Twisted By Desire (Lust, Desire and Love Trilogy #1)

by Desiree A. Cox

  The doorbell rang just as I was stuffing the vacuum back into the closet under the staircase. Six o’clock, it was show time.

  Chapter 8

  If there’s a bigger sucker walking the face of the earth, I wanted someone to show me. He was stunning when he slept, and he had taken care of Abby through the night, but having Sky in my bed this morning was not the way to move forward after telling him it just wouldn’t work between us. I guess I shouldn’t complain now that it was the light of day, though; I hadn’t been complaining last night when he was making me scream in ecstasy. And what was I supposed to say when he walked out past my mom? Jeez, she was going to be floored. It wasn’t really her business; I’m a grown woman and he was the father of my child, but still. I left him lying there asleep while I dragged myself into the shower.

  I couldn’t believe he’d told me he would break up with Hope if it would make me happy. That’s not what I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew that wasn’t it. He said no one would ever replace me in his heart. He said he’d do anything for me. Anything except get and keep a job. Why does my life have to be so difficult? I stepped out of the shower, standing on the plush brown rug, my eyes covered by the towel. As I wiped the towel over my face and opened my eyes, there he was.

  “Jesus! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

  “No, I just noticed you were up, and I missed you.”

  “Sky, look, I appreciate everything you did last night -- everything -- but my mom is coming by this morning to watch Abby, and I’d rather you not be here when she shows up. I just don’t want to have to deal with that or try to explain anything to her.”

  “No problem. I have to get out of here anyway. I have an interview this morning at ten o’clock.”

  “That’s great. I hope it works out for you.”

  “Before I leave, I just want to say that I meant everything I said last night. No one can replace you. I love you so much.” His eyes were a flashback to our wedding day. Beautiful bluish-grey pools of lust, and full of love.

  “I know you do, and I love you too. But we both need to move on; it’s best that way. I don’t want to give you false hope that we can or will reconcile.”

  “A man can dream, can’t he?” His eyes were laser focused on mine, and his hand stroked over my slippery wet shoulder, down my arm, grasping my fingers. “I’ll see you on the weekend.”

  “Yep, we can finalize Abby’s birthday party plans, too.”

  “Absolutely.”

  As soon as he cleared the doorway, I exhaled and slumped down, sitting on the closed toilet seat, my shoulders rounded and head dropped, and my arms hung limp in my lap. I felt weak. What was I doing to him? To us? Tears welled up in my closed eyes. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. I sat there for several minutes, thinking about how selfish I had been not to make a clean break from him. I didn’t care about getting ready or getting to work on time.

  Once I heard him leave through the front door, it was my signal to find the strength to trudge through another day. I was happy my mom was coming by because it took some of the morning pressure off. But I was probably going to be late, with no reasonable excuse.

  I arrived in the office fifteen minutes late and was greeted by Jack standing next to my desk.

  “Good morning,” I said, trying to seem like nothing was wrong.

  “Good morning. How’s the kid feeling?”

  “She kept me up all night,” I lied; I was up all night but not because of Abby, “but she’s feeling better today. My mom is watching her for me.”

  “That’s good. Glad to hear it.” He slapped an open hand on the top of my cubicle wall and walked away. That’s it? No fussing because I was late? I’d take it; I definitely wasn’t in the mood to hear a bunch of blather.

  Candace walked by just as I put my purse in my drawer. “How’s Abby?”

  “She’s feeling much better today, thanks.”

  “Great. Have you talked to that guy from the bar? What was his name again?”

  “Jeff. Let’s go get some coffee, and I’ll bring you up to speed on him.” I grabbed my mug, and we talked as we walked to the break room, where we were met with Tristan and Georgia. After getting my coffee, and sharing my life story with them, I made my way back to my desk with a happy hour date for Friday after work. At least I had something to look forward to.

  Before I started work, I called Jeff and was once again sent to his voicemail. After hanging up, I let out a long, low sigh. Forget him; you have other things to worry about, like getting caught up with your work and not making any more mistakes. He used you, and you used him; it’s over, so move on.

  All week, my mind raced between Sky and Jeff, with work getting done in between my daydreams. Friday night happy hour quenched my long overdue need for a drink, but despite my attempts to stay engaged in the conversations and have a good time, my mind continued to wander back to the men at the root of my angst. By seven o’clock, I told everyone I’d see them on Monday and left for home.

  Saturday morning, I was startled out of my sleeping-pill-induced coma by my cellphone ringing before six thirty. I reached over, and through hazy vision, made out the displayed name, Jeff. I had saved his office number under his name; I couldn’t believe he was working on a Saturday morning. I needed to let him know not to call me before ten o’clock on Saturdays. We had a nice conversation once the brain fog cleared. He said he’d been out of town all week but wanted to take me out again. I had never heard of the restaurant he mentioned, but he assured me it was very good and told me to be ready by six o’clock, and that he’d come get me.

  I was cleaning the house when Sky came by to get Abby. Her overnight bag was sitting by the front door, and she was jumping on the couch like it was her personal trampoline. I was relieved he didn’t rehash our conversation from Tuesday morning. He and Abby left, and I quickly finished squeezing her toys into the toy box in the closet, put the finishing touches on the kitchen, then went to the salon to get my hair done. I wanted to wear it in a nice up-do, but my attempts at doing it myself in the past had failed miserably.

  My stomach fluttered, and my heartbeat raced as I flipped through my wardrobe to find something breathtaking to wear. The perfect dress practically jumped out of the closet at me. When in doubt, go for the little black dress. My Rachel Roy form-fitting dress that reached mid-thigh was perfect. The high neckline would give the classy look, and the lace zip back was the sexy, flirty look. My black patent leather pumps were the perfect shoes.

  Jeff arrived a few minutes before six, and I was ready when he rang the bell. He stepped in for a few minutes, wrapping me in his strong arms and lowering his soft lips on mine, kissing me like a sailor just returning from six months at sea.

  We arrived at Mise En Place just before seven o’clock and enjoyed a glass of wine at the bar while we waited for our table to be ready. Jeff’s touch on my arm and lower back had me squirming on the stool. He stood close enough behind me that I could feel his body heat.

  “I can’t wait to get this dress off of you,” he whispered in my ear.

  “I’m looking forward to it, too. We can leave now, if you prefer.”

  “Be patient, kitten; we have all night, and I plan to use you for each minute of it.” My back arched at his fingers running up my spine.

  “What’s good to eat here?”

  “You, pussycat, but you aren’t on their menu.” His warm breath was teasing my sex with the impending pleasure sure to come. “I think we should share the Get Blitzed Tasting Menu so you can try more than one thing.”

  We were called and walked over to our table. White tablecloths and real cloth napkins, I can get used to this lifestyle. Jeff ordered for us, including the wine. We enjoyed our meal, Jeff settled the check, and we left to go back to his place.

  Chapter 9

  I jumped up and realized I wasn’t at home. How long had I slept? What time was it? I glanced at the clock on the nightstand past Jeff’s still form -- one sev
enteen. It was so dark in the room, it was hard to tell it was daylight out, but knowing we hadn’t gone to sleep until after two AM, I knew it was afternoon. Sky was supposed to come by at two thirty. I needed to get back home or call him or something. I wrapped myself in Jeff’s robe that was lying across the bench at the foot of the bed, slid my cellphone from my clutch purse, and tiptoed through the room and down the stairs to get out of his earshot. I couldn’t deal with talking to Sky, so I quickly sent a text message instead.

  Me: Can you keep Abby until 5?

  Sky: Yeah, where are you?

  Me: Having lunch with a friend. I’ll be there by 5 though. I really appreciate it.

  Sky: No problem.

  I walked back upstairs, tucked my phone back in my purse, slipped off the robe, and crawled back in bed.

  “Is everything okay?” Jeff mumbled out.

  “Yes, I just needed to let my mom know I would be late getting to her house.” Way to go; telling lies already.

  “Good. I have plans for you for the next hour.” Jeff rolled over toward me, his erection skimming across my thigh. His soft touch sent a craving rippling through my body that caused my legs to involuntarily spread for him. I was ready for him to consume and fill me with his eager manhood. He reached for a condom out of the nightstand before taking his position between my legs and pressing deep into me, thrusting hard, deep rhythmic strokes for what seemed like hours until he found his release. I had needed this last Sunday. I really could get used to this … and him.

  He washed me in the shower, until his attention was sidetracked to licking my still-hard nipples and rubbing my clit, coercing another orgasm from me. “Damn, you’re insatiable,” he said appreciatively.

  “You make me that way.” I pressed him back against the shower wall and climbed up on my tiptoes, barely able to cover his mouth with mine. I could stay there and fuck him all day and night. We finally separated and finished washing up before exiting the shower and getting dressed. I was slipping my shoes on and saw it was almost three o’clock.

  “Do you have time to grab something to eat?”

  “Sure, but something quick, if you don’t mind.”

  “No problem; your choice.”

  “Do you eat fast food?”

  “It depends on the place.”

  We went through the drive-thru at Wendy’s -- they have the second-best fries ever, behind Chick-fil-A, and the Spicy Chicken sandwich is my favorite -- then Jeff dropped me off at home. He told me before I got out of the car to save the number he rattled off because that was his cellphone. I reached for my phone and typed in what I remembered, asked for the rest, and saved it.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table, taking sips of my water, and immersed in thought when the doorbell rang and Sky entered with Abby.

  “Hey, Nik,” Sky called to me.

  “Hey, Sky, thanks again.” Abby jumped into my arms, wrapping her little arms around my neck and squeezing tight.

  “Hey, baby girl. Did you have fun at Daddy’s?”

  “Yep, I got a new toy.”

  “Let me see it.”

  “Abby, let Daddy talk to Mommy for a minute, then you can show her.” She skipped to the living room, where Sky had set her bag.

  “So who’s the guy?” Sky asked as soon as she was out of sight, his eyes tightening, jaw clenching, and lips thinning.

  “No one you would know.” I swallowed hard, averting my eyes from his prying glare. “I met up with him earlier today. It’s nothing serious; we were getting something to eat, and I knew we wouldn’t get back in time.” My heart was pounding so rapidly I thought it was going to burst out of my chest cavity. Great, now I’m lying to Sky. I’ve never done that. “How’d your interview go?”

  “It went fine. I’ll know more this coming week.” His gaze was probing me, scanning my face, seeking cracks in the story I’d just fed him.

  “Sky, I have to apologize again for last weekend. I was so irrational. I feel really bad.”

  “Don’t sweat it; you’re moving on, and so am I, right?” The snippy tone he used sliced through my heart.

  “That’s right. How is Hope?”

  “I wouldn’t know; if I see her again, I’ll ask her.”

  I looked at him; his eyes had become cold, empty, and full of hurt. “I’ve got to go.”

  “You can –”

  “No, my empty apartment is waiting for me.” He turned his back to me, facing the front door, and raised his hand above his shoulder, signaling he was leaving, “See you next weekend.” He kept walking without even stopping to say goodbye to Abby, pulling the door firmly behind him.

  Fuck! I walked into the living room and leaned my head against the door. I had never meant to hurt him like this. He had to have known; this guy wasn’t the first one.

  I turned to Abby, who was staring at me from the floor with the corners of her little mouth turned down. “Where’s that new toy?” I asked her. Her expression changed to a smile, and her eyes became bright as she ran over to me holding up a new doll.

  “See her.”

  “I do; did you give her a name yet?”

  “No.”

  “Well, let’s go get some juice, and we can think of a name for your new baby.” We had juice and crackers while going through every female name I could think of before she decided to settle on Sissy. I was surprised she said my nickname Gary had given me when we were younger.

  We played with her other dolls and Sissy until it was time for her to get her bath and go to bed. Tomorrow was day care, and I wasn’t planning to have a repeat of last Monday.

  After getting Abby settled in bed and assured she was asleep, I went into my bedroom and lay in bed, thinking of Jeff. I reached for my cellphone on the nightstand and called him. I had to talk to him before I went to sleep.

  After thirty minutes of talking, I confirmed our plans for the upcoming Saturday. This time, no restaurant, I was going to drive over and we’d cook at his house.

  He finally told me more about his career. He was the director of product management and sales with a technology company. He traveled between two to four days a week making sure clients and businesses were well-trained and happy with their purchases, and he handled whatever else they might need.

  He gave me strict instructions for calling him during the week now that I had his cell number. No phone calls between eight o’clock in the morning and six in the evening. He said he wouldn’t be able to answer the phone during meetings or in the evening if he was at dinner with a client anyway. I couldn’t help but think it made better sense for him to call, since he knew when he’d be available.

  I wanted more time from him, but I knew he was working to get promoted, and there was no way I could demand more. Plus, he traveled a lot, so what could I do.

  ****

  We dated for the next two months, seeing each other mostly on Saturday nights and talking as much as his schedule allowed during the week. I had gotten comfortable with him, and we both enjoyed the time we spent together.

  He was coming over the following day, after he got back in town. It was time for me to reveal my one little secret I had kept hidden from him.

  Chapter 10

  My palms were sweating. The lump in my throat made it difficult to swallow, and to top it all off, I felt dizzy and lightheaded. Anxiety sucks. I couldn’t sit still; I paced like a caged lion as my stomach roiled. I shook my head, let out a lengthy sigh, and cracked my knuckles while fighting the bile rising in my throat. What if he didn’t take the news well? What if he got mad? What if he just left and never called again? I wanted him and a life with him so bad I would be devastated if he walked out on me. Somehow, I had to convince him not to leave when I told him the news.

  The doorbell rang and caused me to jump and gasp at the same time. I walked over to open the door. “Hi, babe.”

  “Hi to you.” He leaned in and slanted his eager lips onto my angst-filled mouth. He stood and looked at me. I averted my eyes, shifting my glance to t
he floor. He placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my gaze back to meet his, “Hey, are you all right, baby doll?”

  “Oh, um, yeah, I’m fine,” I said with a fake smile and forced chuckle. “Come in the kitchen. Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “I’ll just have some water.” He pulled out a chair, spun it around, and straddled it, facing me, staring into me.

  I reached out, handing his water to him. He took a couple of small sips as he watched me over the rim of his glass as I gulped mine down. My legs felt unsteady, but I couldn’t sit down.

  “What’s going on? I’ve never seen you act like this. You look like you’re going to either pass out or puke any minute.”

  “I have something to tell you. I’ve been, uh, kind of hiding a secret from you. But I want you to know now.” I walked over to set my glass by the sink, then ran my fingers into my hair, scratching my non-itchy scalp. “I’m scared to tell you. I’m so scared you’re going to run as fast as you can when I do.”

  “Are you going to tell me you used to be a dude?”

  “No, nothing crazy like that.”

  “Then how bad can it be?” Jeff lowered his head, rubbed the back of his neck, then raised his eyes to meet mine. “Just tell me; we’ll figure it out, whatever it is.”

  Hurry up and get it out, Nikki; Abby will be home in half an hour. I wrung my hands and felt the constricting tightness in my chest. I backed up to the sink countertop, leaning my back against it for support. Closing my eyes, I blurted it out; “I have a three-year-old daughter.”

  Hearing no reply, no movement, no footsteps running to the front door, I slowly peeled my eyelids up to see him still sitting on that chair, looking at me, void of emotion and unfazed.