Beyond His Control
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JUSTIN DROVE HIMSELF and Ava back to the house after another couple of hours had passed. Even as the skies were breaking open with major spring thunderstorms, the tension in Carly’s house had lifted, food had been ordered and Justin’s entire body was weak from relief.When he got back inside his house, with Ava, the tension began to creep in again. And he didn’t even know where to begin. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed with Ava and not think about anything else.
But if he didn’t get this sorted out now, he was never going to get any relief at all. “You did really great tonight—with Carly,” he started as Ava kicked her wet shoes off and pulled her hair out of the ponytail so it tumbled over her shoulders.
“Only with Carly?”
He sighed. “That’s not what I meant. Look, like I said earlier, I don’t even know why you’re really here. All I know is that you’ve moved into my house while I was gone and I’m not sure how real any of this is.”
“When you saved me—back at the hotel with Agent Harris—you didn’t give me a chance to explain.”
“I didn’t need to wait around for the inevitable. Can we please not go over this again? It nearly killed me the first time.”
“You know I love you.”
“You’ve said yourself that you don’t want this kind of life.”
“I didn’t.”
“And I’m supposed to believe now that you do?”
“Now I believe that if I want to be with you, I might have to concede a few things.”
He stared at her. “Will the real Ava Turkowski please stand up?”
“The DEA’s offered me a position in their legal department. I wouldn’t be trying cases—my name and face would be kept out of the public eye—but I’d get to work on them, ones like O’Rourke’s. From behind the scenes,” she said. “For me, it was never about being in the spotlight. It was about doing the right thing.”
“Yeah, well, I always knew that.”
“I know you did. You’ve always known me better than anyone else. The same way I know you better than anyone.”
“Ava, what are you doing?”
She shrugged. “I guess I’m saving you.”
Dammit. That was exactly what she’d done tonight. “So, you’ll be working for the DEA?” he asked in an attempt to shift the subject.
“In the office,” she amended. “It’s not like I’ll be out in the field.”
He started muttering to himself, and looked around at the stuff she’d brought into his kitchen, into his life, and clenched his fists. “Is that a surfboard by the fridge?”
“Yes—it’s mine.”
“Since when do you surf?”
“Since Carly taught me. It’s very Zenlike. Did you know that there are a lot of women on base who need low-cost legal advice?” she asked.
“How long have you been here?” he asked.
She glanced toward the stuff that had piled up in his absence. “I’m sorry, Justin. I can move all of it…”
“No, don’t bother,” he said. “It’s just that…it kind of looks like a home in here. At last.”
He almost relented. Almost. The way Ava gazed at him, her green eyes clear and calm, infuriatingly so, as if she knew she’d won the battle and complete victory couldn’t be far behind. But he wasn’t that easy of a sell.
“You’re not totally safe that way, with the DEA,” he told her.
“Neither are you.”
“Ava…look, I get it. I love it that you’re trying this, meeting with the other guys’ wives and girlfriends, trying to get a feeling for all this. But you already know what it’s like. You’ve lived through more nights like tonight with your dad than you want to remember.”
“I’d forgotten how much good times there are, too. I’d forgotten about the good things, Justin. I’m not going to do that again.”
“It’s just because this is all new.”
“That’s not why and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything anymore!” he roared. He kicked the table and then each chair and felt only marginally better. He walked outside, into the pouring rain and stood there. He let it wash over him, drench him. Calm him.
He was still fighting but he didn’t know what he was fighting anymore. Or why. And when Ava’s arms came around his chest from behind he knew that fighting was no longer the answer.
Believing was. And he did believe that Ava loved him. Knew it deep in his heart. Always had.
He turned around to face her. The rain was coming down harder by the second and they were both soaked to the skin.
“I didn’t want you to feel trapped,” she said. “That’s all. I wanted you to be free to make your own choice.”
“If I asked you to marry me, would you? Would you have done it back then, if the thing with Gina had never happened? Better yet, would you do it now?” he asked, and then he traced her bottom lip with his thumb. She looked so serious, so beautiful. “I don’t expect—don’t want your answer now. I just want you to think about it. About the future. About us.”
“I think I can do that.”
“Good.”
“I mean, I think I could marry you.”
He forced a smile. “Ava, when I marry you—and I will marry you—make no mistake about that, you won’t need to think at all. You’ll feel it. It might take another nine years before everything aligns in the right way for us, but I have no doubt it will.”
“Justin—”
“I leave again. Day after tomorrow.”
“Oh,” she said. “Oh.”
A long silence stretched between them.
“So, do you want to marry me before you go, or wait until you get back?” she asked matter-of-factly, and he couldn’t suppress his laugh. Ava had never failed to surprise him and that was exactly the way he liked it.
“I want to marry you before I go.”
“Then let’s make it happen. We can find a justice of the peace and wake him or her up.”
“Why don’t we let him or her sleep and we get married first thing in the morning? Because there’s something I need to do first.” He scooped her into his arms and walked inside, down the small hallway to the bedroom.
He didn’t stop until he’d put her on the bed and she was helping him strip his wet clothes off while he did the same for her. They were both slippery, slick skin on skin and yes, there was no reason to fight.
His mouth came down on hers, a hard claim. She responded in kind, pressed her body to his so tightly, as if she was never going to let go.
He pulled away from her in order to put his mouth to work in other places. Ones he’d been dreaming about during the free time he’d had over the last three weeks when he wasn’t viciously pushing thoughts of her from his head so that he’d be able to do his job.
He kissed up and down her body. Twice. Spent time worshipping her breasts and between her thighs and every other place while she called his name in that breathy voice he loved.
And when he rocked inside of her, he was calling out her name and knew there was no place he’d rather be.
“Did you miss me?” he murmured against her ear once he’d recovered.
“Yes. But you were there the whole time,” she whispered. “I dreamed about you every single night. Woke up hugging my pillow.”
“I will always be with you. I am—I am always with you.”
“As I am with you, Justin.”
He stroked her hair tenderly. “I love you, Ava. Always have…”
“Always will,” she finished for him. “Always.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-1362-7BEYOND HIS CONTROL
Copyright © 2008 by Stephanie Tyler.
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