Bad Intentions (Bad Love)

by Charleigh Rose

  Me: Don’t be creepy. By the way, I left a few bucks for you on the counter for lunch tomorrow. I’m probably going to pass out early. Be safe.

  Jess: I will. Pleasantville is hella sketchy after dark.

  Me: Shut up.

  Jess: I’m gonna need a gun if you expect me to survive these streets.

  Me: I’m going to bed, now…

  Jess: Make sure you lock the door. I hear home invasions are on the rise here.

  Such a jackass. I laugh at his ridiculousness, tossing my phone facedown onto my bed. I start to pull my shirt over my head, but my phone rings a second later.

  “If you’re calling to tell me you’ve been kidnapped and need ransom money, tell your kidnapper he took the wrong kid. We’re poor.”

  “You wouldn’t have to be poor if you’d come back to me.”

  My stomach twists at the voice from the other line, and even though I know exactly who it is, I pull the phone away to check the screen, but it doesn’t show the number that I’ve had memorized for the past year. It reads Private.

  “How did you get this number?”

  “That’s all I get? No, Hello, Eric. I’ve missed you?”

  “What do you want?” I ask, trying to sound assertive and unaffected. I don’t want to let him know he can still affect me in any way. He can sniff out when someone is intimidated, and he feeds off it.

  “I want you back here. In my house. In my bed.”

  I can’t help but laugh. He is literally insane.

  “That ship has sailed, Eric. Besides, your bed is big, but it’s not big enough to share with your wife.”

  “She’s gone.”

  “Bullshit,” I spit.

  “She’s…away, getting help. Then she’s going to get her own place once she’s well again.”

  I hope that’s the truth, but I can’t believe a word out of Eric’s mouth.

  “Where’s Cayden?” I ask quietly.

  “He’s here. With me, of course.”

  My heart physically hurts when I think about Cayden. At twelve years old, he’s the only innocent in this fucked-up scenario. My throat gets tight when I think about how he must be feeling without his mom. I know better than anyone. The hardest part of leaving Eric was leaving Cayden.

  “He misses you, baby. We both do,” Eric says in that soft tone. The one he saves for times like these, when he knows he doesn’t have the upper hand. But sweet-talking won’t work this time.

  “I miss him, too,” I say, voice cracking before I steel it. “But you’re fucking delusional if you think I’d ever come back to you.” I hang up the phone before he can respond, and then I stare at the dirty carpet, sucking in a deep breath, trying to escape the guilt that threatens to swallow me whole.

  I had an accidental affair with the married father of the child I nannied. There were many casualties, but the one I regret most is Cayden.

  * * *

  “SO, A FINE ASS FEMALE comes in here and sticks money down your pants like you’re some stripper, then you continue to stare out the window every day for almost a week straight, just to catch a glimpse of her, and there’s nothing going on between you two? That’s the story you’re sticking with?” Cordell asks sarcastically as he cleans his station. Logan paid me a visit last week, and my dick is just now calming down. I was waiting for a client when she came in and stuck her hands down my pants, which made for a very uncomfortable session. Lots of adjusting going on. Lots of distracted thoughts.

  Fuck that girl for getting into my head.

  “Yep,” I say shortly. Even if it wasn’t the truth, this isn’t teatime gossip.

  “So, she’s fair game then?” Cord asks, testing me.

  “Go for it,” I say, picture of ambivalence.

  “Bullshit.” He laughs.

  “What the fuck do you want me to say? Is she hot? Hell yeah. But I don’t even know the chick.”

  Cordell looks at me with a puzzled expression, like he doesn’t even know who I am. “You don’t know her? Since when has that been a requirement for you?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He’s right. I don’t exactly flaunt my hookups, but everyone knows I don’t make “lasting relationships”. One-night stands work best when you don’t have to see the other person on a regular basis.

  “Okay…” he says in a way that tells me he’s not buying it.

  “Anyone left on the books tonight?” I ask, done with this topic.

  “Nope. You ready to go?”

  “Might as well.” Matty and our piercer, Alec, are closing up tonight, so we can go to Briar’s get-together.

  “Let’s roll.”

  We walk into Ash and Briar’s house, late enough that no one’s paying attention, but not so late that I piss them off. They’re all used to my antisocial ways. I usually slip in once everyone is already liquored up and dip out without a word an hour later.

  “You came,” Briar says when she sees me, voice soft. She leaves Asher’s side to walk over to me, then throws her arms around my torso, hugging me tight.

  “I said I would,” I say, tussling her blonde hair. She pulls back, hair all mussed with a cheesy smile on her face.

  “Thank you.”

  “Congratulations,” I say before making my way over to Ash. He gives me the bro handshake with the one-armed hug while Briar greets Cordell. Adrian gives us a nod as he picks a roll from the plate on the counter, shoving the entire thing into his mouth. I say hi to everyone: my buddy Cam—Cordell’s brother—his girl, Mollie, and their kid River, who’s toddling around in a Burton beanie. I’m surprised to see Briar’s brother, Dash, and her mom, Mrs. Vale, here, too.

  “What, no girl distracting you tonight?” Ash says sarcastically.

  I flip him off instead of telling him to fuck off for Briar’s mom’s benefit.

  “What girl?” Adrian asks around a mouthful of bread, just as Sutton rounds the corner…with Logan. We lock eyes, neither one of us expecting to see each other. She’s wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt almost the same shade as her porcelain skin that fits snug against her tits and the curve of her hips, tight, black pants, and black boots.

  “Oh, hey,” Sutton says when she notices me. “This is my new friend, Lo.”

  “Yeah, we’ve met,” I say, trying not to stare.

  Logan gives a wave.

  “Are you serious?” Sutton says, looking between the two of us. “Why does this keep happening to me? Can’t I have one friend to myself?”

  Everyone snickers, remembering how Cam and Mollie were in a situation like this one not too long ago. Except theirs was much more complicated.

  Fucking small towns.

  “All right, now that we all know each other, let’s eat.” This comes from Adrian. I’ve never been grateful for his big mouth until this moment.

  We stack our plates full of lasagna, salad, and bread, and I’d bet my shop that Briar planned it on purpose, knowing it’s my favorite, though she’d never admit it. This is a get-together to celebrate her, yet she makes my favorite meal. That’s just how she is. Her thoughtfulness used to make me uncomfortable, still does sometimes, but I’ve mostly learned to accept it by now.

  Everyone finds a seat wherever they can. I opt for the couch, and Ash sits next to me, while Briar sits at the kitchen table with her mom, brother, Sutton, and Logan. Cord, Cam, and Mollie sit at the counter while River, who refuses to be contained to her seat, plays at their feet as they bribe her to eat her lasagna, bite by bite.

  “How’s married life?” I ask Ash. They’re not married yet, but they for damn sure act like it. I met Ash when he was just a fucked-up kid. He was in a bad place, I gave him a job and a place to stay, and we’ve been family ever since. Truthfully, he reminded me of myself. The only difference is Ash’s guilt and self-loathing is misplaced, whereas I’m one hundred percent responsible for the mistakes that plague me. There’s no way around it.

  Asher is only a few years younger than me, but he seems to think I have my shit together. I do on the
outside, but inside? I’m more fucked up than he knows. I just don’t care to show it.

  “Can’t complain.” He shrugs, picture of nonchalance, as always, but I speak fluent Asher, and I know that really means life couldn’t be better. He’s fucking crazy over that girl, and he almost fucked it up. Several times.

  “Her dad still a piece of shit?”

  “Pretty much.” He leans forward with his elbows on his knees and tosses his wadded-up napkin onto his plate. “I don’t think anyone really hears from him much, unless it’s Christmas or someone’s birthday. He did offer Dash a job, though.” Ash huffs out a sardonic laugh. “I don’t know why the fuck he thought that would go over well.”

  “What about you? You doing all right?”

  Ash’s head is down, eyes on the floor, and he nods his answer. We don’t usually do this whole girl-talk thing, but I feel it’s my duty to check in on him every now and then. Especially since his dad passed a couple of years ago. They, like most families, had a dysfunctional relationship, and I know he feels guilty for how things went down at the end. I never met my parents—have no idea if they’re alive or dead—but regardless, we’re in the no parent club together.

  Logan laughs at something Briar says, catching my attention. She tosses her head back, laughing loud and unfiltered, just like her. She sits surrounded by all my friends, completely at ease, and if you were on the outside looking in, you’d probably guess that they were lifelong friends and I was the outsider.

  “What’s up with you and that one?” Ash says, flicking his chin in Logan’s direction.

  “That…was the distraction.”

  “It’s like that?” Ash asks, his eyebrows rising.

  “It’s not like anything. She came in looking for a job, then she gave me a ride home when my truck was at the shop. She’s Henry’s kid,” I add.

  “No shit? I didn’t know Henry had a kid.”

  “That’s what I said. He’s got two, apparently. I don’t think they’re close, though.”

  “Do we know anyone with normal parents anymore?”

  “A few, maybe.” I shrug. “I think it’s more normal to be fucked up these days.”

  “We’re normal as fuck then.”

  “Agreed.”

  Dash walks over with three bottles of beer in hand, sitting on the couch on the other side of me, then sets a bottle in front of each of us.

  “So, who’s the new girl?” he asks in a hushed tone.

  “Dare’s distraction,” Asher answers.

  “Would you shut the fuck up? I liked you better when you were miserable.”

  Adrian approaches, nudging Dash, making us all move down, and then we’re all four crammed onto one couch.

  “Sutton looks pretty fucking hot tonight,” Adrian says, not bothering to lower his voice.

  “I can hear you,” Sutton deadpans, and Logan tries and fails to smother her smile, shaking her head at Adrian.

  “All right,” I say, slapping both palms against the tops of my knees before standing. “This is a little too close for me.”

  “We’re out,” Cam announces, lifting River into his arms before wrapping a blanket around her. “Congrats, again, Bry.” He gives Briar a hug, and she kisses River’s cheek. Mollie hugs her, too, and Briar thanks them for coming. Cordell decides to catch a ride with them, too.

  Mrs. Vale stands and makes her way to the hook that holds her coat and purse. “It’s getting late. I should be getting back to the hotel. Dashiell, will you be sleeping here?”

  “You’re both welcome to stay, Mom,” Briar says. “You don’t have to go.” Briar shoots a helpless look toward Asher, and the rest of us take that as our cue to give Briar and her mom some privacy.

  I go to take a piss while everyone else heads toward the kitchen. When I come out, Mrs. Vale is gone. Sutton is standing in between Dash and Adrian, Ash and Briar are still in the living room, huddled closely on the couch, speaking in hushed tones. And Logan? She’s sitting back at the kitchen table fucking with her phone, staring at it like it’s a Rubik’s Cube that she can’t solve.

  “Having trouble there?” I ask, taking a seat next to her. She tosses her phone into the bag at her feet with an annoyed expression.

  “I was trying to figure out this music app my brother downloaded, but technology is not my friend.”

  “That’s refreshing. Most girls’ phones are an extension of them.”

  “Not this girl. I don’t even know where it is half the time.” She laughs before something across the room catches her attention. “Which one do you think is interested? I can’t tell.” I follow her gaze to see that she’s focused on the Sutton sandwich.

  “My bet is on both. It’s kind of their thing.” I watch her carefully to see her reaction.

  “You mean, like…” Lo pauses and looks between them, putting the pieces together.

  “Yep. They’ve been known to share from time to time.”

  “Well, all right,” she says before lifting her beer to her lips.

  “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

  “Not even a little. If they’re all on the same page, why not? Everyone’s always so worried about what other people will think,” she says, throwing me off. I never know what this girl is going to say, and it intrigues me. She intrigues me.

  “Is that something you’re into?”

  “Nah,” she says, lifting a shoulder, her finger circling the rim of her bottle. “Not my thing.”

  “What is your thing?” I ask. I shouldn’t ask. Not because it’s too forward, but because I’m almost afraid of her answer. If she gets specific, I know I won’t be able to get the image out of my head. She licks her lips, her finger pausing its movement.

  “I don’t know. I have lots of things.”

  Her eyes fall to my hand that’s wrapped around my beer bottle, practically white-knuckling it from the sudden sexual tension.

  “I have a thing for hands and forearms, for one.”

  “That’s specific,” I say. Logan’s tiny hand reaches toward mine, peeling my fingers off the bottle before laying it flat on top of her palm. She uses her other hand to ghost her fingertips over the ink on my arm. She grabbed me with the familiarity of an old friend or a lover, and the way she traces the lines of my ink is almost…reverent.

  “Do these have a special meaning?” she asks, her curious eyes lifting to mine.

  “Nope. I just like them.”

  “Good a reason as any. They’re beautiful.” Logan seems to realize she’s still holding on with one hand and stroking me with the other, and she pulls away, sitting a little straighter, and my palm drops, slapping against the wooden table.

  I’m so focused on Logan that I don’t even notice Briar and Asher approaching until they’re already sitting at the table next to us.

  Briar rolls her eyes, looking in her brother’s direction. “It’s like they don’t even try to hide it anymore.”

  “What’s the point? Everyone knows.” Ash shrugs.

  “The point is that he’s my brother, and Adrian’s practically related to us, too. I don’t want to know about their sex lives. And I still can’t believe you knew and never told me.”

  Asher shoots me a baffled look, and I just smirk.

  “You just said you didn’t want to know,” he points out.

  “Well, yeah, but she doesn’t want you to keep things from her, either,” Logan chimes in.

  “Exactly,” Briar says, pointing a finger at her. “I like her.”

  “Fucking girl logic,” Ash says, shaking his head. “I thought Nat and Adrian had something going on. Or was it Dash? Or both?”

  Nat is Briar’s friend. I met her a couple of times—all sarcasm and dark, red hair—but she doesn’t come around much. Adrian, on the other hand? Can’t get rid of him. And Dash comes up on the odd holiday or three-day weekend.

  “Don’t even ask. All three of them get weird whenever it comes up, and Nat has a boyfriend now. She was going to come up, actually, but she ended
up having to work.”

  Sutton walks away from Dash and Adrian and comes to stand in toward Logan. “You ready to go home?”

  Adrian shakes his head behind her, and Logan goes along with it.

  “I’m good,” she says, lifting the beer that she’s been nursing.

  “Are you sure?”

  “You guys can stay here,” Briar offers.

  “I should get home to my little brother at some point.”

  “I can give you a ride, if you want,” I say, leaning closer to Logan. I don’t know why I offer. I don’t usually go out of my way to be near anyone. Even with the girls I do hook up with, the conversation is always kept to a minimum. But here I am, doing the exact opposite of what I know I should be doing.

  “Thanks,” Logan says, a smile spreading across her face. “But I’m going to call my brother for a ride.”

  I notice that the purple around her eye has all but disappeared, leaving only a faint trace of yellow near the inner corner. It makes me wonder how she got it in the first place. My hand tightens around my bottle of beer as my mind runs wild with different scenarios.

  “Suit yourself. I’m going to take off soon, if you change your mind.”

  She gives me a nod.

  A few minutes later, she says her goodbyes, then she’s gone. I wait a few minutes, not wanting it to seem like I’m only leaving because she did, but when I finally walk outside, she’s still here. She’s sitting cross-legged at the foot of the driveway, hands braced on the cracked asphalt behind her, chin tipped toward the night sky.

  I kick around the idea of joining her in my mind, and the thought surprises me. I don’t know what makes this girl any different from anyone else, but she piques my curiosity. Ultimately, I decide against it, but for some reason, I don’t get into my truck and leave, either. Instead, I hang back in the shadows near the porch while she waits for her ride, oblivious to my presence.

  The shitty Toyota pulls up and Logan stands, wiping her hands off on her thighs. She rounds the vehicle and gets into the passenger side, and I watch as they speed away before making my way to my truck.