by Joan Wolf
Silence reigned at the table. “All right,” Lady Standish finally sighed. “I will send an invitation off this afternoon.”
Diana and Alex left the following morning in Alex’s phaeton to take Jem to Standish Court. He thought the open-air carriage might be too chilly for her, but she dismissed his concern. “I shall wear warm clothes and we can put a blanket in with us in case we need it,” she said. “And we can wrap Jem up in my old melton wool riding jacket. That will keep him warm.”
So it was that they started out from Grosvenor Square at eight in the morning, driving through the busy London streets with the little boy between them on the front seat.
“Have you ever been around horses, Jem?” Diana asked cheerfully.
“I was nearly knocked over by one a few times,” he replied.
“How about dogs?” she asked.
“I was bit by a dog once,” came the lugubrious reply.
Over Jem’s head, Diana’s eyes met Alex’s. He smiled. “It’s going to be an adjustment for the lad,” he said. “But I bet if we find him a puppy, it would help. There’s nothing like a dog’s love to make one feel at home.”
Diana’s face lit. “What a good idea, Alex! There has to be a puppy somewhere we can find for him.”
“I’m sure there is.”
Silence fell as the horse trotted down the London street.
“How many other boys were there working for your master?” Diana asked gently.
“Six,” the boy replied.
“And were they afraid like you?”
“Yes, but they was more afraid of old Coborn than they was of going up the chimney.”
“It’s shocking, Alex,” Diana said soberly. “How can a civilized society allow such things?”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “I don’t know, Dee, but when I take my place in the House of Lords I will work against it, I promise you.”
“It’s strange to think of you in the House of Lords,” she said. “But if you can help to stop such disgraceful things, you will be doing a great deal of good.”
He chirruped to one of the horses, then said, looking straight ahead, “The government has asked me to work at the Horse Guards to help coordinate the coming coalition occupation of Paris.”
Diana’s head jerked up. She had thought he was finished with the military, that he was going to settle down at Standish Court and be a landowner. “But you’re a Whig!” she exclaimed. “How can you work with a Tory government?”
“In a time of war, we are all just Englishmen,” he said. “If I am asked to do my part, then I will do it.”
“You’ve already done your part! You were even wounded. I think they have a nerve to ask you to do more.”
“I did very little, Dee,” he replied soberly. “The ones who did the most are the ones who did not come back. They are the ones who gave their all, not I.”
There was a long silence. Then Diana said expressionlessly, “You just can’t let it go, can you Alex? The fighting is over, but you have to hold on to the life one way or another.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he said angrily. “I am no longer in the army. I am a civilian, working from the comfort of my own home, here in London. I am even escorting you and Sally to the various events on your social schedule. My work for the army is in no way interfering with my leading a normal life.”
Part of Diana recognized that she was being unfair, but she couldn’t seem to help it. She hated the army. The army had deprived her of a father, and then it had taken Alex away. Every time the army was mentioned, she felt all churned up inside.
Alex changed the subject. “What if Henley doesn’t want the boy? Do you have any other candidates in mind?”
Jem stirred at these words and looked up anxiously at Diana. She put a comforting arm around him and frowned at Alex. “Never fear, dear,” she said to the boy, “Henley, and more importantly, Mrs. Henley, will be delighted to have you. You will be the son they never had.”
Alex said in French, “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to get his hopes up. Let’s wait to see what transpires with the Henleys first, eh?”
“I’m sure I’m right,” she replied in the same language.
“I hope you are, otherwise we’re going to have to find someone else.” He glanced at her. “And that might not be so easy.”
“What is that funny language you’re talking?” Jem asked.
“It’s French, my dear,” Diana replied. “How are you doing? Are you warm enough?”
“Oh, yes,” came the confident reply. “I am very warm.”
Before long they pulled up to an inn for luncheon.
Alex lifted Jem down from the high seat then came around the carriage to Diana. His hands encircled her waist and he lifted her close to him, so that her body slid along his as he set her on the ground.
A sharp pang of desire shot through Diana at the touch of his hands and his body. She suddenly remembered vividly how it had felt to want those hands to touch her, how that body had felt crushed up against hers as they had kissed passionately. She felt her knees buckle a little as he set her on her feet and she leaned against him for moment in weakness.
Before he could take further advantage, however, her spine stiffened and she pulled away. But there was heat in her cheeks as she shepherded Jem into the hotel to get some food.
Alex had felt that moment of softening, that moment when she had leaned against him. Her almost instantaneous stiffening did not fool him. Her body had told him what her voice had consistently denied; she was not indifferent to him. The old feelings were still there. If only he could get her to admit to them!
Surely there was a way for him to make it up to her. Surely there was a way to make her understand that because he chose the army did not mean he didn’t love her. He had loved her then and he loved her now. He had always loved her.
How to make her understand that?
How to make her forgive him for his desertion?
There has to be a way, he thought. I can’t give up. There has to be a way.
They pulled into Standish Court in the late afternoon, and Henley came into the stable yard himself to see to the care of the horses. He was surprised to find that Alex had driven the phaeton down to the stables himself, and that he was accompanied by Diana and a small boy.
“Henley, this is Jem,” Diana said when they were all standing together in the yard. “He has come to live at Standish Court.”
Henley looked a little puzzled but he said pleasantly, “Welcome, Master Jem.”
Jem looked up at the stocky head groom. “Thank you,” he replied in the accents of the streets of London.
Henley glanced from Diana to Alex and didn’t say anything.
All of a sudden, Diana wasn’t so sure she had done the right thing. How was she to tell Henley that they hoped he would take Jem into his home?”
She said a little nervously, “I would like to introduce Jem to Mrs. Henley, if that would be all right.”
Henley looked even more puzzled. “Certainly,” he said. “Shall I fetch her?”
“No, we will come with you,” Diana said.
Alex shot a look at Diana but didn’t say anything.
All of them started toward the cottage that lay between the stables and the grassy, fenced-in pad-docks that stretched behind it.
“I believe she’s cooking dinner,” Henley said, and indeed the aroma of cooking food assailed Diana’s nostrils as soon as she walked in the door. In all the time she had been at Standish Court she had never been inside Henley’s home and she looked quickly around at the solid furniture and the clean windows and thought that it would be a perfect place for a small boy.
Mrs. Henley appeared from the kitchen wrapped in a large apron.
“Lord Standish” she said in surprise. “Miss Sherwood!” She clearly didn’t know what else to say.
“Mrs. Henley, I wanted to introduce you to Jem,” Diana said. “We have brought him from London so he can live at Standish
Court.” To Jem she said, “Go ahead and shake hands with Mrs. Henley.”
Jem approached, his brown eyes so huge they almost engulfed the rest of his thin face. “Hello,” he said shyly.
“I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Jem,” Mrs. Henley said warmly.
“Lady Sarah found Jem in London,” Diana said. She was gaining more confidence as she talked. Mrs. Henley looked so motherly in her apron. “He was being brutally beaten because he would not climb a chimney. She brought him back to Standish House and we cleaned him up. He is a very nice little boy, and when he has put a little weight on those skeletal bones, he will be handsome as well.”
“He’s handsome already,” Mrs. Henley said, smiling at Jem.
Tentatively, the little boy smiled back.
Diana got to the point. “Our problem, Mrs. Henley, is that we need a family for him to live with. I was wondering if you and Henley might consider taking him in. He thinks he is eight, even though he looks younger. He is hungry for love—his own father sold him to the chimney sweep!—and I think he would fill an empty space in your own lives.” There was a pause and she added recklessly, “I’m sure Lord Standish would be happy to help with his expenses.”
Silence fell as the Henleys looked at each other. Diana couldn’t read anything from their faces. Then Henley said, “We need to talk this over by ourselves.”
“By all means,” Diana said heartily. “But think how nice it would be to have someone to whom you could pass down all of your vast knowledge of horses.”
“Has the lad ever worked around horses?”
“No, but he is eager to try,” Diana said with slight exaggeration. She felt Jem slip his hand into hers, and she squeezed it encouragingly.
Henley nodded slowly. “We’ll let you know tomorrow, if that’s all right.”
“That will be fine, Henley,” Alex said firmly, as Diana showed signs of talking some more. He turned to her. “Come along, we should go up to the house. We have to find Jem a room to sleep in tonight.”
“All right,” Diana said. She looked pleadingly at the head groom. “He really is the nicest little boy.”
“I’m sure he is,” Henley said.
Diana put a protective arm around Jem’s shoulders and steered him from the room.
Nine
Diana was surprised to find that Maria and Margaret, Alex’s two young sisters, were not in residence at Standish Hall.
“The young ladies and Miss Pendleton went on a visit to Lady Maria’s godmother, and they are staying overnight,” Spears the underbutler, who was filling in for Henrys, told them.
“I see,” Diana replied. “Well, if you can make up a bedroom for me, I would appreciate it Spears. And put a trundle bed in it for Jem.”
“Certainly, Miss Sherwood. Shall I have tea served for you and his lordship?”
“Tea sounds wonderful,” Diana said. She glanced down at the rail-thin little boy who was standing so close to her. “And perhaps some sandwiches.”
“Bring a bottle of port for me, Spears,” Alex said.
By the time they had all washed up from the journey, the food and drink had been laid out in the Yellow Drawing Room. As soon as Jem saw the sandwiches, he stuffed one into his mouth.
“Take smaller bites, Jem,” Diana advised. “You don’t want to choke yourself.” She looked at Alex. He was sitting on the opposite sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him, a glass of port in his hand.
“Might I have a taste of that wine?” she asked.
He reached forward and handed the glass to her. She took a little sip.
“Mmm,” she said, and took another sip.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“Yes, I do. I’ve never had port before. Actually, I’ve never had much wine at all. But I’ve always liked what I had.”
Alex rang the bell and when a footman answered he requested a second glass.
When the glass was delivered, Alex poured the wine into it and handed it to her. She gave him a conspiratorial grin. “Thank you.”
“You’re twenty,” he said. “I think you can handle a glass of wine.”
She sipped it and closed her eyes. “It’s very good,” she said. She opened her eyes. “It’s nice to be treated as an adult for a change. I’ve never had so many rules to follow in my life! You won’t believe, Alex, what a young girl cannot do in London. Like going to Tattersall’s. I adore looking at horses, but your mother was horrified at the thought of my going there with you. In the country I can go anywhere I want to look at a horse.”
“There were a lot of common men at Tattersall’s, bookmakers and the like. Not the sort of company I imagine ladies usually keep,” he said.
“I’m not going to wilt away if I am in company with common men! If I was with you I would be perfectly safe.”
“True. There do seem to be a lot of rules in London society—but there are definitely more for girls than there are for men.”
“I know,” she said moodily, and sipped some more of her wine.
He said, “Do you know what I’d like to do while we’re here? I’d like to go and visit Nero’s grave.”
She looked up from her wine at the mention of Alex’s dog. “Have you been there since you got home?”
He shook his head. “No. But I had a dream about him the other night. He was running toward me, his ears pricked, with that stupid grin on his face—you remember. It was so real. I woke up and I missed him almost as badly as I did when he first died.”
“He was a wonderful dog,” Diana said softly. “He loved you so much.”
He nodded. Nero had been Alex’s dog since before he had gone away to school and he had died of old age the year before Alex went off to war. Diana and Alex had buried him in the Home Woods, with a stone to mark the site of his grave.
“We’ll go tomorrow before we leave,” she said.
“I hope his grave isn’t grown over,” Alex said.
She shook her head. “I make sure the stone is clear.”
He smiled at her. “Thank you, Dee.”
He looked around the room as if he were seeing it for the first time. “One of these days, when I’m settled, I’ll get another dog.”
She thought his expression was very strange, but she didn’t comment. “And remember, we were going to get a puppy for Jem.”
Jem was so involved with his sandwiches that he didn’t notice what she had said.
Diana’s head was buzzing a little when she rose to go upstairs to the bedroom that had been prepared for her. Jem went with her, holding on to her hand. Once they were inside the room, Diana sat in one of the chairs that was pulled up in front of the fireplace and blinked a few times.
“Are ye all right, miss?” Jem asked anxiously.
“Yes.” Diana yawned suddenly. “Do you know, I believe I will take a nap before dinner, Jem. You should do the same. It was a tiring drive.”
“I’m not tired,” Jem said.
Diana was usually never tired either, but right now she felt quite sleepy. It must be the wine, she thought.
She took off her shoes and went over to the bed. I’ll just lie down for a few minutes, she thought.
The next thing she knew, one of the housemaids was calling her name. She opened her eyes and for a moment was totally disoriented. Then she remembered where she was and sat up abruptly.
“Where is Jem?”
“He’s in the kitchen, Miss Sherwood. His lordship thought you would like to know that dinner is in half an hour.”
“Thank you,” Diana said. She swung her feet to the floor. “I had better change my clothes.”
“Shall I help you, miss?”
“Yes, thank you,” Diana replied.
Within twenty minutes she had changed out of her driving dress and into a simple white muslin morning dress. Neither she nor Alex had brought evening clothes with them.
He was waiting for her in the sitting room on the first floor. Diana went in and immediately said, “I’m
so sorry, Alex, but I actually fell asleep. I can’t imagine what happened. I don’t ever sleep in the middle of the day.”
He grinned at her. “You don’t usually imbibe port in the middle of the day either, Dee. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you drink so much.”
“It was good, though,” she said.
“Jem is eating in the kitchen,” he told her. “I think he’ll be more comfortable there than in the dining room. Shall we go in?”
Two places had been set at the table, Alex at the end with Diana placed at his right hand. The roast beef was not quite up to the standards of Lapierre, but it was good enough for Diana and Alex to eat heartily. Alex had four glasses of wine.
Diana had been thinking, and now that Jem wasn’t present she mentioned a few families who she thought might be willing to take him if they were reimbursed for his expenses.
“You would know better than I,” Alex said soberly. “I was in the army for three years, and before that I was away most of the time at school. My mother seems to think that I just naturally will know everything about running the estate, but in truth I know very little. I did go around and introduce myself to all of the tenants, but it will be a while before I feel I have a grip on things here.”
“It was your choice to go away,” Diana reminded him.
“I know that,” he replied shortly.
After dinner they went upstairs to the Yellow Drawing Room. He sat beside her on the sofa.
The power of his physical presence exerted a frighteningly magnetic pull on her. She moved farther away from him. He turned to look at her. His hair had fallen forward across his forehead.
He said huskily, “I thought about you all the time I was away. Why didn’t you read my letters?”
Her heart was beating too fast and she swallowed so that when she spoke her voice would be clear. “I didn’t come here to give you an opportunity to harass me.” She was staring straight ahead. “I came to help get Jem settled. I don’t want to talk about us, Alex. There is no ‘us’ anymore.”
“I don’t believe that,” he said in the same husky voice.
“It’s true.” She gave him a defiant look. “I am going to marry a different kind of man from you, settle down and raise a family. I don’t love you anymore, Alex.”
