by Joan Wolf
“None of your suitors at home were rich enough, eh?” he said a little nastily. “Certainly none of them could afford to buy you expensive hunters.”
“That’s a rotten thing to say,” she flashed. “I didn’t love any of them, that’s why I didn’t marry them.”
“So you’re looking for love, not money?”
“That’s right,” she said defiantly.
He snorted, as if he didn’t believe her.
“If I just wanted money, I would marry you,” she shot at him. “You’re the biggest catch on the marriage mart this Season, did you know that? But I want more than money. I want a man I can love and trust. That’s what I’m looking for. And I resent your insinuations that I’m nothing but a gold digger.”
They were passing a stagecoach and the men packed on the roof looked down curiously at the privileged aristocrats driving by them. Once they were in the clear again, Alex said quietly, “I’m sorry, Dee. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” Her cheeks were already red from the chilly air, but they had gotten a little redder in the past minute. “You have no idea what it’s like to be alone and unprotected. No man does. If a woman doesn’t have a man she can rely on, she is completely vulnerable—unless she has money, which Mama and I don’t.”
“My parents took care of you and your mother!” Alex protested.
“Yes, and I thank God for that. But how do you think Mama felt, having to be grateful for every bite of food she put in her mouth?”
“My parents never made her feel that way!”
“Your mother didn’t. But your father definitely saw us as dependents. Oh, he was always very nice to us—to me—but I was always conscious of my place when I was with him. And I know Mama was, too.”
He scowled, his black brows drawing together. “I never knew you felt like this.”
“I don’t think he would have let you marry me, Alex. I never thought about it at the time—I was too much in love with you—but I’ve thought about it since. He would have wanted you to make a much grander marriage than to a penniless, dependent cousin.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered what he thought. If he refused his consent, I would have married you the minute I turned twenty-one.”
“When you turned twenty-one, you were in the Peninsula,” she pointed out.
He didn’t reply.
She said, “And now Cousin Amelia has given me this wonderful opportunity to have a Season and meet some eligible men. This is my one chance, Alex, and I’m going to take it. I’m going to find a suitable man who can take care of me and Mama and get married.”
He couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I can take care of you and your mother better than anyone.”
“But I don’t want you,” she said brutally.
He wanted to stop the horses, to reach out and pull her into his arms. He wanted to feel whole again, he wanted to feel the way only she could make him feel. He wanted her so desperately.
And he couldn’t have her. The more time he spent with her, the clearer that became. She would never forgive him. He was going to have to learn to live his life without her.
The only problem was, he didn’t know if he could.
Eleven
The following morning, Diana woke up in her bed in Standish House on Grosvenor Square. She went down to breakfast and found Sally at the table. She had told Sally the previous night all about Jem and the Henleys, so this morning their conversation was mostly about their upcoming ball and what they were going to do during the day.
“Mama wants us to help her address invitations,” Sally said. “I’m glad she is inviting the Duke of Sinclair. If it wasn’t for him, Jem might not now be living with the Henleys.”
Diana stirred some sugar into her tea. “You would have managed without him, Sally. If necessary, you would have bullied your reluctant escort into driving the both of you home.”
“I don’t know about that,” Sally laughed. “The way Lord Morple was acting, we might have ended up walking.”
“What a swine Lord Morple is,” Diana said.
“Yes,” Sally agreed wholeheartedly.
Mrs. Sherwood walked into the dining room and gave her daughter a long, searching look. Diana had avoided talking privately to her mother since she had got back from Standish Court late the previous day.
Diana gave her mother a sunny smile. “What plans do you have for the day, Mama?”
“I believe we are all spending the afternoon addressing invitations,” Mrs. Sherwood said.
“Oh. That’s right,” Diana returned. She took a piece of toast and very carefully smeared it with marmalade.
Sally stood up. “I have a letter to write. I’ll see you later.”
After she had gone, and the two Sherwood women were alone together, Mrs. Sherwood asked, “How did it go between you and Alex, darling?”
“Fine,” Diana said lightly. “As we told you yesterday, we got Jem settled with the Henleys, and then we came home.”
Mrs. Sherwood poured herself some coffee from the pot on the table. “You were alone together for a long time. What did you talk about?”
Diana wiped some marmalade off her fingers. She frowned. “We talked about Jem. And about horses. And we went to visit Nero’s grave. Nothing important happened, Mama.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
Diana put her napkin down and for the first time looked directly at her mother. “No. I’m never going to tell him, Mama. You know that. It’s finished. We’re finished. There’s no point in reliving the past.”
There was a little silence. Diana took a bite of her toast.
Mrs. Sherwood said, “I know how you feel, darling. And I was as angry at Alex as you were. But…he looks at you, Diana. When you’re not watching, he looks at you all the time. He still has feelings for you. I can see it. And now that his father is dead, he can marry whomever he wants. I think you could have him if you wanted him.”
“But I don’t want him,” Diana said passionately. “I don’t care if he is the bloody Earl of Standish! I don’t want him. I thought you were on my side, Mama. How could I marry a man who deserted me like that?”
Mrs. Sherwood had winced at the profanity, but she forebore to protest. “All right, darling,” she said softly. “If that’s how you feel, then that’s fine. I am on your side, you know. I’m always on your side.”
Diana bit her lip. “I know, Mama. I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She got up and went around the table to bend and kiss her mother’s cheek. “I’ll find somebody to take care of us. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be all right.”
Every afternoon when she drove out in the park, Sally looked for the Duke of Sinclair. She also looked for him at all of the social functions she attended. She never saw him.
She remembered him vividly—his tall, wide-shouldered figure, his dark blond hair and striking green eyes. It was hard for her to believe that a man who had been so kind to her and Jem could be as bad as Alex had painted him to be.
I would just like to thank him and to tell him that Jem is settled, she told herself as she addressed his invitation to her ball.
Diana looked up from the invitation she was addressing. “Who is Miss Jessica Longwood?” she asked curiously. “I don’t remember meeting someone of that name.”
Lady Standish replied. “She’s Viscount Longwood’s daughter. I don’t know if they’re going to be in town for the ball, but I thought I’d invite them just in case. Jessica came out last year and, according to Sally Jersey, she’s practically engaged to Rumford.”
“Who is Rumford?” Diana asked next.
“The Earl of Rumford. He’s probably the biggest catch on the marriage mart—after Alex, of course,” his mother added.
Sally said, “We haven’t seen the Earl of Rumford, have we?”
Lady Standish shook her head. “He hasn’t been in town either. But we’ll send an invitation to his house on Berkeley Square just in case he arrives before the bal
l.”
“Why is Alex a better catch than Rumford?” Diana asked.
“Well, for one thing, he’s younger, which has to be appealing to a young girl,” Lady Standish said. “Lord Rumford was married for fifteen years to a sickly woman who didn’t give him any children. He has to be forty, at least. And he’s looking to marry a young, healthy girl so he can have a family. Not much romance there, I should say.”
Sally said, “His wife eventually died, I gather?”
“Yes. I believe her sickliness stemmed from a heart condition.”
Sally blotted her invitation. “And Miss Longwood is his choice to be his future countess?”
“Nothing official has been announced, but so Sally Jersey tells me.”
Mrs. Sherwood said with amusement, “And Sally Jersey knows all?”
Lady Standish laughed. “She seems to, Louisa.” She looked at the next name on her invitation list. “Now here is someone I’d like to see Alex become interested in.”
Diana’s head shot up. “Who is that?”
“Lady Caroline Wrentham. She’s a lovely girl. She made her come-out last year, got a dozen offers and refused them all. She can afford to be picky. Not only is she beautiful, but she comes from one of the best families in the country. The Wrenthams can trace their heritage back to Edward the Third. Her father is the Marquess of Hartly.”
“We’ve seen Lady Caroline,” Sally said. “She is beautiful.” She turned to Diana. “Do you know who I mean?”
“Yes,” Diana said. She had seen the tall, slim, blond Lady Caroline dancing with Alex more than once.
Lady Standish said, “She might be your biggest competition for suitors, Sally, dear.”
Diana wasn’t surprised that she was not included in the same category as Sally and Lady Caroline. She wasn’t competition to anyone.
She felt her mother’s hand come over hers. Mrs. Sherwood squeezed briefly, then went back to writing invitations.
After the invitations were done, Diana took Freddie for his daily walk in the park. Her mother decided to accompany her in order to get some exercise.
“I did so much walking and gardening at home,” she said to Diana as they walked the few blocks that would take them to the park, “that I’m starting to feel like a slug. At least you ride in the morning and dance all night. I do nothing at all!”
Diana looked at her slim, pretty mother. “You’re being pampered for the first time in your life, and you’re complaining?”
Mrs. Sherwood laughed. “I suppose it does sound like that, but I don’t mean it.”
“I know, Mama,” Diana said, “and I know what you mean. London is grand, but I think that in our hearts we’re both country girls.”
“I think you’re right,” Mrs. Sherwood agreed.
They entered the park and followed one of the walking paths that wound in and out through the trees and the shrubbery. Diana bent and took Freddie off his leash so he could run after some squirrels. They had been walking for perhaps twenty minutes when Freddie met up with another spaniel, who was trotting down the path from the opposite direction. The two dogs stopped and began to sniff each other interestedly.
“The dog looks friendly,” Diana said, “but we had better catch up with them.”
She and her mother reached the dogs at about the same time as the other dog’s owner.
“Caleb,” the man said in a deep baritone voice. “Here, boy.”
“My dog is friendly if yours is,” Diana said.
The man looked at her. He had graying brown hair and steady gray eyes. He was of medium height and was strongly built.
“Caleb is very friendly,” he said.
Now that the dogs had finished sniffing each other, they decided that a chase was in order. Freddie took off first, with Caleb in hot pursuit.
Diana smiled. “It is good to see Freddie running. I felt so guilty taking him away from the country, but I was so lonely without him.”
“I know precisely how you feel,” the man returned pleasantly. “We’ve just come in from the country ourselves and that’s why I took Caleb to the park today.” He made a slight bow. “Sir Gilbert Merton at your service, ladies.”
Mrs. Sherwood said, “I am Louisa Sherwood and this is my daughter, Diana.”
“Your dog is very handsome,” Sir Gilbert said.
“Thank you. I know he’s a little small for his breed, but he has a huge heart.”
The dogs came back, panting and frantically wagging their tails.
Mrs. Sherwood laughed. She had a delightful laugh, rich and full and contagious. Diana had inherited it from her. “They look so pleased with themselves,” she said.
Sir Gilbert looked at her with a smile in his eyes. “What brings you to London, ma’am?” he inquired. “Are you here for the Season?”
“Yes. My daughter is making her come-out under the aegis of my cousin, Lady Standish,” Mrs. Sherwood returned.
Sir Gilbert raised his eyebrows. “My daughter is here for precisely the same reason. I am a widower and she is making her come-out under the aegis of my sister, Lady Mary Barlow. They dragged me along for window dressing.”
“I don’t believe I have met Miss Merton,” Diana said.
“We only arrived in town the other day. She will be making her first appearance at Almack’s tonight.” He raised his eyebrows. “I cannot believe what a commotion my sister is making about a simple assembly dance. Charlotte has been going to dances in the country ever since she was seventeen.”
Diana chuckled. “Almack’s is the sine qua non of the marriage mart,” she said. “We will be going ourselves tonight. Perhaps we will see you there, sir.”
He bowed again, his sturdy figure making the motion with surprising grace, his eyes never leaving Mrs. Sherwood. “I will look forward to it.”
Twelve
The night of the much-anticipated Standish come-out ball finally arrived. The polished carriages were lined up around the square, waiting to let out their finely dressed passengers, and the great chandelier in the ballroom on the second floor of the house shone on a botanical garden of hothouse flowers that Lady Standish had ordered from the finest florists in London. Almost everyone who had been invited was coming, and the evening was going to be that most successful of all events—a “sad crush.”
Diana stood in the receiving line with Alex, Lady Standish, Sally and Mrs. Sherwood. She wore a dress of white sarconet draped over an underslip of green satin. Her hair was knotted high on her head, with tendrils of red-gold curls falling around her long, slender neck. Her large brown eyes sparkled with excitement and a delicate natural pink stained the exquisite curve of her cheekbones.
“You’ll be the most beautiful girl in the room tonight,” Alex had said to her in a low voice when he had first seen her before dinner.
He stood now at the head of the receiving line, with the rest of the family between them, passing the guests along from one person to the next. Diana couldn’t believe how many people she greeted. Most of them she had seen before, but a few were new faces. One new face that she made particular note of was the Earl of Rumford, the man whom Lady Standish had said was the second-best catch on the marriage mart after Alex. She noticed him because of the way he looked at her—as if he were a little dazed. It was a look Diana had seen before on the faces of men, but she had not expected to see it on the face of a sophisticated middle-aged earl. Rumford was a nice-looking man in his early forties, with blue eyes and brown hair that had just begun to gray. He held her hand for a second too long and he blinked, as if to clear his vision.
“How do you do, Miss Sherwood,” he said.
“I am so glad you could come this evening, my lord,” she responded, giving him a radiant smile.
Her mother spoke, passing along the next person in line, and the earl left her and went into the ballroom.
Finally the family was able to enter the ballroom themselves. Diana looked around at the sea of expensive jewels and colorful gowns and black-and-white c
lad gentleman, and took a deep breath. A scent of mingled perfumes and flowers drifted to her nostrils.
How kind Cousin Amelia was to include me in this world, she thought. She turned to her mother and flashed her a quick smile. Mrs. Sherwood smiled back.
The orchestra began to play a waltz. Sally was to lead off the ball with Alex, and Diana stood with her mother and watched as the two of them went around the floor. Sally looked lovely in her white gown over a light blue slip. The slip, Diana found herself thinking, was almost the same color as Alex’s eyes.
The dancing couple suddenly stopped in front of Lord Dorset, the eldest son and heir of the Earl of Winchester, and one of Sally’s chief suitors. Lord Dorset stepped forward gallantly to partner Sally, and Alex strode across the room toward Diana.
“Come along, Dee,” he said. “It’s your turn.”
She hadn’t expected this and the pink in her cheeks deepened as she took his hand and followed him onto the floor. His hand encircled her waist and she put her hand on his shoulder. He took her other hand into a firm clasp and they began to dance.
She was so close to him. It felt as if the hand on her waist was burning through her dress. She could feel the strength of his shoulder through the fabric of his evening coat. Their bodies moved as one, in perfect harmony with one another. Neither one of them spoke. For a few perfect moments, it seemed to her as if they were alone together in a timeless bubble. Then other dancers began to join them on the floor.
Diana struggled to say something. “It was kind of you to dance with me like this,” she managed to get out.
“It’s your come-out ball as well as Sally’s,” he said. His face as he looked down at her was grave.
“I am so grateful to your mother for doing this for me,” Diana said. She inhaled and went on determinedly. “And I’m grateful to you, too, Alex. I imagine you’re the one who’s paying the bills.”
“I owe you something, Dee,” he said. His expression was still grave. “I know that. If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please know that I will always be at your service.”
She couldn’t reply.
