Tamsin

by Peter S. Beagle

  She was something to see. No Russian hat; the long yellow-white hair she’d had bunched up under it was rippling down her back like something alive. No wool shirt, no Army boots—instead, a dark-green toga sort of thing, only with full sleeves, fitting close round her tough, skinny body. Her face was Mrs. Fallowfield’s, feature for feature, but the woman wearing it wasn’t Mrs. Fallowfield—not the one I knew. This face was the pale-golden color of the half-moon, and it was just as old: It looked as though it had been pounded and battered for billions of years by meteors, asteroids, I don’t know what; the eyes weren’t blue anymore, but black as Mister Cat, black to the bone. And even so, she was dreadfully beautiful, and she was taller than Mrs. Fallowfield, and she walked out of that thicket and toward the Wild Hunt the way queens are supposed to walk.

  At her side was the thing that had growled. It was the size of the Black Dog, and it had staring red eyes like the Black Dog, but that was it for the resemblance. Nothing about it fit with a damn thing else about it: I saw long, pointed, leathery ears and a head like a huge bat, only with an alligator muzzle stuck onto it. The body was more like a big cat’s body than a dog’s, with the rear quarters higher than the front; but it had a sheep’s woolly coat, coming away in dirty patches as though the thing were molting—and the skin underneath was pink! And I guess the moral of that story is, be nice to people’s disgusting, yippy little dogs. You never know.

  Mrs. Fallowfield—or whoever—didn’t look at me. She pointed a long arm at the Wild Hunt, at each Huntsman in turn, moving on to the next only when that one lowered his eyes, until finally she was pointing straight at Judge Jeffreys. He looked right back at her—he didn’t flinch for a minute. He had the courage of his awfulness, Judge Jeffreys had.

  Mrs. Fallowfield said, “You. I know you.” The Dorset sound was still there, but her whole voice was different—deep enough to be a man’s voice, and with that metallic clang to it that I could feel all along my backbone. She said, “I remember.”

  Judge Jeffreys didn’t give an inch. He answered her, gentle, almost apologetic, “I will have what is mine.”

  “The woman,” Mrs. Fallowfield said. No expression—just those two flat words. Judge Jeffreys nodded. “The woman,” Mrs. Fallowfield repeated, and this time there was something in the voice which would have made me a little nervous. She held her other arm away from her side, and Tamsin was standing beside her, and the first thing she did was to smile at me. And I couldn’t breathe, no more than I could when we were running from the Wild Hunt.

  “And the man,” that voice said. Mrs. Fallowfield did something with her arm almost like something I’ve seen Tony do, dancing— and there was Edric Davies standing with Tamsin. As though she had somehow taken them into herself, and given them birth again—not that she could do that, I mean they were still ghosts… never mind. Maybe Meena can help me with that sentence, if I ever figure out what I was trying to say. All that mattered to me then was that Tamsin was smiling at me.

  “The man belongs to them,” Judge Jeffreys said, gesturing around at the Wild Hunt in his turn. “The woman to me.” He might have been sharing out the dishes at a Chinese restaurant.

  Mrs. Fallowfield’s dog-bat-alligator-sheep thing growled at him, but stopped when she touched its horrid head. She looked at Judge Jeffreys for a long time, not saying anything. The night was clearing—I could see a few stars near the half-moon—but I was drenched and hurting, starting to shiver, starting to be aware of it. Tamsin saw. She started to come to me, but Mrs. Fallowfield shook her head. Edric moved closer to her, and there I was—cold and jealous. I’d have hugged that creature of Mrs. Fallowfield’s just then, if I could have, for comfort as well as warmth. Hell, I’d have hugged a Huntsman.

  Mrs. Fallowfield said to Judge Jeffreys, “I remember you. Blood and fire—soldiers in my woods. I remember.”

  “Ah, the great work,” he answered, as proud as though he were pointing out those tarred chunks of bodies stuck up on trees, fences, steeples, housetops. “They’ll not soon forget the schooling I gave them, the rabble of Dorset. I felt God’s hand on my shoulder every day in that courtroom, and I knew they all deserved hanging, every last stinking, treacherous Jack Presbyter of them. And I’d have done it—aye, gladly, with my whole heart, I’d have rid King James of all of them but the one. All but her.”

  He never stopped looking at Tamsin, even though she wouldn’t look back at him. Edric Davies did, though, and the hatred and horror in his face matched Judge Jeffreys’s pride and maybe went it one better. Feelings like that don’t die; memories like Tamsin’s memory of Edric and her lost sister don’t die. That’s why you have ghosts.

  Judge Jeffreys said, “For her I would have betrayed my post, my King and my God—indeed, I did so in my heart, with never a second thought. That makes Tamsin Willoughby mine.”

  I know it looks stupid, writing it down like that. But you didn’t hear him, and I still do. He really would have done all that for her, you see, and done it believing he’d burn in hell forever for doing it. He hadn’t done it, and it wouldn’t have made her his anyway, but you see why he’d have figured it did. Or I saw it anyway, at the time. He was a maniac and a monster, but people don’t love like that anymore. Or maybe it’s only the maniacs and monsters who do. I don’t know.

  Edric Davies didn’t say anything—he just moved in front of Tamsin, but she stepped past him and turned to face Mrs. Fallowfield. I remember everything she said, because they were the last words—but one—that I ever heard her speak.

  “I am Tamsin Elspeth Catherine Maria Dubois Willoughby,” she said. “I knew you when I was small. I was forever wandering and losing myself in your elder bushes, and your friend”—she nodded toward that patchy pink gargoyle—“would always find me.”

  Mrs. Fallowfield chuckled then, that coal-chute gargle I remembered from another world. “As your friend was aye rescuing him.” She took her hand off the thing and gestured toward me, telling it, “Run see your deliverer, little ’un.” The pink thing ignored her, thank God. I had enough troubles right then without alligator breath.

  Tamsin said, “That one is my true and beloved sister. He”—and she smiled at Edric Davies in a way that squeezed my heart and roiled my stomach—“ he is my love, and was delivered to the mercy of the Wild Hunt through my most grievous fault. Now I’d have him free of their torment, that I may have eternity to do penance. Of your great kindness, do for me what you may.”

  Word for word. I couldn’t ever forget. I couldn’t.

  She started to say something else, but Judge Jeffreys’s voice drowned her the way his ghost-light had done. “Nay, they’re not yours to dispose of, those two! The Almighty rendered them both into my hands, and you dare not oppose His will!” As loudly as he spoke, he sounded practically serene—that’s the only word I can think of. He was playing his ace, and he knew she couldn’t match it, this old, old lady with her weird, nasty pet. Belief is really something.

  Mrs. Fallowfield smiled at him. That was scary, because it was like the desert earth splitting into a deep dry canyon, or like seeing one of those fish that look like flat stones on the ocean bottom suddenly exploding out of the sand to gulp down a minnow and fall right back to being a stone. When she spoke, the Dorset was so thick in her voice I hardly understood a word. “Take good heed, zonny. We was here first.”

  I don’t think Judge Jeffreys heard her much better than I did; or if he heard her right, he didn’t take it in. He just gaped at her; but a sort of whimper came from the Wild Huntsmen, waiting where she’d ordered them to stay. Even in the darkness, I could see Mrs. Fallowfield’s eyes: blacker than the Black Dog, black as deepest space. She said, “We was here when your Almighty woon’t but a heap of rocks and a pool of water. We was here when woon’t nothing but rocks and water. We was here when we was all there was.” She smiled at Judge Jeffreys again, and that time I had to look away. I heard her say, “And you’ll tell me who’s to bide with me and who’s to hand back? You’ll tell m
e?”

  And Judge Jeffreys lost it, lost it for good, and I’ll tell you, I don’t blame him. There’s no way I’ll ever again hear the kind of contempt—the size of the contempt—that was in those words. He went straight over the edge, shrieking at her, “You dare not defy, dare not challenge… You’ll be as damned as they, hurled down with the rebel angels—hurled down, hurled down.” There was more, but that’s all I want to write.

  He was plain gibbering when he came for Tamsin and Edric Davies that last time, stooping at them like a hawk from tree-top height. I can’t guess what was in his mind—he might have thought his rage would darken them, put them out, the way it had before, this time for good, before Mrs. Fallowfield could protect them. As much as I saw of him, as much as I feared him and hated him and tried to imagine him, finally I don’t have any idea who he was— just what he was. It’ll do.

  Mrs. Fallowfield hardly moved, Judge Jeffreys was right over her before she raised her left hand slightly and made a sound like clearing her throat. And he… froze in the air. Or maybe he didn’t freeze; maybe the air condensed or something, thickening around him so he couldn’t move, ghost or no ghost. He stuck there, burning, like a firefly trapped in a spiderweb—although what he really reminded me of was the fruit that Sally cooks into lime-green Jell-O for big dinner desserts. It’s always lime—I don’t know why—and the bits of peaches and pears always look like tropical fish hanging motionless in the deep green sea. Except that the fish are silent, and Judge Jeffreys was still screaming his head off, though we couldn’t hear him anymore.

  Mrs. Fallowfield said, “I’m wearied of ye. Dudn’t like ye then, wi’ your soldiers—dun’t like ye no better now. Off wi’ ye, and dun’t ye plague me and mine nivver no more. Hear.”

  I thought she was letting him go with a warning—not even a speeding ticket—and I was getting ready to mind, because it wasn’t right, it wasn’t justice, no matter who she was. But she hadn’t been saying, “Hear,” the way I heard it—what she really said was, “Here.” The way you call your dog.

  And the Wild Huntsmen came to her. Their monstrous beasts were actually trembling under them, actually having to be kicked and goaded toward Mrs. Fallowfield and that animal of hers, and even the most horrendous of the Huntsmen themselves were looking small and rained on. I still dream about them, like I said; but when I get awakened by the pounding of my heart, I can put myself back to sleep by remembering them then, as terrified of Mrs. Fallowfield as I was of them. And me not scared of her at all, but pissed because I thought she was going to let Judge Jeffreys off way too lightly. I can’t believe it. I was really pissed at her.

  Mrs. Fallowfield looked up at Judge Jeffreys for a long time without saying anything. He’d stopped his yelling and was watching her, poised helpless just above her in the flypaper night, his own ghost-light flickering like a bad bulb. I couldn’t help wondering if he might be imagining what those people dragged up before him at the Bloody Assizes must have felt, waiting for him to sentence them… hoping, crying, praying—looking into that gentle, handsome face of his and hoping. Probably not. I don’t think he had much imagination that way.

  “Off wi’ ye, then,” Mrs. Fallowfield said again. “Till mebbe zomeone cares to come for ye.”

  She didn’t seem to make any gesture this time, and I didn’t hear her say anything else, but Judge Jeffreys was ready when the air turned him loose. He shot crazily backward like a toy balloon when you let go of the pinched end, growing so small so fast that it seemed as though we were racing in terror away from him. Maybe we were, in a way, Tamsin and Edric Davies and me. Not Mrs. Fallowfield.

  She turned to the Wild Hunt, and she said one word. I heard it very clearly, and I’d forget it if I possibly could, but it’d be like forgetting my own name. He must have remembered it, too—however he learned it; he used it at least once, I’m sure of that. But I never, never, never will.

  The Wild Hunt gave one great howl and went after Judge Jeffreys. They took off like helicopters, rising straight up into the night sky in a kind of windblown spiral; and in a weird way they made me think of children just let out of school, running and yelling for the pure unreasoning joy of making noise. But they weren’t children: They were the Wild Hunt, the pitiless harriers of the dead, and they roared and wailed and laughed their skirling laughter, and blew their horns and spurred their dragony horses on, chasing that spark of desperation that had been Edric Davies for three hundred years, and was Judge Jeffreys now. It didn’t matter to the Wild Hunt.

  And it didn’t matter to me. It should have—I know that—and it should matter now, on nights when I hear them again, the terrible Huntsmen in the wind, eternally hounding a human spirit whose only crime was being just as cruel as they. There’ll never be a Tamsin Willoughby come to save Lord Chief Justice Jeffreys of Wem. Most times I go back to sleep.

  Things get a little blurry here—not the things themselves, but the order they happened in. I can’t remember when I finally made it up on my feet—maybe I could still hear the horns of the Wild Hunt, maybe not—but I know it was while Tamsin and Edric Davies were still there. Because it was time to say good-bye, had to be, and I didn’t want to make a stupid scene. So I got up, all over mud and with my ankle giving me fits, and I limped toward them where they stood with Mrs. Fallowfield.

  She was just Mrs. Fallowfield then: everything back in place, from the army boots to the cold, sharp blue eyes, to the little pink horror squirming in her coat pocket. No fur hat, though—that hair was still streaming away over her scraggy shoulders like the Milky Way. Her voice was strangely gentle when she spoke to me. She said, “Ye’ll forget this, girl. Ye’ll forget this all.”

  “No,” I said. “No, don’t make me—I have to remember. Please, I have to.”

  Mrs. Fallowfield shook her head. “And have ye meet me in the lane or the market tomorrow, and know? What I am—what we’ve seen this night, the two on us—”

  “I don’t know who you are,” I practically yelled at her. “And I don’t care, either!” I pointed at Tamsin, where she stood beside Edric Davies, so beautiful I could hardly stand to look at her. I said, “I don’t want to forget her. I don’t care about a damn thing else, but I have to remember Tamsin. Please. Whoever you are.”

  Mrs. Fallowfield smiled at me very slowly, showing her strong gray teeth; but when she spoke, it might have been to Tamsin, or maybe herself, but not me. “Aye, and here’s first ’un, here’s first on ’em. Aye, I knowed they’d be cooming along any day, the childern as wuddn’t know Lady of the Elder Tree. Zo, there ’tis. No harm.”

  I remembered Tamsin saying—God, a hundred years ago— “Even the Pooka steps aside when she moves.” I started in on some kind of dumb apology, but Mrs. Fallowfield had turned away and Tamsin and Edric Davies were coming to me. It was awkward with Edric—there’s not a whole lot to say to someone who’s been through what he’d been through, and who’s now going away forever with the person who really did become your sister for a little while. I was happy she’d rescued him, and happy that her task was done, and that she wouldn’t be stuck haunting the Manor anymore… but at the same time I hated him worse than I’d ever hated Judge Jeffreys, and that’s the truth. There—I’ve got that down.

  But he was all right. He said, “Tamsin has told me of all you did for us, and of what might have befallen her but for you. If I had the world to give you, we would never be quits.” He smiled in a crooked, crinkly way that Tamsin must have loved at first sight— no, that sounds mean; it was a very nice smile, really. Edric Davies said, “But I have nothing, Mistress Jenny Gluckstein. I cannot promise that we will come to you at need, nor even that we will ever remember your kindness, because I do not know what waits beyond for us. I can only bless you now, with all my human heart. Nothing more.”

  And he was out of there. Just vanished, the way ghosts do.

  Tamsin picked up Miss Sophia Brown. She came very close, and looking into my eyes, she said, “My Jenny,” and then she bent her hea
d and kissed me—here, on the left-hand corner of my mouth. And nobody knows better than I that I couldn’t have felt anything, because Tamsin was a ghost—but nobody but me knows what I felt. And I’ll always know.

  Then she stepped back and was gone, and it was just me and Mrs. Fallowfield in the dark of the Alpine Meadow that seemed so much darker now. Me and the Old Lady of the Elder Tree, as though I gave a damn. Mrs. Fallowfield cupped my cheek in her calloused hand, and she said softly, “Forget, ye brave child. Forget.”

  And after that there’s nothing but night—but thinning now, turning blue and silver, and I’m being carried somewhere, like a baby. First I think it’s the Pooka come to get me, but it’s way too bumpy a ride for the Pooka, and I can smell rubber, which I hate. When I open my eyes, it’s Evan holding me, walking fast, with Sally on one side and Tony on the other, everybody shiny in rain slickers… or are we already in the old Jeep? If we’re in the Jeep, then I’m lying with my head in Evan’s lap while he drives us home, and my feet in Sally’s lap. Tony keeps talking about the beating the fields have taken from the storm—he’s really shocked, the way things have been battered down. Sally wants to hold me by herself, so Evan can drive more easily, but Evan says, “No, leave it, love, she’s asleep,” and I am.

  Twenty-seven

  But I didn’t forget. I haven’t forgotten a thing.

  I think that was Tamsin’s doing, the reason she kissed me at the very last. I think she didn’t want me to forget her, even if she doesn’t remember me wherever she and Edric Davies have gone. How she did it, I won’t ever know, but I’m pretty sure Mrs. Fallowfield knows she did it. I don’t see much of Mrs. Fallowfield anymore; when we do meet, she’s the same skinny, ageless lady in the duffel coat and the Russian hat, and she looks at me with those cold blue eyes as though she almost recognizes me from somewhere. As though she were the one who forgot.