Undisclosed Desire (The Complete Box Set

by Falon Gold

  “Oh yes, preferably over dinner. I don’t know if that’s an option for you at this point, but you can still reach down inside you and offer her something that you can’t buy. Still might not do you any good, but it’s worth it.”

  “Shit! What if it’s not? If she doesn’t see I’m trying, and fall in love with me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “Then you walk away, Camron. There’s nothing else to do, and I can only hold you down and tell you what to do and not do until you feel better.”

  “Okay, what else is there?” At this point, I’m damn desperate, even after the tactics I’ve initiated.

  Amari has you by the gonads, man.

  “I’m assuming you’re going to try to make up for missing and dissing her birthday. Don’t have your secretary pick out Amari’s gift. Spending time to find what you think she likes goes over well if she hasn’t mentioned what she wants and you don’t already know. It’s the thought that counts to women... mostly. If she doesn’t like your choice, offer to take it back and get what she wants. She doesn’t have to be grateful for something she doesn’t want or need. It’s rare for them to throw jewelry back at you… or flowers… unless you’ve made them mad first. Save the trips to exotic locations for after you’ve slept with a woman, or she’ll think her body is what you’re after. No one wants to be used, rich or poor. Well, most people don’t. There’s exceptions to every rule, and you seem more than lucky in finding those that fit that category and settle for your short attention span.”

  “It’s not short when it comes to Amari,” I defend, “which isn’t doing me any good.”

  “Repercussions and consequences for your past, Camron. Deal with them in silence until they stop dealing with you. Oh, cars and more expensive places to live have to wait until you know her better, too.”

  “When did women get so complicated?”

  “When you chose to go after one that isn’t shallow. They’re looking for something in a significant other that what they can’t provide for themselves. I know you pay your people well, even if you do nothing else right, so Amari doesn’t need you flashing your money in her face when she has her own, just your good manners and behavior right now.”

  “I did manage to kiss her cheek before she threatened to call the cops on me,” I boast. I don’t know why I think that’s improvement with her either, but I do.

  He barks more laughter in my ear, shredding the little progress I think I’ve made. “You don’t steal kisses unless she’s staring at you with puppy eyes.”

  “Puppy what?”

  “Eyes, man. She’ll look hypnotized, and probably be staring at your mouth or deep into your eyes. You’ll know the look when you see it. You’ll feel it, and can’t help kissing her. If she slaps you, stop then give her some space. She’s still not ready, but you’ll have given her something to think about… that’s if it’s a good kiss for her.”

  “I can take a slap. She didn’t slap me though, and I’m a damn good kisser, Blake.”

  “I’m sure you are after all the practice you’ve had, but it’s not going to help you until she wants your mouth on hers, which she may not after watching you kiss other women with yours.”

  I huff, and brake for a red light, two miles away from my building. “Blake, it was more convenient to date at the office than drive all the way home to do it every night, or I’d have ogled Amari’s body like a pervert every day. That certainly would’ve made her uncomfortable and she would’ve quit on me sooner.”

  I should stop defending my past. He never sees anything I’ve done as rational.

  “How well did dating others instead of her work out for you, Camron?”

  “It didn’t. I apologized for it to Amari. Maybe she didn’t understand what I was apologizing for.”

  “No apology can fix what you’ve done every day in front of her. You still look like a sexual deviant to her, and she’s not going to be happy that you thought you were picking the lesser of two evils either. You should’ve picked her first, but I don’t think she’s not attracted to you, or she wouldn’t mention or care one way or the other about what you do with other women. You damn sure wouldn’t have gotten your lips anywhere near her. Right now, she’s probably having a severe case of principles and pride. You have to wait until they let her feel her attraction for you. They won’t ever let her be just another body in your bed like your other… dates.”

  For the first time, I feel the need to pray. It’ll start something like this: Jesus, what have I done?

  “So, what are my chances with her in your opinion, Blake?”

  “Next to none,” he says way too fast for my liking, but he’s right.

  I can sense it.

  “I’m not giving up on her.”

  “Camron, I don’t know if I could respect if you did, when you seem to love her so much, but you can’t manipulate her into your bed.”

  “No, just my life, where she should be. She shouldn’t have stolen my heart. I can tell it’s gone because it feels like there’s nothing in my chest. My life is nothing without her in it. Even when she’s hiding from me most of the time, I know she’s near, but I’m not content with that anymore. I need her with me, Blake.”

  “Trust me, I understand. Six months without Astrid was hell on earth. When she came back, things got worse before they got better for us, but she’d missed me and could barely keep her hands off me. So, I had something to look forward to while she learned to trust me again. Sometimes, walking away is the best thing for everyone. It gives old hurts time to heal. Fresh bad memories develop a haze. Clarity of feelings happen. I couldn’t tell her I loved her and would be what she needed in a man fast enough. When I did, she didn’t want to believe it, but I backed off every time she needed me to when I came on too strong. You’ll have to do the same, even when it feels like you’re ripping what’s left in your chest out. Amari has every right to turn down whatever it is of yours that you want her to have.”

  “That’s everything, Blake.”

  “I know, but you don’t want to be on the other end of a restraining order either.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Oh, there’s a judge that’ll grant one for her. You can’t have them all in your pocket.”

  “I do, in this city. Most of them are my investors who are friends with the rest, but she won’t get the chance to request an order of anything against me anyway.”

  “You covered all your bases, huh?”

  “Yep. You’d be amazed at what a private investigator who performs miracles when doing background checks, a good keyboard warrior, and a topnotch lawyer on payroll who can type a hundred words per minute can do.”

  “I already know. I worked in law enforcement, remember?”

  “How can I forget? You won’t let me.”

  “Nope, Camron, I’m not. If I find proof of the hacking you’ve had done into Amari’s life, I’ll have your ass arrested for it, too. I still have pull with law enforcement.”

  And can influence his woman who carries a real badge to do what he can’t. He didn’t need his blood family behind him to get the power he has either.

  “I believe you, Blake, but you won’t find anything. I keep around only the best.”

  “For as long as they let you keep them around, Camron. That’s what you have to get through your thick skull.”

  With anyone else, I could. Just not Amari. Not now anyway.

  “Maybe I will after she’s run over me with the car I intend to give her, and kills me. Her Hyundai can’t be safe.”

  “A compact car is certainly enough to stop you on this demented track you’re determined to go down. I’ll be sure to speak at your funeral.”

  “You might as well start the eulogy now. I’m dying inside without her.”

  “Slowly.”

  “God, yes.” I wrench my tie loose and sling it onto the passenger seat of my car.

  Blake sniggers. “You’ll be fine even if she doesn’t fall for you, cousin.”

/>   “Doesn’t feel like it.”

  “I know it doesn’t now, but you will. You got me and my family to support you.”

  The rest of the Powers wouldn’t even try to understand why I care so much for her, or why it’s getting worse the more I’m in Amari’s company. Hell, I don’t get the latter either. I swear the woman is a spell-casting witch.

  “Can you come sooner than two days then, Blake? Amari is going to come gunning for me the minute she realizes what I’ve done. She has a temper I didn’t know anything about. I should’ve called in some bodyguards first thing this morning.”

  Blake howls his hilarity into the phone. I remove it from my ear until he’s done.

  “Sorry, Camron. I’m not laughing at you but with you. Use some of those martial arts you’ve been practicing since birth to defend yourself, and nope, I can’t come any sooner. The resort’s construction crew is missing in action again. I’ve been taking bids all day from others and starting a lawsuit against the one I’m about to fire for breach of contract. They’ll never work in this state again… Oh God, I sound like a true Powers already.” Ashley may be converting her son anyway, and he’s panicking.

  It’s my turn to laugh at his expense. “Repercussions and consequences for leaving me alone with my parents by myself. They ruined me.”

  “And now you know why I didn’t stick around every chance I got to break out of my childhood home.”

  “You should’ve took me with you. You know… I think I resent you for leaving me.”

  If he had taken me, a ring would already be on Amari’s finger by now, my son or daughter in her, except Blake was only six when he met the Owens in Colorado. He couldn’t take himself anywhere, let alone let me tag along all the way from Italy.

  “You don’t really blame me, Camron.”

  “No, I don’t, but I do blame myself for being gullible.”

  “You were a child. How were you going to stop them from filling your mind with what amounts to hatred for everyone not in a certain tax bracket? I’d be a Stepford replica of our family, too, if it wasn’t for the Owens showing me better. My parents put in as much effort as yours did to influence me with their nonsense.”

  “I can’t get away from what my parents taught me. It was so easy to fall back into my old ways with Amari.”

  “Your old ways didn’t develop overnight. They won’t go away that soon either. I’m not going to give up on you neither, Camron, so I have to tell you that it’s possible to find someone else to love as much as you do Amari.”

  “I don’t think so. I’d have found her by now.”

  “You only think that because you’ve been through so many women. There’s a hell of a lot more out here.”

  “I’ve been through enough to should have found at least one who can make me feel a tenth of the things Amari does. She’s it for me.”

  “And I won’t be the one to try and convince you otherwise, Camron. I found my girl, and I’m keeping her, no matter what anybody says, even if I have to sleep outside the house until she feels sorry enough to let me back in it.”

  Images of that play before my eyes. “I want pictures of that.”

  “Oh hell no. I’m not even going to tell you about it until she gives in to me or we both give up on the other completely.”

  “So, you understand why I’m doing what I must to keep Amari?”

  “I understand, just don’t approve. You could do more harm than good to you both.”

  “I’m going to take that chance, Blake.”

  He sighs. “Every man must make his decisions and live with the regrets if there’re any, Camron.”

  “I will.”

  “You’re going to, trust me. Now, my other line is beeping. I need to go, but I’ll get to New York as soon as I can.”

  “Bye, Blake. Let me know if you need any more weight to throw around for the resort.”

  “That’s a guarantee. See you later.” I hope he does.

  What I’ve done to Amari could make today my last if she goes postal when she finds me at the office later. And she’s coming in hot.

  ********

  ~Amari~

  After Mr. Powers vanishes, I shut the door back then lean against it, allowing my emotions and snippets of my last quarrel with him to run unchecked through me, along with the weird catch in my gut still present from his inspection of my body—he saw something he liked.

  And you’re pleased about it.

  Well, yeah! It’s hurt more to realize your well has run dry after you’ve found someone attractive just when you’ve lost them for good. I’m glad to be the instrument that teaches him everything in this world isn’t for his taking.

  Bull hockey. You wouldn’t be picking apart his words if you weren’t thrilled about him finding you good-looking enough to stare at, finally. You’d just be glad he’s gone, and you’re anything but that.

  Jesus, who’s side is my conscience on? If I wanted to admit I still found him attractive after everything he’s put me through, well, I’d just admit it to myself.

  You just did.

  Well… yeah… but I won’t become a part of the masses he’s slept with and thrown away, like he didn’t find what he was looking for in them.

  I can’t find fault with that reasoning.

  Happy I’ve found some harmony with myself again, I heave myself forward to finish preparing to leave. If I procrastinate any longer, the forty-five-minute trip will be two hours. I hate to drive as it is. Most of the other motorists are just as hazardous to my health as Mr. Powers is, turning their vehicles into two-ton weapons. He only needs his words and actions, which weigh more, and could leave me a shell of a person if they cut too deeply. That’s the very reason why I filed away whatever it is that draws me to him in the first place.

  It takes twenty minutes to pack and garb myself in black, skinny jeans with bleached stains, matching cropped vest, and a white, waist-length, high neck blouse. Around my neck, I drape a thin gold chain with a charm molded into my first initial. It falls into the sink, the rounded end spread too far apart to lock the hook into place. After meddling with both ends, I fasten it back around my body. It stays put.

  While putting on white leather boots, I try to recall the last time I dressed casually or had time to admire my slim waist, perky breasts, and way too curvy hips in the mirror hung across from my bed above the dresser.

  Too bad Camron hasn’t seen you this pretty since the day he hired you.

  Things might not have turned out any differently though. I was given a flashing warning that he didn’t carry himself like regular people when he called me a week later, at eight-thirty in the morning, and told me to show up for work by nine or I was fired. I ignored the sign, ecstatic to have a job right out of school, and I’ve been rushing to it almost every morning ever since, in whatever outfit I lay my eyes on first. I shop like that too. Don’t have time to browse usually. No more of that.

  I grin at my reflection, haul my overnight bag over my shoulder, and seize my purse and keys from the kitchen countertop. When I walk into the hallway, a gray-haired lady in yellow cardigan and slacks joins me, the same neighbor I was commanding to call the cops. I gauge her age around seventy. She smiles up at me on our path to the elevator. I palm the door pockets, so she can slowly walk in.

  “Thank you, neighbor. We haven’t met before, have we?” she asks with a wide smile.

  After pressing the button for the underground car garage, I slide in behind her already facing the reflective silver panels.

  “No, we haven’t met. I’ve been too busy to meet anyone. How are you?”

  She peers over her shoulder. “Well, slow down a little. Life will pass you by if you keep moving through it at the speed of the rat race, and I’m fine.”

  I nod respectfully to the wise woman.

  “I don’t want to get in your business, but I heard you shouting for a Mrs. Harrison to call the police on the gentleman who seemed to be bothering you. I didn’t know if you really wante
d the cops or not since no one by Mrs. Harrison lives on our floor. But I waited by the door with the phone in my hand just in case he got out of hand, and I should admit that I came out when you did so I could talk to you about it and introduce myself. If you ever need to call on a real person for real help, you just call my name. We single ladies need to stick together.” She turns sideways, and extends her hand to me, with a warm smile. “I’m Lucinda Mason and I live across the hall.”

  She reaches my shoulder, so she had to be standing on a chair to watch the entertainment Mr. Powers provided for her peephole. I take her short fingers in mine. They’re warm like her smile, and perhaps her heart. I need a kind, nosy neighbor with Mr. Powers running around free.

  “Hi, Miss Mason. I’m Amari Spencer. He’s my ex-boss who’s trying to get me to return to the hellhole he calls his business. I said no. He thinks otherwise. Next time, call the cops. He’s not a good man.”

  She snickers quietly, releasing my hand. “Call me Lucinda. Are you sure that’s all he wanted?”

  I hope she doesn’t think I’ve already slept with him. Her grin takes on a sly quality.

  She does think that. Oh, hell no!

  My hand begins waving around, as if I’m directing air traffic. All I want is to steer her in the right direction.

  “Hey, there’s never been anything but a working relationship between us. He just needs me to be at the helm of his life while he dates other people freely in front of me. I gave myself the axe yesterday. Now, he has to be an adult and run his own life. He’s not feeling that, as you could hear.”

  She takes both of my flailing hands into hers. “I perfectly understand that, Amari, but he wasn’t checking you out for nothing. That visit wasn’t all about your job either. Trust me.”

  “He thinks I’m furniture and a voyeur. He’s a bigot and a pig, and that’s just two of his endearing traits.”

  She chokes on air before freeing a husky giggle. “Most men are pigs until the right woman comes along and straightens them out. These days, sometimes, the right man has to come along. Whatever. I’m not judging.”