Disgrace

by Kit Bladegrave

  The cold left behind by my mother vanished, and I was overwhelmed with an intense heat that had me shifting in my chair, wishing we were back at his castle and not in Ziggy’s cabin. Holden’s lips twitched, but I sensed it was less smile and more worry about whatever I hid from him. I set the bead back down and contented myself with watching the door.

  Tori’s words repeated in my mind. I tried to make sense of what she said to me. My day of birth was drawing near, but what did that have to do with anything? I had no power from her, none. She spent plenty of years failing to draw it out of me before she decided to work at tearing the god from me instead. I was nothing to her. At least, I should have been, thought I’d been.

  All this time, I could have sworn she was dead. Now, I felt her presence lurking just outside this door. Revenge, she spoke of revenge, but against whom and for what? Holden had done nothing wrong to me, and she was insane to think I would ever betray him after all we’d just done to trust one another.

  If she came for me, for him, could I stop her? I was a hunter more than a fighter, but I would fight tooth and nail if I had to keep her from getting to me or Holden. Unless she did as she threatened to do. Wipe my mind, was it possible? Could she do that to someone? I only ever heard stories from the villagers about what Tori was capable of. No one ever mentioned taking over someone’s mind.

  “Gabby,” Holden growled, and I turned to him.

  “What?”

  “You keep pulling your hair like that you’re going to hurt yourself.” He grunted.

  Ziggy let him up from the chair.

  He came to me and took my hands firmly in his grip. “What happened out there? You look as if you expect someone to charge in through that door and kill you.”

  A voice in my head screamed at me to tell him, but if he knew about Tori and her threats, I feared he would go back to the cabin and confront her alone. I would not put him in danger.

  “I tripped is all, think I hit my head on a rock,” I lied.

  “Why didn’t you say so, woman?” He was instantly running his hands along my skull, searching for any hint of a wound. “I can’t find any bumps or cuts.”

  “Think my hair took most of the hit. Just shook me is all. Swear it.”

  His hands stilled, but he seemed to believe me. For now. “Ziggy, mind if I come back another day to finish? I want to get Gabby home.”

  “You are welcome any time, Holden. And take care of her. Gods know she does not always take care of herself,” he added, and my jaw dropped. “It’s the truth, and you know it.”

  “I do just fine, thank you.”

  “Yes, hiding in your cabin for years and years without speaking to anyone is marvelous for the soul.”

  “If I get any more markings done, I’m going to Henry.”

  “What,” he bellowed. “That oaf! He isn’t even artistic! You wound me, Gabby, that you do.”

  “Then don’t you be telling him any of my secrets. I’m doing that on my own.”

  “All of them?” he asked, and I saw Holden pause out of the corner of my eye as he slipped his shirt back over his head.

  “You and I are going to have a nice long talk one of these nights,” I warned Ziggy.

  I snatched my bag off the floor and asked Holden if he was coming or not. My hand shook as I reached for the door and a rush of fear at what might await me outside made it nearly impossible for me to just pull the damned thing open. But I got it and stepped outside. I marched straight to my temple, not slowing down until I was through the mirror and safe in the Underworld.

  8

  Holden

  Rush sat at my side as I finished my afternoon training of the pups. I hadn’t seen Gabby at the fence where she usually watched and frowned. “Where is she?”

  Ever since our visit to Channon, Gabby seemed… different. She hardly spoke to me and disappeared into her room very quickly in the evenings. I wasn’t going to go so far as to say she avoided me. I saw her plenty in the mornings at breakfast, and we shared more than a few heated kisses in the corridors of the castle, but as the day wore on, she became increasingly shaky, panicky almost. It never failed. And she was only getting worse. I tried asking her last night again if anything happened at her cabin, but she shook her head and began speaking of the hounds. The pleading look in her eyes asked me to let it go, but her growing anxiety after we made such good progress nagged at me.

  “Come on, let’s go find her,” I told Rush, and he grunted in agreement.

  Tomorrow, I had to leave Disgrace to do my inspections of all the hounds used throughout the Underworld. If Gabby wasn’t better when I found her this evening, I considered sending Josef in my place. The trip took two weeks to complete and with us growing closer, or attempting to, leaving her when she might need me had me anxious to find a way to get out of it.

  Rush’s nails clicked along the stones as he sniffed, following whatever trail Gabby left behind. He led us upstairs to her chamber, but then he veered right and picked up his pace.

  “You sure she’s this way?” I asked Rush, but he only moved faster in reply.

  The upper corridor of the castle only held my chambers, hers, two more rooms for guests, the infirmary, and some storage rooms that weren’t used for anything except holding broken furniture and filled with dust. Rush stopped outside the room at the end, planted his butt down, and growled.

  “In here? You’re sure?”

  He grunted louder and shook out his shaggy hair.

  “If you say so,” I muttered and went to the door. It was unlocked, and I opened it, peering into the hazy air filling a room no one had used in years. “Gabby?”

  She didn’t reply, and I walked further into the room, sidling around furniture and searching for any sign she was in here. I heard something heavy shifting around, and a curse followed it. I ducked under a shelf that had fallen on and finally spotted her near the far window, in front of three mirrors sitting beside one another. She was furiously scrubbing away at a fourth, muttering under her breath intensely. I said her name again, but it was like she couldn’t hear anything. I took another step closer and another, unsure of what she was trying to do with the mirrors when my gaze landed on her hands.

  Her bleeding hands.

  “Gabby! Damn it, what are you doing?” I rushed to stop her from scrubbing, but she shrieked, trying to pull out of my grip. I let her go at first, not wanting to hurt her, but she picked the bloodied rag back up and started to clean it again. “No, you have to stop now!”

  “Get off me, get off!” she yelled, still fighting me. “I have to do this!”

  “Your hands, look at your damned hands,” I growled as she flailed.

  Her fingertips bled profusely, and her knuckles were raw.

  I dragged her through the room with me, her yelling faltering as she held up her hands, wincing as she curled her fingers in.

  “Don’t move your hands.”

  “Holden?” she whispered, shaking her head. “What… why am I in here?”

  “You don’t remember?” I asked once we were safely out in the corridor.

  She blinked furiously, then glanced down at her hands. “Gods, what did I do?”

  Her face paled with her fear, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, doing my best to comfort her and not show how unnerved I was by what I just saw.

  “I don’t know. Let’s get you to your room and take care of your hands first.”

  She shrank into my side, and I held her even closer, definitely not about to leave Disgrace now, with her acting out and not even remembering. Once we were in her rooms, I yelled for Hattie as loudly as I could. When the demoness arrived, she took one look at Gabby’s hands and gasped.

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know yet, but can you help patch them up?’

  “Of course, I just need to go to the kitchens.”

  “Hurry, please,” I urged, and she lifted her skirts, taking off at a sprint.

  Gabby was whispering under her bre
ath, her head twitching every so often as she looked past me.

  “Look at me, love. Gabby, can you focus?”

  “Huh? Holden,” she sighed and seemed so lost. “I don’t… I’m sorry.”

  “For what? You did nothing to me. I’m worried about your hands.”

  I gingerly wiped some of the blood away, trying to find the worst scrapes and cuts, hating each time she flinched in pain. How long had she been up there? Guilt wracked me. I should have kept a closer eye on her, made her talk to me. Whatever happened back in Channon messed with her mind somehow because this was not Gabby. Hattie returned and together, we cleaned and bandaged Gabby’s hands. Tears burned in her eyes, and when a single one fell, I brushed it away softly.

  “There, all finished,” Hattie announced. “Now how about you lay back and rest, my lady.”

  Gabby listened to her without a fight. Together, we got her into a comfortable position on the bed, and I tucked her hair behind her ears. Chest tight as I kissed her forehead, I waited for her to say something, anything to help me understand what just happened, but she was quiet.

  “If you need me, just call out,” I promised.

  Again, she said nothing, and I was torn between remaining in the room with her or giving her time to rest. Finally, her eyes drifted closed, and I walked out, with Hattie following me.

  “Stay here, watch her room,” I ordered Hattie.

  “Of course. What happened?”

  “I have no bloody idea. If she tries to leave, you yell for me, understand?”

  She crossed her arms and stood right in front of the door. “She will not get past me.”

  I left her with Gabby and tracked down Josef. Together, we returned to the storage room. I frowned when I saw Rush still sitting right outside it. He whined when I approached, and I immediately reached for the dagger at my hip.

  “Is something in there?” Josef whispered. “Should I call for the guard?”

  “No, I saw nothing the first time. Wait here for me, just in case. Rush, come,” I ordered, and the hound stuck to my side as he was trained to do.

  With my dagger gripped firmly in my hand, we moved a few steps at a time, checking every crevice of the storage room, but all we found was more dust and destroyed furniture. Old bits of silver and shattered glass. There was no disturbance in the dust, except where Gabby had stood or dragged the mirrors around. The mirrors all came from when I took residence in the castle and wanted no reminder of who I was, why I was given this particular kingdom to rule over. I’d had most of them taken away and had no idea they’d placed them here.

  “Josef! You can come in,” I yelled as I sheathed my dagger then pulled at my beard, observing the four mirrors. Three of them were polished perfectly, the fourth she must have just started when I interrupted her. But all four had swipes of blood on them. Gabby’s blood.

  “You found her in here?” he asked confused. “What was she trying to do?”

  “She was cleaning the mirrors.”

  I ran my fingers over the closest one. There was nothing special about them, and as far as I knew, from what Gabby told me, she had none of her mother’s witchcraft in her veins. None of it made any sense. I crouched down, examining the mirrors. Josef did the same, but between the two of us found no hints to tell us what she was attempting to accomplish.

  “She was fine until she was at her cabin,” I told him. “What changed?”

  “Have you been back there to see?”

  “No, but the first night I stayed there, I swore I heard a voice whispering to me,” I admitted. “A voice that told me Gabriella would never be mine.”

  “Did you tell her?”

  “Why would I? I assumed it was a dream, but now… now I think there’s a spirit haunting her, something dark.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I’m going to visit my brother and Irina, see if she knows anything about what any of this might mean,” I said as I straightened, running a hand over my face. “Then, I’m going back to her cabin, and I’ll burn it to the ground if I have to. I will not let her be tormented like this. I sensed it the first time. There’s something evil there, Josef. Evil and unnatural.”

  I blinked and the image of her furiously cleaning that mirror until her hands were bloody filled my mind again. She had been crazed almost, and those words, what was she saying? A spell of some kind? No matter, Gabby was mine to protect now, and I would do whatever necessary to keep her safe. I told Josef to remain with Hattie and to lock this room.

  “And the mirrors?”

  I paused at the doorway, but it only took a moment for me to decide. “Destroy them, and any others in the storage rooms.”

  “I will see it done.”

  “Rush, stay and guard.” I pointed him toward Gabby’s room.

  He trotted away, and I hurried downstairs to the armory and the mirror that would take me to Envy. Before I placed my hand upon the glass, I wondered if I needed to start locking this room, too. I’d only caught her with the mirrors once, but how many times had she been in there alone? I should have paid more attention, sought her out sooner.

  “Doesn’t matter,” I growled to myself, flattening my hand to the mirror. “It won’t happen again.”

  I focused on where I wanted to go and when Ezra’s study came into view, I stepped through the mirror.

  “Holden? This is an unexpected visit,” Bishop’s said from across the room.

  “And it’s a bit urgent. Ezra and Irina, are they here?”

  “Out in the pasture. Shall I tell them you’re here?” he asked, but I was already making my way toward the door. “Ah, so it’s that urgent,” he mused, catching up with me.

  “You could say that, yes.”

  “Does it have to do with your new wife?”

  I growled in reply, my anger growing with each step I took. “Yes.”

  “Troubles between you two? Holden, you know you must give it some time—”

  “What?” I cut him off. “No, it’s not us, it’s Gabby. Something’s happened to her, and I need my brother. And Gabriella, I think she needs her sister.”

  Bishop, thankfully, fell silent for the rest of the walk to the pastures. Irina and Ezra raced across the field until I whistled loudly, waving my arm over my head. They turned their horses and rode up to the fence, both sweating and out of breath.

  “Holden! I wasn’t expecting you, was I?” Ezra asked.

  “No, you weren’t, but I’m afraid I need your help, brother.” I felt Irina watching me and sighed. “It’s Gabriella. I don’t know what’s happened, but I need you both. Please.”

  “What do you mean?” Irina asked.

  I told them everything that happened since our last trip to Channon. I talked and talked, and before long, I was telling them about our fight and our breakthrough. I was telling them all that passed between me and my new wife and by the end of it, I was on the verge of losing my voice, and my hands shook with concern. But it was the way Irina hung her head and cursed that had me on high alert. “You’ve seen this before, haven’t you?”

  “Irina?” Ezra looked at his wife, and she nodded. “When?”

  “I’ll explain later. Right now, I need to see her.”

  “You’ll tell me right now,” I snarled, blocking her from leaving the pasture. Ezra shot me a glare, but I ignored him. “Please.”

  “She can’t know I told you this,” she started.

  “Not a word, now tell me.”

  “When she was a child, when Tori tried to teach her magic, each time she failed, she forced Gabby to clean the mirrors she used for her witchcraft. Clean them, until her fingers bled. If they weren’t clean enough, she was beaten,” Irina muttered furiously. “A few years after that terrible woman finally left, I thought Gabby would move on from those memories, but instead… instead, she swore sometimes she would hear Tori’s voice, or dream of her. Yelling at Gabby, all over again. A few times she was caught cleaning the mirrors, as if her mother was standing right behind
her, ready to beat her if they weren’t done well enough.”

  My hands tightened around the pasture fence, my knuckles turned white, and splinters dug into my palms, but I didn’t let up. “The cabin, does her mother’s spirit haunt the cabin?”

  “We don’t know, no one does. No one’s heard from Tori since she abandoned Gabby.”

  “The mirrors, what did she use them for?”

  Irina shrugged. “I’m not a witch, and I know no others who use mirrors. But Tori, she claimed to be a healer. There were rumors she was something more, something much darker.”

  After seeing the symbols carved into Gabby’s back, I had no trouble believing those rumors were true. How many nights had she heard her mother’s voice and said nothing to me? Why wouldn’t she let me know it was this bad?

  “Ezra, will you come with me to Channon?”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Take whatever Gabby may need from that place, and then destroy it. If Tori’s spirit lingers, maybe we can send it on its way to where it belongs, and it will stop tormenting my wife,” I snarled, turning away from them both.

  “I told you,” Ezra whispered after he caught up with me in his study.

  “About what?”

  “How having someone in your life changes everything. Despite this current predicament, you seem better, brother.”

  I grabbed his arm as he reached for the mirror. “Gabby has helped me open up about so many bad things in my past… she’s healing my scars—literally, Ezra. I owe her so damned much, and this… how did I let this happen to her?”

  “She’ll be fine, Holden, I swear to it.”

  “And if she’s not? If I’ve failed her, before we’ve even had a chance to see how this plays out?”

  “You haven’t. Come, let’s see what evil this damned witch has left behind.”

  I snarled as we neared the cabin and Ezra nodded in agreement.

  “Did it feel like this the night of the wedding? I don’t remember it being so… so heavy.”

  I frowned. “No, this is new.”

  I knew I should have come with Gabby to the cabin. Too late to change what happened, but I was going to make it right. I took a slow step forward as if waiting for a trap to spring. A whisper brushed against my ears, but no words that I could discern. The wind, that’s what I told myself. Just the wind.