“What’s wrong?” L asked.
“Another memory I can’t remember. I have a lot of them.”
“Did the psychiatrist help?”
“How do ya know ’bout that bitch?”
“Jade told me.”
“I don’t like bein’ talked about.”
“Sorry, I’m being nosey again.” She turned and headed for the kitchen.
Dante followed her, the chick’s earlier reactions now making sense. “Is that why you shy away from men?”
L placed a hand on the door and turned her head to him. “What do you mean?”
“Cos of what Ant did to you.”
“Yes.”
“He’s only one man. Not all men are like him.”
“Most men look at me like Ant did.”
“I don’t.”
“You eye me up all the time.”
“I eye all hot chicks up; it doesn’t mean I would force myself onto them. You shouldn’t label all men on one disgusting piece of trash.”
L frowned. “I know, but it’s a reaction I find hard to control.”
“Like me and my sexual way of doin’ shit, it’s inbred in me. The doc also said it’s partly due to bein’ bipolar. It’s called hypersexuality.”
L grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For telling you to do something you have no control over.”
Dante shrugged. “No worries, it’s all good.”
“No, it’s not. I was judging you wrongly.”
“Everyone judges me, that’s nuthin’ new.”
“Well, they shouldn’t. And thank you.”
“For what?”
“Giving me a glimpse of that sweet boy again.”
Dante quirked an eyebrow. “I’m definitely not sweet, lady.”
“And I’m definitely not a lady.” Smiling, L wriggled her fingers at Dante, then turned and pushed through the kitchen doorway, leaving Dante standing there smiling, the chick making him feel good, and for once it wasn’t to do with sex.
His phone went off in his pocket, snapping him out of the nice feeling. He pulled it out and looked down at the number, not recognising it. He placed it to his ear, saying hello in Maori, “Kia ora?”
“Is this Mr. Rata?” a lady asked.
“Yup. Wassup?”
“I’m the receptionist for your partner’s doctor.”
“How’d you get my number?”
“Beth put you down as the father of her child.”
“Yeah, so what are ya callin’ me for?”
“There’s something wrong with your partner’s phone number. It keeps saying it’s out of service. Can you please ask her to call me?”
“Why? Is there sumpthin’ wrong with my baby?” he asked, worried that Beth could miscarry too.
“Oh, no, it’s fine, I’m just ringing in regards to her eighteen week appointment. I need to change it due to a clash.”
“Just gimme the details and I’ll pass them onto her.”
“Tell her that Doctor Martin can do one p.m. on Tuesday the twentieth or Wednesday the twenty-first.”
“Okay,” Dante said, his eyes moving to L as she reappeared with two glasses of juice. She held one out for Dante to take.
“Thank you,” the receptionist said, hanging up.
Dante pocketed the phone and took the juice, then froze. Eighteen week appointment?
“What’s wrong?” L asked.
Dante ignored her, counting the weeks in his head, his mind working out when he’d first fucked Beth. His eyes widened. “The bitch!”
22
Saul
Saul walked out of his boss’s office, not waiting for Joseph’s reply. Joseph had just stared at him in shock, saying absolutely nothing as Saul confessed to sexually assaulting Beth.
He quickly headed down the corridor, passing Sarah as she tried to talk to him, no doubt wanting to know what Joseph had said. He probably should’ve stayed long enough for Joseph to arrest him, but his feet were moving of their own accord, propelling him forward, an unstoppable force screaming at him to get away. He didn’t know why, because he’d willingly confessed, but like with Beth, he wasn’t thinking logically, a mixture of fear and disgust, as well as deep regret affecting his actions.
He exited the building and jumped down the stairs, heading for his car, which was around the back of the building. He got in quick and locked the door before Sarah could stop him. She banged on the window, demanding he talk to her. Ignoring her, he backed out of his parking spot and swung the car around. Sarah screamed at him to stop, her face now red, her cheeks covered in tears. She was family to him. Joseph was too, in fact, the whole unit was, the men and women treating him like a brother, often inviting him to their homes, including him in their family gatherings. And he’d forsaken all of them, spitting on everything they were about. He turned the corner, knowing it wasn’t just Beth he’d wronged.
Before he could think logically, he was at Beth’s house. He knew he shouldn’t be here, that he was probably going to make things worse, but he needed to tell her in person he’d confessed. He also wanted to let her know that she didn’t need to be afraid of him anymore, and if she wanted to testify against him, he would back up everything she said on the stand.
He jumped out of his car and headed for the front door, knocking on it without any hesitation. He just hoped he hadn’t upset her too much the last time he’d been here, especially since he couldn’t remember what had happened due to being drunk. Sarah had said that she’d heard two women yelling at Beth’s place that night, then he’d bolted out of the house, looking worse for wear.
Footsteps approached the other side of the door, making Saul’s chest constrict, the fear he expected to see on Beth’s face not something he was looking forward to.
The door opened, revealing Beth’s cousin instead. Josie went still, her expression stunned.
“Hello, Josie,” he said, feeling awkward, again wishing he hadn’t fucked her, “is Beth home? I need to talk to her.”
Josie went to slam the door shut.
Saul pushed it open, making Josie stumble back. “I’m sorry, but I have to speak to her.”
She turned to run, screaming, “Help!”
Saul grabbed her from behind and covered her mouth to stop her from screaming. “Calm the hell down!” he snapped, realising Beth must’ve told her what he’d done. “I’m not going to hurt you or Beth; I just need to tell her that I confessed everything to my boss. I will back up whatever she says.” He let go of Josie and turned to leave, angry with himself for even coming.
“What didja do that for?!” Josie yelled.
He turned back. “It was a reflex reaction. You were yelling; I had to stop you.”
“No, I meant why didja give yourself up. No one would’ve believed Beth; everyone thinks she’s a liar.”
“Do you?”
“At first, but she changed my mind. Why didja hurt her?”
“I didn’t mean to, but regardless of intent, it had the same outcome, which is why I should pay for it.”
“Didja use me to get at Beth?”
Saul shook his head vigorously. “No, I was trying to protect you. There was a man outside, casing your house. I went with you to the pub to make sure you were protected.”
Her eyes widened. “What man?”
“Someone who won’t bother you again. I have a mate who’s making sure he’s being watched. Regardless, you should go to Corey’s house. I want all of you Connors there, so the police can protect you.” His face dropped, remembering he hadn’t told his boss about Ant’s threat to the Connors, his need to confess having consumed him, making him forget. “I have to go.” He turned to leave.
“Saul!” Josie called out.
He turned back again. “What?”
“Will you go to prison for what you did?”
“Yes.”
“Won’t you get attacked if you do? You’re a cop. People will hate you in there.”
“I dese
rve it.”
“You might get killed.”
“So be it.” He spun around and headed for his car, jumping into it. As he pulled away from the kerb, his phone went off, Sarah’s number coming up. Ignoring it, he kept on driving, relieved when she finally gave up. Not wanting to go back to the station, he pulled over to the kerb and called Joseph. It went straight through to voicemail. He left a message about what Corey had told him, knowing that Joseph would arrange protection for the Connors.
He finished the call and threw his phone aside, his mind now on his wife. He pulled away from the kerb and headed for Waikumete, wanting to talk to her—possibly for the last time.
***
Gravestones made a pattern across the cemetery, his wife’s one amongst many. Saul placed the pink roses into the stone vase and brushed some leaves off her resting place, upset that he wouldn’t be able to come here for a long time—if ever again, because Sarah was right: there was a high chance he would die in prison.
Saying a prayer, he rose to his feet and looked down at the words written in stone:
In memory of
Mariella Vaega
1971-1998
A loving wife and daughter
~ * ~
Our hearts are broken without you
Our precious Ella
Even after all these years the loss of his wife still pierced his heart. She’d died from a gunshot wound while out on patrol, the both of them police officers. He’d been back at the station, writing up a report about a domestic dispute, feeling bored and wishing he was home with Mariella. Joseph had come into his office, looking devastated, instantly capturing Saul’s attention. Then his boss and friend had said those words, ‘I’m sorry, Saul, I don’t know how to tell you this ... Mariella’s been fatally shot.’
“Saul,” a voice said, ripping him out of the memory.
He turned around, finding Sarah standing several feet away, her face filled with compassion.
“I thought you would come here,” she said. “You always do when you’re upset or need comfort.”
He didn’t reply, his attention instead moving to her partner. Liam was a tall blond, with a massive ego and an unfriendly personality—but only in regards to Saul. Sarah’s partner had taken a disliking to Saul after being overlooked for a promotion, Saul getting it instead. Saul held out his hands, knowing Liam didn’t need to be jealous anymore, if anything, he should be happy, because he’d be first in line for Saul’s job, something the man badly wanted. But in spite of it, Liam still looked sad, no doubt over Sarah being upset.
Reading him his rights, Liam cuffed Saul, muttering, “I’m sorry,” at the end.
“There’s no need to be,” Saul replied. “Treat me like any other criminal. It’s what I am.”
“No you’re not!” Sarah shouted. “You didn’t mean to hurt Beth.”
“Whether I meant to or not, I still did.”
Liam went to direct Saul to the police car. Sarah shoved him away from Saul, turning on her partner. “He didn’t mean to do it! He told me he didn’t! That has to account for something.”
Liam grimaced. “Saul knew what would happen when he confessed, but he still chose to do it, while I’m not choosing to arrest him. It’s my job, so don’t stop me again, because, Sarah, you know he has to be brought in.” He reached for Saul again, directing him forward, the man as big as he was.
Saul looked over his shoulder at Sarah’s agonised face, then at his wife’s resting place, saying goodbye to the both of them.
23
Beth
Banging came from the front door. Beth opened her eyes and yawned. She’d fallen asleep on the couch while holding Corey, who had cried himself to sleep. Without waking him, she shifted him off her and pulled the blanket over him, their mother having covered them. She wondered whether her mother had left again, since she wasn’t answering the door.
More banging rattled the door. Not wanting it to wake Corey, Beth quickly opened it, finding Dante glaring at her, his face furious.
He pointed a finger at her. “Why did you lie to me?!”
“’Bout what?” she asked, still half-asleep, his anger taking her by surprise.
He indicated to her stomach. “That! It’s Ash’s baby, isn’t it?”
She inhaled sharply, his words slapping her across the face, waking her up fully. “I only just found out.”
“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, your doctor’s receptionist mentioned you’re almost eighteen weeks. How the fuck didn’t ya know that?”
“I only found out a coupla days ago.”
“And yet you didn’t think it wuz important enough to tell me?”
“I wuz scared.”
“That’s no fuckin’ excuse! You knew when I proposed to you that the kid wuzn’t even bloody mine, yet you said nuthin’, absolutely-fuckin’-nuthin’!”
“I thought you’d leave me.”
“And this makes me wanna stay with you? I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. You’ve lied to me too many times.”
“Only twice, and I didn’t intentionally lie to you ’bout the baby. It wuz as much a shock to me as it wuz to you.”
“You still tried to keep it from me.”
“Cos you would’ve left me, and I couldn’t let that happen. You told me you would’ve picked Kara if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. Do ya know how much that cut me? How much you hurt me when you said that? Then right after I learn I’m further along than expected, I find Kara banging on your door, tryna get you back. I panicked.”
He didn’t reply, the hurt on his face still there. Wanting to comfort him, she moved forward. He stepped back, moving out of her reach.
“Dante! Please believe me. I love you more than anything in the world. I’m even willing to ignore how much you care for Kara—”
“I don’t just care for her, I love her.”
Beth screwed up her face. “I know that, but you also said you love me. Why can’t you just be happy with me? We were doin’ good until Kara showed up.”
He shook his head. “We were never doin’ good, we were always fighting, still are.”
“You fight with Kara too.”
“Not like with you.”
She moved forward again, desperate to hold him, just wanting him to understand how much she needed him. He jerked back, making her cry out.
“Please, Dante,” she sobbed. “I can make you happy. Just gimme one more chance.”
“I’ve given you enough chances. I forgave you for that nude text of me, but this ... you’re not making me happy, you’re making me miserable.”
She swiped at her face and breathed in through her mouth, her nose starting to block up from crying. “Don’t you love me?”
“I do, but I...”
“But what?!”
“We aren’t good together,” he said, looking pained.
“We are! You’re just upset.”
He breathed out. “For good reason. It shouldn’t be this hard, Beth. Can’t you see that?”
“But I love you,” she sobbed.
“I love you too, but I love Kara more.”
“No! Things can change.”
He screwed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry; it’s always been like that with her. She’s a part of me, always will be.” He opened his eyes, looking stricken. “You will be too, but it’s not fair for me to be with you if I love another woman more. I’ve tried so hard, but I know in my heart, I can’t commit to you fully. I would’ve tried for the baby,” he waved a hand at Beth’s stomach, “but it’s not even mine. I can’t do this anymore.” He turned to go.
Beth grabbed his arm. “Don’t make any rash decisions. Once you’ve calmed down, you might change your mind.”
Dante pulled free. “That’s the problem. I can never make my mind up to do anything—other than I need to be by Kara’s side right now. She’s had a miscarriage.”
“She wuz pregnant?” Beth gasped.
“With my child. I hafta be with her, no, I don’t hafta,
I want to.”
“But what ’bout us?”
“There’s no us anymore.” Dante turned and ran for the road, his car parked on the other side.
Beth ran after him. “Stop, Dante!”
He stopped on the footpath and turned to face her, his face so sad. “I don’t understand why you still want me. I’m broken, Beth. And all I’m doin’ is breaking you too. You should find a good man who treats you right, someone who puts you on a pedestal and worships you, not a useful fuckin’ cunt who looks at other women. No matter how much I love you and Kara, I still look. Today I jerked off while thinking ’bout fucking that intersex chick. I don’t wanna do things like that, but I can’t stop myself. I’m not only wrong for you, I’m wrong for everyone. I’m just fuckin’ wrong.”
“No, you’re everything right to me.”
“I wish I were, but I’m not.” He stepped closer and cupped her face. “I do love you, I just can’t be with you, no matter how much I wanna be.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, making Beth’s heart break even more, knowing this was a goodbye kiss.
She placed a hand at the back of Dante’s head and returned the kiss, putting everything into it so he could understand how much she loved and needed him.
He broke the kiss and placed his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. “You’re making this hard.”
“It doesn’t hafta be. Please just stay.”
“I can’t, no matter how much it hurts.” He went to pull away.
She gripped onto his hair, not willing to let him go. “Don’t do this, it doesn’t hafta end.”
He placed a hand over hers, detaching it from his hair. “It already has.” He gave her hand a squeeze, then let go. He turned to the road and cut across it, disappearing around the neighbour’s large truck.
Beth ran after him, shouting, “Dante!”
Dante stopped by his red Holden and spun around, his eyes going wide. He screamed, “No!”
Beth turned her head, seeing the car too late.
24
Corey
Corey had watched Dante and Beth break up before his eyes, their yelling having awoken him. He’d hobbled over to the front door, finding them arguing in the driveway, both of them looking shattered—Beth the most, his sister’s anguish undeniable. Despite everything she’d said about his relationship with Sledge, it broke his heart to see her like that, her cries for Dante so raw and pained. He’d felt like screaming at Dante to listen to her, that she meant every word she was saying, but instead he’d just watched them, unable to utter a word.
Behind the Secrets (Behind the Lives #4) Page 24
