Damaged Goods

by Dane, Cynthia

  “I’m sorry you were led here under false pretenses,” Genevieve said to Sylvia. “But I made my son promise to not tell you why I had invited you here. It’s quite a delicate matter, and we can’t risk anything getting out.”

  You mean how like I was bugged before? Sylvia nodded, her throat almost too dry to speak. “I understand. Well, I don’t. I have no idea what’s going on… but I can guess that this has to do with your investigation into Alexander Sheen.”

  “Yes.” Genevieve leaned back in her seat with the posture of a law enforcement commander. Her clothing and hairstyle was expensive-housewife-chic, but it couldn’t hide who she really was inside. “We’ve had some time sensitive information shared with us. Information we would like to share with you, but only if you agree to help us.”

  “Well that doesn’t tell me a lot.” Was this why Joseph had been so antsy tonight? Sylvia looked at him now, imploring him to tell her something, anything. “You guys are scaring me.”

  Joseph placed his hand on her knee. With a gentle squeeze, Sylvia was almost assuaged. Until she saw Genevieve looking at them, anyway. How could any woman feel comfortable beneath a potential mother-in-law’s gaze like that? “We don’t ask anything of you lightly, Sylv,” Joseph said. “But you’re one of our best shots at the moment.”

  She closed her eyes, throat also giving up. “You want me to go undercover, don’t you?”

  Another squeeze to her knee. As if she didn’t know what that meant.

  “Yes,” Genevieve said. “Tomorrow. You need to call Sheen tonight. Joseph told me that he gave you a direct line to his personal phone. We’re hoping that it still works.”

  “Hey.” Joseph took her by the shoulders and turned her toward him. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. You won’t be alone, but you’ll be saving a lot of lives.” He opened her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

  No pressure, huh?

  ***

  Sylvia sat on the edge of Joseph’s bed, staring out the window in the hopes that a clear answer would form. The questions she asked the universe right now did not sit well with her.

  “You’re so gorgeous tonight.” Joseph sat next to her, letting the bed sink beneath his added weight. Smooth fingers pinched her chin in an attempt to get her to look at him. “I didn’t have the chance to tell you earlier. Also, I think my mother and her boyfriend like you. They’re just not good at showing it.”

  Sylvia shivered. She still wore Joseph’s jacket, and yet it wasn’t enough to keep out the chill nipping at her bones. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you made me call that man, and now I’m going to have to go see him again.”

  Joseph sat back. “You didn’t have to agree.”

  “Y’all didn’t give me much choice, did you?” Sylvia couldn’t bear to look at him. “You made a compelling argument that I couldn’t debate. I’m the only one who can contact him without raising too much suspicion.” “Hello, Alex. Remember me? Guess who’s a free agent now? A little birdie told me that you’re going to be in town soon. I’d love to see you.” Years of bullshitting men was what allowed Sylvia to say that in the silkiest voice she commanded. Now, if only she actually felt that confident inside.

  This wasn’t a simple undercover mission anymore. Alexander was one of the nastiest men she had ever met. He was scared right now. Who knew why he agreed to meet with her in his burner office tomorrow? Maybe he wanted sex. Maybe he wanted to hurt her. Ah, yes, he tried to do that to me. Like she could ever forget. For Genevieve… for Joseph… to ask her to go back in there… what a mess.

  But they were right. After they explained the facts to her, she could see it as well. It wasn’t about her and her panicky feelings. It was about saving the women he was currently ready to sell – and the women other people would try to sell in the future.

  Their lives rested on Sylvia’s shoulders. If she couldn’t get Alexander to give up the location of the truck or at least say, on recording, that he was a part of it, then it was all for naught. Then him forcing himself on me was for naught! What girl wanted to deal with that on her conscience for the rest of her life?

  “I appreciate it, Sylv.”

  She rounded on him with the speed of a woman liable to crash on her own face. “Don’t tell me that. You think I don’t know what I’m getting myself into? That man could kill me.”

  “And don’t tell me that. You think I don’t know that?”

  She pushed her face against his shoulder. “Tell me that you really do like me, baby.” Did that sound pathetic enough? I didn’t mean to say baby. I meant to say his name. Sylvia grabbed his red and black striped tie, playing with the angular ends in the hopes that he would see how nervous she was. Please acknowledge me. Oh my God…

  “Sylv,” he said, both arms wrapping around her. His nose bumped against the side of her head. “I’m not dating you out of convenience, if that’s what you’re asking. “Quite the opposite, my lovely.” Joseph’s lips danced up on her cheek, both relieving and absolutely infuriating. Don’t make me feel safe and coddled if all you intend to do is throw me off the cliff. “You’re smart and brave. I’m drawn to you because I want to know every part of you better than I already do. The thought of sending you in there tomorrow… I am forcing myself to not think about it. You think you’re frightened? I assure you that I’m not feeling great about it either. Your safety is my top priority, Sylv. If anything happens to you… fuck, I won’t be able to live with myself.”

  “Hearing that guy’s voice on my phone tonight gave me hives.” She wasn’t being hyperbolic. Sylvia thought she had put Sheen behind her. Permanently in the past. He wasn’t the first man to try forcing himself on her. As long as she didn’t have to see those men again, she could move on. It’s unfortunately a danger of my job. It was a danger for most women who simply existed, but Sylvia put herself at extra risk in her profession. Men literally thought they owned a gal once money was exchanged. Not you, Joseph. She hugged him, burying her face in his hard, strong chest. He had never paid her for anything, but he knew some of the darkest parts of her past. As tenuous as trust was in the beginning, she didn’t believe he ever thought less of her because of it. If anything, he was one of the few men she could openly talk about it with.

  “I know, love.” He kissed the top of her head. “Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. How about a bath? I never get to use my bathtub.”

  “Maybe later.” Sylvia tensed. “He scares me, Joseph. That man does terrible things to people. He wanted to do terrible things to me, whether I consented or not. He even knew that you were watching that final time. He didn’t care.”

  “He wanted to shake us. The man is a sociopath.”

  “You were shaken enough to come for me…”

  “Yes.” Joseph squeezed her so tightly that Sylvia could barely breathe. It forced her nose closer to his cologne, a dazzling mixture of pine and sandalwood. The man smelled so earthy that it managed to ground Sylvia for the slightest moment. I want him. Right now. Make me forget. Sylvia kissed his throat, holding onto the back of his neck as if he would turn away from her. “I wouldn’t be able to stomach letting that happen to anyone on my watch… let alone you. I already had feelings for you then. It was like watching… ah, I don’t want to say it.”

  Sylvia continued to kiss him, desperate for his warmth to pass her lips and enter her own body. “You were jealous that he was having me and you weren’t.”

  “What? How can you say it like that? Of course I was jealous that you would have sex with him. Do you think I wanted to watch? I felt awful the whole time. Just… just awful.”

  Such a way with words. Sylvia refused to let him go when he shifted back on his ass. That nice hard ass. Ugh. The more they spoke, the more Sylvia wanted to make love. It was the only way she knew how to properly distract herself when her head got like this. Having a boyfriend she was desperate to trust with this side of herself?

  I want to give in. I want to feel coddled and secured.
<
br />   I want to submit to the void.

  She never thought she would have those feelings again. Not since Maxwell managed to ruin them. The man had taken their most intimate moments and thrown them in her face. And Sebastian? BDSM was a means to an end. Pure kink for the sake of their sadomasochism. It was something they were expected to perform, and Sylvia had lots of experience after her previous life of a natural submissive. I don’t do that anymore. I don’t even like doing it for pay. Because they… they ruined it… She couldn’t be tied up without thinking of them. She couldn’t be spanked without wondering what pain would soon afflict her heart. She couldn’t even say the word sir without wanting to bust her head open against the floor. That Sylvia is dead. Long live new Sylvia, Queen of Cynicism and Despair. How Portland of her.

  “But he took it to a different extreme. I could hear the fear in your voice when you went along with him. The camera shook so badly because you were shaking. Jim was going to be sick.” When I gave the order for the other agents to go in with me, even Jim didn’t fight me, and he knew my mother would not be happy that we blew our covers.”

  Sylvia mangled the front of his shirt between her hands. “I didn’t really think about it at the time. I was scared, yeah, but I knew how to handle it, I guess. I was so detached that for a while I forgot it even happened.”

  “I’m sorry, Sylv. I’m glad it didn’t get worse.”

  “No, but it was almost there, and that was enough to fuck me up already.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I was doing my job.”

  Joseph pulled a clip out of her hair and let it fall from the back of her head. Hair that had frizzled in the humidity scraped her shoulders and shrouded her face. Both of Joseph’s hands played with it while she held back her tears. “That’s not a job worth doing, Sylv.”

  “I don’t mean that!” God, why did he have to bring it up like that? “I meant the undercover job. I couldn’t risk pissing him off. I was so close to getting him to spill more… well, I thought I was. If he knew he was being watched by you, then I doubt I would’ve gotten anything at all…”

  “Don’t do that to yourself.” Joseph pulled his tie out of her grasp and flipped it over his shoulder. “It’s over. He won’t touch you tomorrow. I won’t let him.”

  “What if he does?”

  “I said he won’t.”

  She wanted to believe him. Joseph spoke with such confidence that it was easy to believe everything he said. “You’ll be fine, my love. There will be a guardian angel with you. You can’t get away with a weapon, but your mind is your weapon. Your body is a weapon. I’ll make sure you come out of this operation safely.”

  God, she wanted to believe.

  “Thank you so much for doing this.” Joseph silenced his phone when it rang. But when it continued to ring in his trouser pocket, he was compelled to pull it out and see his father’s name flashing on the screen. “Ah, I have to take this. Think about what I can do to make you feel better, Sylv.” He held up his phone. “Hola, Pa. What is it? Did you find Reina?”

  Hm? Was there something wrong with Joseph’s sister?

  Sylvia curled up on her boyfriend’s bed while he took his call. Joseph paced in his living area, occasionally staring out the darkened windows in between speaking in clipped Spanish. I wish he wasn’t so good looking. How fair was it? A delectable man like that dressed like he was ready to go to a boardroom as opposed to a surveillance van? I remember when I only wanted men like that. Joseph’s posture and manner of dress harkened to those years when Sylvia wouldn’t be caught dead with a man who made less than half a million a year. She wanted a confidant man who knew his way around a tailored suit – she wanted to rip that suit off his body and make him feel like the most coveted man in the world.

  By the time Joseph hung up, Sylvia was already fantasizing about rubbing him through his trousers while nibbling the fuzz on his chin. Now that was a way to forget about her problems.

  “Fuck,” Joseph muttered, tossing his phone onto his nightstand. He stood by the bed, looking down upon his girlfriend with both desire and remorse in his dark eyes. All Sylvia could do was prop herself up on her arm and wait for him. “That was my father, if you couldn’t tell. My sister’s been unaccounted for since she left here Saturday afternoon.”

  “Oh, shit.” Sylvia sat up. “Any idea where she could be?”

  “No, and even I’m starting to get really worried.” Joseph looked off into the distance, hand rubbing his mouth in thought. “My father came into the station around noon today asking my mother for help. She said she would put out a call to patrolling officers, but nobody’s seen her as of the last time he called my mother. And my mother wouldn’t withhold information like that. So…”

  “So she’s really, really missing.”

  “Yeah.”

  Sylvia reached out to him. “Come here, baby. Sounds like we could both use each other tonight.”

  He lay next to her, fatigue and worry lining his beautiful face. He looks like someone’s father. Someone’s worrying father. Sylvia wanted to smile at that thought. Some of the hottest men she ever crushed on were fathers. Turned out that Maxwell was a father too! Two illegitimate daughters on either side of the country. Never thought it pertinent to tell me until I found out on my own. At least she didn’t have to worry about those kinds of secrets with Joseph.

  “If you could have anything tonight,” Sylvia said, palm on his chest, “what would it be?”

  His eyes rolled from the ceiling to her, the tiniest of smiles cracking that stoic countenance. “To be right here with you. I’m afraid I’m becoming addicted to spending my nights with you, and it’s only happened twice now.”

  “You’re nice to sleep with.” Joseph was an adamant cuddler. No matter how many times Sylvia shrugged out of his arms and attempted to carve some personal space in bed, Joseph was right there again, wrapping her up in his arms like a giant, protective cocoon. Wasn’t so bad when he wasn’t drooling on her neck. But the heavy, steady breaths in her ear were a nice, cozy touch. “You better let me sleep with you every night from here on out.”

  “I don’t know why I wouldn’t.”

  Sylvia loved the feeling of his face against her fingertips. When he was freshly shaved, the smoothness of his skin allowed her to traverse the dimples, the lines, and the unique ridges of his head without interruption. When, like now, he was in need of a shave, Sylvia delighted in the ticklish sensations rippling through her. Strange to think that either way he was the same exact man. He was also the same man whether he wore this suit, a T-shirt and jeans, or went completely nude. I want to devour every version of him. Sylvia wrapped her arm across his chest, tossed her leg over his thigh, and buried her face in the crook of his neck. His hand instantly began to play with her hair.

  “You know,” Sylvia began, fidgeting with his silk tie, “I’ve never been in a real relationship before. Not a healthy one. Either I was paid to be some guy’s girlfriend, or he ended up betraying me in some of the worst ways possible.” She couldn’t count her adolescent relationships as any realer than what she had with men like Sebastian. They may not have paid her for anything, but they were kids who didn’t know what they were doing or lacked the ability to look beyond themselves and what they wanted in the moment. “Maybe I don’t really know how to be in one.”

  “I highly doubt that.”

  “What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that you might be my first real relationship. That’s kinda scary for the both of us.”

  “I don’t even think about it.”

  Sylvia sat up. “Is that because you don’t take this seriously?”

  “Come on. How can you ask me that?” He boosted himself up on his elbows, his nose only two inches away from Sylvia’s. I can stare deep into his eyes like this. “You said so yourself. I don’t commit easily. I’m an emotional guy. I’ve got lofty dreams of having a small family. Why would I say that we’re in a relationship without taking it seriously
? I don’t have the patience for those sorts of games.”

  “Maybe I need the validation because you up and dumped me without a word?”

  “Christ.” Joseph collapsed again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many more times I can say it.” He searched for her hand on the bed. “I’m also sorry that you’ve had such bad luck. I don’t want you thinking I’ll be nothing but bad luck too.”

  Sylvia squeezed his hand back. “I’m scared about tomorrow.”

  “I know. I am too.”

  “You are?”

  Joseph sighed. “Suppose I shouldn’t admit that. There goes my backup Man Card.”

  “I’m glad that you feel you can admit that.”

  “I should be your source of unfounded confidence, though.”

  Was that a joke? Sylvia was going to laugh anyway.

  “That’s right, mi cosita. Appreciate my droll night-before-an-operation humor.”

  Sylvia stopped laughing. “What does that mean? That thing you said in Spanish.” Better not have insulted her…

  Joseph looked as if he hadn’t realized he said anything in Spanish. Man, what is that like? Sylvia had studied French since high school, but she never naturally threw French phrases out without purpose. Really, what was it like to be bilingual from childhood? Did joseph have to be conscious about how often he spoke Spanish, and to whom? Did he naturally speak in slang when he slipped into it, or did it start off polite, like people who learned it later in life often did?

  “It means my sweet little thing. I think. Never really thought about it. Something you call your girlfriend, that’s all.”

  “Ooh, what do I get to call you?”

  “I thought you were already calling me ‘baby.’” His grin was genuine for the first time in hours. Someone either loved being called baby or was putting up with it for her sake.