Facing the Light

by Adele Geras

  The sound that came out of her mouth resembled laughter, which surprised her a little, because it had felt like a scream as she voiced it. ‘It was always a little eccentric, wasn’t it? Not wanting your pictures to leave the walls of your home? All that talking and talking about how people wouldn’t appreciate them properly, and how much they were an integral part of the house … it was lies, nothing but hideous lies and I believed them and helped him. I aided and abetted him in his deception and his unkindness to my poor mother so that he could go on hurting her even when he was dead. I’m sorry to be crying now, but I can’t help it.’

  Gwen and Rilla both stood up and went to comfort Leonora.

  ‘Please, please don’t say sorry,’ Gwen murmured, her arms around her mother.

  ‘You should cry if you want to,’ Rilla added. ‘As much as you like.’

  ‘I’m all right, darlings, honestly. Do sit down again. Some of these tears are simply rage. I feel … I feel murderous when I think about him. The truth of it is this: he wanted the paintings kept at Willow Court not only because he didn’t want to be found out, but because he wanted to make sure that my mother was never acknowledged as the artist. He wanted to see to it that she never, ever got her due. That much is clear to me. He wanted them here for ever, safe at Willow Court. He made me promise to carry out his instructions, just as he’d written them down in his will, and I told him I would. I promised. Now I see that that promise was unfairly extracted from me when I didn’t know the truth. As you all know, there are instructions in my will, too, but on Tuesday morning I shall see to it that they’re altered.’

  She took a sip of wine. I must pull myself together, she thought and dabbed at her eyes with a lace-edged handkerchief.

  ‘There’s a prayer I used to recite when I was a girl, which said If I should die before I wake. I have no intention of dying before I wake and missing my birthday party, but just in case I do …’ she smiled. ‘I’d like to say in front of all of you, and you’re my witnesses, that I have every intention of spreading the story of Maude Walsh’s paintings throughout the art world, and Efe, dear …’

  ‘Yes, Leonora?’

  ‘Please get in touch with Mr Stronsky and tell him that nothing would give me greater pleasure than a purpose-built gallery to display my mother’s work.’

  Those words broke the spell and everyone began to applaud. Sean said, ‘I’m going to have to add some things to my film, Leonora. Nothing I’ve got so far will need changing except for your two interviews. Of course I’m going to have to rewrite the commentary from beginning to end, but I’ll enjoy doing that. It is such a dramatic story. Maybe we could get together next week?’

  ‘You’re welcome to come back whenever it suits you, Sean,’ Leonora said. ‘I hadn’t given any thought to the programme, I’m sorry to say. And I should also warn everyone that I am going to tell all my guests about this at the party tomorrow. I want everyone to know the truth. I don’t want any more deception.’

  ‘She’ll become famous, Leonora.’ Chloë was exultant. ‘Much more famous than Ethan Walsh ever was, because not only is she going to have a proper gallery built just for her, but this story will be part of it. How she was discovered so many years after her death. How her husband stole her art. She’ll be a feminist icon. You’ll get droves of women tramping all over Willow Court wanting to see where she lived.’

  Leonora shuddered. ‘I don’t think I’d like that, darling.’

  Efe said, ‘I must get on to various people at once. D’you think we should tell the press? They could all be down here by tomorrow.’

  ‘Efe, please behave yourself.’ Leonora spoke sharply. ‘It may have escaped your notice but tomorrow is my seventy-fifth birthday party and I would like to enjoy it with my family and friends. My mother’s story has been unknown since 1935. I shall tell my guests but the world can wait, I think. Another couple of days will not make any appreciable difference to her future reputation, I’m sure you’ll agree.’

  Efe had the grace to blush. ‘I’m sorry, Leonora. Of course I don’t want to spoil your day, but I just thought … I don’t know. You and your birthday are a part of the story. You found her, after all. It’s very dramatic. A human interest angle, the suicide and everything.’

  ‘It will be just as humanly interesting next week,’ Leonora said in a tone that managed to bring the discussion of the press possibilities to a full stop. She noticed that Rilla was looking towards the door and asked, ‘What’s the matter, Rilla? What are you waiting for?’

  ‘It’s a surprise,’ Rilla said. ‘Are you ready to ring for dessert?’

  ‘Rilla darling, you can always be depended upon to bring the conversation back to earth, can’t you? But you’re quite right. We must get on with the meal otherwise we’ll be here for ages and we should all get an early night.’

  Sean leaned a little closer to Rilla as everyone round the table began to talk about the party. He whispered in her ear, ‘Not us, please, Rilla. We’re going for a walk, aren’t we? In the dark. By ourselves. Aren’t we?’

  Rilla nodded, and put her hand on Sean’s knee under cover of the tablecloth. He took her hand and stroked her palm gently. ‘We certainly are,’ she said.

  Mary came into the room then and put the strawberry shortcake in front of Leonora.

  ‘What’s this, Mary? I thought we were having fruit salad tonight.’

  ‘Rilla had other ideas,’ Mary said, with a smile.

  ‘I made it, Mother,’ Rilla said. ‘Last night when everyone was asleep. It’s a surprise for you.’

  ‘It looks wonderful,’ Leonora said. ‘Thank you, darling. I hope I can manage to cut it neatly. It looks too beautiful to spoil, doesn’t it?’

  ‘No, it doesn’t,’ said James. ‘It looks far too good to leave on the plate, that’s what I say.’ He held out his plate and grinned. ‘Get cracking with the knife, Leonora! I can’t wait.’

  *

  Alex wished he’d taken his camera into dinner. The faces round the table when Leonora was reading her mother’s words should have been caught on film. Gwen and Rilla with tears in their eyes; Efe looking at first as though someone had dealt him a knockout blow and then slowly realizing how he could turn the situation to his great advantage, and especially his financial advantage. He could scarcely manage to sit still through the strawberry shortcake that Leonora had somehow managed to distribute. It was sort of typical of Rilla to make something completely delicious which broke up into a mess of biscuit and cream and fruit as soon as you cut into it. Alex wished he could have got a shot of her getting ready for the first mouthful, her lips shining and Sean looking on as though he wished she’d take a bite out of him instead. And in the background, Leonora, with a frown that expressed disapproval of such greed.

  Alex was alone on the terrace in the soft darkness waiting for Beth to appear. She was helping Leonora carry all the presents she’d opened up to her bedroom but she’d said she wouldn’t be long. She’d been quiet all through dinner. He’d managed to sit next to her, and at one point he’d even asked her what the matter was, but she only shook her head and whispered, ‘I’ll tell you later.’

  ‘Alex?’ Her voice broke into his thoughts. He stood up and said, ‘I’m over here, Beth. In the alcove.’

  She sat down next to him, and leaned back against the wall. ‘I’m totally exhausted,’ she said. ‘Too much has happened today. I can’t take it all in properly.’

  ‘More than you know, actually,’ said Alex. ‘Have you spoken to Efe?’

  Beth snorted. ‘Don’t talk to me about Efe, honestly. You could practically see the dollar signs flashing in his eyes when he heard Maude’s letter. When Chloë said that about her becoming a feminist icon, he was almost jumping up and down. I’m glad Leonora’s put a stop to him filling the place with the press tomorrow. He’s so greedy and selfish.’

  ‘Haven’t you always known that?’

  Beth thought for a moment. ‘Yes, I suppose I have. Only I’ve never minded bef
ore because I never saw the effect his behaviour had on people. But look at poor Fiona! She’s not my favourite person, but she doesn’t deserve to be hit. Or bullied. No one does.’

  ‘She’s left him,’ Alex said.

  ‘What? Fiona’s left Efe? I don’t believe it! She wouldn’t dare. She’d be afraid of what he’d do to her when he found her again.’

  ‘He may not go looking for her. That’s the impression I got, anyway. Don’t say a word, Beth. I’m not supposed to have told anyone. Efe doesn’t want the party to be wrecked.’

  ‘Something drastic must have happened. Tell me, Alex, go on. I shan’t say a word. She’s put up with so much. And what could he have done that would persuade her to miss a party?’

  ‘She listened to a message on his mobile. By accident.’

  Beth was quiet for a moment. She said, ‘From a woman, I suppose. Melanie, maybe.’

  ‘Worse than that. Telephone sex, from what I can gather.’

  Beth sat without speaking for a few moments. ‘Efe has had quite a lot happening to him today. I feel rather sorry for him.’

  ‘He seems okay to me,’ Alex said, feeling a stab of jealous anger.

  ‘Leonora spoke to Efe and Rilla in the conservatory this afternoon – don’t tell anyone about this, Alex, promise? – she made Efe tell Rilla about the day Mark died. Was that what you were trying to tell me earlier? About Efe not saving him? Being too involved in the game to bother?’

  Alex nodded. ‘I should have said something, I suppose, only Efe told me it was an accident. That Leonora said it was and we shouldn’t say a word about it. And I haven’t. I’ve felt bad too, Beth, sometimes, wondering whether I could have done something. Told Efe to look behind him. Something.’

  ‘You weren’t that much older than Markie, Alex. And no one can tell Efe to do anything, can they? You mustn’t blame yourself. It was an accident. Maybe it could have been prevented, but that’s what it was. I think we should try to put that day behind us.’

  Alex listened to the night sounds all around them. The delicious scent of evening filled the air and he closed his eyes. This was a chance. He sensed that if he didn’t speak, Beth would stand up soon and go to bed. It was late, she was tired, she had a great deal to think about. He knew all that. He said, ‘Beth?’

  ‘Mmm?’

  Alex looked at her. She had her eyes closed. She hadn’t mentioned what had happened earlier, in the kitchen. Did that mean she regretted it? Could he perhaps have imagined her reaction to his kiss? Should he say something? Her satin shirt glowed pearly white. What should he say, if he did decide to speak? I love you was out of the question. Not those words, not just like that, out of the blue. Nor could he ask what he really needed to know: what about Efe? Do you still love him? Am I a sort of second-best? Maybe he shouldn’t speak at all, but just kiss her. He bent over her and touched his lips to hers as lightly as he could, a butterfly kiss, just in case.

  ‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  Beth opened her eyes. ‘You’re wondering, aren’t you, about this afternoon? If I really meant it. Well, I did. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize.’

  Before he knew what was happening, she’d wound her arms around him and her mouth was on his, open, eager, sweet. Alex closed his eyes and returned her kiss. They clung together for a long moment and then came out of the embrace, surprised and breathless.

  ‘Never mind.’ Alex spoke in whispers. ‘As long as you realize now …’

  ‘You’re talking too much,’ Beth said. ‘Shut up and kiss me again.’

  *

  ‘This is all beginning to remind me’, said Rilla, ‘of a rather lavish production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Couples wandering about in the dark in a mysterious wood.’

  They were walking together through the wild garden and heading for the lake. They both knew this, but neither Sean nor Rilla mentioned the fact.

  ‘Can’t think what you mean,’ said Sean. ‘Gwen and James and Fiona and Efe and Chloë and Philip are probably all safely tucked up in their beds, the lucky things. Also I can’t see any woods. Apart from that …’

  ‘You’re behind the times, Sean. I know something you don’t know, and I’m not meant to tell you.’

  ‘Go on. I won’t breathe a word, I promise.’

  ‘Efe and Fiona’s bedroom door was open when I went upstairs to get my shawl. I looked in, thinking I’d see if she was feeling better, and guess what?’

  ‘I’m useless at guessing. Tell me.’

  ‘She’s gone. Fiona’s gone. She’s left him, apparently.’

  ‘I’m amazed. I didn’t think she’d have the nerve to do something like that. She’ll go back to him, no doubt.’

  Rilla sighed. ‘She would, I think, but I’m not at all sure that he’s that keen. He’s a strange boy, Efe. Not a boy at all, of course, but that’s how I think of him. I told you about what happened this afternoon. When I saw him crying like that, well, I felt desperately sorry for him. He’s had to live with the memory for all these years. It must have been a terrible thing to bear.’

  Sean was silent. He didn’t have the heart to disillusion Rilla about her nephew’s sensitivity, but he would have sworn that the sleepless nights Efe had experienced over the years on account of his grief wouldn’t even get into double figures.

  They went on walking towards the lake. Rilla stopped as they left the wild garden.

  ‘That’s where we’re going, isn’t it? To the lake.’

  ‘If you can,’ Sean said. ‘I don’t want to force you but I thought we might exorcise some of the bad memories if we went together.’

  Rilla nodded. Sean was holding her hand and he could feel her stiffen slightly. She said, ‘It’ll be all right. If I’m there with you. I shan’t feel so scared.’

  There was hope in her voice, a rising inflection.

  ‘Here we are,’ Sean said gently. ‘This is it.’

  The lake glittered where the moonlight touched it. The willow branches were black against the sky, and only the small noises of water lapping at the shore broke the silence.

  ‘It must have been here,’ Rilla whispered. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t cry. I’m so sorry.’

  Sean took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away Rilla’s tears. ‘Take it,’ he said. ‘Cry as much as you like.’

  ‘No, no, I’m fine. Really. It’s better here, in the place where it really happened. Perhaps I should have come a long time ago, only I didn’t dare. But I can be here if you’re with me.’

  Shadows moved on the surface of the water. Rilla said, ‘Isn’t it strange that however black something is, there’s always something a little darker ready to make shadows on it? I can see, or I think I can see, movements in the water if I look hard enough, and I can’t get the thought out of my mind of my mother as a little girl, finding this floating horror and knowing what it was and not wanting to know and screaming as she runs back to the house. It’s because of that portrait of her, at about that age. We know not only what she looked like, but what sort of a child she was. From the portrait. I can imagine every single moment of it. Leonora running out into the garden and down here to the lake to get away from the house, and then finding the body. And it’s sort of mixed up with Mark and what happened to him. Let’s walk to the other side. I might feel more comfortable there.’

  ‘And you get a really fine view of the house from over there.’

  They walked without speaking until they were opposite Willow Court. The building was a black shape at the top of a slope. Light showed at some of the windows; Chloë and Philip’s and, more surprisingly, Leonora’s.

  ‘You can’t see much at night,’ Sean said. ‘It’s better during the day, when the garden looks terrific.’

  ‘You’re a fraud,’ Rilla laughed. ‘Promise me a decent view and all I get is a few lights against a black background.’

  ‘I didn’t bring you here to show you the view.’

  ‘I know you didn’t
,’ Rilla said. ‘And I don’t care about the view, if you must know.’

  ‘Good,’ said Sean. He drew her to him and she closed her eyes as she stepped into the circle of his arms.

  *

  Leonora sat on the armchair in her bedroom with her eyes closed. It was not even eleven o’clock and she was determined to have an early night. There was a good chance she would be asleep before midnight, and this was important to her. She wanted to wake up fresh tomorrow on her birthday, and not slide into it at the end of the most exhausting few hours she had experienced for many years.

  The presents her family had given her were all over the room. The smaller ones were laid out on the bed, in exactly the same way that she used to arrange her presents when she was a small child, so that Maude and Ethan could come and look at everything and create a scene that said, we are a happy family that does everything together. Chloë’s favourite childhood expletive came into her mind and she said it aloud: ‘Bobbins!’

  Saying it made her feel stronger. She had been in danger, at dinner tonight, of breaking down and weeping all over again, after all the tears she had shed earlier in the afternoon. Leonora prided herself on not being sentimental. She had never been one to weep in the cinema, and believed that a certain amount of restraining your natural feelings never did anyone any harm, but it had been difficult to keep herself under control while reading Maude’s words.

  I’m not the same person I was when I woke up, she thought. I feel as though there’s been an earthquake somewhere deep inside me. A huge upheaval that’s hurt and shaken every part of me. There had been a few other days in her life when she’d also felt altered. Her wedding day. The days when she’d given birth to Gwen and Rilla. The day Mark died. Every death was sad but some were out of the natural order of things, and you were never the same after that.