Time Owed

by Debra Kayn

  Glad for Katie's instructions on how to care for Desi, he stood in the room and continued to watch her. While his plan to get inside the bar and make Desi pay him for the twelve years he'd spent locked up, he hadn't planned on Joe dying. He'd failed to find out why Joe offered him a key into Desi's life. He had a suspicion Joe delivered Desi into his arms and he had no clue why.

  Desi tucked in the chairs around the table and glanced at the clock behind the bar. "Where are the customers?"

  He cleared his throat. "They were outside. I’m sure they heard word of what happened and are giving you space."

  "I need to get ready. The afternoon crowd will be coming in." She walked to the counter and turned the key in the cash register.

  "You need to close the bar."

  "No, you need to leave. You don't start work until this evening." She grabbed the dishtowel off the corner of the counter and walked through the room to the front door.

  He followed her, staying back. She needed to stop moving and deal with what happened before she broke down.

  The half dozen customers who watched the ambulance take Joe away huddled on the sidewalk and turned when Desi opened the door. She motioned them inside. "First drink is on the house today."

  A twenty-something year old man, probably a miner going by his Carhartt bibs and boots, approached Desi. "We're only here to see if you need anything. I'm sorry about Joe."

  She patted his arm. "Come in. The bar isn't closing and I don't need anything."

  The others hesitated, glancing around at each other at a loss of what to do or if they should leave. Desi, impatient and wanting to ignore the fact she'd lost her grandfather, called each customer by name ordering them inside. Merk stayed back, letting her do what she needed to deal with the situation.

  Katie hurried up the steps as Desi moved to close the door. "Desiree."

  Desi stopped, her shoulders went back, and her chin came up. Merk inhaled deeply. No woman should ever have to remain strong when her heart took a devastating hit.

  "I'm so sorry, honey." Katie gathered Desi in her arms.

  The need of wanting Desi to himself and watching her seek comfort from someone else unsettled him. Inside, he reeled at how everything spiraled out of control since last night. He'd fucking kill Joe himself for leaving Desi if he wasn't already dead.

  He respected the old man, and yet Joe kicking the bucket made one less obstacle for him to go through to make sure Desi paid him back for his lost years. She had no one, except him now.

  Desi's shoulders shook and she buried her face in Katie's neck. Merk had enough.

  "Everyone out." Merk looked around the room. "The bar is closed until Desi opens it again."

  He ignored the nods from the customers relieved to have an excuse to escape the sad atmosphere and caught Katie's gaze. No matter how much Desi protested, she wasn't going to work her ass off today. She'd mourn Joe, she'd heal, and she'd move on.

  "Take her up to her bedroom," he said.

  Desi pushed against Katie, standing on her own two feet. "No, I don't want to go up there."

  "You don't have to, honey," Katie said softly. "Let's sit at the table and you can relax."

  Against his better judgment, he walked over to the bar and picked up a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass. Fuck knows, he wanted a drink, and he suspected one would help Desi.

  He returned to the table and poured her a shot. "Drink."

  "I don't want it." She pushed the glass away.

  He slid it back in front of her. "Damn it. I'm not going to tell you again. Drink."

  "Merk..." Katie frowned warning him of his tone. "Really, she doesn't like whiskey."

  "Both of you stop." Desi picked up the glass and slammed it back. "There. Happy?"

  The sorrow in her eyes turned to panic. Merk growled, gathering her hair with one hand while she coughed, gagged, and wore herself out. When she finally inhaled and gave one final wheeze, he pushed another filled glass in her hand. "Again."

  She shook her head, but he held her tight by the hair and forced her thumb and finger around the cup, taking it to her mouth. He held her hand steady, until she'd drank it all. Then he sat down beside her and waited.

  "Fucker," she said, low and broken.

  "Yeah, focus on hating me and keep breathing." He glanced at Katie. "She's okay. You can leave."

  Katie reached for Desi's hand holding her tight. "Uh, I don't think I should—"

  "Katie." He motioned with his chin to the door. "In a few minutes, she's going to fall apart and the only person I want around her is me."

  "What are you going to do with her?" Katie whispered.

  "I'm right here. Stop talking about me as if I can't hear you. He's not doing anything with me. We're not having sex again. Ever. Pop died. He's dead. Just leave me alone." Desi pursed her full lips.

  Attitude he could take, the indifference she gave him pissed him off. "Katie, leave."

  "Okay, but please don't hurt her," Katie whispered. "This isn't the first time she's had to deal with losing someone. Joe was the only person she had left."

  Merk stood, pulling Desi to her feet. The kind of hurt she felt when he'd killed her dad wasn't anything like the pain she could've gone through. She remained a wild card in a game nobody explained the rules to her, and she'd never win. "She'll be at Cam's later with me. You can see her there."

  Without protest, Desi wobbled and stayed quiet. Merk wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tight to his side. The combination of no sleep, probably not eating, and the emotional toll was no match for the bottle.

  He walked Desi upstairs. Once he got her to sleep, she'd face a life without Joe and learn her place was with him. It'd always be with him.

  Chapter Eight

  Desiree woke to a dark room. She lay on her side unable to move. Her eyes burned from running out of tears. Without looking, she knew Merk lay behind her in bed by his solid arm thrown over her waist.

  She no longer cared that he'd crawled in bed with her and told her to shut up. She felt nothing. No anger, no sadness, no pain.

  There would be no more poker games for her to worry over and no risks. No long hours serving beer. No memories keeping her awake at night, scared to walk out of her room. Nobody would ever call her sweetheart again. The comfort she received from one of Pop's hugs was gone.

  Nothing would ever be the same.

  Merk would ride away from the bar, and one day she'd look up and realize she lived alone.

  She inhaled to see if she still breathed, and couldn't gather any excitement when the air came out of her mouth. Twenty-two years ago, she lost her mom. Thirteen years ago, she lost her dad. An hour, or maybe twelve hours ago, she'd lost Pop. Any minute, Merk would get up out of bed and she'd lose him too.

  Except, she never had him.

  She'd had a one-night stand.

  Merk's hand flattened against her empty stomach. "Stop thinking."

  She slid out from under his arm and sat on the edge of the bed. Her bare feet hit the cool wood floor and she gazed down. He'd taken off her jeans and left her in panties and her T-shirt.

  The floor creaked and Merk stepped in front of her. "Here's your jeans. I'll grab you a pair of socks if you tell me where they are."

  "Top, middle drawer," she said.

  He stepped over to her dresser. "What color?"

  "It doesn't matter." Nothing mattered.

  He returned to the bed, sat beside her, and lifted her legs up onto his lap. She braced herself with a hand on the mattress. When he finished putting her socks on, he grabbed her jeans, slipped them over her feet, and pulled her off the bed.

  He jerked her jeans to her hips and came to a stop. She batted his hands away and tugged, fastening the button and zipping. "What time is it?"

  "Almost nine, at night." He bent over and grabbed her shoes. "Put these on."

  She slipped her feet inside her Chucks and tied the laces. Floaty and blah, she shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts. />
  "I need to..." She looked around her room, pushing her hair out of her vision. There was nothing inside the room she needed.

  He tilted her chin. "It's time to go."

  "I don't want to go anywhere."

  His eyes warmed and he kissed her forehead. "You need to eat, and I have a club meeting I need to go to. Katie's going to be there and she wants to know you're doing okay."

  She closed her eyes a beat. He talked too fast, she couldn't keep up. He wanted to take her where? For what?

  "Come on." He held her hand and walked her out of her apartment.

  The darkness in the building seeped into her pores. She stumbled, pulling on Merk. The downstairs light was off.

  "We can't go down there," she whispered.

  She stumbled against his hard body, her brain thick, slow. She squatted, tugging on his arm. Merk needed to crouch and make his body smaller if he wanted to stay hidden with her. The bad men always came late at night.

  Pop told her to stay in her room if the lights were out or she'd get in trouble. She let go of Merk's hand and strained to see in the dark. Blackness bloomed through her mind, leaving only tiny dots of light for her to see through. She needed Pop, but she'd found him slumped in his chair in the office. His cigar still held between two fingers. She covered her mouth and shook her head, clearing her memories. God, why was she getting everything confused?

  The flashback stopped. She hadn't had one in years and now she'd had two in the same week.

  "Desi, we need to leave and get you outside for a bit. You'll feel better." Merk hooked his hands under her armpits.

  She stood. Part of her began to think she'd imagined Pop dying and nothing had changed. She shivered, remembering the fear of going in the basement, the scary men who visited late at night with her father. The back of her head tingled. Her dad was dead. He'd been dead for a long time.

  Outside the building, she stood in the fresh cool air. A slight headache dogged her movements. A darker thought came to her.

  "Merk?" She grabbed his vest. "Why are you here?"

  "Taking care of you." He put the helmet on her head. "All you need to do is hold on tight and pay attention to the turns."

  She nodded, getting up behind him on the motorcycle. That's right, he'd mentioned he had a meeting and Katie would be there. Her throat squeezed and she held on to Merk. Yesterday, she'd had sex with Merk and swore never again to lower herself to having a one-night stand. Going to see Katie wasn't breaking her rule. She needed someone to help her make sense of what she was supposed to do.

  She tightened her hold on Merk's waist. Closing her eyes, she let the wind roll over her face. Every part of her hurt, even her skin.

  She leaned against Merk's back. Finding Pop dead came as a shock, but she wasn't surprised. The thought of never having his gruff presence in her life made her ache.

  No matter how many times she tried to talk Pop into taking better care of his health, he seemed to go through life on a one-man mission to shorten his life. Within the last year, he'd put the bar into her name, showed her how to work the books, and tried to keep his gambling contained to using her winnings she won off pool and not the income off the bar. Pop even told her he wouldn't always be around, and she refused to listen.

  Merk slowed down over the gravel road and rolled to a stop in the driveway of Cam's house. She peered over his shoulder. The same group of men stood around the front yard and the Moroad women sat up on the porch.

  A group of people who would always remain strangers to her, except for Katie. She rubbed her hands over her cheeks, and couldn't believe she had any tears left.

  Merk rubbed the outside of her thigh. "Desi, you need to get off the motorcycle first."

  She slid off and stood. "I can't go over there. I've been sleeping. My face is swollen—I can feel puffiness."

  "Joe died. They'll understand." Merk walked a few feet and stopped, turning toward her. "Listen. We're going to have a meeting in the yard, and you'll need to stay on the porch or in the house. Katie will stick beside you. If you need me, just yell. Okay?"

  "I'm not going to interrupt your meeting," she said.

  "You will if you need me. For any reason." He kissed her lips. "Understand?"

  "I don't want you to go..." She threw her arms around his waist and leaned into him. "I don't know why you're being nice to me. With everything that happened between us, I didn't even want to see you, but I'm glad you stayed with me today."

  "You're going to be fine and once the meeting is over, I'll take you back to the bar." He squeezed her ass and stepped back.

  Warmth filled her at the show of affection in front of his friends, taking her by surprise. The world seemed gray and scary, and yet Merk kept her from being alone. She blew out her breath, instantly filled with guilt.

  Katie hurried down the steps and took her from Merk. She watched him walk to the fire, and tried to grasp why Merk would even bring her here when she could've stayed at the apartment in bed.

  "I shouldn't be here." She climbed the steps with Katie, avoiding the other women's curious looks.

  Katie pushed her to the bench. "Of course you should. Everyone knows what happened to Joe this morning. Cam gave his permission for Merk to bring you, and we care about you."

  "I'm sorry about your grandfather." Christina reached over and squeezed Desiree's hand. "Is there anything we can do to help you?"

  She shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I never thought I'd have to go through this."

  "It's a shock. All you can do is take one day at a time and everything will start making sense." Lola handed Desiree a drink.

  She waved her hand in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't bring anything with me to share."

  "No one brings anything, so don't worry about it. This is Christina's famous huckleberry juice with a little alcohol." Lola smiled. "You have to try it. Christina makes gallons of it."

  She balanced the glass on her crossed legs. "Thank you."

  "There's leftover pizza. I'll grab you a couple slices." Tiff, the youngest woman at the house, walked to the end of the porch where four cardboard pizza boxes sat.

  Caught in the whirlwind of female attention, Desiree drank because the glass was in her hand. She ate when the pizza landed on her lap. Soon, her head cleared and between sniffling over the loss of Pop and interested in the conversations going on around her, she took comfort in being with the women.

  "Do we need to plan a funeral or anything," Katie asked.

  Desiree shook her head, catching the use of we, knowing she had help surrounding her if she asked. "He didn't want one. I'm the only family he had. He'd mentioned wanting to be—she swallowed hard—cremated and his, uh, ashes put in the memorial wall at the cemetery."

  Christina's brown eyes shone in the flood light at the end of the porch in sympathy. "He'd planned everything to be less of a burden for you. That will bring you comfort, knowing he loved you enough to make things easier in such a sad time."

  Desiree nodded. Pop had taken care of her. From the day her mom died, he'd watched out for her. It was only when she ventured out on her own or went behind his back, she found herself in trouble.

  "Looks like the meeting is over." Lola jumped down from the railing.

  Desiree searched the yard, looking for Merk. He'd left her in good hands with the women, and she appreciated him thinking about her comfort when she couldn't even take care of herself.

  "Merk's headed this way." Lola grinned. "I don't think he's coming for any of the Moroad women."

  Christina stood. "Excuse me."

  Desiree moved her legs to the side, letting Christina leave. She scooted to the end of the bench, out of everyone's way and spotted Merk. His gaze studied her as he made his way to her. She bolstered through her emotional upheaval and gave him a smile. It was nice of him to bring her with him. The women helped, and she no longer feared going on alone.

  Merk sat down beside her, looped his arm around her, a
nd brought her to his side. "Did you eat?"

  "Yeah." She patted his leg and not knowing where to put her hand, she clasped them together on her lap. "I feel better now. If you'd like to stay, I can see if Katie will drive me back to town."

  "Her car still isn't running."

  She looked out to the yard, found Katie hanging on to a big man's neck, kissing him thoroughly. "I forgot."

  "What was that look for?"

  She turned to him. "What are you talking about?"

  "When you were looking out in the yard, you frowned."

  "I, um..." She shrugged. "I've never seen this side of Katie. Who's that man she's with?"

  Merk peered off the porch. "That's Bear."

  "Oh. I see." She inhaled deeply, patted his leg again, and stood. To pretend Katie came around the Moroad Motorcycle Club for the free drinks and live entertainment was foolish. Since coming to two Moroad gatherings, she now understood why Katie spent the majority of her free time at Cam's house.

  Merk grabbed her hand and led her off the porch. She hurried to keep up with his longer strides and the physical exertion helped her feel more normal.

  "Merk, if you want to stay. We can stay. I mean, you can stay." She stopped. "I'm sure you want to stay here and have a drink—"

  "I don't drink."

  "Why not?" she asked, before thinking.

  "Addiction runs in my family. I've had problems before when I picked up the bottle." He cupped her cheek, running the pad of his thumb over her lips. "I want to stay wherever you want to be."

  She pushed her tongue out, licking his thumb.

  A growl rumbled out of Merk. She caught her lip between her teeth, embarrassed to have done something sexual when he was only trying to comfort her. "I see..."

  His gaze intensified. "I don't think you do understand what I'm saying. You're here, because you'll always be with me. Now, if you want to stay and party with the others, I'll stay as long as you want. You're probably going to lose the conversation with the women though, because my brothers will keep them busy. Katie might slip off with Bear for the night, or she might not. Most times, Willy or Johnson snatch her up and take her home with them."

  "Both of them? At the same time?" She gazed around him and pulled her head back before anyone else could see her gawking. "I've known Katie forever, and she never mentioned what she does with the Moroad members. I mean, I guessed she enjoyed being around them. Her old boyfriend...wow."