Having Faith (Cold Bay Wolf Pack Book 1)

by Dena Christy

  How would it be different to be with him now, when she was a woman grown, when she now had experienced a lot more of life than she had at eighteen? There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted him, especially now that he was only a fraction of an inch away. How different would it be this time, if she gave in, if she did what he wanted and what her body wanted her to do? They'd been so young when they'd been together before. Perhaps nostalgia had built it up in her mind as something bigger than the two of them. It's not like she believed in fairy tales any more. She could go into this with her eyes wide open and her expectations in check.

  "Are you saying we should have a fling?"

  She could get behind a fling. She wanted him bad enough to be tempted by the notion of it. The fear that was holding her back from him was not being intimate with him, but of losing her heart to him. If she knew from the start that this was only going to ever amount to them satiating their desire for each other, that what happened between them would be purely physical, then surely she could protect her heart. Couldn't she?

  "I'm saying I want you. I'm saying that I can't do what I need to do for my pack with you in my head. The attraction that was there all those years ago is still there. We need to get it out of our system. This is how we can do it."

  "How long will it take?" She moved even closer and her breast were now fully pressed against the hard wall of his chest.

  How had she fooled herself into thinking that she could be satisfied with going on a date with a man who did nothing for her when what she really wanted was Logan? It didn't need to be forever. She was certain that part of the reason he appealed to her so much was because she'd told herself that she couldn't have him. It was like being on a diet and telling yourself that you couldn't have a slice of cake which made it all you could think about. Logan was like that for her, and the more she denied herself him, the more she wanted him.

  "One night? One week? A month? I don't know how long it will take for us to get each other out of our systems. All I know is that I need to be able to function without distractions and I can't do that while I keep wondering what it would be like to kiss you, to touch you, to be inside you."

  His voice had dropped down an octave when he'd said that and she had to press her lips together to keep a whimper from escaping. Jesus, when he said things like that she wanted to crawl all over him and beg him to take her. That he said it while looking as good as he did, with his huge hands spanning her waist and hot desire in his eyes only made it that much harder for her to be sensible.

  Perhaps she could have resisted him if she didn't already know what it was like to be kissed by him, to be touched by him and how it felt to have his body become one with hers. Logan was not the kind of man who inspired sensibility. And she'd had twelve years of being sensible, twelve years of doing what was best for her son. Of choosing men who were the right ones on paper but who left her cold inside. Logan was wrong for her for so many reasons, not the least of which was that he'd already proven he could walk away from her with no warning. But she'd only gotten a taste of what it was like to be with him and one taste wasn't enough.

  "I'm going home at the end of the summer. I'm sure we'll see each other after that, we'll still need to make arrangements for Connor, but I have built a life for myself and I don't want to give it up."

  "I'm not asking you to give anything up. I have commitments here, to my pack. I can't do what I need to do as alpha while you are in my head. I'm not asking for a lifetime. Hell all it might take is one night."

  She couldn't hold herself back anymore. As long as she went into this knowing there was a firm end date, that all this was going to be was a fling, she would be fine. She could prepare herself to walk away from him. So she did what she'd wanted to do ever since she'd walked in the front door and had been confronted with his bare skin. She put her hands out and slid them up over his firm muscles.

  A tiny shudder went through her and her nipples got tighter where they were pressed against him as she glided her palms over the smooth, hot skin covering his biceps. God he was beautiful. And for tonight at least, he was all hers.

  A growl rumbled through his chest as his hands tightened on her waist and his head came slowly down toward hers. She could feel his breath fanning her cheeks, could see the sensuality in his full bottom lip. She knew that mouth, she wanted that mouth on hers. With the scent of him in her nostrils, that wicked combination of his soap and bare male skin, she tilted her head back as her arms went around his neck. How had she fooled herself into thinking that she didn't want this, that she didn't need it, with every part of her.

  Logan didn't need any more encouragement, and a sigh escaped her when he finally melded his mouth with hers. She expected his kiss to be hard, to be fast, to match the rapid pounding of his pulse that she could feel in his neck. But that’s not what happened. He kissed her as if he had all the time in the world, as if he wanted to savor every second with her and not rush through this. If this was a preview of what he had in store for her tonight she didn’t know if she was going to make it through with her sanity intact.

  He molded his mouth on hers as he stroked his hands over her waist, and she tightened her arms around his neck. She couldn’t get enough of him, and she tried to use her lips to communicate that. She kissed him back with a ferocity that surprised her.

  He made a noise in his throat and it told her that he wasn’t as in control of himself as he appeared at first. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and she opened for him, holding nothing back from him.

  A thrill went through her when his hands tightened on her waist and he lifted her up against him. Her feet no longer touched the ground and she wasn’t scared. He held her against him so tight that there was no chance that she would fall.

  She tore her mouth away from him. Kissing was no longer enough. She wanted to feel his mouth on more than just her lips. She wanted to be naked with him, to hold him to her and to make their bodies sing.

  “Oh God Logan. I want you. I don’t know how long this is going to last, but I know that I can’t hold myself away from you any more. As long as we both know that this is a fling, I don’t want to stop.”

  She looked into his eyes as he held her against him. They were so dark now that they looked navy. There was no denying what he did for her anymore. If nothing else, that kissed proved that what he made her feel thirteen years ago hadn't been a fluke. But the difference now was that she was no longer innocent. She was going into this with her eyes wide open and there was no chance she was going to get hurt.

  Faith let out a startled gasp as Logan shifted so that his arm went behind her knees and he held her in front of him as he strode from the kitchen.

  "There is no way I am making love to you on my kitchen floor when I have a huge bed upstairs." He took the stairs two at a time and it thrilled her to know just how strong he was. His big body wasn't just for show, there was power behind those muscles.

  He walked into the bedroom and shoved the door shut with his bare foot. He let go of her legs and lowered her until her feet were on the ground. Butterflies sprang up in her stomach now that she was in the room with him with his king size bed looming behind her. She'd been eighteen the last time they were intimate with each other. Time and a baby had matured her body. Would he be disappointed that she no longer looked the same?

  She closed her eyes for a second when he hit the light and it streamed down on her. When she opened them again, he'd adjusted the dimmer switch so that the room had a soft glow and it made her feel better about getting naked with him. He seemed in no hurry to get her on the bed now that he had her here.

  He stepped closer and she could feel the heat radiating off his skin. Her name was a low rumble in his chest as he reached up to cup her face.

  "You're so beautiful." He pushed her hair out of her face and looked at her. "When I saw you the first time I thought so but I was looking at a girl then. You're all woman now and I want you more now than I did then, if that's even possib
le."

  She melted a little inside at his words. Any doubts she had about being with him dissolved as he bent his head to take her mouth. She didn’t know if this was going to last beyond one night, and wasn’t sure if she wanted it to. He wanted her and for now that was enough.

  His arms tightened around her as he deepened the kiss. With her hands stroking over the bare skin of his back and with the heady scent of him teasing her senses, the longing for him that had lain dormant inside her sprang to life. He was halfway to being naked, but she had on too many clothes. She didn’t want anything to separate them, not even the thin cotton of her shirt.

  She pulled back from him and stepped away, her hands going to the buttons of her top and his face pulled tight when she slowly opened each button one at a time. His eyes glittered in the low light, and she could see the desire he had for her there, and a feminine smile as old as time crossed her lips. The power of a woman who knew she had her man in thrall went through her as she slowly parted her shirt and let is slowly glide off her body.

  The next article of clothing that followed was her knee length skirt and she decided that as long as she had a rapt audience, she might as well give him a show. She turned her back on him and slowly glided the zipper down. The fabric loosened and she hooked her fingers under the waist band. With a practiced wiggle of her hips she shoved the material down so that he could see the wispy bits of lace covering her bottom. She stepped out of the skirt, but before she could turn around to face him, he was behind her. The hot skin of his muscular chest pressed against her back and the rough denim of the jeans he still wore abraded against her skin as she felt the evidence of his desire for her pressed against her bottom.

  His hand came around her, gliding slowly up the skin of her torso, raising goosebumps in their wake. He cupped her breast through her bra as he kissed the side of her neck. A low sigh escaped her as she pushed back against him. Now it was his turn to tease, to arouse her, until the underwear she still wore was damp and she couldn’t think of anything but him.

  “You’re driving me wild woman.” The growl of his voice in her ear only aroused her further and she turned around. Her hands went to the waistband of his jeans and she undid the button and carefully drew the zipper down. His aroused flesh sprang free and she caressed him with soft hands. A feral looked crossed his face, and she knew that she wouldn’t get away with teasing him for much longer. “Take the rest of your clothes off now if you don’t want me to rip them off.”

  She closed her eyes for a second as the image of him ripping the clothes from her body sent a shudder through her. Her hands shook as she reached around behind her and undid the clasp of her bra. Thank God years of undoing the tiny hooks enabled her to do with a few practiced twists because if she had to think about it, she would not have been able to do it. Her panties followed quickly, and then she was in his arms, their naked flesh pressed together.

  She pulled his head down and fused her mouth with his as he slowly backed her up toward the bed. The feel of his skin against hers felt like coming home and for a moment she thought that she would be completely satisfied just to hold him like this. But he had ideas other than just holding on to each other, and he eased her down on his bed. The bedspread was cool under her overheated flesh and the mattress dipped as he came down beside her.

  She lay there, naked and vulnerable as he caressed her the glide of his hand over her flesh. What was it about being with him that enabled him to arouse her into a fever pitch with something as simple as a caress? A shiver chased over her skin as her breasts tightened into hard peaks that begged for his mouth. Her back arched and a moan escaped her when he sucked her nipple into the warm recesses of his mouth. While his mouth was busy suckling her, his hand was moving down the smooth flesh of her belly.

  A groan escaped her as her legs relaxed outward and he stroked over the aroused flesh he found between them. The touch of his hand, the slide of his fingers inside her, sent her arousal up a notch. She rocked her hips against him and he pulled away from her breasts. There was a look in his eyes, one that promised untold pleasures for her and she wondered if she would be able to stand it as he circled his tongue over her skin as he made his way down to where his fingers were causing her untold delights.

  His name came out of her in a long, drawn out moan as his mouth found her and he did things to her with his tongue that made her shudder. It had never been like this with any other man, and she didn’t know how she was going to be able to walk away from him at the end of the summer. The thought was fleeting because soon the pleasure he was giving her as he made love to her with his mouth sent her spiraling out of control. The only thing that could penetrate the fog of her pleasure was his name, and it became a chant on her lips.

  He held her hips still as he went in for the kill, sucking her clit into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue in a rapid movement that didn’t seem humanly possible. It sent her body splintering apart, and she sobbed out his name as her orgasm took hold of her and wouldn’t let go until it had rung out every ounce of ecstasy she was capable of feeling.

  She lay there, trembling on the bed as he pulled his mouth away and stroked gentle hands over her upraised thighs as he waited for her to quiet. He moved to the side and reached into the bedside table for what was necessary for protection and after he’d sheathed himself she opened her arms to him.

  He needed no further invitation to join his body with hers. Her eyes rolled shut as he filled her with his hardened flesh. He seemed to know that she needed time to adjust to him, and when she was finally ready for him to move, she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

  How could she have thought that she didn’t need this, that she didn’t need him? Seeing him above her with his eyes tender and his body buried deep inside her sent her back in time, to the night they’d conceived their son. All those feelings she’d suppressed over the years came flooding back, and she felt a connection with him so strong that it frightened her for a moment. She had to be careful not to read more into this than there was. They were doing this to get the other out of their system so they could move on.

  “What is it?” He must have noticed a change in her and she said the only thing she could.

  “Make love to me, Logan.”

  He didn’t need to be asked again, and he slowly withdrew until he was at the threshold of her body. He thrust back inside her and she flexed her hips to matched the rhythm of his slow, measured thrusts. He felt so good, felt perfectly match to her that it was like they were made to be together. The thought should have frightened her but she was so caught up in the way he made her body sing that she forgot to be cautious. Her heart lay unguarded inside her as he quickened his pace, taking her closer to heaven with every thrust.

  She put her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and clung to him as she road the storm of pleasure inside her. The only man who’d ever truly existed for her was with her now and she savored every moment. Tried to make it last, but soon the magic they created together overwhelmed her. Her arms tightened around him as she reached her peak and cried out for him. As pulse after pulse of her orgasm went through her, she didn’t know where she ended and he began. They were truly one, in a way she’d never felt before. She didn’t know if it was because of their shared history, if it was because he was the man who’d taken her innocence but she felt like this moment was meant to be. That they were meant to share their bodies and she was meant to hold him as he found his release inside her.

  His body was deliciously heavy once her senses started to return, and he leaned up and put a gentle kiss on her lips. He moved his big body aside and dispensed with the protection before coming back to hold her.

  “I don’t know about you, but once wasn’t enough for me. What you bring out inside me isn’t anywhere close to burning out.”

  The smile on her face slowly faded as she burrowed against his neck so he wouldn't see her face. His words reminded her why they’d done this. Being with him had only whett
ed her appetite for him, and as she lay in the circle of his arms, she wondered if it would ever be sated. If being with him would ever stop feeling like it was meant to be.

  If she was smart, she would have told him that once had been enough for her and walked away with her heart intact. But she couldn’t do it, couldn’t lie to save herself from the hurt that was coming when she left at the end of the summer. The Pandora’s box of making love with him had been opened and with it there was the small spark of hope that this time with him would be different.

  10

  The night breeze drifted in through Logan’s open window, caressing his skin as he held Faith to him. If he'd thought that being with her tonight would purge her from his system, he was mistaken. Thirteen years ago she’d set his body on fire and tonight she’d incinerated it completely.

  He pressed a kiss to the top of her sleeping head and settled her in a little tighter to him. He should be moving her away, not bringing her in closer. There were more cons on the balance sheet of them being together than there were pros, but he couldn’t make himself let her go, at least not right now.

  He should have known he was in trouble when he got so worked up about her going out with Bill. He’d lain in wait for her and couldn’t help pouncing when she walked in the door. He was supposed to be tying himself to another woman, what business did he have being jealous of who she saw and where she went?

  She murmured and he stroked a soothing hand over her back. Her skin was so soft that he couldn’t keep his hands off it. He couldn’t move away from her, even though he knew that it would be the best thing for him, the best thing for his pack. And still he couldn’t make himself do it. He’d seen when she'd first confronted him about Connor how much his fleeing from the bed he’d shared with her had hurt her. She’d been prepared to give him a second chance for the sake of their son, and he couldn’t hurt her again. Connor was finally starting to warm up to him, and if he hurt his mother, Logan had no doubt that his boy would pick her over him.