Mistakes : A College Bully Romance

by Candace Wondrak

  There was no coming back for us. No me and him. Some mistakes weren’t meant to be forgiven or forgotten. I would not be that chick who got together with a guy who obviously hurt other people like it was nothing. Levi was no better than Dean.

  And Dean…ugh, don’t even get me started on that fuckboy. He needed to get a swift punch in the dick, and then some. Frankly, a dick punch wouldn’t be enough. There was no amount of pain that would ever right the wrongs that one had committed.

  Who knew college was as full of drama as high school? Here I used to think that once I started college, the cliques and all the useless shit that made up high school would be a thing of the past. But you know what? People didn’t change, and neither did the way they acted. There would always be dickwads out there; their faces just got a little more handsome with each passing day.

  I must’ve eventually dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I heard my door creak open, soft footsteps on the carpet as someone entered my room. “I’m surprised you’re back so early,” my mom’s voice filled the room, causing my aching head to pound even harder. “Do you want some breakfast?”

  Breakfast? It’d only been a few hours then. Shit, I really needed to close my eyes and go to sleep, get this growing migraine to head for the hills, and cleanse my brain of last night’s events.

  “No,” I muttered, not hungry. So unlike me, I knew, but the mere thought of stuffing food down my gullet made me want to puke. Or maybe that was just the stress mixed with the bit of alcohol I’d drank last night. I didn’t even drink that much, I didn’t think.

  Then again, clearly I wasn’t the best judge of things, so I supposed you should take that with a grain of salt.

  “Okay,” Mom spoke, sounding as if she didn’t really believe me. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me or your father know, okay?”

  Though she couldn’t see me, because I was still under the covers and refused to leave them, I rolled my eyes. I knew my way around the kitchen. I might not be a chef, I might barely know how to boil water, but hey, if I was that hungry, I’d find something. I didn’t need their help. The one thing I wanted right now was to be alone—was that too much to ask?

  My mom didn’t ask about last night, thank God. She didn’t linger to ask about Ash, either. My mom knew better. She simply left my room, gently closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, I let out a sigh.

  I had a feeling I’d be doing a lot of sighing these next few days…or until I forgave myself for what I did.

  Fuck that. Who needed forgiveness when self-loathing came so easily?

  Chapter Two – Levi

  This wasn’t the first time I’d made the walk across campus, heading to Kelsey’s dorm building. It was the first time, however, that I didn’t turn around sometime during the walk. I walked to her dorm late Friday night, which was stupid because I knew she wouldn’t be there. Saturday, I knew it would be a stretch for her to be home so soon, but I walked anyway—twice, turning around at the halfway point each time.

  Kelsey didn’t want to see me, that much was obvious, but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t let it be. I couldn’t let things go on like this. I might’ve held back before, kept the truth from her thinking it wouldn’t help, but now? Now I said fuck it to everything. What did any of it matter if I didn’t have her?

  It didn’t.

  Nothing mattered without Kelsey.

  It was bizarre of me to admit that, because a few months ago, the only thing on my mind was keeping to myself and getting through this last year at SCC before I transferred to a different college. Now? Now the last thing on my mind was transferring. I knew that had been the plan all throughout high school—my mom’s plan for me, really—but now I couldn’t even think about leaving this campus and not seeing Kelsey again.

  Maybe that’s why I hurt so much inside. This girl had caught me in her web, which was ridiculous in and of itself because no girl had ever even come close to catching me, and now I was helpless when it came to her. The thought of Kelsey not being in my life was one of the most awful thoughts I could think of.

  I needed her. I needed her like the air I breathed. She made my heart beat with meaning, with a purpose. I couldn’t let that go. Call me obsessive, call me insane, I didn’t care. I just couldn’t let that girl go, not while knowing she hated me for what I did, for what mess I dragged her into.

  It was midday on Sunday when I finally had the guts to make it all the way to her dorm, to walk through those front sliding doors and head straight to the elevator. I got on, punched the third-floor button, and let the doors close. She might not be home still, but she could be. There was a chance.

  Of course, I was aware that I could wait until Tuesday to see her, when we had our bio lab together, but I couldn’t imagine myself waiting that long. I couldn’t picture letting these strange, conflicted feelings drag out so long. I needed to make things right when it came to Kelsey. I needed her to know that everything I said to her, everything we did, wasn’t fake. None of it was a lie.

  And that…that’s probably why I felt so hollow inside. I’d given a piece of myself to that girl unknowingly, and she’d taken it, stomped on it, all out rejected it once everything came to light—which was much deserved. After that, though, she hadn’t returned the piece. She still had it, tucked away, and I needed her to know that I wasn’t going to give up.

  Levi Harlen did not ever give up.

  As the elevator doors opened and I walked off, I made a mental promise to myself that if she wasn’t back now, I’d try again tonight. And if she wasn’t back when I swung around tonight, then I’d camp out in front of her fucking door all day tomorrow until I saw her. She couldn’t avoid me forever.

  First, I knew, she’d have to come back to campus, so one step at a time.

  My legs drew me down the hall, stopping me in front of her door. My right hand curled into a fist, and I lifted it, about to knock. Hesitation coursed through me, and deep down I knew why. The most hidden, secret parts of me hesitated because I was afraid.

  Afraid of rejection. Afraid that, no matter what I did or what I said, Kelsey would never take me back. Absolutely terrified that she would look at me with such hatred and contempt that I didn’t know how I’d live with myself after.

  Stupid. I didn’t get afraid, especially when it came to a girl.

  But that’s the thing—Kelsey wasn’t just some girl. She was it, the only one I wanted, the only one I needed. She marked the end of the old Levi and brought about a new me. A me that wanted to try to be better. A me that actually cared more than my overconfident swagger would suggest.

  I heaved a giant breath, filling my lungs the exact moment I knocked.

  The door opened, but it wasn’t Kelsey standing on the other side. I’d known all weekend that this could happen, that I’d stand face-to-face with Mel again, but still I hoped to avoid it. Looking at her face, seeing her frown, made me remember the things I did to her, every lie I’d told her.

  Really, what I did with Mel was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life. I wasn’t proud of it, didn’t party it up with Sigma Chi the weeks after I broke her. How could I when I’d heard she had to drop out of her classes and go to rehab to be watched and, well, rehabilitated? At the time, Dean had acted like he didn’t even care, but I knew he did. He just drowned his feelings with booze and other girls. Me? I wasn’t like that. I could never be like that. I just wanted my time at SCC to be done.

  And then Kelsey came strolling along, fucking up my plans. Fucking up me.

  Mel looked pale when she saw me, her brown eyes narrowing and her lips turning into a frown. Her slender frame wore her usual leggings, and a long t-shirt that practically ended near her knees. She didn’t look healthy; her short blonde hair sticking every which way. With one hand on the doorknob, the other on the door frame, she eyed me up. “She’s not here, Levi.” The way she said my name, as if it was acid, almost made me flinch.

  It would have, if I wasn’t expecting her to t
ake a tone like that. I deserved her hatred and more. What happened last year, I blamed Sigma Chi and Dean, but in the end, it was me who went along with it, me who agreed to do it. I held as much blame as the rest of them.

  Fucking Dean had just wanted to break her after she left him, punish her in some sick, twisted way, and he’d gotten his wish. He got his wish, and then he immediately regretted it, not like he would ever admit it, though.

  I should just walk away, but I didn’t. I asked, “Do you know when she’ll be back?”

  “No,” Mel muttered. Her short nails practically dug into the wooden door frame, the look on her face deadly. “But I imagine it’ll be either today or tomorrow. You do know why she left, don’t you?”

  My jaw remained clamped shut.

  “She left to make herself forget you,” Mel whispered. “I hope it worked.” The words were meant to sting, and they did. Oh, they stung harder than anything else she could’ve said.

  The last thing I wanted Kelsey to do was forget me, even if it was what was best for her. “Mel, I—” Again, I was going to apologize to her, but I knew no apology I said now could ever right the wrongs I’d done to this girl. She was the reason Kelsey refused to look at me. She was taking her friend’s side over mine, which I could respect.

  I could respect it, but also hate it at the same time.

  “Don’t bother,” Mel said. “Just go, Levi. Just go.” She shut the door in my face, not hard, but firmly enough to tell me I was not welcome here.

  I stared at the shut door for a minute more, my hands curling into fists at my sides. There was no point in lingering, no point in staying here, not while I was so upset, so lost.

  Lost. I was lost without Kelsey, and I hated it.

  I headed down the hall, returning to the elevator landing and practically punching the down button to call the elevator back. Within a few moments it returned, and I resisted my urge to punch any walls as I got on—I probably would have, if the elevator didn’t already have three other SCC students on it.

  The other students refused to meet my eyes when I got on, and I wondered if that was because I looked like I could kill, or if they’d seen the video of me and Kelsey. It had spread like wildfire, which must’ve taken some planning on Dean’s part, because not everyone on a college campus knew each other. It wasn’t like high school.

  The elevator was silent on its way down, and I was the first one out, the first to leave the building. The sky above was almost too bright, too happy and sunny, considering how awful everything was. The wind was gentle and cool, but the weather was starting to change. I didn’t wear a jacket, but that was because I wanted to suffer.

  As if making myself suffer would make me a better person. A better man.

  There were no good men anymore, and if there were, they weren’t on this campus.

  I went back to the house, which sat on the other edge of campus, away from the buildings where the classes were held. The Greek houses were near each other, their Greek letters plastered on the fronts of the houses, along with signs stuck in the dirt before them. The area seemed quiet now, but it’s where most of SCC’s parties were held, as the regular dorms were not allowed to house such festivities.

  Technically, the Greek houses weren’t either, but did that ever stop anyone? No, no it didn’t.

  When I pushed into the house, I immediately went towards the stairs, wanting to go up to my room and not speak to anyone, but the moment my foot hit the first step, someone called out to me. Someone said something they shouldn’t.

  Dean was in the living room with a few other guys. His black hair was styled in a fauxhawk, his brown eyes as soulless as he was. “Levi,” he called out to me the moment I walked in the house, “where’d you go? Stop by your girlfriend’s place?” He laughed, and the other guys near him chuckled as well. “Does she still let you between her legs? I’m kind of surprised, after everything you did—”

  My feet did not take me up the stairs; they froze right where they were at, and I was measured in pulling away from the stairwell, even more measured in walking into the living room.

  Dean got to his feet, cocking his head as he studied me. “Though maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. Kelsey seems like the kind of girl who can never get enough—”

  Out of all of the things Dean could’ve said in that moment, that was precisely the worst possible thing.

  My blood instantly turned into a boil, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn’t blink. No hesitation whatsoever in my body as I walked right into the living room, met Dean’s cocky figure, and slammed a fist right into his jaw. The punch was so hard and so fast, Dean couldn’t prepare himself for the impact. He stumbled back, grimacing, and as the other guys in the room got to their feet, I decided to hit him again.

  Why not? He egged on the beast; it was only fair that he was on the receiving end of its wrath, wasn’t it?

  The second blow connected with his nose, and it was as my fist collided with his face that I heard a crack of cartilage. I was not able to get a third blow in, because the other guys had gotten in between us, pulling us apart. Two of them held me back, and a few others held Dean back, stopping him from retaliating.

  “What the fuck, man?” Dean spat out, trying to shrug off the guys around him. His nose was already bleeding…and it looked a bit crooked.

  “Don’t fucking talk about her like that again,” I warned, “or this’ll be nothing compared to what I’ll do to you.” I threw the two guys holding me back glares, and I jerked out of their hands, pushing past them to hike up the stairs, taking two at a time.

  “You’re dead, Levi!” Dean called out to me, though he sounded pained. “You’re fucking dead!”

  Go ahead, I wanted to tell him, try it. What else could Dean have in store for me? It wasn’t nearly as bad as what I wanted to do to him. I hoped his nose swelled. I hoped he looked like a fucking ogre for weeks and that it never healed right. Saying that about Kelsey…he got what he deserved, and I didn’t feel even a pinch bad about it.

  Dean was an idiot. Why? A lot of reasons, most of them plainly obvious.

  But something Dean neglected to realize was that a man was never more dangerous than when he didn’t have anything to lose. Me? I’d already lost Kelsey, though I wanted to get her back. Getting her back seemed to grow more impossible as the hours wore on.

  When I reached my room, I slammed the door shut, plopping myself down on my bed, sitting on its edge, my back hunched over. My hands were still fists, my right one a bit sore from the hard punches I’d landed on Dean. I needed to cool down, to not let my anger get the best of me. It was hard for me to remember how things used to be, how carefree I was about everything. It would be impossible for me to focus on grades and grades alone this year. Not with Kelsey, not with Dean.

  This year…this year was going to end with a bang. Dean was going to get his. I just had to play my cards right. No more fights, unfortunately.

  That…that was going to be a tough one.

  Chapter Three – Kelsey

  Dad didn’t say much during the drive back to Hillcrest. I sat with my head off to the side, staring out of the window, watching the scenery roll by. I had to wear sunglasses, as the evening sun made everything just a bit too bright. Too happy. Too orange and yellow and just gross, honestly.

  Ugh. Who even liked the colors yellow and orange? They were much too bright, too happy. Those colors were all the annoying things in life, but in color form.

  My backpack sat on my lap, my arms wrapped around it. I hadn’t brought much home, just my Halloween outfit—which I’d finally changed out of before leaving the house to come back here. I hoped Ash was doing all right. I hoped she didn’t make a huge mistake like me by sleeping with whatever guy she went home with.

  Clearly, it hadn’t been any one of her guys. It was with someone else. Ash didn’t deserve that. I hoped my spiraling didn’t affect her, but I knew it probably had. Just made me feel like an even worse friend, really.

  It
was great, I knew.

  “So how’s Ash doing at Hillcrest?” My dad broke the silence of the car, tossing me a quick look as he made a right turn. “Is she keeping up with her classes? I hear private institutions have more rigorous academics—”

  My dad, trying to act normal, trying to act like everything wasn’t changing. It was. He and Mom were getting divorced, and Ash and I probably weren’t even friends after what I did. I hated it. I hated it so much.

  “Ash is fine,” I cut in, mumbling my answer without looking at him, hoping, praying he got the hint and would stop talking about her. I was trying not to wallow, not to cry, and my dad bringing my best friend up—who I’d so recently just fucked over—was not helping me one bit.

  Honestly? I wished he would stop talking.

  Even more honestly? I wished I could hit the rewind button and go back to when everything was simpler. I didn’t want to relive high school, but at this point, I so would.

  Dad didn’t get the hint, but at least he stopped talking about Ash when he said, “You doing okay, kiddo?” His voice softened; I’d taken some Tylenol earlier, so my head didn’t hurt as much, but a low, steady throbbing remained. “I know a lot of things have been changing for you, and I hope you know that no matter what happens between your mom and me, I’ll always love you, Kelsey. I’ll always be here for you, ready to listen whenever you need me.”

  I closed my eyes. “Could we not have a heart-to-heart right now?” I muttered, frowning to myself.

  “You got it,” Dad said, but I could tell he was kind of hurt. Oh, well. I hurt everyone around me, what was one more to the pile? It clearly was not healthy to spend any extended periods of time with me.