Twisted By Desire (Lust, Desire and Love Trilogy #1)

by Desiree A. Cox

I spoke with Jeff every night. We both pretended like the declaration of love never happened. I was haunted by it, but really couldn’t beat myself up too bad. After all, I loved his house, his pool, his car, his generosity, and his dick. I could twist that into love of him if I was being creative.

  My weeks were all scripted the same; work Monday through Friday, late night phone calls or the occasional Skype conversation with Jeff, talk to Sky once or twice, love Abby unconditionally, and spend Saturday and Sunday fucking Jeff. Sex had been taken to a new level since the first condom-free experience. That was the norm now.

  It had been four weeks since the ‘kid talk.’ Jeff invited me over and I cooked dinner for us.

  “The job I’ve been waiting for opens for resume submissions in a couple of weeks. I plan to submit my name,” Jeff said.

  “That’s great news. Will it be a promotion?”

  “Yes, more money, more responsibility, and probably a little more travel for another year or two.”

  I stabbed a piece of steamed broccoli onto my fork. He told me he would acquire direct reports overseas and would need to travel there twice a year for an extended amount of time, probably two or three weeks.

  “Do they have a date they want the position filled?”

  “Within a month after they open for submissions, they want the person they select hired and in the job.”

  There was a slight pause then he asked, “Have you had plenty of time to think over whether you want more kids or if you can live with my decision?”

  I never raised my eyes from my plate. “I don’t want to lose you. I’m fine with having just Abby; I don’t need any more kids.”

  “I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to do something you don’t want to. If you aren’t comfortable with that, say it now.”

  “I’m comfortable with it, for real.”

  I could feel Jeff’s blazing-hot eyes on me. I lifted my gaze to meet his. “Baby doll, move in with me. I have plenty of room for you and Abby here. I’d like to come home to your beautiful smile and magnificent body.” This conversation had taken a serious and unexpected turn.

  I was shocked speechless and sat slack-jawed. “I don’t know what to say. This all seems so fast.”

  “There are no rules or timetables when things just feel right. Say yes, baby doll.”

  “Um, okay, then, yes.” The smile on my face was so wide my muscles felt stretched. “What about my house?”

  “Sell it. You live here now.”

  “When should I move my things? You’ll be out of town, and I don’t have a key.”

  “Here you go.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys he slid across the table to me. Confident much? “There’s a key for every door. I know a moving company that can pack and move you during the week so you’ll be here by Saturday.”

  This seemed fast. I felt overwhelmed, happy, excited, and scared. “I love you.” Really, I said it again? It’s becoming too easy to let those three words sneak past my lips. Jeff rose from his seat and walked to me, lowering his luscious lips onto mine. “You make me very happy, kitten,” he whispered into my mouth before planting a light, closed-mouthed kiss on me. He left me breathless when he pulled back from me and returned to his seat. At least he’d acknowledged I said it, but what kind of fucking response was that? That’s almost as fucked up as saying ‘thank you.’

  I was tired of not having anything nice or new. After struggling to survive week to week, paycheck to paycheck, being able to finally live without money concerns seemed like a dream come true.

  I went to bed on cloud nine, but the next morning my feet were firmly rooted on the ground as I began seeing the reality in my decision. I had to let everyone know the news. This was not going to be an easy week. I couldn’t afford to take time off. Who would take it worse, Mom or Sky? Was I really doing the right thing? Living in Jeff’s house would be amazing. I couldn’t second guess myself; my status was on the way up.

  I walked through the doors at work with a confused, disturbed feeling nagging at me. My chest felt tight, like an elephant was sitting on it, and butterflies had made their home in my stomach. I was early enough to get a cup of coffee before my one-on-one, but I found out Jack had called out sick so it was canceled. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to Candace. I didn’t even know how or what to feel today.

  I couldn’t talk at work. I needed to focus and get things done. I sent a meeting invite for lunch to both Candace and Georgia. I could tell them both at the same time. I wasn’t even sure if judgment was coming or if they’d be happy for me. Within a couple minutes, I received acceptance replies from both.

  All morning, my head kept replaying the conversation with Jeff from the day before. My mind was so far from my work that four hours had passed and not one account was updated. And I’d have to double check what I’d done so far. My mind was everywhere except on work.

  Candace and Georgia came by my desk to see me clutching my purse, raring to make an escape. “We can just go across the street to the pizza place, if you want.” I stood and we walked out.

  “That works for me.” Candace was not particular, as long as the food was good.

  “That’s fine; pizza sounds good for a Monday,” Georgia agreed as well.

  “How are things with Prince Charming?” Candace asked and Georgia grimaced.

  “Things are going well, really well. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you guys today.” I swallowed hard. As we waited for the street signal to change to walk, I divulged, “He asked me to move in with him.”

  “No gosh-darned way!” Georgia gasped. She saved pseudo-cursing for special occasions; I’m guessing this was one of them. Candace was rendered speechless; she just stared at me.

  “He asked me yesterday.”

  “It seems way too sudden; what did you say?” Candace asked.

  “Jeff said there’s no timetable when things feel so right. I have to say, I agree.”

  “But does it really feel right, Nikki, does it?” Georgia asked with her eyebrows raised.

  We walked into the pizza place. As we stood in line to order, I continued, “I already told him yes.” We worked our way through the line to get our slices of pie, then took a seat by the window.

  “You didn’t answer my question; does it really feel that right?” Georgia leaned in, placing her elbows on the table with her fingers clasped together as if in prayer.

  “Yesterday it did.”

  “Sky is going to have a shit fit,” Candace chimed in. “Have you told him yet?”

  “No, not yet. I haven’t told my mother either. I haven’t even told Abby. I wanted to start with you two to see what your reactions would be first.”

  “Well, brace yourself; the worst is yet to come.” Candace took a bite out of her pizza.

  I took a long drag on the straw, sucking a huge swallow of soda into my mouth. Georgia swallowed the bite she had been chewing to disintegration, then asked, “When are you moving?”

  “He wants me there by Saturday.”

  “Something doesn’t seem right to me. I don’t know him, but –” Georgia quipped as Candace interrupted.

  “If you’re happy, and you think you’re doing the right thing for you and Abby, I’m happy for you,” Candace said, then added, “but I have to agree with Georgia that it seems too fast.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes as Candace and Georgia finished their food. Mine was still sitting on my plate, the exact perfect triangular dough shape covered with greasy pepperoni that I’d paid for, untouched. My appetite had abandoned me.

  “What are you going to do with your house?” Georgia broke the silence.

  “Um, I guess I’ll just sell it. I won’t need it once I move in.”

  “Take my advice, and don’t sell the house. What if things don’t work out between you guys? What will you do if Abby hates it there or hates him? You’ll need somewhere to go.” Candace and Georgia were tag-teaming me with things I hadn�
�t thought of.

  “Those are good points. I’ll talk to Mom about it, I guess. We better get heading back.”

  I finished the day more confused than I started. I only knew one thing: I had to talk to Mom. I called and made plans to stop over after picking Abby up from day care.

  “Mom,” I called as Abby and I walked in through the back door of her house later that evening.

  “I’ll be right there; I’m in the laundry room.”

  I paced around the house, looking at their knickknacks as if it were my first visit there. Abby mocked my movements, looking at and touching everything I did. My stomach fluttered and my mind blurred. I felt short of breath.

  “Hi, sweetie.” My breath hitched and I startled at my Mom’s voice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump. Is everything going okay?”

  “Nana!” Abby ran and gave her a big hug around her knee.

  “How’s Nana’s precious baby today?”

  “Good, Nana.”

  I turned to face her. “Everything is fine, just fine.”

  “What brings you by?”

  “I just wanted to talk to you.” I was wringing my hands furiously and my eyes darted around the room, avoiding eye contact.

  “Tell me what’s going on Nervous Nancy.”

  “Well,” my stomach turned, leaving me feeling hollowed, “I was at Jeff’s last night.” I looked over toward their fireplace. “Is something different in this room?”

  “Nothing is different today, except you. What happened at Jeff’s?”

  “You know we’ve been seeing each other for about four months now.” Summarizing the short length of our relationship made things seem that much worse to me right now. “I’ll just say it; he asked me to move in with him.”

  My mom gasped and placed her hand over her mouth. She took a deep breath, exhaled and talked through her widespread fingers splayed on her face like a hand-cage, “What did you say?”

  “I told him … yes.”

  Her hand dropped from her mouth. “Nikki, you’re a grown woman. I can’t tell you what to do with your life any more than you could tell me. But I have to say, I’m a little surprised. No, I’m shocked that you said yes.”

  “I know you’re skeptical about him, but I really like him. He has a fantastic house with plenty of room and a pool. Abby will enjoy that.”

  “Has he told you he loves you?”

  “He told me I make him happy and that I mean a lot to him.”

  “Have you told him you loved him?”

  My gaze dropped to my feet. “Yes, I told him.”

  “And he didn’t say he loved you back?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, Nikki, honey, what are you doing? Why are you settling for this? You could find someone to love you like you deserve to be loved.”

  “I think he loves me. I just think he has a hard time saying it.”

  “I hope that’s it, sweetie. Have you told Sky yet?”

  “No, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

  My mom’s eyebrows raised, and her mouth pursed into a scowl. We talked for another hour, including the Thanksgiving dinner plans that may or may not include Jeff coming to dinner. When I left, she was not any more convinced Jeff was the right person for me or that moving in with him was a good decision. We told Abby and she seemed happy, but she was three years old. She was sold on the pool and having a big room for all of her babies. Mom agreed with Candace and Georgia that I shouldn’t sell the house. She suggested Sky renting it from me so he would have more room and to be out of the small apartment he’d been living in. I said I’d be okay with that if he was.

  Chapter 12

  “Have you lost your fucking mind? What are you thinking?” He raised out of his seat, standing above me, his nostrils flared and his eyes coldly boring a hole through my heart. “So I guess I’m supposed to be happy for you? You’re moving my daughter into some strange douchebag’s house that you barely even know!” His face reddened in splotches. “This is really fucked up, Nik.”

  “Please sit down, Sky; you’re making a scene.” I could feel my face heat up as I tried to shrink into an invisible spot on my chair.

  “I’m not doing shit; you did this! Where’s your head? You aren’t thinking of anyone but yourself, you know. This is --.” He eased back down, holding me tight in his gaze. “This is so damn selfish! You make me sick right now.”

  “You’re really being an asshole about this.”

  “Me? Really? You have turned into a self-righteous bitch on top of it all, you know that?”

  “Fuck you, Sky! I don’t have to put up with your shit. I’m a grown woman. I have to make my own decisions for my fucking life.”

  “Yes, you are,” he conceded. “But my daughter isn’t. She’s getting dragged into some strange place with a strange man she doesn’t know.”

  “I don’t want to argue with you. I just want to make sure you know what’s going on.”

  “Look, I’m not coming over to that asshole’s house to pick her up or drop her off. I don’t want to see that fucker or his house. You can make plans to either bring her to me or we can meet at your mom’s.”

  “That’s not always going to work, Sky.”

  “It’s going to have to or we’ll go back to court.” His eyes narrowed. “So on Saturday, before you’re setting up to play house with this ass clown, you can bring her over in the morning.”

  I sighed deeply, “Fine.”

  “I swear I just don’t get you.” Sky stood and held onto the back of the chair tight, his knuckles turning white. He looked directly out the door. “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.” His voiced cracked as he continued, “Just don’t let this asshole take advantage of you, Nik.” He released the chair and ran his fingers down through my hair before he walked away. I didn’t even have a chance to reply. I set my elbows on the table and dropped my face into my open hands.

  “Is there anything else I can bring you?” The waitress was so chipper that I wished I could buy some of that from her. I felt like I had been zapped of almost every ounce of life that was in my body.

  “A sharp knife,” I said and pulled my hands down my face and looked at her. “Just kidding. I’m ready for the check, please.” I settled on the bill and returned to work.

  “How did it go?” Georgia was standing at the edge of my desk. I raised my dead-pan gaze to meet her eyes. “Oh, never mind.”

  “It was terrible; major baby daddy drama. If there’s one person I hate arguing with, it’s Sky.” I turned in my swivel chair to face her. “But it was worse than just an argument; he was devastated.”

  “Did he say that?”

  “He didn’t have to; I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice.” I turned on my monitor. “Am I doing the right thing, Georgia?”

  “Only you know that answer, Nikki; we’re all on the outside looking in. We don’t know what’s between you and Jeff. We don’t know or understand the connection you two have. If it feels right to you, then it’s right. You’re entitled to be happy … and to live in that big ass house.” She laughed and I forced a smile. “Everyone will get used to it eventually, and it’ll be fine.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Let me know if you need anything. I’m not the best at packing glasses, but I can get pots and pans in a box.”

  “Thanks, but Jeff has a moving company coming by Friday to pack up the house -- everything. Then they’ll deliver it to his place Saturday morning.”

  “Wow, that’s a man who knows what he wants and makes sure he gets it.”

  “Yep. Hey, let’s do happy hour on Thursday this week.”

  “I’m in. Tristan and Candace might be okay to come. I’ll check with them. We’ll find people, even if we have to grab strangers at the bar.”

  We both laughed, and Georgia went back to finish her work. I felt a little better after talking to her. She was right; I was entitled to be happy.

  Friday night, by the time I stopped by my house after work,
it was completely empty. The movers had packed and taken everything. Probably things I didn’t even want. To my surprise, it was spotless, too. I had expected I’d at least get that wonderful task. I just stood in the small living room that had been mine for the past two years scratching my forearm, a nervous habit I’d had since I was a child. What am I doing? Is this really what I want?

  None of our things were being delivered until Saturday, but Abby and I decided to spend Friday night at Jeff’s house anyway. I let her sleep with me in his bed since it was a new place and he wasn’t home. He was supposed to get home in the afternoon on Saturday, so my plan was to get Abby to Sky before he got there.

  After returning to Jeff’s house Saturday morning from dropping Abby off with Sky, I was in the kitchen looking through his cupboards and pantry to see what he had and what he needed. The list was easy; he needed everything and had barely anything.

  Jeff came in the house with a dozen white roses, startling me. “Honey, I’m home.” He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around my waist, lowering his lips onto mine. His mouth was warm and inviting, and I melted into his embrace. “It feels so good having you here; you have no idea how much it meant to me for you to say yes. Did all of your things get delivered?”

  “Yep, everything is here. And they told me my furniture’s in storage.”

  “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do with it. I have plenty of furniture. Maybe you can sell it with the house.”

  “About that -- my mom suggested I rent it out.”

  “It’s your choice, whatever works for you. Just be ready for pain in the ass landlord shit.”

  He reached his arm out, holding the beautiful bouquet for me. They were already in a clear vase, which was perfect. I set it on the countertop bar.

  “Let’s go out tonight. What do you think, dinner and a club for real tonight?”

  “That sounds good. I’m up for anything with you.”

  “How about a shower? I need to wash work off me for the week and get into something more comfortable.” He winked before his eyes took me in from head to toe, sending tingles of need raging through my veins. He grasped my fingers and led me up the stairs to the bedroom to join him.