A Little Bit of Crazy (Little Bits)

by A. E. Murphy

  “Wow, you’re even more deluded than originally thought,” Lucas snorts when I’m finished. I open my mouth to snap back but he holds his hand over my mouth. “Whatever you think of yourself you’re wrong, so you fucked a few guys and decided not to settle. You messed up, you’re human shit happens. But you have a heart of gold Maya. You’ll be a great mom because you’re a great person. James is lucky to have you, he knows it, I know it, and hell the entire world knows it. Maybe you were a little self-centered at times but I’ve heard you talk about your friends and how much you worry about them and James. Just because you don’t notice when a guy is pining for you doesn’t make you shallow it just means you were a little oblivious, you were a kid. Don’t let anyone make you feel different ok?”

  “You keep telling yourself that, but when I let you down, remember this conversation,” I laugh and peel myself off him. “You go get Amelia from school. You know what time to come right?”

  He nods with a smile, “That I do.”

  “Good, I can’t wait to see his face,” I giggle and kiss him on the cheek. “Oh, and please wear the aftershave I brought you. That other stuff stinks.”

  “Its six hundred dollar aftershave,” he chokes and opens the door.

  “You’re part of the family now, no brother of mine is wearing insect repellent as a perfume.”

  “It cost me twelve dollars from Walmart.”

  “I’ll give you twelve dollars if you never wear it again,” I giggle and head toward the elevator. “See ya brother!”

  He beams at me and heads back inside. I can already tell this is going to be awesome. So damn awesome.

  At six Amelia and Lucas arrive. I give them the grand tour, make them some dinner and put them on the couch to watch TV.

  James: I have a surprise for you…

  Maya: Oooh! I love surprises! I have one for you too!

  James: I’ll be home in two minutes.

  I usher a laughing Lucas and Amelia into the spare bedroom and wait eagerly by the door. James walks in holding a brown envelope, it’s large and thick. “Hey baby,” I say and kiss his cheek. “Now, you really need to sit down for what I’m about to tell you.”

  He eyes me curiously but sits on the couch anyway.

  “Is that my surprise?” I say pointing at the envelope.

  He nods and holds it out but I wave my hands.

  “No, let me go first,” I giggle and stand in front of him. “Listen very closely to what I’m saying because it’ll explain a lot of things.” He nods and I tell him, I tell him about how I found Lucas but I wanted to surprise him, I tell him how we did a DNA. I hand him the DNA results, and continue with every little the detail, the reason I’ve been sneaking around the fact he’s staying in our old apartment with Amelia. Each moment that passes I notice his face brighten and a massive grin stretch across his face. “You ok?” I say when his face falls. I notice his hands start to shake.

  “Yeah,” he mumbles and I shout for Lucas and Amelia. They both come out of the room looking nervous, James and Lucas look at each other for a moment. I see the light in their eyes, recognition, two brothers long lost now united. “Fuck, we look like each other.” I just want to cry.

  “Auntie Maya paid me to never say that word,” Amelia says and scowls at her uncle. “It’s naughty.”

  “She’s precious,” he says and they sit down. I watch his eyes light up as Amelia shows him her favorite dance and song.

  I suddenly remember the envelope and pick it up whilst they’re mid conversation, James seems to have forgotten about it. James looks at me with panicked eyes and grips my wrist attempting to rip it from my hand. “Don’t baby, it’s stupid,” he says but I twist away from him laughing. “Please, baby. It’s really stupid… I. Don’t ok. Please.” Ok, I’m worried now.

  I rip the envelope open with a smirk thinking it’s tickets to an opera or something daft in a huge envelope but what I find makes my heart stop.

  “Baby no,” James says and lunges for it but I twist out of his way again.

  There’s a sticky note stuck to a picture of me and Lucas, it reads,Two can play at this game. You really are a coldhearted lying bitch.

  I flick through the pictures, he had a private investigator follow me! There’s pictures of me and Lucas eating together, of me with my legs and arms wrapped around him today after we got the results, a couple where I’m carrying Amelia and chasing her around the playhouse. There’s more, the pictures are hiding a set of divorce papers. My hand flies to my mouth and tears fill my eyes. I drop them and more pictures spill out. James lunges for them but I’m faster.

  The pictures are of him and bony blonde, he’s fucking her, over his new desk. She’s straddling him in his new chair. In one he’s even looking at the camera, a smug grin on his face.

  “Maya,” Lucas says as James picks up the photos I’m throwing on the floor. “Are you ok?”

  “Maya,” James croaks and reaches for me, I move away without looking back. “Please, baby, I got it wrong. I’m so damn sorry.”

  I’m still dazed, still hurting, my chest is burning, aching. The tears spill over and James reaches for me again but I take another step back shaking me head. “Maya, don’t cry.”

  I reach in the breast pocket of my jacket and snatch up the divorce papers.

  “Maya, let’s talk about this, please,” James panics and scrambles to grab the papers but I pull them out of his reach.

  I walk into the bedroom and slam the door, locking it behind me. The papers are decent enough, we both have prenuptials so it’s to our own discretion what we keep. I look at our bed and shudder.

  “Maya, please open the damn door!” James shouts and bangs on it with his fists. “Christ Maya. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me, I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

  “What happened?” I hear Amelia say before her dad shushes her. “Where’s Maya?”

  “Maya please,” James whimpers and slaps the door again. I’m not paying attention, I sign the papers and grab my suitcase. I fill it with my essentials and shrug it onto my shoulder. Damn my stupid tears. “MAYA!”

  I unlock the door and push past James, he grips my arm which effectively stops me from moving. “Take your hands off me James.”

  “I fucked up Maya, I thought for sure you were cheating on me. I thought, I mean… It was that picture that I got today that settled it for me. I just wanted to show you how it felt,” he says and I notice tears spilling down his face. “Please. Don’t do this.”

  I peel his hand from my arm and slam the signed divorce papers into his chest, “You know this whole time I spent worrying I’d break your heart. I was worried I wasn’t good enough for you. I was worried I truly am just a cold hearted bitch.” I let out a sob and wipe my tears away angrily. “But I could never, ever, in my life hurt you this way and rub your face in it. I told you I wasn’t cheating.”

  “I know baby, I know,” he says and turns to Lucas. “I’m sorry you have to meet me at such a crappy time.” He turns to me with hopeful eyes. “Let’s go out for dinner? The four of us. Get to know each other.”

  “Funnily enough I’m not fucking hungry,” I growl in his face and stomp over to Amelia. I wipe my tears and kiss her cheeks. “I’ll come see you tomorrow ok princess.”

  “Why you sad? Don’t be sad,” she says and wraps her little arms around me.

  “Don’t worry baby girl, I won’t be sad anymore. Because I have you to cheer me up don’t I?”

  She smiles and kisses me I turn to Lucas, “I’ll see you soon.”

  “Maya,” he says and steps towards me. I shake my head, “Don’t. I just need to go ok.”

  “Please baby, don’t do this,” James says as I grab my bag and head to the door. “We can get through this. I promise. We can work through this.”

  “I told you when we first got together I don’t want to love you, I said people in love turn to mush when they get their hearts broken. Christ, it’s like I’m physically in pain! You had sex with her James, you sc
rewed her to spite me. Without even talking to me first! If I’d known how torn up you was I would have told you about Lucas!” I’m shouting but I don’t care. “I know I can never forgive you for this. Ever.”

  “You say that now but we can, you can forgive me.” I watch his face contort in pain, I almost stop to comfort him. “Please baby. Don’t go.”

  I press the button for the elevator and wipe my eyes again. He grips my shoulders with firm hands. “Get off me James. The papers are signed. I have my copy. You can keep the apartment.”

  “Baby, don’t do this,” he begs and drops to his knees. “I can’t lose you. I can’t live without you Maya. You’re everything to me. I was never going to divorce you I just wanted you to hurt. I was stupid! I’m sorry. Please.” He wraps his arms around my waist. “Please, baby. Please.”

  I shake my head and step away from him into the waiting elevator. “I never want to see you again.”

  I leave him crying, broken and looking stricken and I don’t look back.

  I don’t know where I’m going, I’m just driving around. My phone is ringing off the hook, constantly, over and over. I eventually end up outside Shades, the pub I went to with Jacob and Marie.

  When I enter it’s fairly empty, I slot myself into a booth in the corner, hiding away from the world. “Bring the bottle,” I say to Harriet, one of the barmaids. She nods and does as told, bringing me a full bottle of Jack Daniels and a tumbler glass.

  “Everything ok?” she asks as I down a glass full with a wince.

  “Men are pigs,” I say and leave it at that, fortunately she takes the hint. I pull out my phone, there are about fifty missed calls from James, a few from Lucas and about twelve from Marie.

  My emotions numb with each glass until I feel like I’m floating. Harriet comes over and holds out her hand. “Oh, I’m not going to drive,” I slur. “Promise. I’m not stupid.”

  “Shall I call someone to come get you?” she says but I shake my head. No, I need to numb. I pour another glass, effectively emptying the bottle. “Maybe you’ve had enough.”

  “I can still feel,” I giggle. “Never enough if you can still feel.”

  She frowns and sits beside me, “You want to talk about it?”

  I shake my head, “Not preticrulary.”

  “Ok, you’ve definitely had enough. I’ll call Marie.”

  “No,” I say and shake my head. “I’ll call someone now.”

  I pull out my phone and notice Lucas calling. I answer, “Hey you.”

  “Maya, are you ok?” he says softly.

  “Fucking fantastic,” I slur and drain my drink.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “That I am.”

  I hear James speaking in the background, “Let me talk to her.”

  “Don’t, I’ll just hang up,” I add emphasis to the P and giggle. “So, I have to go. Coz I have to go sleep somewhere.”

  “Can I come get you?”

  “No,” I say with finality. “I’m calling Marie. I have to go.”

  “Maya,” James shouts. “I’m sorry!”

  “Te he Iate him. And I dot wannaear is dumb eshcushes.”

  “I didn’t get a word of that,” he laughs which for some reason makes me giggle too. “Ok, you call Marie. Text me when you’re safe.”

  I hang up and text Marie.

  Maya: Cim gat me at Sades. Fuck Jam, he bastrad. Man I hate. So dunk. Live you.

  Marie: Say what?

  I growl and hand my phone to Harriet, she types into it quickly and hands it back.

  While I wait I mull things over, how can he be so heartless? How could he hurt me so much? I hate him! I hate him for making me feel this way! I hate him for making me love him! Why would he do this to me? Did I not show him I love him?

  Let’s get laid, we’ll feel better.

  Amen to that!

  Marie shows up fifteen minutes later. She takes one look at me and wraps her arms around me. “Come on, let’s get you to mine.”

  I stumble to her car, barely able to hold myself up. We’re halfway to her car when a red eyed James comes into view.

  “Piss off,” I think I say and wave my arm but the movement sends me stumbling. Marie glares at James and helps me up in my laughing state.

  “You did this,” she hisses and James nods, “I fucked up. Let me get her home.”

  “Home, I don’t have home,” I grumble as the pain lances through me again. “Iad a home, but it was ruined. I ways thought I ruin it, buyou ruin it. Now I ate you, an I never wanna see you again.”

  “Maya, baby, let me help you.”

  “I’ve got her,” Marie shouts and pulls me past him. “Piss off James.”

  “She’s my wife!” he bellows and steps in front of us again. “Please Marie…”

  “Oh, I’m your wife now. Was I your wife when you fucked bony blonde on the desk I paid for? In the office I fucking made for you? Was I your wife then James?” I screech and stumble forward a little, ok my voice sounded good that time. “Christ just go away.”

  “You fucking asshole you didn’t,” Marie gasps. I nod with a grim smile, “And he took pictures, taped them to fucking divorce papers. Rather than talking to me about it first, he got sweet revenge.”

  “I can’t understand what you’re saying sweetie,” Marie says and drags me to her car. That sounded good to me. She helps me into the passenger seat. I rest my forehead against the cool glass and watch as James and Marie argue by the car. Then everything goes black.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Ouch, ouch, ouch! “You know what you need?” Marie says as I sip my coffee. I shake my head. “You need to get drunk and get laid.”

  “Yeah,” I agree. “That always used to make me feel better. Let’s go out tonight?”

  “Sounds like a plan, I’ll call the girls.”

  I shake my aching head, “Don’t. They will just judge. You know how they can be.”

  “Yeah, good point. Is it awful for me to say the situation sucks but this is definitely a silver lining? I get my drink buddy back!” I cringe as her voice gets louder and higher toward the end. “Come on, drink up your bloody Mary.”

  “I’m just going to finish up a few loose ends with work.” I say and pad over to her laptop. “Check my phone for me.”

  She picks it up off the breakfast bar as I email my staff, telling them I won’t be in the office for a while.

  “Sylvia is calling,” Marie says around a yawn. “I’ll talk to her.”

  “Don’t tell her,” I say and close the laptop. “I can’t deal with it right now.” My lower lip trembles as I think of James and that vile girl. “I want her fired.”

  “Hey Sylvia… no, yes… oh, he told you? Yes she’s…” she glances at me. “She’s shit Sylvia, she’s pretending she’s not but… yes of course I’ll tell her… No. Yes she did, it’s great isn’t it? Alright. Thanks for calling. Take care.”

  I look up at her as she scrolls through my hundreds of messages. “What did she say?”

  “She knows, she’s sorry for James’ actions. Apparently he begged her to call and talk to you but she told him it’s his problem and he deserves the bed his made.”

  “Go Sylvia,” I snort and flop onto the couch. I wince when the banging on the door begins. “Tell him to fuck off.”

  Marie sighs and goes to the door, “What.”

  “I need to see her!” James whines and pushes past Marie. I sit up straight and remain indifferent. “Baby,” he coos and kneels in front of me. He rests his head on my lap and wraps his arms around me. “Come home. Please.”

  “I’m good here thanks,” I say and unwrap his arms from my waist. “How are you and Lucas getting on?”

  “He’s pissed at me. For what I’ve done but we’re getting to know each other. Amelia really loves you. She’s pissed at me too,” he chuckles but stops when he notices the blank look on my face. Remain strong, that’s it, don’t break down. You don’t care remember? He means nothing to you. “I’m sorry
. So sorry. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I promise.”

  I roll my eyes, “Christ, you’re such a whiner. There’s nothing you can do. Thanks for giving me an excuse to be single again though.”

  “Don’t say that,” he bites out and clenches his hands into fists. “Don’t do something you’ll regret. Just because of what I did.”

  I snort and stand up, stretching my body like a cat, “Honey, I’m not about to do anything I don’t want to do. Sorry but I’m not going with you and I meant it when I said I never want to see you again.”

  “Maya…”

  “Just leave, you’re embarrassing yourself. I don’t want you. Get that into your head.”

  “Stop it, stop lying. Dammit Maya.”

  “Who says I’m lying? You know me, I don’t lie James. I don’t want you here. I’m just pissed you cheated first. It’s humiliating.”

  “Maya, I know I fucked up. Really bad, but everything just got on top of me. I just wanted you to…”

  I roll my eyes and sigh, “Feel how you felt yada yada yada. Boring. You finished?”

  “You heard the woman,” Marie says smugly and stands beside me.

  James glares at her, “Stay out of this Marie. She’s my damn wife!”

  “Actually she’s not, the signed papers went to her lawyer about half an hour ago.”

  “What?” he shouts and grips my arm. “Don’t do this. Baby, please, don’t do this.”