by Deb Kastner
She had to pull herself together, and fast. Cole had just become a father, and he’d come back to settle down. It made perfect sense. He had moved on, and so had she. And yet she had no desire to find Cole right now, not when it meant she was going to have to meet his family. She was so not prepared for that moment. Not right now.
Not ever.
“We’d be glad to,” Marcus answered for her, giving her a friendly nudge with his shoulder.
“I’m not ready,” she whispered hoarsely as they exited the store. “Did you hear that? Cole’s son is a baby. I can’t— It’s not—”
Marcus knew about Savannah, understood about Cole, and she could tell from his gaze that he knew where all her thoughts were flying. He reached for her elbow and pulled her to a stop on the clapboard sidewalk.
“Better now than later, Tessa,” he insisted. “It’s not gonna get any easier for you if you wait on this thing. I know you. You’ll noodle it over and over again until you’ve built it into a giant issue. In a situation like this, the best thing you can do is face your fear and rip it off like a bandage. It’ll hurt less in the long run.”
She made a face at him. “When did you become so smart?”
He laughed. “I’m an expert, remember? I have the degree hangin’ on my wall to prove it.”
She sighed. She hated to admit it, but Marcus was probably right. Might as well get it over with now. She couldn’t avoid Cole and his family forever.
Even so, she hesitated a beat at the entrance to the café.
“Bandage,” Marcus reminded her, using his palm to press her forward from the small of her back.
The inside of Cup O’ Jo’s was a stark contrast to the outside. Filled with the delicious scents of home-style cooking and fresh pastries, the whole place had the look and feel of a modern coffee shop. There were even computers lining the back wall so folks could access the internet.
It was immediately obvious where Cole and his family were located. Practically everyone in the café hovered around one of the middle tables, their exclamations ranging from “Ooh” and “Aww” to “What a little cutie-pie” and “Sweet darlin’.”
Jo Spencer, the owner of the café, looked up and waved Tessa and Marcus over. Her red curls bobbed as she placed a hand over her heart and bounced on her toes.
“Cole’s back in town,” she said, her voice rising with excitement. “And my stars. Have you seen Baby Grayson?”
Tessa nodded to acknowledge the fact that she knew Cole was back in town and then shook her head. “I haven’t met Grayson yet.”
“Come, come,” Jo insisted, dragging Tessa by the hand. Tessa shot a flustered glance over her shoulder, but Marcus just shrugged and grinned, mouthing the word bandage.
Insensitive jerk. He was going to be no help at all.
Now that she was under Jo’s guidance, Tessa knew she had no hope whatsoever of backing out of the situation. There was no arguing with the woman once the vivacious old lady got something into her head.
Besides, what would Tessa say? That she didn’t want to see the baby?
How would that sound? Everyone loved babies.
She did, too, of course. It was this particular baby at this exact time she was struggling with. Her emotions were screaming for her to flee. She didn’t think her heart could stand glimpsing the infant who was bound to carry at least some of Cole’s strong features. And was the child’s mother present? That would cause Tessa even more heartache.
Marcus was wrong. She wasn’t ready yet, and getting caught in a situation where she might break down emotionally wasn’t ripping off the bandage. It was creating a whole new wound.
Panic welled in her chest, and her pulse pounded in her temple.
Not yet. Not yet. Not yet, it echoed.
The crowd parted like the Red Sea in front of Moses as she approached, probably half out of deference to Jo and half due to the distinct possibility of drama between Cole and Tessa. Serendipity townsfolk liked nothing quite so much as a scene that might as well have been taken right out of a soap opera.
She took a deep breath and plunged forward. If they were waiting for drama, they were going to have to wait a good long time.
She got her first look at Cole, who held his loosely swaddled son in the crook of one arm. The baby’s tiny fist was wrapped around one of Cole’s thumbs. He looked to be only a few weeks old, incredibly small against Cole’s large chest and muscular biceps, and yet the big man was holding the baby with such infinite tenderness, it brought a hitch to Tessa’s throat. Cole was beaming with pride as he showed off his boy. He was meant to be a father.
Tessa gasped for air and coached herself to breathe normally. If she hyperventilated and passed out, that would really be a show for the neighbors. She plastered her best smile on her face and stepped into the center of the circle. It seemed as if her whole relationship with Cole had been in the public eye, from their quite literally dramatic start on the theatrical stage in high school to the dreadful finish on yet another stage, when she’d painfully but unavoidably ruined any future between them. She would not and could not break down now, not with so many of her neighbors and friends looking on.
Cole’s eyes widened when he saw her. His brow lowered and the smile dropped from his lips—until the infant moved in his arms. The stiffness to Cole’s shoulders remained, but when his gaze dropped back to his son, there was only love and awe in his expression.
Cole was a daddy. A proud papa to his little bundle of joy. How right he looked filling that role.
He cleared his throat, his jaw tightening with strain once again. He appeared to be considering his thoughts, weighing his options. After a long pause, he spoke softly so as not to disturb the baby. Tessa was keenly aware that his voice lost its angry edge in deference to the child.
“Everyone else here has already had a turn. You want to hold him?”
She sat down in the nearest chair and swallowed her shock as Cole held his son out to her, gently settling the infant in her arms, his fingers brushing hers as he rearranged her hand to cradle the child better.
Grayson had been noisily sucking on his two middle fingers, but when he looked up at Tessa, he popped his fingers out of his mouth and smiled and cooed at her. As Edward had said, the baby didn’t have a lick of hair, but his eyes were the exact color of Cole’s, and he had his nose and the twin crescents of dimples in his cheeks.
Tessa’s heart welled until she thought it might burst. It was the worst and most awful concoction of pleasure and pain she’d ever experienced. Why was Cole doing this, letting her hold his precious baby?
Because others were watching? Did he really have no idea how badly this would hurt her, this stark, physical reminder of what might have been if she hadn’t rejected his marriage proposal? Or was that exactly what he was trying to do?
She searched his gaze but found nothing to condemn him, and the upward curve of his lips suggested little other than the satisfaction he’d found in becoming a dad. But his voice was low and gravelly when he finally spoke, the only indication his emotions were stronger than he was feigning.
“Tessa, I’d like you to meet my son, Grayson.”
* * *
It just figured that Tessa would show up at Cup O’ Jo’s right as Cole was out giving the community their first glimpse of Grayson. He’d gone out with his son this morning before the staff meeting on purpose, believing Tessa would be otherwise engaged, back at the ranch getting ready for her teenagers to arrive.
As if that in itself wasn’t complicated enough, old friends and neighbors crowded around him, taking up his breathing space and giving rise to all kinds of questions and speculations. Like what had happened to Grayson’s mother, and how was he coping with being a single dad.
That was enough stress. More than enough. The last thing he needed was for Tessa to walk
in the door with some strange cowboy Cole didn’t recognize. Serendipity had remained remarkably unchanged throughout the years he’d been gone, but it had definitely changed some.
Even so, he was confident he could rely on the community. They would have a keen interest in the details, but they also had open hearts with which to embrace him and his son. It wasn’t surprising that everyone would want to know the story of how he’d happened back into town with a baby in tow and no wife to speak of. Most, like Jo, wouldn’t allow him to skim through an explanation. He’d rather not delve back into his shameful past.
He was a single father. He’d stepped up, and that was all that really mattered. End of story.
After that first burst of surprise and panic when Tessa walked in the door, his mind had fled him completely. He hadn’t been thinking—which was the only possible explanation for why he’d passed Grayson into Tessa’s arms. Moving back to Serendipity, he had no intention for Tessa to interact with his son, but his pride and ego had flared up at the sight of her, and the offer had come barreling out of his mouth without his say-so.
His emotions, slow to catch up, had exploded in his chest, razor-sharp shards puncturing his heart and lungs. Tessa smiled as she gazed down at the infant. Her cheeks blushed a sweet peach, and joy radiated from her expression. Her rich alto softened into a melodious Texan lilt as she spoke a series of adorable nonsense words to Grayson.
Grayson had been a regular fussbudget earlier when Cole had allowed each of his neighbors the opportunity to hold the baby. He’d howled and wailed and protested with his little fists until he was once again in the comfort and security of his daddy’s arms.
But with Tessa, Grayson was an entirely different child. Cole’s throat tightened until he couldn’t catch a breath as his son babbled happily at Tessa, perfectly at ease in her arms. When Tessa smiled at Grayson, the baby beamed back at her, and the ache in Cole’s chest deepened. Grayson had smiled for Tessa with no more than her little bit of coaxing. Cole wished it was easier to get that kind of response from his son. He felt as if he had to work for every little thing, and it all seemed to come so easy for Tessa. A natural mother if there ever was one.
Jealousy snapped and burned in Cole’s gut. That smile was supposed to be for him. Whether or not she’d meant to, she’d stolen something from him, and he could barely withhold his frustration.
“Well, would you look at that,” Jo said, leaning over Tessa’s shoulder so she could get a better look at Grayson. “The little fellow has really taken to you, Tessa. You were born to be a mother, my dear. You’ll make a great one someday.”
So she wasn’t yet a mother? Until this moment, he’d been so caught up in his own problems that it hadn’t even occurred to him other things might have changed during his time away from Serendipity. He surreptitiously glanced at Tessa’s left hand.
No ring.
Not that it mattered if she was married or not. The point was that she hadn’t wanted to be married to him.
Cole didn’t miss the cringe that rippled across Tessa’s shoulders at Jo’s words, or the frown that pursed her full lips as her panicked gaze flashed from Cole to the fellow she’d come in with. Her expression lasted only for a split second, and she recovered nicely with a smile that probably fooled nearly everyone in the room. It didn’t work on Cole, though.
Her guy friend seemed to think a grin and a wink would solve her problems.
Cole knew better.
Even after all these years, he could read Tessa like a book. Every happy smile, heartrending frown, radiant beam of joy and scowl of frustration. And while Cole knew she was genuinely enjoying her interactions with Grayson, the rest of it was all an act. She didn’t want to be here any more than he wanted her to be.
They were at the mother of all standoffs, unable to back down even if they wanted to. Living in the same small town. Working at the same ranch. The never-ending possibility of being thrown together at social events.
Would it ever get any easier for him to be around her? Would he ever not hurt when he looked at her?
The plethora of emotions he was experiencing today, battling through him with a vengeance, were just as mercilessly and excruciatingly painful as they had been when he’d first seen Tessa in the Haddons’ office. It was all he could do to stay put and keep his game face on. Pretty much every nerve in his body was screaming to snatch Grayson up and head for the hills as fast as his legs would carry him.
That ought to set tongues to wagging.
Tessa had broken his heart so completely that he had burned through the stages of grief not once, but every single year since that day. For years, the first Saturday of June had tortured him with memories—only now it was far worse than just a recollection.
Tessa was sitting there alive and in person, right in line with his gaze, rocking his baby, looking exactly the way he’d always pictured she would when they started a family together.
Jo was right. Tessa was a natural mama if there ever was one—but then, Cole had always known she would be.
Only Grayson wasn’t her baby.
And Cole couldn’t stand one more second of this torture. He had to get out now, before his emotions got the better of him. Because the only thing worse than what he was feeling right now would be for Tessa—not to mention the whole community gathered around him—to see just how far he had fallen.
“Time to give my little cowboy a diaper change,” he muttered. Anything to get the baby out of Tessa’s arms. He reached for Grayson, intending to make a quick exit, but Jo was too fast for him.
“Now wait just one moment, dear. I’m ashamed to say we don’t yet have a portable changing table in the men’s restroom. Never even gave it a second thought until now. I promise y’all that particular item has just been bumped to the top of my to-do list.”
“Oh. I—uh—” After seven weeks he would have thought he could work out simple issues like this, but he kept stumbling upon new ones. Where did a single man change a baby’s diaper in a small-town café?
During the first few weeks, when he’d been settling the legal paperwork between him and the baby’s mother, he’d lodged with a navy buddy, Emilio Gonzalez, and his wife, Ella. He’d appreciated spending time with Ella, who was an experienced mother of six and a wonderful, patient teacher. Having a woman’s touch around was invaluable, in more ways than he cared to count. Truthfully, he’d let poor Ella do much of the work. He realized in hindsight that he should have been throwing himself into learning the ropes as he had in the navy. Watching and doing were hardly the same thing.
Cole sighed inwardly. Grayson would be better off if he had a woman’s influence in his life, and Cole silently acknowledged that he needed the help. But that was not reality for him and Grayson, and it might not ever be. He was on his own, and he’d never felt as powerless as he did in that moment, with everyone’s eyes on him.
A little help here, Lord, he prayed silently.
“You don’t have to leave on account of Gray’s diaper,” Jo assured him. “The ladies’ room is fully equipped. Tessa, would you do the honors? Where’s your diaper bag, son?” She directed her first question to Tessa and her second to Cole. Her eyes were sparkling with mischief and Cole cringed. Good ol’ Jo, ever the matchmaker.
He pointed to the giraffe-print bag on a nearby table. Jo dug through the bag for a diaper and wipes while Cole shifted his gaze to Tessa. She looked like a cornered wild animal, her eyes darting around the room as if looking for a quick way to escape.
In any other situation, he might have found the whole thing amusing, but there was not one single thing funny about having to share breathing space with Tessa, much less having her commandeer his baby, even if it was only for a diaper change.
“You’ve never changed a baby before?” he guessed, his lips quirking. Even on her worst day, she couldn’t be half as inept as he’d be
en his first few go-rounds, but he would shoot himself before he ever admitted that aloud.
Her auburn eyebrows hit her hairline. “It...it’s not that. I don’t mind changing Grayson for you. I’ve had my fair share of experience handling babies now and again. I was just wondering—that is—is your wife around? I don’t think we’ve met.”
Of course. Tessa didn’t know he wasn’t married. He’d hoped that particular tidbit would make its way around town and he’d never have to encounter that question. It was just like Tessa to have avoided the gossip. He wondered what people were saying, exactly. Folks were going to make all the wrong assumptions unless he set them straight. In a down-home, conservative little Texas town like Serendipity, things were done right and in the proper order.
First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
Only that’s not how it had been for Cole. To his everlasting shame, Grayson wasn’t the product of love or marriage. That didn’t mean Cole didn’t love his son with all his heart. Grayson was far and away the biggest blessing God had ever given him. He had such awe and wonder about this new little human being. The curve of Grayson’s ears, his fingers and toes, the way the baby already responded to Cole’s voice in the dead of night when it was just the two of them awake and rocking to a lullaby.
It might not have happened the way he would have planned, but it had happened, and being a father to Grayson was Cole’s new mission, more important than anything he’d done in the navy. More important than anything he’d ever done in his life.
He was not proud of how he’d gotten to this point, but he was proud of being here, of being Grayson’s father. As for his son’s mother...
“I’m not married,” he admitted softly, sliding his chair closer to hers so they wouldn’t be overheard.
Tessa’s brow rose again, and Cole frowned. She didn’t have to gape. This didn’t bode well for how the rest of the town was going to take the news.
