closure you need. Maybe we can go back to being us. The way we were or, I don’t know, the way we should have been. The way we can be.”

  She waited to make sure there wasn’t something more he needed to say. When this conversation was over, she didn’t want there to be anything left unsaid. No more questions, no more doubts.

  Then she took a deep breath and thought back to all the times and all the ways this man had been a friend to her. The very best friend.

  “Have you ever thought about how much time we had? About all the chances and all the years. About why, in all that time, we never took the next step?”

  “I was waiting for you, Gwen. I knew you loved me, but I didn’t think you were ready.”

  Not after that first kiss. Or her first time. Or the handful of times in the handful of years after. How could he not see it?

  “But just the fact that we were willing to wait, Ted. That we were able to wait. Doesn’t it say something to you that both of us were so content with what we had that in all that time, we never pushed for more? That the idea of finally being together wasn’t worth the risk of exposing our feelings or even broaching the subject of more?”

  He’d been in her bed, in her body, and yet on those mornings after…they’d still carried on the facade.

  “What are you saying, that we didn’t really want it? Because that’s not—”

  “I’m saying that we didn’t want it enough. I’m saying that deep down, I think maybe we knew this wasn’t the one.”

  Ted’s head bowed, and he rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair before looking back to her. “You’re wrong.”

  “I can’t tell you how you feel or what’s real for you and what isn’t. I can only tell you how I feel. What’s in my heart. And, Ted, you were my first love. What I felt for you was sweet and safe and something I hung on to longer than I should have.” She closed her eyes, realizing in that moment that Ted had been the blanket at the end of her bed. “Maybe it was because you were just too good of a guy that I held on to the fantasy. Or maybe it was because we’ve been such a big part of each other’s lives since before we could even walk. But for me, that first love wasn’t real love. Not the kind that could last forever.”

  “And you think that’s what you had with O’Donnel? Even though you were only together for a couple of months and he left you.”

  She nodded, blinking at the tears so quick to push past her lids. “Yes.”

  She knew it was.

  “Why?” Ted demanded, pushing out of his chair and pacing the carpet in front of them. “What makes you think this love is real when what you felt for me wasn’t?”

  “It’s different, Ted. It’s like now that I’ve been with him, I finally know what it feels like to be whole. And when I’m not with him, it feels like something vital is missing inside me. It’s different because it feels like I’m going to die if I walk out those doors and go back to Dobson with you instead of going back upstairs and laying everything on the line with him.” Looking down at her hands, she sighed. “With Brody, I’d take any risk for even the smallest chance we could be together.”

  “But he was willing to give you up.”

  And that had hurt more than she could bear. “I still don’t understand what happened. But when he looks at me, I don’t feel like he’s over this any more than I am him. Maybe he freaked out. Maybe there was some kind of a reason and—”

  “It’s because of me.”

  Her head jerked up. “What?”

  “I’m the reason,” he admitted without looking at her. Then after a deep sigh, he went on. “I was getting in his face that last night outside your house. And when he told me I’d already had my chance, I lost it. I said I loved you, and when he realized I’d been waiting for you? Hell, I could see something change in the way he was looking at me. Like all of the sudden, he saw me as a threat.”

  Because he’d never actually believed Ted was the good guy she’d seen him as. And then it turned out he was.

  “And when he asked if you knew, I lied about it and said no.”

  Shocked, she coughed, “You what?”

  “I’m sorry, Gwennie.” Regret and shame filled his eyes. “I didn’t want him to know you’d already chosen him.”

  You deserve the guy who’s willing to wait… You deserve the guy who’ll love you for his whole life…

  Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she turned away, sick over the choice Brody had made for her. Over the days and nights he’d wasted and the thousand tears she’d shed.

  She’d been hurt before. Devastated. But this… Her heart couldn’t break again. She wouldn’t let it. Fortunately, she had another emotion at her disposal, and it was plentiful.

  Fists balling at her sides, she turned back toward the elevators.

  “Whoa, Gwen, what are you doing?”

  Right… Ted. She straightened her spine and faced him head-on. “You should go back to Dobson.”

  He shook his head and took a step toward her, but then seeing her face, he stepped back and held up his hands. “But how are you going to get home?”

  “On my own. I’ll handle it.”

  Molly owed her a favor. Maybe she’d borrow Molly’s car since
they weren’t going to need it for another day. Drive home to get her wallet, and when she came back, she’d stop at the dealership she’d seen on the way into town. It was time she got her own car.

  “I don’t want to leave you like this. I know you’re mad.”

  “‘Mad’ doesn’t quite cover it.”

  He took a big breath, maybe gearing up for another argument, but just then, Brody barreled out of the stairwell, tearing through the lobby and out the front doors.

  She looked at Ted, who was shaking his head. “In a hurry?”

  A second later, Brody was back, those sea-green eyes storm-tossed and wild as they scoured the lobby and landed on her.

  “Thank fuck,” he growled, stalking toward them like a man possessed.

  Gwen’s breath caught as that deep pull started in the center of her chest. He was coming for her.

  “Ted, I’m sorry, man,” he said, his eyes still locked with hers. “I am. I tried to do the right thing. I really did. I know you love her. And I know you’re the fucking good guy she always told me you were, and I’m the reason she stopped seeing you that way.”

  He stopped in front of her, his eyes caught somewhere between desperate and demanding. “But I can’t fucking do it, Gwen. I can’t let you go without a fight. I can’t let you have the happily ever after you’ve been dreaming about since you were a girl, just because it turns out this guy might actually be good enough to give it to you.”

  Ted swore, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  “Not unless you tell me you’re happier with him than you ever were with me.”

  “Happy?” she asked shakily. The butterflies that had been flitting around in her belly from the second he started toward her were chased away by a swarm of angry hornets.

  Arms crossed, she drew a long breath in through her nose. Not a calming one either. “I haven’t been happy,” she bit out, taking a menacing step toward him, “since you broke up with me over a month ago.”

  From the corner of her eye, Ted pursed his lips and took another step toward the door. “Hey, I’m going to leave you two to it.”

  Brody’s chin pulled back. Obviously, this wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting. But then the corner of his too-sexy mouth hitched up. “You haven’t?”

  “Don’t you dare look glad about that, you big oaf.”

  His hands came up in front of him. “I’m not.”

  But when he ran his hand over his jaw, the smile underneath was even bigger. “You’re so…mad.” He looked delighted.

  Finger out in front of her, she started toward him. “You better believe I’m mad. I was about to go up there and beg you for another chance.”

  His face blanked, all humor gone without a trace. “What?”

  Oh, she was so pissed. “A month, Brody.” She poked his chest. “Do you have any idea what that was like?”

  “Yes,” and God, the gravity of that one word was almost enough to stop the tirade she was just getting going. But not quite.

  “To feel like one day, you’ve found the man you want forever”—another poke—“and the next, have him treat you like every other damned piece of asparagus that’s come before.”

  “No.”

  “I loved you and you…left…me.” Poke, poke, poke.

  His face was tortured. “Baby, I was trying to do the right thing. But I’m not anymore.”

  She arched a brow at him, and he shook his head, realizing what he said.

  It was almost funny, but enough of her mad had burned off that the hurt was back. And that she couldn’t handle.

  “Aww, baby, no. Please don’t cry.”

  Grabbing hold of her anger with everything she had, she forced back the tears and poked him again.

  It must have been what he was looking for, because he smiled, catching her finger and bringing it to his mouth for a kiss before pressing it to his chest. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to poke the bear?” His voice was a low rumble, and she closed her eyes, absorbing the sound of it.

  Apparently, that was a mistake. Next thing, she found herself folded over Brody’s shoulder like she’d been that day walking back from Belfast. Too shocked to do more than grip his belt, she gaped as he strode toward the stairwell.

  “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “You said you were headed up there anyway. Just helping you along.”

  Through the middle of the hotel lobby, caveman style?

  “Let me go,” she demanded, trying to hold on to at least a shred of indignation.

  “Can’t.” God, the way he said that one word, it made her heart skip.

  When they were in the stairwell, his hold shifted, bringing her forward. A bounce, and she was suspended princess-style in his big, strong arms.

  “You have something against the elevator?”

  “I didn’t want to risk having to put you down if some little old lady got in with her walker.”

  “I’m really mad at you,” she said quietly. “This show of brute strength isn’t going to get you out of it.”

  Even if it was making her heart race to have him carrying her up all those stairs without so much as losing his breath.

  “I’m really in love with you, Gwen.”

  “You left me,” she whispered.

  He looked tortured. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  Once they were inside his room, the door closed behind and the security latch thrown, Brody set her down, keeping his back to the door like he was defending against her leaving.

  “I was trying to do the right thing. When I found out fucking Ted wasn’t some user asshole taking advantage of your feelings, that he was actually everything you’d thought he was, I felt like I’d stolen something from you. You’d wanted him all your life, and if I’d let you be… Fuck, I thought you’d be with him. That you’d have what you always wanted.”

  “You didn’t think that might be a choice I’d want to make for myself? You didn’t think it was even worth a conversation?” She wiped at her eyes with the back of her wrist. “You didn’t think we were worth a chance?”

  Pushing off the door, he walked the rest of the way into the room.

  “I didn’t want you to have to choose. I knew you cared about me. I knew what we had was something good. Too good for you to be able to walk away without being all torn up over it.”

  “If it was so good, then why were you so sure I’d choose Ted?”

  “Because you’d been choosing him for twenty years. Picking him over the chance to have a life with anyone else. Giving him all your firsts.” He shoved his hands through his hair. “Because it turns out he’s actually a fucking good guy.”

  “He is a good guy,” she admitted, but then crossing her arms, she added the stern clarification, “But he’s not that fucking good of a guy.”

  Brody’s head came up, his eyes locking with hers. There was a dangerous glint there, and she stopped to do a few mental calculations before elaborating more.

  Ted had cleared out of the hotel before Brody went all caveman on her. He’d probably been on the road for ten, maybe fifteen minutes by then. So he should be safe.

  “He lied to you about telling me how he felt.”

  “You mean you only found out now?” he asked slowly, that gravel-and-glass scrape in his voice suggesting he knew that wasn’t the case.

  “I mean I’d already made my choice, Brody. I knew how he felt about me. I’d known since New Year’s Day. And I’d chosen you without a second’s hesitation. The only heartache it caused was the kind someone feels for a friend who’s suffering. Because that’s what Ted was to me. From before I even realized what was happening between you and me, I knew friendship was all I felt for Ted.”

  Brody wiped a hand over his face, his eyes roving over the room before landing back on hers. “Gwen, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t know
.”

  That had been her mistake.

  “At the time, I didn’t think you needed to. In my mind, Ted’s feelings were completely separate from you and me. I didn’t think they had the power to impact our relationship at all. And because they weren’t any threat to you, to us, I decided to respect his privacy. I wish I’d told you, Brody. Almost as much as I wish you’d trusted me enough to ask.”

  “I’m asking now.” He stepped in close, searching her eyes. “Can you give me another chance?”

  Her breath left her lungs in a rush. And with that, the butterflies were back.

  But he wasn’t getting off that easily. Not after this last month. “What if I say no?”

  His normally ruddy complexion went pale. “I know I ought to respect that, but, Gwen, I won’t be able to let you go without fighting for you.”

  “You won’t?”

  “No way. And I’m not talking about waiting in the wings for twenty years, hoping you’ll have a change of heart. I’m talking about waiting outside your apartment with flowers, and making you laugh with all the silly stories about my friends, telling you how much I love you every single day. I’m talking about driving down to Dobson every night until I get your dad behind me and then—”

  “You’d do whatever it took?” she asked, trembling with emotion.

  “I’d do anything. Everything.”

  “Everything. That’s quite a lot,” she murmured, stepping closer so she could run her fingers over the top button of his shirt. His head bowed as he studied that single point of contact between them. “Would you use your body?”

  She saw the moment her quiet words registered. His breath punched out, and his eyes shut tight. And when he opened them again, his lids were heavy, his focus intense.

  “I would.” Reaching for his back, he grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

  This time, she was the one to lose her breath. His biceps bunched and lengthened, the mass of his shoulders rolled, and his chest expanded. He looked even bigger than she remembered, more perfectly cut.