The Amazing Adventures of 4¢ Ned (Coinworld: Book Three)

by Benjamin Laskin

  “You too?” Two Loons asked him. “You think it’s us?”

  “Not us,” the chief answered. “His belief in us.”

  “How so?”

  “The same way we came to buck ‘n’ roll, animate our flip sides, focus our inner wampum, achieve mental transaction, and allow me to receive my visions.”

  Buffalo and Two Loons’s bison, Liberty, both snuffled their agreement, or that they were following, anyway. No one was ever a hundred percent sure what they vocalized.

  “The Hugh thinks we’re some sort of lucky charms or something?” Two Loons said. “And how would that explain the dog, huh? Dogs don’t believe in anything, do they?”

  All heads swung toward Deirdre.

  “That is peculiar,” she admitted. “But remember, if Ned is right, the Great Minter’s mind flows into every living creature. Coins, people, and dogs too are inlets of the Great Minter’s vast sea of intelligence.”

  “Look,” Two Loons said, “I get that, but we have no evidence that The Hugh does.” He turned to Cody Quarter. “Do we?”

  “Not that I’ve found, anyway,” Cody answered.

  “You see! The Hugh thinks it’s some kind of magic. He thinks that we, or maybe this place, hold some sort of healing power or something. Silly humans.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” Deirdre said. “If he believes we or this island are a source of healing, then we are.”

  Harper chuckled and shook his Ben Franklin head. “I never thought I’d hear Deirdre Dime give credence to something so superstitious.”

  Deirdre narrowed her eyes and retorted, “And I never would have thought that a brainiac like Harper Half Dollar hasn’t heard of the placebo effect.”

  The other coins exchanged guilty glances. They hadn’t heard of the placebo effect either, and were just waiting to see who would be the first to admit it.

  Cody, who cared the least what other coins thought of him, cleared his throat and said, “Count me dumb as a devalued dinar.”

  Deirdre explained, “A placebo is a sugar pill or other phony treatment for a disease or condition intended to fool the recipient. Sometimes the unwitting patients will experience an actual improvement. The phenomenon is known as the placebo effect. Basically, because the person believed strongly that the treatment would help him or her, it does.”

  Two Loons said, “So, you’re saying that whatever ailed the person wasn’t real? That they were faking it?”

  “Not at all,” Deirdre answered professorially, her favorite cap to wear. “The pain or condition is very real, but not necessarily the perceived cause. Or, it means that the mind or a strong belief can heal in ways that other accepted medications or treatments cannot.”

  “Interesting,” Harper said. “In other words, you’re saying that if The Hugh believes we or this island have some sort of healing powers, then he will continue to heal?”

  “Maybe,” Deirdre said. “Unless someone with authority convinces him otherwise.”

  “Why would anyone want to do that?” Two Loons snorted, appalled that a person would be so cruel.

  “Perhaps not intentionally,” Deirdre replied. “But I’ll venture that is one reason he keeps us and the island to himself.”

  Cody said, “He doesn’t want anyone to break the spell, you mean?”

  “You might say that, yes.”

  Harper frowned and said, “But the dog wouldn’t know a placebo from a burrito.”

  “No, I don’t suppose he would,” Deirdre admitted. “But like I said, in a way we’re all connected. Maybe The Hugh has something to do with that, unconsciously, of course.”

  The coins cast another look towards Hugh Stewards and Shadow. The two were frolicking on the park’s lawn like children. The Hugh slapped his chest and the big dog leapt up into his arms.

  The chief laughed, something he didn’t do a lot of, especially lately. He shook his head and said, “The Great Minter works in mysterious ways.”

  Deirdre turned to Cody Quarter. “How long has it been since you got a look at The Hugh man’s diary?”

  “A couple of months. He doesn’t leave it sitting out like he used to. I can only read it when he’s writing in it, and that’s a tricky thing to pull off if I don’t want him to see me. Plus, I have to be around when he’s doing it, and I’m usually not.”

  “Too bad. He’s our best field operative, and he doesn’t even know it.”

  “I can still sometimes glimpse the articles he cuts from the paper, and that’s more important than his diary, which is mostly personal stuff.”

  “Anything new there that would interest us?”

  “More unsolved robberies from different numismatists around the country.”

  “Silver or gold coins?” the chief asked.

  “Both, but the gold get more media attention.”

  “The Six is as busy as we are,” Deirdre said with concern. “California mostly?”

  Cody nodded. “And Nevada. The Six doesn’t seem to have the network we do.”

  The chief said, “That’s because he isn’t interested in what we’re interested in.”

  “Nevada, huh?” Deirdre said. “Has there been an uptick in curious coin action in Reno?”

  “Now that you mention it,” Cody answered, “but wherever you find casinos you find strange stories involving coins. Why?”

  “I’ve been getting reports of something going down in Reno. Apparently, there is a big coin expo coming up there in February.”

  “So? There’s one almost every month somewhere.”

  “Yes, but one of the stars of this show is said to be a particularly valuable Peace Dollar.”

  “A ’22 Peace Dollar?” Harper asked.

  Deirdre nodded.

  “Franny?” Cody said.

  “We don’t know.”

  “But she’s with The Six. He wouldn’t give her up.”

  “I can’t imagine he would, not after all the trouble he went through to get her.”

  Two Loons said, “Maybe he didn’t. We don’t know where she is or her circumstances. It’s possible she was discovered by a human. One doesn’t have to be a collector to figure such a coin might be valuable. The finder shows it to a numismatist who confirms its rarity, sees dollar signs flash before his eyes, and learns he can sell it at the nearest coin show.”

  “That’s right,” Cody said. “It’s not far-fetched in the least. No coin base is completely safe. Look how vulnerable we are here.”

  Harper said, “And that might explain why The Six has ceased trying to contact Ned. He has nothing to trade with.”

  “All possible,” Deirdre admitted, “but I still think The Six is involved somehow. But if so, he’s keeping a tight lid on things.”

  “Wouldn’t that double-dealing dime Damian know if Franny had gone missing?” Harper asked.

  “Darla and Kipp are watching Damian Dime like a hawk, but he’s either out of the loop, or he’s under orders to lay low.”

  Two Loons said, “Damian’s a Roosevelt dime. He has a torch on his reverse side. He can talk to The Six whenever he wants.”

  Deirdre shook her head. “A coin has to be looking into the flame to do that. Damian might have his head up his backside, but even he can’t pull that off.”

  “He has his minions who’d do it for him,” Two Loons reminded her.

  Chief Iron Tail clicked his tongue in disagreement. “The Six wouldn’t allow that. Nicolai Nickel doesn’t give that kind of access to an underling so low on the totem pole.”

  “How do you know that?” Harper asked.

  The chief and Deirdre exchanged guilty glances.

  Deirdre said, “Let’s just say that we know someone who was on the inside, and he told us that no one was allowed access to The Six except by invitation, including Damian Dime.”

  “A little paranoid, don’t you think?” Harper said.

  “Cautious,” Deirdre corrected. “And we should learn from him, which is why from now on no more visitors, and no more recruits to Coi
n Island until we figure out what The Six is up to. We already have too many coins in the field who know our location. For all we know, we could already be compromised.”

  “A traitor in our midst?” Harper said, appalled at the thought. He banged his Liberty Bell against a stone. “Tell me who it is and Cody and I will wring the truth out of him!”

  Cody nodded, and his eagle, Ellsworth, reached a wing around to Cody’s forehead and offered a soldierly salute.

  “Relax, fellas,” the chief said. “We’re not suspecting anyone of anything yet.”

  “I don’t like ‘yet’,” Harper said.

  Cody said, “This coin on the inside you mentioned, anyone we know?”

  “No,” Deirdre answered.

  Two Loons gave the chief an indignant nudge. “How come you never told me we have someone on the inside? I thought we all agreed—no more secrets.”

  “I said ‘was’ on the inside,” Deirdre said. “He’s not anymore.”

  “What was the guy? A quarter?”

  “Penny.”

  “Where is he now?” Harper asked.

  “We think Damian killed him.”

  “Man,” Cody growled. “That’s two pennies now. I’ll never forgive him for what he did to Pete.”

  Harper clanged his bell against the stone again. “And when the time comes for payback, I get first shot at him.”

  “I still can’t believe Pete’s gone,” Cody said. “I miss the little fella something bad. No one made me smile like that beat penny.”

  “We all feel the same,” Deirdre said, eager to change the subject.

  “Are we any closer to tracking down The Six’s bullion base?” Harper asked.

  “We’re getting there,” Deirdre said. “We think he’s headquartered somewhere in Southern California.”

  “That’s still a lot of land to cover,” Two Loons said.

  “We’ve winnowed it down more than that,” Deirdre assured them. “Every day brings us closer.”

  “That’s good,” Two Loons said, “but if we’re closing in on him, then he’s most likely doing the same to Coin Island.”

  “Probably,” the chief agreed. “But it’s The Four Nicolai is most interested in, not Coin Island. As long as The Four stays in the field, Nicolai’s interest in Coin Island is probably secondary.”

  “How does The Six know he’s not here?” Cody asked.

  “That’s why we keep Damian Dime around,” the chief said. “Misdirection. Kipp Quarter and Darla make sure to pass on to him what we want to get back to The Six.”

  Cody said, “When was the last time The Six tried to get a message to Ned that he’s holding his Peace Dollar.”

  “As far as I know, over a year ago,” Deirdre said. “They all went unanswered, as Ned is under orders not to reply.”

  “How do we get these messages?”

  “The Six has used different coin operatives. We’re sure Damian Dime passes on foreknowledge of some of our missions to Nicolai, thereby allowing the nickel to plant coins in the field.”

  “Why don’t we capture and interrogate these coins?” Harper asked.

  “We have,” Deirdre said, “but they don’t know anything. They aren’t animated like we are, just talking heads—civilian loose change that Nicolai or someone tells to pass on a message.”

  Two Loons said, “If the six-center is still holding Franny, aren’t we afraid that he’ll do something to her? Threaten her in some way?”

  “He already tried that,” the chief answered, “but we called his bluff. The Peace Dollar is the only thing that links him to The Four. He’s not going to harm her and chance losing that. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Again with the ‘yets’,” Harper said. “It’s been years now. If The Six still has Franny, it seems to me that he will tire of the game and do something awful to her.”

  “Nicolai is closer to The Four than he’s ever been,” the chief said, “and I don’t see him blowing it because he was impatient.”

  As the coins conversed they continued to observe The Hugh tossing the tennis ball, and Shadow prancing off after it.

  Harper Half Dollar said, “I still can’t get over how far the two of them have come. It really is a miracle. If The Hugh knew how to bottle whatever it is that has resurrected him and the dog, his money troubles would be over.”

  “If that’s the case,” Two Loons said, “then we’d better hope that we have nothing to do with it.”

  Just then the tennis ball took a wild bounce and headed straight for Coin Island.

  “Look out!” Cody cried.

  The coins pancaked onto the rampart. The ball smashed into the wall and sent the coins flying.

  The ball rolled on. It took out a tower, careened around Mount Cashmore, and dribbled into Laughing Hawk Stadium and Training Grounds.

  “Shadow,” Hugh hollered, “no!”

  He was too late.

  The excited black Lab bounded into the lake, dog paddled the few feet to Coin Island, and stormed the shore. In the process he demolished a section of the island’s fortifications without even noticing.

  “Shadow,” Hugh yelled, “get back here! Come on, boy!”

  Shadow wasn’t ready to leave so quickly. He stomped around the tiny strip of land like Godzilla rampaging through Tokyo, crushing every coin-built structure in his merry way.

  “Holy shekel!” the chief cried. “The meshuggana dog is going to destroy everything we’ve built. Cody, you’re pals with the creature, do something!”

  Cody didn’t know what he could do, but he took off in a mad dash up a trail towards the pooch, who was now sniffing about Camp Coin.

  The Hugh stood at the water’s edge and continued to call to the dog. “Shadow, no! Come here, boy! Come…!”

  Shadow turned, let out a happy yap, and started digging.

  “Oh, no,” Deirdre exclaimed. “I hope that’s not Coin Gulch he’s found. He could turn my whole headquarters into rubble!”

  Desperate, Hugh Stewards considered wading into the water and crossing over. Did he dare? He had an unsaid agreement with the coins: no trespassing. Furthermore, he worried that his own larger and heavier footsteps would do even more damage to the island’s fragile ecosystem than Shadow’s.

  “Aw, jeez, fellas,” The Hugh called, “I’m so sorry. It was an accident! Forgive me! Shadow, bad dog. Come here, boy!”

  Hugh looked up and saw a squadron of eagle-backed coins take to the air. Were they looking for safety? Or were they going to attack his dog like a swarm of angry bees?

  Standing on the rubble of what was only minutes earlier the southern wall, Two Loons gaped in horror at the huge, furry beast. “Now what’s the maniac doing?”

  “I think he’s slurping up the CBS’s sacred reflecting pond,” Deirdre said.

  “Nudnik,” the chief said.

  Two Loons groaned. “Oh, brother. He’s not, he’s not…”

  The chief bucked up to join the nickel brave. “Oy gevalt,” the chief said with a grimace. “He did. He just pished on Coinhenge.”

  9

  attila the hound

  Hugh Stewards continued pleading to the dog to come. He glanced at the flying coins. The squadron appeared to be in attack formation, circling the island as if awaiting orders.

  Cody Quarter scrambled atop Mount Cashmore and called to the dog. “Shadow! Yoo-hoo, Shadow!”

  Unlike people, dogs and other animals with superior aural faculties could pick up a coin’s voice if one spoke loud enough. Once half-deaf, Shadow’s hearing had improved along with his arthritis and other maladies, and he had no trouble detecting Cody’s plea. His ears perked at the cry and he turned towards the familiar voice.

  Unfortunately for Cody and Coin Island, Shadow’s exuberance at seeing his favorite playmate only triggered more decimation. His tail swept half of Coin Camp into Coin Gulch, and his prancing paws wreaked havoc wherever they landed.

  “Shadow,” Cody called. “Here, boy.”

  The dog trotted the few
steps over and lay down on his belly, his black, wet nose inches away from Cody.

  “What do you think you’re doing, pal?” Cody scolded. “Come on, let’s go back to papa.”

  Cody hopped onto Shadow’s nose. He bucked up the dog’s snout, passed between Shadow’s crossing eyes, and then nestled onto his head.

  “Up, Shadow,” he commanded.

  The dog stood and emitted a woof.

  “To The Hugh!”

  The dog galumphed over Mount Cashmore, and like Hannibal crossing the Alps on his elephant, the two tramped the few steps it took to arrive at the island’s southern end, where the chief and the others gazed up in amazement.

  “Ride ‘em, cowboy!” Harper shouted.

  Two Loons said, “He’s going into the water.”

  “Cody,” Deirdre called to him, “For goodness sakes, be careful up there. If you fall into the lake there’s nothing we can do for you!”

  “Ellsworth,” Cody said to his eagle, “hold on tight.”

  Ellsworth screeched and sunk his talons into tufts of Shadow’s fur.

  The dog flopped into the lake, and his head just above the waterline, he began to paddle, only instead of the few feet to shore, he swung left and started cruising Coin Island’s rocky coast.

  “Having fun?” Cody said nervously.

  The dog’s head bobbed as he swam, the chilly water of the lake washing over the quarter.

  Cody looked down and saw dark shadows below swim ominously beside them. He gulped. “Sea monsters.”

  Hugh Stewards jogged along the park’s shoreline calling to the dog. Facing the island’s western side, he slapped his thighs. “This way, Shadow. Over here!”

  Shadow rounded the island’s northern promontory where it’s lone maple tree stood. Cody saw a line of Lincolns and nickel braves on shore hopping and flipping excitedly, shouting to him to hold on tight. Above circled the squadron of eagle-backed coins, each ready to dive and risk its life to save their comrade.

  Thankfully, Shadow had had enough fun, and headed towards his master. Instead of meeting a sloping shoreline, however, he bumped into a rocky precipice. He continued paddling along the edge of the park, The Hugh walking alongside him, looking for an easier option.