Squared Away

by Annabeth Albert

  “No,” Isaiah groaned. “But close.”

  “Better let you get to your own bed.” Mark sounded reluctant as he moved off Isaiah.

  “I wouldn’t mind sleeping next to you,” Isaiah admitted, sitting up. “Not as a sex thing. Just because you feel so good.”

  “Maybe sometime.” Mark’s tone was thoughtful. “This bed is maybe a little small.”

  “Mine’s a queen. And we’ve got time to try it.” Isaiah reached out and touched Mark’s face. “I’m in no rush.”

  That got a little smile from Mark, one that warmed Isaiah’s insides like a warm brownie.

  “Can I... I want to kiss you good-night,” Mark said in a rush.

  “Of course.” Isaiah leaned closer but let Mark be the one to initiate. It was achingly sweet, the way Mark took his time. They kissed without tongue for a good long while before Mark deepened the kiss, exploring Isaiah’s mouth with increasingly confident motions. Isaiah moaned as Mark went back to nibbling his lower lip.

  Pulling back slightly, eyes glassy and dark, Mark asked, “Did you mean what you said the other night? That you can come just from kissing?” Mark sounded more curious than eager.

  “That and some grinding, like what we were doing on the couch.” Isaiah reluctantly pulled away. “But not tonight. Let’s take this slow. We’ll get there.”

  Mark nodded, confirming Isaiah’s intuition that he wasn’t quite ready. “Thanks.” He gave him another quick kiss. “This was really nice.”

  “Hey, that’s my line. I just lay here. You did all the work.” Grinning at him, Isaiah stood up.

  “Night, Mark.” He grabbed the baby monitor from the top of the dresser and let the door close behind him. He needed out of there before he was tempted by more kissing. Mark wasn’t ready. Hell, Isaiah wasn’t ready either. He meant it about slow. If Mark’s previous experiences with sex had been mainly negative, Isaiah wanted to be damn sure things between them would be different for him, that Mark would feel the kind of connection he needed.

  You’re playing with fire. Yeah, he knew that. Looking to become more bonded to the one guy capable of turning his heart to ash wasn’t exactly smart. But he still wanted it with Mark, wanted to be the person Mark needed.

  * * *

  “The girls say you do better stories,” Isaiah reported as he came downstairs from getting the kids settled for nap time. With their fitful nighttime sleeping, they both needed their naps, although Daphne had tried the “Mommy wouldn’t make me nap” point of attack, which just made Isaiah’s bones weary, made him look more forward to the break from kid duty and to some adult time with Mark. He’d left Mark cleaning up lunch in the kitchen. They were getting better at sharing tasks, figuring out what they were good at. Like Isaiah was the better cook, but Mark could outclean a professional crew.

  “They just like the voices. Easy audience.” Mark had moved from the now-sparkling kitchen to the family room couch where he’d laid out rows of playing cards in front of him.

  “Dude. You do know there’s like hundreds of apps for that on your phone or tablet.” Isaiah couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen someone with real, paper playing cards.

  “You think there’s unlimited data and charging stations in all the places I get to? I can go weeks without my phone.” Mark continued setting up his solitaire game. “Cards are great. Cards I can play by myself or with a group. And if a deck gets bloody or muddy or lost, it’s like two bucks to get a new one, which you can buy in all sorts of out-of-the-way places. Heck, I’ve even traded decks or bribed local kids with them.”

  “That’s really cool.” Isaiah liked picturing Mark out on a mission, playing with his buddies, collecting decks in other languages. “Aunt Cecily likes cards. Taught Cal and me how to play rummy and spades and other games. I should see if there are decks for the sight-impaired.”

  “You should. Anything you can do to keep her involved is probably good right now.” Mark scooped up the cards, apparently unhappy with his deal. He shuffled like a Vegas card shark, snapping the cards in a perfect arc. “It’s good to have something to do with restless energy.”

  “Can’t wait to get back to duty?” He’d never tell Mark but he was a little sad, knowing their time of being together with the kids was coming to an end soon. They made a good team, even if Mark would never admit it.

  “Yeah. Something like that. I don’t deal well with downtime.” Mark began dealing but instead of solitaire, dealt two hands of cards. “Round of speed before you go back to the yard?”

  “You’re on.” Scooping up the cards, Isaiah took a seat opposite him. He’d been working in the yard every chance he got, getting new plantings in, removing the pointy and dated brick borders and replacing them with a cleaner, more modern look, and constructing raised beds.

  “What do you and your buddies usually play? Poker?”

  “If there’s a group of us, yeah. There’s a lot of hurry-up-and-wait in the military, so that’s always popular when we’re all hanging around waiting for orders to come down. And we’re not supposed to play for money, but some guys like playing for favors or getting out of tasks, that sort of thing.”

  Mark easily won the first round, making Isaiah laugh. “I’m betting you clean up in the favor department.”

  “Sometimes. I don’t really mind a lot of the tasks that other guys hate like cleaning or polishing stuff.” Mark shrugged as he did the show-stopping shuffle thing again.

  “I’ll play you for the next two days of diaper duty,” Isaiah joked.

  “Sure.” Mark was slower that round, more deliberate.

  “Are you trying to lose?”

  “No, of course not.” His neck flushed pink. He totally was. Damn. Why did he have to be such a nice guy?

  “Liar.” Isaiah collected the win anyway. “But now let’s play for something you actually want. What do you want if you win the next hand?”

  Mark’s blush darkened. “Wanna play for a kiss?”

  “Fold.” Isaiah put his hand down. “Unless you want to see me try to lose spectacularly?”

  “I take it that’s a yes?”

  “It’s always going to be a yes for more kissing.” Isaiah scooted closer. They’d done the massage and good-night kiss routine a few more times, but he was careful to not press for it, to let it be Mark’s idea.

  Mark gave him a fast but still electric kiss. “I was thinking about this when I was helping you outside earlier. It’s crazy how much I like touching and kissing you.”

  “I love touching you too.” Isaiah trailed his fingers down Mark’s cheek. “You haven’t had that before?”

  “Not really. I’ve had a lot of kisses that felt like getting my earlobe chewed by a cat or trying to kiss a salmon. Not awful but not ‘can’t wait to do it again’ either. Had some kisses I liked, but right as I was getting comfortable, the other person would try to take it to the next level. And that was always a disaster.”

  “Even with your friend? The other medic?”

  Mark shrugged and looked away. “He got huffy when I didn’t want to get naked after a few kisses. Called me a closet case.”

  “I’m sorry.” Isaiah patted his leg, not sure what else to say. “You’re a great guy. You deserve all the good kisses—no fish or earlobe chewing allowed. And you deserve to go at your own pace. Always.”

  “I feel guilty. Like I should be doing something more for you...”

  “Hey now. I’m getting amazing kisses from a hot-as-fuck guy who also likes to massage me until I’m a pile of limp lettuce. Trust me. I’m not getting a shabby deal here. At all.” If anything, Isaiah felt guilty for how very much he was enjoying all this. “And add in yard work help and cleaning? Man, you’d be a lot of people’s idea of a dream date.”

  “Good.” Mark leaned in for another, softer kiss. “Because I really like doing this.”

  “
Me too.” Isaiah tried to calm the thumping of his heart. Careful, he warned himself even as his long-comatose hope monster hefted itself up and did a dance. He couldn’t afford to go falling for Mark again, yet with each kiss, each tentative touch, he could feel his grip on his resolve weakening.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “We’re out of everything.” Isaiah sighed dramatically as he dished up lunch. Mark was really coming to enjoy how big Isaiah’s emotions were, even about things like shopping. “But no way do I want to take the kids at nap time. That was a disaster last time. Maybe you could go?”

  “I hate shopping,” Mark admitted. “Besides, you’ve been needing a break from the kids.” He still hadn’t listened to Mark about taking time to see his friends, other than doing a playdate with his friend Dylan and the twins a few times. “Go. Shop. Get a tea or something while you’re out. Then we’ll make dinner together.”

  “You sure you can handle all three kids? And nap time?” Isaiah didn’t sound at all sure, which only made Mark that much more determined to show him he could do this.

  “Yup. I’m starting the instructor gig in a few days. You better use me while you have me.” He winked at Isaiah. Was this flirting, trying to refer back to their massage and good-night kisses routine? He hoped Isaiah got the message that he wouldn’t mind doing it tonight. In fact, he’d come to kind of look forward to it the past several days.

  Isaiah’s pulled muscle was probably almost healed, but neither of them mentioned that when Mark would shoo him toward the tub. Then he’d give him a massage, trying more of the techniques he’d read about, experimenting with things like lotion and shiatsu. And then the best part was the good-night kissing, which had gone on longer the past few times. Isaiah hadn’t pressed for more, which made Mark relax and enjoy it more than he ever had before. He was starting to get more and more curious about what it might be like to share orgasms, what Isaiah might look like when he came, what he’d sound like, whether he’d call Mark’s name in that deep, broken voice he got when he was turned on.

  Last night, Mark had jerked off for the first time in a long time, thinking about that, remembering their kisses, wondering whether Isaiah was jerking off back in his room too. But right now he couldn’t be thinking about sex. He needed to get Isaiah out of the house.

  “Go.” He handed Isaiah his sandals. “Get meat. And ice cream.”

  “And diapers.” Isaiah laughed on his way to the foyer. “Glamorous life we lead.”

  I like it. Grief was still a real and omnipresent thing, but Mark was surprised by how much he’d enjoyed the past week, settling into a routine, hanging with Isaiah and the kids.

  “Maybe later we can watch that movie.” Out of sight of the kids, Mark gave in to the impulse and gave Isaiah a fast kiss.

  “Oh yeah.” Isaiah’s hooded eyes promised way more kissing, and Mark liked the giddy flip his stomach gave.

  After Isaiah left, he cleaned up the lunch leftovers from the kids, then herded them upstairs for rest time. They were wilder than usual, running in circles, wanting stacks of stories while they bounced on their beds.

  “How about you look at books while I get Liam down,” he suggested when it became rapidly apparent that no sleeping was imminent. He’d read every Sandra Boynton book they owned. Twice.

  “I’m too big for a nap,” Daphne complained for the hundredth time.

  “Fine. You can still read though, consider it quiet time. Let Zoe sleep though.”

  He turned his attention to Liam, who had been fussy most of the day. But nothing worked. He refused his bottle. He beat his little fists on Mark’s back when Mark tried the carrier. He cried heart-rending howls when set in the crib. He seemed somewhat happy in the rocking chair or when Mark paced with him, but had fresh cries whenever Mark stopped.

  “We done napping!” Zoe marched into Liam’s room wearing an elephant mask, a tutu, and a pair of Isaiah’s shoes.

  “Did you sleep?” Mark asked even though he could tell the answer to that question.

  “Not tired,” she said, rubbing her face.

  “I did a tattoo!” Daphne was next, covered in marker, everywhere except her still-healing scar. “Just like the lady at the beach.”

  “I see.” Balancing a still-fussing Liam, Mark got her in the bath. Zoe wanted a snack, but he wasn’t sure about leaving Daphne in the tub. So he ended up pacing back and forth, bouncing Liam, while Zoe moaned about how hungry she was, and Daphne took her sweet time getting clean.

  Finally, he got her dry, Zoe fed, and Liam reasonably calm. Man. He’d hiked mountains, rappelled down the side of ships, and jumped out of more planes than he could count, but nothing had prepared him for how hard it could be juggling three kids.

  “How’d it go?” Isaiah came in right as he was close to his breaking point of calling Bacon or someone else for backup, because as soon as Mark had one kid happy the next one needed something.

  “Oh fine. We’re good.” Mark helped him with the bags of food, never happier to see another adult human in his life.

  “Liar.” Isaiah leaned in for a fast peck. “You look awful. Let me guess. No one slept?”

  “No one slept. And something’s wrong with the baby.”

  “He’s broken?” Isaiah laughed.

  “I took his vitals—no fever, no congestion other than a lot of drool, but he’s fussy as all get out and nothing’s making him happy.”

  “Teething. Crap. I think there’s a teething ring for him in the back of the fridge.” Sure, Isaiah knew immediately what Mark with all his medical training hadn’t been able to suss out. “Let me take over for a while. You need a break. And later, it’s your turn for a shower or long bath and massage, if you want. You’ve earned it.”

  “You want to massage me?”

  “Sure.” Isaiah came up with the teething ring from the fridge, triumphant. “Only if you want it though. It’s relaxing and it looks like you’ve been through the ringer. Let me handle dinner and you chill. And you can think about the massage, tell me later.”

  Mark did think about it, all through his run and workout, all through dinner, and finally Isaiah shoved him in the direction of the bathroom. “Go. Get your relaxation on. I’ll be picking out a movie.”

  He was half-hard in the shower, thinking about Isaiah’s hands on him, thinking about more kisses. Yeah. He could get into the idea of a massage. To that end, after a nice steamy shower, he put on shorts but no shirt and headed to the family room where Isaiah was scrolling through movie previews on the big screen TV. His hair was damp, and like Mark, he was shirtless in pajama bottoms.

  “Sit.” Isaiah indicated a cushion on the floor in front of where he sat on the couch. “If you want me to rub your shoulders, this is going to be best. You’re too tall otherwise.”

  “What are we watching?” Mark took a seat, stomach feeling like a boat caught at high tide.

  “Well, you know me by now. I want that new zombie movie.” Isaiah did love scary movies, far more than Mark. “But that’s not the best massage soundtrack. I found a romance with two guys on the streaming service. No one dies, so win. You wanna give it a try?”

  “I’ve never seen a gay movie,” Mark admitted, looking at Isaiah over his shoulder. But Isaiah seemed strangely vulnerable, biting his lip while he talked about the movie, so he wasn’t going to say no. “Sure. Bring it on.”

  Isaiah hit play, then rested his hands on Mark’s bare shoulders. “This cool? I’m just going to rub lightly.”

  “Yeah.” Mark liked how Isaiah asked permission, told him what to expect. Isaiah’s hands were warm and soothing. On the screen, the guys were having a classic meet-cute case of mistaken identity, a device he recognized from all the romances Danielle had made him sit through. But his attention was more on Isaiah’s touch, the way he found tight spots Mark hadn’t realized he had. It felt good, almost as good as massaging Isaiah did
, a different sort of relaxation and connection.

  The guys in the movie were having a disastrous first date, complete with some dirty looks from fellow diners. Mark frowned. “Are the people rude because it’s two guys or because they’re loud and obnoxious?”

  Isaiah laughed, a warm rich sound. “Probably a little of both. But around here, it’s not as much of an issue. Sure, there’s some rude people, especially out in the burbs, but most people are like Lydia—more curious than mean. Are you worried about that?”

  Mark had to think for a moment. Even if he and Isaiah weren’t doing the whole kissing thing, chances were still high for them to be mistaken for a couple in public. And Mark liked the kissing thing, had no intention of stopping it, so he guessed that made them...something. “I’m... I’m not sure.”

  “Fair enough. I’m not going to push for anything public. But us plus kids is going to read as a family to some people.”

  “You are my family.” Mark meant that. He couldn’t imagine doing the past few weeks without Isaiah.

  “Aw. Man. Watch your movie.” Isaiah’s voice was strangled, and his hands tightened on Mark’s shoulders. He resumed his massage, and Mark tried to follow the movie. Isaiah’s thumbs felt so good on his neck, finding new nerve endings.

  “I really want to kiss your neck,” Isaiah whispered. “Would that be okay?”

  “Yeah.” Fingers were amazing. Lips might be even better, especially Isaiah’s. Sure enough, Isaiah’s mouth felt like little fireworks on his skin, crackling heat. Mark moaned, arching into the contact.

  “Oh yeah.” Isaiah chuckled. “You like that?”

  “More.” Mark felt greedy, like a kid with a giant ice cream sundae. Isaiah obliged, licking and sucking and teasing with the tip of his tongue. Mark had never really thought about the neck as an erogenous zone before, but this felt better than any of his lackluster attempts at sex ever had. He was vaguely aware of Isaiah sliding down behind him, kneeling.