Ash Eater

by Emerson, Joanna

  I grasp at the walls until my hand finds a gap. Shoving my fingers in the gap, I feel around. My fingertips brush metal.

  I pull my hands back out and slip them back in palm up. Yeah, like a lot of good that’s going to do. My head’s fuzzy from holding my breath.

  My fingertips grip something. I need to breathe, but I don’t know if I can find this spot again so easily. I pull with all my might.

  The rocks shift. Small stones rain down on my head. Larger stones fall to my left.

  I snatch my fingers away from the shifting stones and dive out of the cave.

  Great, the whole thing is going to collapse on me! But at least I can breathe freely.

  I probably could have breathed in the cave too. I would have had clearer thoughts. I would have anticipated this.

  I jump away from the cave and land on my backside. Staring at the collapsing cave, I realize it’s not actually caving in. It’s just shifting on the inside.

  Crouching down at the cave opening, I peer in. The place where I slept and dreamed such an awful dream is covered with a giant stone. In front of me is a different room altogether, one that has something like a table or maybe a bench of stone in the wall. On this bench glitters a vest of metal. This must be the breastplate Galahad told me about.

  It seems terribly irreverent just to jump right in there and grab this thing. I walk carefully, deliberately to it, breathing slowly. My fingers tingle. The closer I get to this breastplate, the more my whole body tingles.

  I lift up the vest and slip it over one arm, then the other. A prickling sensation comes over my fingers as I fasten the clasps over my sternum, but not a numb sort of sensation. No, I feel more powerful than ever, and more lowly. And more unworthy. And more pure. The fit is perfect. My breath is clearer.

  Above where this breastplate rested on the stone slab, a white cloth is folded neatly. I pick it up. The cloth is warm, like when you first take clothes from the dryer. I have no idea why, but I tuck this cloth into the breast plate, right over my heart. And I blow a kiss to the empty stone. I have no idea why, I just need to.

  I duck out of the cave, ready to dash back to Galahad, when I cast a final glance at the cave. There, on the stone bench, stands the lamb.

  A smile bursts onto my face. I throw my hands over my trembling lips, tears of joy pooling against my eyelashes.

  And just like that the lamb disappears.

  Was he a vision? Wishful thinking? Am I hallucinating? But I already know the answer to the last question. I’m not hallucinating. Not even a little. I feel more determined than ever to help Galahad.

  I skip up the mountain toward him.

  I am a foreigner to my own family,

  a stranger to my own mother’s children…

  ~ Psalm 69:8

  Chapter 23

  Fire Giants and the Despair They Bring

  As soon as I crouch at Galahad’s side, his eyes open and a hopeful smile graces his pained face.

  “Thank you,” he whispers. “Please, help my people.”

  “But I have to help you.” My heart is entwined with his somehow, as if his fate may be my own. I have to protect him.

  “Please. You’re the only one who’s here. You must help save our city.”

  “If I can’t stay with you, let me take you to the cave where I found the breastplate.”

  “Okay.”

  “But I need you to hold me tight because I’m not very strong.”

  Even when he holds me tight, he’s almost impossible to lift. I grunt and stagger and brace my body against a tree. I have to be able to do this.

  Taking each step carefully, I carry him from tree to tree, where I lean against the trunk and gather my strength again.

  In the cave, I set Galahad on the stone bench and catch my breath. His body is still so warm. I take the linen cloth from beside my heart and run to the falls. Dipping the cloth in, I hold as much moisture as I can in my cupped hands.

  Galahad’s dark skin is pale when I return, but his cheeks are flushed red with heat. I drip cool water on his forehead.

  “Please,” he whispers again, “help my family. But don’t forget me here.”

  I set the cool cloth over his heart and kiss his forehead. I can’t form the word ‘goodbye.’ “I will go. I’ll be back for you when I can.”

  As I run up the mountain, I see the whole summit is in flames. So is the summit beside it on either side. I run up a charred landscape toward the inferno.

  I crest a ridge and see the city for the first time. Hollow, gray buildings greet me. Piles of dilapidated concrete litter the ground. Bent and twisted rebar suspends over the concrete piles. Miles and miles of these buildings lie broken, with a few charred trees scattered between them.

  The screams, intermittent but piercing, threaten to buckle my knees. Most of the screams are on the other side of the burning piles that are heaped throughout the streets.

  The fire giants leap from the street to the building tops, roaring. One runs in my direction.

  There’s an alley with no flames. I sprint for this alley as fast as my little legs will run.

  From that alley, I can’t see any of the fire giants. I hope they can’t see me either.

  How will ever find Galahad’s family? Or anyone alive here?

  Beyond the alley, some younger guys, probably a few years older than me, carry children away from the flames toward a building that still has four walls and, from what I can see, a roof. These guys look familiar.

  I step toward the end of the alley. There’s no doubt now that these guys are familiar. It’s Ryan and Nate. Ryan has one child in each arm as he bolts toward the building with four walls. Nate carries one little elf-girl whose arms are wrapped so tightly around his neck she might be choking him.

  I run toward my brothers.

  An elf around my age runs toward me, his face filled with a mixture of wonder and relief. “You’re here! I didn’t expect you to be a—um—female. Or human.”

  “My brothers…” I point off in the direction I last saw them.

  “Let’s go help.” He’s still staring at me as if disbelief grips him. “Those are your brothers?”

  “I’m sure of it, I just didn’t expect to see them here.”

  I grab his hand and run toward the building.

  Inside the building is much bigger than the outside. What looked like a hundred square foot building from the outside is almost the size of a stadium on the inside. And it’s filled with people, or elves, I should say. Mostly grownups. I don’t see anyone who remotely looks like Ryan or Nate. The elves’ complexions are so much darker than my brothers’ that I’d be able to recognize them.

  “Ryan!” I call out. “Nate!”

  An older elf lady taps my forearm.

  I look down to where she sits as wilted as everyone else on the floor.

  “Do you mean the kind young boys who helped the children?” she asks. She has the same lilting accent as Galahad.

  “Yes. Please, do you know where they are?”

  “I don’t, but I know they disappeared when they brought the children in here.”

  “What door did they go out of?”

  “No, I mean they just disappeared. One moment they stood right over there, the next moment the air was vacant of their presence.”

  The hope pent up in my heart deflated. “Oh.”

  “Excuse me,” the elf guy I came in with says. “Have you come here to help us?”

  I shrug, and keep my eyes downcast. “I’m not sure I can.”

  “It’s just that, when I saw you running up the mountainside and wearing the armor, I had hoped…Will you help?”

  Overwhelmed, I pick at the leather of my scabbard. “What would you like me to do?”

  “I will help you as I can, but you need the shield and helmet.”

  “Where are they?”

  “Not far from here. Less than a mile. But we have to make sure the giants don’t see us leave here.”

  “Okay.”r />
  He stands at the cracked door and peeks out. “We’re good. Let’s go.” He closes the door behind me, takes hold of my hand and together we run through the street, around the burning heaps of rubble.

  Sadness drags at my legs. Why does this elf think I’ll be able to help? I’m so home sick. Holding his hand helps a bit. “What is your name?” I ask.

  “Galen.”

  “What do I do when I find the rest of the armor?”

  His answer is cut through by a loud cry from a child.

  I jump past rubble toward the rundown building where I heard the cry. When did I get to be so brave?

  The child’s cry comes from the second floor. The concrete stairs are crumbling, but they’ll hold my weight. I jump up the stairs two at a time.

  The elf-girl is in the corner of the upstairs hallway. She looks up. When our eyes make contact, her shoulders relax. “Are you here to make those baddy giants go away?”

  “I’m here to help you.” I lift her into my arms. She’s so tiny I have no trouble cradling her.

  She presses her head against my armor as if she can feel my warmth through it.

  I descend the crumbling stairs carefully. Galen waits for me at the bottom of the staircase, his arms outstretched.

  As I hand the little girl into his arms, a fire giant crashes through a wall behind us. Galen covers the little girl’s body. I cover his body with mine. I don’t even think about it, I just do it.

  On the street, an elf runs with all his might toward the only building that still has its four walls.

  The fire giant roars. I see his feet as he pounces onto the road. He grabs the running elf in his fiery fist. I hide my face, unwilling to watch anymore. But I can’t stop the sound of it. I block my ears. I want to block the little elf-girl’s ears, but I can’t reach her. I hope Galen does this.

  The air sizzles and pops with the heat.

  Will we even make it? What’s the point of trying?

  The fire giant’s roar diminishes down the street. I still don’t want to open my eyes. This may be the end. There may be another fire giant standing near.

  I shake these sudden, disparaging thoughts from my mind.

  “Come on,” Galen whispers in my ear. “He’s moved on.”

  “That was awful.”

  “I know. And what’s worse are the thoughts they make you think.”

  “You mean those weren’t my thoughts?” Relief washes over me like the cool mountain breeze that cuts the heat of the fires.

  He shakes his head, giving me a half smile. “You get used to it after a while and know when to tell those thoughts to shut up.” He scans the area, holding the little elf-girl close. “Follow me.”

  “Why didn’t that thing get us?” I ask.

  “It’s because you’re wearing that armor. That, and you covered me. You saved my life.” His smile startles me, in the best way. I haven’t seen too many smiles here in Raphinea.

  I smile back at him. “I’d do it again.”

  “Most of the people here wouldn’t. All this destruction fills people here with the most intense fear. And when we’re scared, we tend to think of ourselves more than others.”

  Galen carries the girl back to the shelter and hands her to one of the grown elves there. The elf-woman looks frustrated at being given this new task.

  Galen looks equally frustrated, at this elf-woman’s attitude. He shakes his head as if he’s thoroughly disappointed in her, then turns away.

  He checks outside the door and beckons me to follow. “Come. We need to find the rest of that armor.”

  He reaches out his hand for mine.

  My whole arm tingles as I jog hand in hand with him through the city.

  The fire giants look to be on the other side of the city.

  In the short hours that I’ve known him, I feel closer to Galen than I have to any guy before. I can’t stop the smile that builds inside me. For the first time I don’t want to know what a guy thinks about me, I want to know what he thinks about in general, what makes him tick, what makes him brave. “How do you survive here?”

  He shrugs. “The giants aren’t always here. The last time they were here was several years ago.”

  “Why do they come at all?”

  “I don’t know. They just destroy the place and leave when it’s still burning. They’re pretty awful, right?”

  Roars of the fire giants and the screams of elves running through the streets answer for me.

  Terror nearly paralyzes my limbs. Where is Galen leading me? And what’s the point of going anywhere?

  He steals quietly from broken building to rubble heap. I plod behind him, neither as stealthy nor as nimble as the elf.

  He ducks beneath the eaves of the only other building I’ve seen here that still has its walls.

  He looks at the door, then around the corner at the fire giants as if he’s trying to gauge which is more dangerous. “Okay, you can go in.”

  “Why aren’t you going in there?”

  He shakes his head.

  I swallow hard, my legs shaking. “You faced the fire giants. What’s in there that’s scarier?”

  “I’ve been there before. I’m not welcome anymore. But I know you’ll find the helmet and shield there.”

  “It’s not scary inside, is it?”

  His delicate nostrils flare. He shies away from the door. “The lamb shows up there sometimes.”

  “Really!” My sudden excitement startles him.

  “How could that make you happy?” His eyes grow round as if he remembers an old fear.

  “I met him before. He’s so welcoming and gentle. I’ve only ever wanted to meet him again.” I step toward the threshold, hardly waiting for Galen to follow.

  “He won’t welcome me. Not after…” He shakes his head. “I can’t go back in there. But you can. I’ll be waiting for you out here once you find the helmet and shield.”

  “Okay.”

  “Besides, you’ll need help.”

  This building is empty, but on the inside it’s huge. Why don’t more of these elves come here for shelter? It’s twice the size of the other building, even though it’s smaller than the other one on the outside. And the windows—stained glass on the walls and ceiling, displaying rainbows of color all across the room. It’s even more spectacular than the downtown church back home, more wondrous than even Dad’s church. I spin, taking in all the pictures. I’ve never seen stained glass done with this precision. And there was not a single hint of glasswork on the outside of the building.

  They’re all stories about the lamb.

  And there’s no smell of smoke in this building.

  Why would Galen be afraid to come in here?

  Off against a far wall, I spot a trunk that looks similar to the trunk at the willow’s cottage. My footsteps echo across the pale stone floor as I race to it. Opening it reveals a steel helmet and large round shield. The helmet is covered with etching and scroll work.

  I tuck the helmet under my arm and lift the shield. Under the shield there’s another set of armor, this one complete. It could be for Galen.

  Leaving the trunk open, I return to Galen outside the door of this beautiful cathedral.

  In the smoky sunshine, the etchings on the helmet and shield look more like letters. He stares at it too.

  “Set those down a moment,” he says. “You can’t wear those looking like that.”

  “Looking like what?”

  “Your belt. It’s loose. Even with that breastplate on you I can tell. It’s slack and straps are hanging off your shoulders.”

  Shrugging, I stiffen and look at the hard dirt. “I don’t know how to put it on.”

  “I can help you if you want.” His full lips form a trembling smile.

  It’s impossible not to smile when I see his. “Okay, if you want.” I unclasp the breastplate and slip it off.

  Even in the shadow of this building, we seem to be safe from the wanton destruction of the fire giants.

&nbs
p; Galen steps around me in a circle, his eyes roving over my body. My cheeks warm.

  “Lift up your arms,” he says.

  Obedient to his gentle request, I can’t take my eyes off of him. I crane my neck even as he walks around my back, and turn my head when I can no longer see him in my peripheral vision. “What are you doing?”

  “Helping you with your belt, silly.” He stops at my back, his fingers resting against the leather and my green shirt. The warmth of his fingers spreads out from where they press against the shirt. The belt pulls tight around my middle. He unfastens the buckle, his fingers pressed against my back.

  With the end of the belt in his hand, he walks slowly around me, unwrapping my body from the leather strips. His gaze on me brings a heat I haven’t felt since Daryl first placed his hand in mine, but it’s different. This is warmer, deeper, less desperate.

  All I can do is stare at his lips. His mouth is slightly parted, making his lips look even fuller. I could kiss those lips for hours.

  I shouldn’t be thinking this. Beyond the lee of this building, there is so much death and destruction. We should hurry so I can get back out there and rescue more children.

  But all I want to do is lower my arms, wrap them around Galen and pull him into me. All I want to do is kiss those lips.

  He finishes unwrapping the belt and stands in front of me. He slips the sword from the strap and sets it on the floor. “Let me put the belt back on you, then we’ll affix the sheath on again. You ready?”

  He so close that his breath washes over me as he speaks.

  I nod, afraid to speak, afraid my voice will waver.

  He wraps the belt around my shoulders and waist. His movements slow and deliberate, his fingers gentle but firm.

  I wish this moment would never end. I wish those giants weren’t here destroying everything.

  What I feel for Galen has a reverence I’ve never known before. I sigh and smile as he pulls the straps tight at my back and affixes the sheath to my belt again.

  “Miya,” he says. And doesn’t say anything for a long while. He shakes his head and bites the inside of his cheek.

  “Yeah?”

  He smiles sweetly, almost sadly. “You should go in and find the other door before you rescue any more children. I need to find the rest of my family.”