Disgrace

by Kit Bladegrave

  “Ah, right on time,” I mused, turning to see Josef and two other demons coming my way, pulling a wagon of dirt. “How much did you bring?” I asked, eyeing all the baskets excitedly when they reached me.

  “All of it. Figured you needed enough for a garden so here it is.”

  “You are amazing!” I hugged him as I added, “I hope Holden knows how lucky he is to have you around.”

  “He does, I believe, sometimes,” he said. “Do you want help unloading?”

  “No, I don’t want to keep you. I know you have the hounds to look after since Holden’s away. I can manage.”

  “And your hands?” he asked quietly.

  “Healed. This will keep me busy for most of the day, and that is something I desperately need.”

  “It’s nice to see him being missed by someone other than me and the rest of the staff,” Josef sighed. “And I know how much he misses you, worries about you, even, now.”

  “He was going to stay behind for me.”

  “Yes, something he’s never done in the past.” He wiped at his eyes quickly, mumbling something about dirt in them, then waved and said he’d be around if I needed help. The two demons left with him, and I climbed into the wagon to begin hauling dirt into my new garden.

  The going was slow at first, but I got into a good rhythm and was sweating before long, dumping the dirt into the garden bed and raking it out. I repeated the process, breaking up any clumps I saw and humming while I worked. Rush lay nearby, front paws crossed, but head always turning, eyes watching the activity around us. I had no worries with him guarding me. Holden trained him, after all. I was safe here in the Underworld. Safe from Tori’s spirit. Holden believed he destroyed her, and with a new lightness in my mind, I let myself think he was right. I guessed she had died after all, and good riddance to her. No one else would suffer at her hands.

  “Gabby!”

  I wiped my arm across my sweaty forehead, squinting into the distance.

  Irina hurried my way, waving and grinning.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Thought I’d keep you company for a few days. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Not at all. And at least you wore decent work clothes.” I nodded in approval at her breeches and top which had replaced her usual flowing dresses. “Ready to get your hands dirty?”

  “I’ve already planted my garden—so, yes! Dying to get my hands in there.”

  Between the two of us, we managed to get the rest of the dirt dragged out of the wagon and dumped. Then I went inside and pulled out all the potted herbs and seedlings Josef and Hattie managed to round up for me. It wasn’t near what I had at the cabin, but it was a good start. We popped seeds into the ground at one end, then began removing the herbs from pots and planting them at the other end.

  Rush happily brought us trowels and small rakes to help us out. When it came time to water, we walked to the well, chatting the whole while about Ezra, and her marriage. We filled up buckets and returned to the garden, taking several trips to get it all watered.

  “And you and Holden?” she asked, giving me a playful nudge.

  “What about us?”

  “You seemed quite close the last time I was here. He was in a right state over you, too. You should have seen him, going all demon rage when he realized Tori must have attacked you.” She pretended to swoon.

  I nudged her right back, nearly knocking her off the garden timber we sat upon. “Did he now?”

  “Yes, he did, and Ezra said, that at the cabin, it was as if he was watching his brother march back into war. That demigod demon, I think he loves you.”

  “Love is a very strong word,” I said quickly. “But we do care for each other.”

  “And?”

  “And what?” I stared at her as she bit her bottom lip and grinned, tilting her head. My eyes widened, and this time, I nudged her hard enough to fall back into the mud as she cackled. “By the gods, sister! You are ridiculous!”

  “What? I can’t be curious?”

  “You can be, and you can remain being curious.” I huffed as I crossed my arms, my toes absently moving the dirt around at my feet. “Besides, it has not come to that yet.”

  “You sound as if you’re upset by it.”

  “No, we both decided we’re trying not to rush things, but, gods, every time he kisses me it’s like another piece of me falls away then comes back with a bit of him. Does that even make sense?” I said with a laugh.

  Irina smiled and shook her head. “But that’s love. Nothing about it makes sense. What he did for you? If that doesn’t convince you that he loves you, I’m not sure what can.”

  “Yes, and if I can pull off what I want—” I eyed her. “Can you keep a secret or not?”

  “Depends on the secret?”

  “Irina!”

  She placed her hand on her heart. “I promise not to share with anyone what you wish to share with me. Unless your life is in danger, then I have no choice. That good enough for you?”

  “I suppose so. Come with me. Rush? Stay out here.”

  The hound grumbled at me but took up his post outside the door of the workshop as Irina and I entered it. The day was bright enough I hadn’t lit any torches, and we walked to the very back where I’d stashed the map Hattie brought me a few days ago. She’d had it a while, but was waiting for Holden to leave and me to feel better before giving it to me.

  “Are you going somewhere?” Irina asked confused as I laid out the map. “This is the Underworld.”

  “Yes, it is. There’s someone I’m going to try and find.”

  “And who is this person? And why are you telling me I can’t tell anyone else?”

  “Holden never met his father. His real father,” I explained. “He was banished before he ever had the chance and I’ve decided it’s been too long. I’m going to find Holden’s demon father somewhere out here in the wilderness.”

  Irina blinked a few times, staring blankly at the map before she shook her head. “No.”

  “What do you mean, no? He’s helped me, and he needs this,” I argued.

  “And you’re going to go find him alone? Gabby, you’re a great tracker and a hunter, but the Underworld is dangerous, more dangerous than Channon.”

  “I’ll be fine. I plan on having a very helpful companion with me.”

  She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “I still say no. If Holden finds out you’re going off on your own, that far off on your own, he’ll be furious! Do you even have any idea of where to start looking?”

  “I’ve been asking around, quietly, and Holden’s mother and real father had a special place they would meet. Here,” I said, pointing to the place where the Kingdom of Disgrace met the Kingdom of Savagery on the map. “It’s mostly mountains, but there are several valleys, and rumor has it they had a small getaway in one of the valleys. I just have to get there and start searching.”

  “And if he’s not there?”

  “That is why I’m not telling Holden until I find his father.”

  “Why not send Hollis?”

  I had thought of that, simply sending out a message, but everyone knew the messengers relayed every message they received to the head gods. They were recorded and stored. If Jaspen caught word of what I was doing, I feared he would take it out on Holden. They were finally getting along, somewhat, and I did not want to be the reason that changed.

  “No. I have to find him on my own.”

  “You are insane! You have no idea what’s out there!”

  “I’m going, and you’re not going to stop me. And,” I said, holding up a finger, “you promised not to speak of this to anyone so do not tell Holden.”

  “I promised to remain silent unless your life was in danger. This counts!”

  “No, it does not. Please, Irina, I have to do something for him after everything he’s done for me. Seeing his real father, meeting him, he could see where he comes from. His childhood was as rough as mine was,” I told her. “With any luc
k, his real father will be glad to see his son.”

  “Or he’ll be furious since he’s the reason his father was banished!”

  I rolled the map back up. “If that’s what you want to think, then fine. But I’m going to find his father one way or another.”

  “Gabby, please, think this through before you take off.”

  “I already made my plans. I hoped you would come with me, help ease the situation when I did find the demon, but all I ask is you keep this to yourself.”

  She sagged forward, mumbling words I couldn’t hear under her breath.

  I had a sense of what she said anyway.

  “Swear to me you’ll be careful? The last thing I want is Holden sending me word in a panic because you’ve either gone missing or come back hurt. You’re just a demi, Gabby, you can die much easier than a god can.”

  A flare of anger shot through me at her words, but I tamped it down quickly before I lashed out at her. “Yes, I know, I’ve known that all my life.”

  “That’s not what I meant, I just… I worry about you.”

  “I recall you telling me you risked your life for Ezra.”

  “That was different.”

  “Was it? You could have easily destroyed yourself, taking that darkness from him. There is no difference. This is what I have to do, and I’m doing it. End of discussion.”

  Irina bowed her head. “If that is what you feel then I will not say a word.”

  “Thank you.”

  “And I think it may be time for me to return to Envy.”

  “Irina, you don’t have to leave,” I sighed, but she reached for me and pulled me into her arms as if we were kids again. Even though I was taller than her, she always made me feel so young.

  “I only want you to be happy. You deserve it after all you went through.”

  “So does he,” I replied, and she drew back. “Do you want me to see you out?”

  “No, I can manage. You have plenty of work still to do here, but it’s coming along nicely. Much better than Tori’s old cabin.” She squeezed my shoulders, took a deep breath and nodded to herself as she set off back for the castle.

  Rush came inside after she’d gone and sat right at my feet. I lit several torches then focused on organizing my supplies on the shelves and working at writing down all the tonics and salves I could recall from memory. Many of them I would have to experiment with until I remembered everything, but once the plants began to grow, I’d get back to being the healer I was. A better one, with Tori no longer looking over my shoulder.

  I worked well into the evening, barely hearing Hattie come in to deliver dinner, when Rush finally tugged at my shirt. “Hmm? Oh, is it that late already,” I mused, realizing night had fallen. “You want to turn in, huh?”

  Rush yawned in reply, and I scratched the top of his head.

  “Let me put this up, and we’ll go in then.”

  I hummed again as I cleaned up my work table when a warm wind flowed through the room. I paused, swearing I heard another voice humming along with mine, but when I stopped, the only sound was I heard was Rush panting by the door. I brushed it off as nothing and put out the torches before closing the door and returning to the castle.

  I was knee deep in mud in the garden, since it just rained, working at harvesting what herbs I could pluck already. Rush was busy rolling around in another mud patch, scratching his back and flinging more mud everywhere. He was going to need a bath as much as I was.

  Thunder rumbled overhead, and lightning split the sky.

  “Think we need to get back inside,” I told Rush, eyeing the dark thunderclouds.

  Rush shook violently in reply, soaking me even more, and then tapped his front feet as he waited for me to join him. Holden would be back in a day or so, and I was itching to see him again. I dreamt of him every night since he’d been away.

  My workshop was in incredible shape. I’d already concocted a store of healing salves and tonics, a few potions to aid in curing sicknesses that afflicted demons down here and was running out of ingredients to make things. If he was gone too much longer, I was going to find a way to plant a second garden, do something to keep myself from doing something I shouldn’t. Such as taking off into the wild to find Holden’s father. I needed a bit more information before I attempted that journey.

  Rain began to fall as Rush and I walked through the wet grass toward the castle. By the time we sprinted inside, the skies had opened up, and we were both soaked.

  “My lady!” Hattie exclaimed, rushing toward me with a thick towel. “Your teeth are chattering. I’ll have a bath drawn for you.”

  “Thanks, Hattie.” I hugged the towel close. “And I think Rush needs a bath, too.”

  Hattie gave the hound a narrow-eyed look. “You can go to the kennels for your bath. Josef can see to you. And don’t you dare run through my kitchen!” she yelled after the hound as he took off, leaving a trail of muddy footprints in his wake. I laughed as Hattie said she would see to a bath if I wanted to head to my chamber and at least get dried off.

  “Any word from Holden?” I asked when she returned with ladies in tow, all carrying steaming hot buckets of water.

  “Nothing yet, but with this much rain, the roads may be washed out. His return home may take a bit longer than he anticipated. Worry not, though, he will not want to stay away from you any longer than he has to.”

  “I hope so,” I replied, staring longingly out the window.

  Once the bath was filled, I dropped a few rose petals in the hot water, breathing in deeply as the aroma filled the room. I stripped out of my wet clothes and hurried to slip below the water. I sank into it up to my chin, listening to the rumbling thunder as the storm moved in over Disgrace. Rain pattered the windows, and I was lulled into a light sleep, the warm water surrounding me, comforting me. I imagined a pair of strong arms holding me close and smiled, willing him to get home on time. My eyes shot open suddenly, and I turned to the door.

  “He’s home,” I whispered to the room, not certain how I knew, but I felt it.

  A few moments later, I heard his growling voice in the corridor along with Josef’s. A knock on my door sounded just as I was climbing out of the water and Hattie was there.

  “He’s home,” I repeated to her, and she nodded.

  “I had something made for you, I thought you might like to wear it this evening.” She laid the black and red outfit on the bed as I wrapped myself up in a fresh towel then hurried over. “I know you do not like dresses, but I felt this one may be more your style.”

  I stared down at the dress, running my hands over the soft leather mixed with fur and just a hint of silk. “This is beautiful.”

  “Do you wish to try it on?”

  “Yes!” I picked it up and rushed behind the screen as Hattie clapped her hands in excitement. “You’re just trying to get me in a dress.”

  “The lady of the castle should wear one now and again. And there’s a certain prince who may enjoy it,” she added. “He is currently in his chambers, taking a bath as well.”

  My cheeks flushed, and I held up the dress again before slipping into it. It hugged my waist with a leather belt, emphasizing my hips. The silk was covered by two leather straps that reached over my shoulders, and the back was open, showing my markings. The fabric hung to my knees, fur complimenting it around my waist and along the skirts. It was not a dress I’d ever expected to see, but it fit my style perfectly and showed off my curves. I stepped out from behind the screen and Hattie grinned in approval.

  “You look stunning, my lady,” she said.

  I spun around once, loving how the strips of fabric that made up the skirt spun out around me before they settled back down again. “I think I’m going to see how my husband is doing after his long journey.”

  I exited my chamber, padding barefoot toward Holden’s rooms. My heart pounded beneath my ribs as I raised my hand to knock, wondering how the next few moments were going to go. As my hand fell against the wood, I held my b
reath, waiting.

  “Come in!”

  I smoothed my hands down my dress and pushed open the door. Holden stood across the room with his back to me, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. The markings Ziggy had started were finished, and I wondered if his visit to Channon was the reason for him being late. It was magnificent on his skin, a hellhound amongst a mountainous landscape, with several symbols below its massive paws.

  I quietly closed the door behind me and walked toward him.

  “Josef?” Holden asked as he turned, and his lips parted as his eyes took in the sight of me from head to toe. “Gabby. You look incredible,” he whispered, the words as strained as the muscles in his shoulders and chest seemed to suddenly be.

  “Gift from Hattie. You like it?”

  “Love it,” he replied with a low growl.

  “How was your journey?” I took another step closer, loving the way his skin grew flushed, and his hands twitched at his sides.

  “Long. Far too long,” he murmured.

  His rumbled voice rolled through his body, and then he was there, pulling me into his arms and kissing me fiercely. He picked me up off my feet and spun me around as we embraced, him still warm from the hot water and his hair soaking wet. It dripped down his back in a tangled mess my fingers became stuck in. I laughed, trying to pry them free without tugging on his hair.

  “Why don’t you let me fix it for you?” I asked as he set me back on my feet.

  “I would like that very much.”

  “You have the beads with you?” I pulled him to a nearby chair and sat him down, running my fingers through his wet hair and massaging his scalp at the same time.

  He nodded toward the floor where his leather overcoat was. “Pocket.” He started to get up, but I pushed him back down.

  “I can get them. You’ve been on a long trip. Relax for a bit.”

  He caught my hand, kissing my palm and causing butterflies in my stomach as I slipped free and dug around in his pockets for the beads. I pulled out the ones I’d given him but frowned to see more. “Where did you get these?”