A Little Bit of Crazy (Little Bits)

by A. E. Murphy

  “Shit Marie, I’m sorry.”

  She rolls her eyes with a little laugh, “It’s no big deal. There are plenty of men who prefer my skinny ass to your blimp buns.” I throw my head back and laugh. Blimp buns, ace.

  “I hate being married.” I sigh once I calm down. “If I wasn’t I totally would have tapped that.”

  “Get a divorce.” She shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

  “I can’t do that.”

  She frowns a little, “Why not. It’s not like you love him. Or want him.”

  “Actually,” I say my voice rising in defense. “He’s the best sex I’ve ever had. He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s understanding.”

  “He’s boring.”

  “He’s not boring he’s just,” I sigh struggling to find the right word. “Centered. He knows what he wants.”

  “And never strays from that path. Aka boring.” Marie giggles.

  I’m not getting a divorce, I will see this marriage through until the day he decides I’m not worth it. Why do I suddenly feel panicked? Do I not want him to divorce me? Damn me and my stupid mind. What will I do if he does get tired of me? What if he realizes what a disaster I actually am and decides he wants nothing to do with me?

  All of this goes through my mind over and over as I head up to my apartment. Praying the elevator gets stuck so I can delay the inevitable. Of course it doesn’t, it’ll only ever do that when I’m on my way to a very important meeting or I’m in labor or some shit. Typical sods law.

  Taking a deep breath I open the door to a dark hallway. There is a light at the end of the hall under the living room door. I dump my bag and keys on the desk by the door and kick off my shoes before opening the door slowly.

  The first thing I see is James face as he jumps up from the couch. It’s relief, nothing but concern and relief as if worrying I’d been abducted or something. He darts over to me and wraps his arms around me tight, burying his face in my hair.

  “I was so worried!” now he’s angry and holding me at arm’s length. “Where the hell have you been?” “I…” “No, forget it. I don’t want to hear your excuses.” “But…” “I was freaking out. I thought you’d been hurt, or abducted! Why didn’t you call?”

  “James,” I say stifling a giggle and then wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. I got sidetracked. I finished two hours early and met Marie at Shades.”

  “Oh, that restaurant place?”

  I smile with a nod. “Yes, you’ll never guess who she had with her. Who wanted to meet me! Me! Of all people! Who is doing a commercial for my very own sensitive shaving solutions!”

  “Who?” he laughs at my excitement. I love the smile on his face, it’s beautiful.

  I clear my throat and commence a drum roll on the back of the couch, “Jacob Stone!” It comes out as a pathetic squeal. “We were talking and had a few drinks. My phone must have died because before I knew it, it was midnight. I’m so sorry.”

  The smile on his face falls to a blank mask. His fists clench at his sides. “Let me get this straight,” he seethes in a low tone through his tightly clenched teeth. “You forgot to call me because you was with… Jacob Stone?”

  I nod because what he just said sounds worse from that view.

  “Fine,” he says and takes a deep breath to calm himself. “Did anything happen?”

  “Umm… we traded numbers, we’re going out to lunch before I oversee the commercial shoot,” I say carefully, not wanting to lie but not wanting to anger him further. “It was completely harmless.”

  “So he didn’t touch you, kiss you… did you fuck him?” here we go.

  I huff a little and head towards our bedroom with him close on my heels, “Don’t be ridiculous. We just sat next to each other and talked. Marie was there.”

  “I’m not being ridiculous. Christ Maya, I’m jealous, it’s a normal feeling. Why didn’t you invite me?”

  “You didn’t cross my mind baby,” I say soothingly but apparently it’s the wrong thing to say because he turns and punches the door before glaring at me. “You just put a hole in the door.” I stare at the crack and hole.

  “Sometimes, sometimes…” he says flexing his bleeding hand. “Forget it. I’m sleeping in the other room.”

  “Are you serious?” I scoff. “What did I do now?”

  “I just can’t be near you right now.”

  My anger flares, “Sometimes what James? Sometimes what?” I grip his arm to stop him from leaving. His dark eyes get darker with fury. It’s actually making me a little nervous.

  “Sometimes I really fucking hate you, you’re a heartless bitch!” he screams in my face before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Ouch. That hurt.

  I sink to the floor in a daze, his words playing in my head like a broken record. You’re a heartless bitch, sometimes I hate you. You’re a heartless bitch. A heartless bitch. Heartless bitch. He didn’t just say sometimes I hate you. He said sometimes I really fucking hate you. That’s like hating with a passion.

  I’m shocked at the wet trail on my cheek. My eye just leaked. Dammit, I will not cry. I didn’t mean to upset him. Why do I screw up so bad where he’s concerned? I’m trying, I really am.

  Deciding I need to clear my head I grab my jacket, pull on my shoes and grab my car keys. As soon as my hand grips the door handle James steps into the hallway. He looks at the floor and scuffs his toe against the ground, his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

  “Where are you going?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

  I search his tired eyes before shaking my head and pulling the door open, “Out.”

  His eyes narrow in anger again. Yay, more abuse. “You off to meet him?”

  “Him who?” I sigh pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “Jacob Stone.”

  “Yes,” I lie shoving his hand away as it goes to close around my arm. “Yes, I’m going to meet Jacob Stone and fuck him and then I’m going to come home and tell you how much better at it he is than you because I’m such a fucking whore. Happy now?”

  I don’t wait for his answer I just leave and slam the door on his shocked face before darting towards the elevator.

  I was pretty sure I’d end up here. It’s the first time I’ve been since the funeral. The earth is still slightly raised. I kneel and place the white roses in front of the gorgeous headstone. It’s shaped like a book, it even has carvings of test tubes and other scientific instruments on the left page. He’d love it.

  “Hi daddy,” I say and touch his name gently. “So, things aren’t that great as you probably know. My husband thinks I’m a whore and all we do is argue.” Sigh. “It’s my fault, I keep messing up. Really bad. I don’t mean to… I just… God,” I groan and rub my eyes. “This is stupid. You aren’t here.” I whimper and pull the petals off one of the roses, feeling the silky texture beneath my thumb and forefinger. “I miss you.” A lone tear falls down my cheek and then the sobs come. I can’t help them, I can’t stop them. They fall and they fall. I miss my dad, I need him here to cuddle me and tell me everything’s going to be ok. I just can’t cope, I don’t know what I’m doing.

  I sit there and wait, for what, I don’t know. My phone is still at home so I can’t call anyone, not that I would anyway. My skirt is damp from being sat on the ground for so long. The breeze is picking up and causing me to shiver a little. So I decide after however many hours that it’s home time. I get up, get in my car, and drive away.

  The apartment is quiet and dark. I’m hoping he’s asleep, I can’t take anymore arguing tonight. Too much for one week. I’ve never argued with someone so much in my life. I creep into the room feeling a strange sense of Deja vu. Especially when I see a stricken looking James sat in the armchair, head buried in his hands.

  He looks up, his eyes swollen and red, I feel awful for making him feel such a way, “Maya, I’m…”

  I place my hand over his mouth and fall into his lap. He sighs and wraps strong arms around me as
I nuzzle my face into his neck. I’m home, I’m safe, I’m warm and I think I’m in love. I fall asleep to the feel of his breath against my neck, to the sound of his heart pounding beneath my ear and to his strong male arms holding me tight. The last words I mumble are words I never thought I’d hear myself say to another man, “I love you.” I’m not even sure if he hears them but I know I’ve said them and that is step one to our relationship recovery.

  “I’ll let you take over, however you want it just do it,” I say to Sophie. She grins with excitement and shuffles out of the door, my phone alerts me to a text.

  I smile as I read.

  James: I love you… come suck me off.

  Maya: I can feel the love… truly. That vulgar text really hits the spot.

  James: Blowjob, blowjob… in case you can’t hear there’s an entire roman empire chanting the word.

  Maya: Christ, that’s a lot of people who want a blow job!

  James: You aren’t funny…

  Maya: Brb, the first man in the queue is waiting.

  James: Grrrr!

  I open his office door and lock it behind me. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Mr. Freeman. I do believe you requested my presence.”

  I watch his delectable throat bob as he swallows and nods a little, “I did Mrs. Freeman. Please come join me.”

  “Of course Mr. Freeman,” I smirk and drop a cushion from the couch to the ground in front of him. His entire body shudders when I run my hands down his thighs and to his belt. “Mm… somebodies excited already.”

  “All I have to do is think of you and I’m in a constant state of arousal,” he groans as I free his erection from its prison. “Fuck, Maya.” His hands go straight to my hair as I slide my tongue around the tip. “Oh god.” I realize this is most likely the first ever blowjob I’ve given him. From what I can recall. I decide to make it the best he’s ever received. I want to ruin him for all other women.

  I take his base in my hand, squeeze his balls with my other and take him to the back of my throat. He tastes and smells divine, like every other inch of him. He moans again and bucks into my mouth, holding my head down for a moment as he pulses in my mouth. “You feel so good,” he whispers and runs his fingers over my scalp.

  I look up at him as I suck him hard into my mouth. His face is scrunched in pleasure, his eyes shut tight, and his lips are parted slightly. I watch in awe as he bites his lower lip, turning the pink flesh white as I suck him into my throat once more. A moan escapes me and he matches it with his own.

  “Oh god Maya,” he hisses as I move faster, my eyes never leaving his face. I want to see him as he comes but I also want to swallow all of his pleasure, both might not be possible at the same time. His hands are tight in my hair, he’s close I can tell by the little moans in his throat and occasional shudders of his body and the way his length thickens making it almost impossible to keep in my mouth. “Fuck. Maya…”

  I push down further, he tries to pull my head up by my cheeks. His eyes are wide and his hips seem to be moving of their own accord. Green eyes reach mine. He’s trying to be a gentleman, trying to pull out, I can see he doesn’t want to. His body is screaming for me to keep him in my mouth. So I do even though his large throbbing member is making my jaw ache.

  The first twitch of his orgasm rips through him with an animal like roar of my name. His hands fist in my hair and he forcefully pushes my head down, the opposite way to moments before when he realizes what I want to do. I manage to swallow without spilling and slowly release him with a little popping noise.

  I grin up at him triumphantly but it’s only for a second. His face is dark, dangerous, as he lifts me up and slams me face down onto his desk. He makes quick work of my skirt, pushing it up to my hips and ripping my black lace panties from my body. I yelp a little when he thrusts his red hot length into me. Pushing me and the desk forward.

  “Dear god Maya,” he groans slamming into me again, how he is still hard I have no idea. “You make me fucking crazy.”

  “Don’t stop,” I beg and grip the edge of the desk. He slams into me again and again, his hard length reaching so deep I’m not sure whether I’m delirious from pleasure or pain. There’s too much of both and he’s relentless. Like an animal as he fucks me hard over the table. I’m screaming, I’m sure of it but reality is blurring as my orgasm rushes forward. His solid body leans over mine and his hand comes around my hip to play with my clit. All bets are off. I thrust back to meet him and come with a cry. He joins me and collapses his sweaty body on top of me.

  “Are you ok?” he asks as he peels himself off me. I’m vaguely aware as he cleans me with a warm wet cloth and readjusts my skirt. “Do you want to move?” I think I respond with a grunt of some sort supposedly meaning no. Hell I don’t know where I am right now. I don’t want to move, I never wanted that to stop. He chuckles and sits in his chair. I’m aware that his head is level with my ass. I don’t care. “Christ you are stunning.” He sighs as he massages my inner thighs.

  I fall back into his lap and relax against him. “Hmm.”

  “What’s one add one?”

  “Giraffe,” I reply snuggling into his neck as he shakes with laughter.

  “What country are we in?”

  “Heaven.”

  “That we are,” he chuckles and kisses my temple. “Come on princess. Work time.”

  “Chico time.”

  “Do you even know what you’re saying?”

  “I want more sex over your desk.”

  He laughs out loud and lifts me to my feet, “Come on my little sex kitten. Let’s get you back to your office.” My office, Sophie! He can’t see Sophie or he might suspect what I’m doing.

  I jump up and brush my hair from my face. “No, it’s fine. I’m good see? I’ll see you later.” I give him a chaste kiss on the lips, a seductive wink and dash from his office. It’s when I get into the elevator I realize I’m not wearing any panties. Damn.

  I step into my office feeling lighter than air. Sophie comes in and shows me her plans. A few decent drawings for his new office. To say I’m excited is a complete understatement. It’s going to look great, nicer than mine. I call Carlson and ask him what he thinks to having a new space. He will essentially have to share with Margie but he says it’s fine. It’ll apparently be fun having a little gossip buddy. Their desks are far enough from each other that they’d have to shout across but at least they can share the break room.

  “Phelps on line one,” Margie calls through the intercom.

  “Phelps, please tell me its good news,” I sit at the edge of my seat gripping my desk with my free hand. “Give it to me!”

  Phelps lets out a little chuckle but beginning, “I’ve narrowed it down to one contestant. He’s none of the original three but he is the double of your husband. His name is Lucas Drake. He was never officially adopted…”

  “Why do I feel like you’re about to tell me a heart wrenching story that’s going to keep me awake at night?”

  “Because I am.”

  I grab the tissue box ready.

  “He went from foster home to foster home as a child until he turned eighteen and made it on his own. Got a scholarship, went to university and fell in love. He married a girl called Candice Drake, deciding to change his own name as it held no weight for him I assume. They had two little girls, Amelia and Annie.”

  “That’s not so bad.”

  “Turns out, Annie who was the eldest died with her mother in a car accident just over a year ago.”

  Jesus fucking Christ. “Oh god,” I groan and slam my head onto the desk. “How old was the kid?”

  “She was born July two thousand and eight so she would have been four. Her little sister was just two at the time. She’s Almost four now.”

  “Thanks Phelps. Can you email me his address and contact number, whatever you have on him? Pretty please. And don’t stop getting me info.”

  “Already done. I’d recommend doing a DNA test, just to be sure.” Phelps st
arts coughing up his lungs, a reason I never smoke. “You don’t want to get either of the parties’ hopes up without solid proof.”

  “Good point. Thanks so much Phelps, there’s a bonus coming your way,” I say and hang up. Opening up my laptop I quickly scan through my email. What do I do with all of this information? Do I tell James or do I keep it on the down for now? Get a DNA test done first. Yes, that is the best course of action.

  My phone startles me out of my thoughts by alerting me to a text:

  Jacob: Fancy grabbing some lunch??? Meet me at the same place as last time

  Oh dear. What do I do?

  Text the husband.

  Maya: Just got a text from Jacob, he wants to go to lunch before the shoot… your thoughts?

  James: I don’t like it, but I trust you.

  Maya: Thanks pudding, see you at home tonight xxxx

  James: I love you

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Thanks for coming,” Jacob grins and pulls my seat out for me. “I ordered you the rib eye.”

  I match his grin with my own, “Perfect. How’d you know?”

  “They said it’s your usual,” he motions to Su behind the bar. I laugh and nod. It certainly is my favorite here. “Rib eye steak, medium well with a side of potatoes.”

  “Why thank you very much.” I smile and order my usual amaretto on the rocks. Nom, nom. “So, what are your plans for the week? Any family in town?”

  “I have a few friends in the city but they’re too busy for me. Most people don’t like going anywhere with me because of the mob of photographers and fans,” he shrugs but I can see the sorrow in his eyes. “And then others only want to be near me for that reason.”