The Hideaway (Lavender Shores Book 5)

by Rosalind Abel

  I’d almost shut the door when Moses’s whisper cut through the darkness. Quiet enough it was barely audible, but I was able to hear a different sort of shame in the words, and a bit of wonder too. “You really think what Uncle Micah and Seth have together is okay? You really don’t think they’ll have to go to hell for it? What Uncle Gilbert and Uncle Walden have?”

  I froze, the breath knocked out of me, every aspect of those questions bashing against me in different ways. Pain for Moses clenched at my heart at all the love he had missed—how quickly he’d adopted my family as his own and how readily he referred to my brothers and sisters as uncles and aunts. The shame was less than when he’d first arrived, but still there. Of course it was. Those lessons had been beaten into him. It was probably a good sign he was even willing to ask the question.

  But talk about a punch across the face at having Micah and Seth’s relationship compared to the love between Gilbert and Walden.

  “Connor?” Moses’s voice was a little louder. Clearly he feared he’d crossed the line.

  This was the first time he’d spoken about anything gay, after all these months. Even though it was the very reason he lived with me now and we both knew it. I couldn’t screw this moment up, but I had no fucking idea what to do. Did I go back and sit on the bed, take his hand? Did I turn on the light and spend the next few hours trying to convince him that everything he’d been taught about himself was a lie?

  The only thing I knew for sure was I couldn’t make it about me, couldn’t make it about Micah.

  I stayed where I was, letting the space between us and the darkness be a safety for us both, but made certain my voice was steady, warm, and strong. “Yeah, I do. I really do think what they have is okay. And Moses, none of us are going to hell. None of us.”

  The last part was easy to say even though I remembered the fear. I no longer believed in hell, but I knew Moses did with everything in him. No matter which one of us was right, I was damn certain if there was a God, no fucking way he’d send a kid like Moses there.

  Moses didn’t answer for so long I thought maybe I’d said the wrong thing or that he’d fallen asleep. I still debated what I was supposed to do. Finally he spoke again, his voice quiet and calm. “Good night, Connor.”

  “Night, Moses.” Though he often referred to the rest of my family with titles, he never did with me. I was never Uncle Connor. I was always just Connor. Somehow that seemed closer, more intimate. Maybe. I shut the door and headed back to the living room. I almost opened up the pullout bed since Moses was already awake, but it seemed like too much effort. Plus, I’d just have to put it away in a few hours. Even opening the pack of cigarettes and going out to the balcony sounded like too much work. Instead, I plopped down on the couch, flipped on the TV, hit the Mute button quickly, and turned it to Nick at Nite, letting the sitcoms of my youth play silently as past and present demons battled in my head.

  Three

  Micah

  Seth twisted in his seat beside me, turning to gape at the decorations that transformed the high school gymnasium into the inside of a circus tent. “It seems taking several years off from this event has done some good. Your mom and Robert spared no expense.”

  “Well, they did save on labor. The entire Bryant and Kelly clans were here past ten last night setting everything up.” I had to admit, we did a bang-up job. The place looked spectacular. It’d taken over two hours for Gilbert and me to figure out how to affix the heavy material looping over the ceiling and down the walls so it wouldn’t interfere with the fire codes and electrical work. It’d actually been a fun night.

  Though I’d been disappointed at Connor’s absence—he’d had to reschedule some tattoo sessions from several days before—I’d also felt relief. It’d been exactly a week since we’d run into each other at Charlie’s Tavern. A week without seeing him was near miraculous. That wasn’t the right word, and I knew it. No miracle—it was intentional. Connor was avoiding me. And while that did bring some relief, it made my skin itch and left me irritable. Like a junkie needing his fix. Now that was an accurate descriptor. No miracles, just my drug.

  “Robert Kelly hasn’t stopped calling me this entire week.”

  It took me a second to replay Seth’s words. “Robert?” Then it clicked. “Oh, about this. Yeah, he asked me too.” I shifted as a woman squeezed past to find a seat farther down in our row. “The last time they did this, I lived in New York, and before that, I was in high school, so I was too young to participate. But if I remember, you were always one of the highest sellers, weren’t you?”

  Seth leveled his gaze on mine with an intensity he seemed to have been avoiding ever since Charlie’s. “You used to notice me back then?”

  I hadn’t. Well, I had…. Seth was one of the most attractive men in town. Everyone noticed him. But I’d paid him no more mind than a beautiful butterfly passing by. My attentions had always been laser focused. “How could I not? Mom and Robert were always gushing about how much money you brought in for charity.”

  “Oh. Well, yeah. I guess that’s true.” Seth’s expression changed, and his eyes narrowed. “This year is a really good cause. Maybe I should’ve said yes.”

  “You totally should’ve. You’d still be a hit.”

  He flinched at that. “I didn’t want you to feel weird about it.”

  “It’s for charity.” I motioned toward the stage, which was typically used for plays and graduations but currently held various circus paraphernalia. “My whole family does it. Everyone does it. Even Andrew and Joel, and they’re married. Just because you get auctioned off doesn’t mean you have to sleep with someone. It’s just for show.” I shrugged. “Besides, we’re open. You know you can do what you want.” The second the words left my lips I realized the tenor in my tone was all too clear.

  There was a flash of hurt, and then Seth’s brows knitted, and he repositioned, facing the stage. His voice was low, barely audible over the chatter of the crowd. “Yeah, maybe I should’ve.”

  Shit. “Seth, hey….” I reached out and grabbed his knee, but at that moment the lights dimmed, the frantic circus-like background music increased tenfold, and multicolored spotlights began darting over the stage. I didn’t try to say anything else. Seth kept his gaze focused forward, and after a moment I pulled my hand away.

  Things had definitely been strained over the past week. I’d done everything in my power to pretend Seth hadn’t noticed anything pass between Connor and me at Charlie’s, but my gut knew better. Still, even if he had noticed, I had no doubt he was chalking it up to the tension between the two of us. And there I was, making Seth feel like he was nothing more than a random cock I was dating for a while. That had been fine for our years of hooking up; it wasn’t okay after months of dating. An open relationship was the only way Seth would consider any type of relationship, which worked just dandy for me. At least, considering I was dating Seth. But an open relationship didn’t mean treating the man you were dating like a hookup.

  I was fairly certain Seth had seemed like he was falling in love with me while we were at Charlie’s, though the sensation lessened over the last few strained days. But now there was more proof. The hurt and jealousy that crossed his face. That was new. And not good.

  I had to end this. Needed to. For Seth’s sake if nothing else. But then what? Go back to watching Connor take on his new father role on his own, sit there as he actively avoided me. Dating Seth had helped; it had been a relief. A pleasant and pleasurable distraction. I’d thought that was what it had been for Seth too. Neither of us had been thinking marriage in the future. But it looked like that was changing. At least for one of us.

  “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” My mother’s voice cut through my thoughts. Just as well, this wasn’t the time or the place to figure it out or have the conversation. I refocused on the stage and couldn’t suppress a soft chuckle despite my darkening mood. Mom had spent all afternoon at the beauty parlor. And sure enough, she’d outdone herself. Her hair ha
d been dyed platinum blonde and piled in huge spirals on top of her head—so many spirals I was certain she’d gotten extensions too. She had on a tight corseted pink, green, and yellow striped dress that puffed out over her shoulders and gave way to a hoop skirt.

  Beside her, Robert Kelly wore matching striped pants, pink suspenders, clown shoes, and a lavender top hat. And nothing else. “Welcome to the Meat Market!”

  The crowd cheered, and catcalled.

  Despite our strain, Seth gave a little shudder and glanced at me. “I’ve never had the desire to see Robert Kelly shirtless, and while I’ve seen your mom’s Wonderbra cleavage many times, this takes it to a whole new level.” I suppose it said something about my upbringing that such a sight hadn’t affected me at all. Seth motioned across the aisle at Heather Kelly, Seth’s business partner at the bed-and-breakfast. “I’m pretty sure Heather’s going to curl up and die any second.”

  I followed his direction, and sure enough, both Heather and her mom, Debbra, sat with their heads down and their hands blocking their eyes. Heather had been raised in it as much as I had. Maybe she just had more decorum than I did.

  Mom’s voice brought my attention back to the stage. “Before we bring up our first choice of prime meat, we want to remind you where our proceeds are going this evening. Every dollar you spend will be used to build a new LGBTQ youth center out on Bear Valley Road. While Lavender Shores is a safe place for all children, the same cannot be said for some families in neighboring towns. We are working on changing that.”

  “Exactly!” Robert stepped forward, shaking a sparkling purple staff. “So make sure the money you plan to spend tonight matches the grade A beef you’re bidding on!” He tipped his top hat at the crowd. “Speaking of, we’ve got a huge selection for you this evening. And by huge….” He waggled his eyebrows dramatically. “You know exactly what slice of meat I’m talking about.” I was fairly certain I heard Debbra Kelly’s groan from across the aisle as the crowd erupted once more. “So let’s get this party started!”

  Mom raised a matching staff in the air. “Our first selection for you this evening is Adrian Rivera! He is a sexy Latin lover, who works well with his hands and, as evidenced by his abundant produce, he knows how to make things grow!” She paused at the new outpouring of whistling, and then she and Robert stepped to either side of the stage. “Adrian, get your cute little buns out here, dear, and show the good folks what they’re bidding on.”

  Wearing nothing more than a purple pair of jogging shorts and looking like he wanted to die, Adrian joined Mom and Robert on stage. We’d been friends for so long that Adrian was family to me. I often didn’t realize how stunning he really was. Despite how uncomfortable he looked, there was no doubt he was going to raise a pretty penny this year. At Mom’s prodding, Adrian began to walk down the makeshift runway that ran partway down the center aisle. The multicolored lights flashed over his skin, highlighting his muscles as he moved.

  “Don’t walk like you’re a soldier, Adrian!” Robert hurried up to him and grabbed his hand, then pulled him along, though there was barely enough room for them both on the narrow walkway. “You gotta show them what you got!” Robert began alternating rolling his hips and making pelvic thrusts with each step. Once they reached the end, he stood behind Adrian, gripped his hips, and guided him in what might have been a long-lost mating dance.

  Despite the abject humiliation written over Adrian’s face, he started to play along and even began flexing his biceps as the bidding began. It’d taken weeks of me coercing him to even get him to consider doing the event. Probably a good idea they put him in the first slot so he wouldn’t have a chance to run away.

  Thankfully, the bidding for Adrian was fast and furious, and truly did bring a high number. I had no doubt I was going to get an earful from him at the Green Violin the next day. Although, judging from the way Adrian’s eyes bulged when his winner was announced, maybe he’d be in a lot more pleasant mood once the night was over.

  The next offering was Jasper Getty. He’d moved to town a couple of years ago and taken over the bookstore. I’d never paid much attention. Cute I supposed, but bright red hair wasn’t really my thing. From the way Seth shifted beside me, it seemed he had different feelings. My relief at Seth’s reaction only confirmed what I knew I needed to do.

  Volunteer after volunteer passed through. Andrew Kelly and Joel Rhodes were auctioned off as a pair to Mabel Jessup and Sapphire Wong.

  Seth grinned at me, tension forgotten. “Of course an older lesbian couple bought those two. How much you want to bet they’ll all just eat at Mabel’s for dinner one night, probably have Andrew and Joel bring the dogs and their daughter.”

  “I’d say you’re right. Though it’s too bad they didn’t get more money. I thought they’d bring a fortune, as gorgeous as those two are.”

  Seth’s expression made it clear he thought I was naïve. “You get what you pay for. And anybody who buys Andrew and Joel knows they’re only getting dinner.”

  Couldn’t argue with that. Those two most definitely were not open. With each person auctioned off, Robert and my mother’s jokes got cruder and more embarrassing. I knew Gilbert and Hayley found it rather humiliating the way Mom could carry on sometimes, but Lacy and I both enjoyed it. She was one fucking cool mom. What other sixty-something would get up there in her corset and push-up bra and auction off willing men and women of the town?

  Mom took a little bow and then addressed the crowd as she headed offstage. “I’m going to leave you all for a few minutes, as my son is about to come out here. And the only way I could get him to agree to this was for me to hide myself away. Can you believe how my children treat me?” She laughed, her contagious joy shining through. “Luckily, I have a bottle of champagne in the back, so you all feel free to take your time getting the highest price you can for my boy.”

  “Save some for me, Regina!” Robert called after her as Connor walked on stage.

  Connor looked even more uncomfortable than Adrian. The funds the Meat Market raised were going to the only thing that would have ever made him agree to this. He wore low-slung jeans, and that was it. As he stepped into the spotlight, the noise and the bustle of the crowd faded away. Robert’s voice as he auctioned off Connor was muted. There was no one else in the world. Just Connor and that spotlight—and me in the dark. Unlike the other volunteers, Connor took two steps onto the runway and stood still. Robert didn’t even attempt to cajole him into anything more. Connor had doubtlessly set some rules when he’d agreed to this.

  I knew every inch of Connor's body as well as I knew my own, but he still took my breath away. Even after all the countless men I’d been with in Lavender Shores and New York City, and several stops in between, I hadn’t found one of them who caused anywhere close to the reaction that Connor did every time.

  Though nervous, Connor stood nearly in defiance on the runway, unbelievably tall and broad, weight supported on his left side, his chin thrust slightly to the right, the position causing him to look slightly cocky. He was the fucking sexiest thing I’d ever seen. Chances were high the fucking sexiest thing anyone in the room had ever seen. The spotlight washed away any shadows, revealing his rugged face, his newly bearded jaw and sweep of dark hair increasing his maleness. The tattoo wings spanned over massive planes of lean chest muscles and other tattoos darkened thick shoulders and arms. Even without the aid of highlight and shadow, his abs rippled with every breath. A dusting of dark hair glistened in the light, traveling from his navel and disappearing into his jeans. I knew the feel of that perfect body pressing against my back, his smooth skin under my hands, his taste over my tongue. Even as I watched, his scent filled my memory—a concoction of soap, ink, and musk.

  Suddenly, I was aware of my erection straining at my jeans, the tightness growing painful. I crossed my legs, increasing the discomfort but hopefully hiding my body’s reaction, not that anyone would notice, not with all eyes trained on the stage.

  I glanced over, sure enoug
h, Seth was inspecting me, confirming my fears that he was suspicious. In one motion, I laid my left arm over my lap, just in case, and motioned toward Connor with my right hand. “You don’t need my permission. You can bid on my brother if you want.”

  Seth flinched again, the expression crossing his face unreadable, and he turned away.

  My words had sounded accusing, almost mean. I hadn’t meant them that way, not at all. I’d just said the first thing I could think of to distract, to deny.

  How had I not considered that dating Seth might not only lead to him developing feelings for me, but could also reveal my feelings for my brother? I’d never thought myself the fool. I’d been wrong.

  “Going, going, gone!” Robert’s voice and then the pound of his staff on the stage brought my attention back. He motioned toward the rear of the auditorium. “You just got yourself a buffet worth of premium man meat! Congratulations!”

  Without even thinking of how it would look, I whirled around in my seat, desperate to see who’d bought Connor. The spotlight swiveled, searching the crowd and then landed on a smiling dark face. I wasn’t certain who I’d been expecting, but the sight of Pete Marks, the nearly seventy-year-old owner of the town’s coffee shop, was the last person I would’ve predicted. There wasn’t much I’d put past Pete; he was as much of a character as my mother and Robert, but a date with Connor? No sooner had the thought flitted across my mind than I realized exactly what happened. I should’ve seen it coming. Connor had doubtlessly prearranged this with Pete. Probably agreeing to pay whatever the price was as long as Pete didn’t quit bidding. Relief flooded through me. At least I wouldn’t have to wonder about how that particular date would end.

  I turned around to face the stage and felt Seth watching me again. I didn’t look over, using what my mother said as she reentered the stage to laugh. Hopefully whatever her words were, they’d been a joke. Knowing her, it was a safe bet. Still, I could feel Seth’s gaze boring into me.