Drawn to You

by Jillian Anselmi

  “Good. I’ll make coffee. You need to let me up.” I smile up at him sweetly. He smirks and rolls to his side and lets me off the bed. He grabs his t-shirt, throwing it on as he follows me into the kitchen.

  After I hand him a cup of coffee, he takes a seat at the kitchen island. “Looks fantastic.”

  “I can cook breakfast,” I say. “It’s the rest of the day I have issues with.”

  “I could get used to this.”

  “Used to what, me serving you?” I ask half joking, maybe affronted.

  “No, waking up next to you every morning,” he corrects, his head cocked to one side with that shy smile that makes me melt. Oh. I flush at the thought. We haven’t been dating long enough for me to even consider that. I like having a place to myself, even though I feel like he’s here all the time. With my coffee finished, I add milk and Splenda, and sit down next to Chase.

  “That was delicious,” he says standing, taking both our plates to the dishwasher. I look at the time. Crap. I need to leave now, or I’ll be late.

  “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.” I walk over to Chase. He turns towards me and pulls me into his arms.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For breakfast. For just being you.” He leans down and plants a tender kiss on my lips. I kiss him back, nipping on his lower lip. He groans. Releasing me, I look up and smile at him.

  “Don’t tease,” he warns. “I can make a few phone calls and get you the day off.”

  “Okay, okay.” I place my hands up in defense. “I’ll go.” I turn and head out the door.

  I get home from work later than normal. I was doing a field study in Little Neck Bay and needed to wait until dusk for the tide to go out. I collapse on the couch exhausted. I haven’t heard from Chase all day, which is strange. He must have been in meetings. I take out my cell phone and call him. It doesn’t ring but goes straight to voice mail. Hmm, that’s really strange. I decide to change into something more comfortable and head over to Chase’s apartment.

  The walk over is a quick trip, and his doorman lets me in. I head over toward his door. Just as I’m about to knock, the door opens. A tall, skinny, blonde strides out of his apartment, buttoning up her designer silk blouse as she walks. She sees me and gives me a devious smile. Chase appears in the doorway, naked from the waist up, wearing nothing but a tiny towel that barely covers anything. I stand there in utter horror, remembering the nightmare I had.

  “Natalie,” he yells after her, not realizing that I’m standing there. Then, he sees me. His facial expression changes from anger to surprise to fright.

  “Olivia,” he mutters in panic. My jaw is still on the floor. I start to have flashbacks of Evan from when I caught him with my roommate. He looks just like Evan had. A knot forms in my stomach. Tears start to stream down my face. Chase stares at me in horror. “Olivia, it’s not what it looks like.” Holy fuck. That is exactly what he said in my dream. I stand there paralyzed and dumbfounded.

  He takes a step toward me. I snap out of my shock. “Olivia, please,” he pleads. I feel nauseous. Why didn’t I see this coming? He was always too good for me. I was just some conquest for the rich boy to win. I can’t breathe. He looks desolate. I take a deep breath and summon all of my inner strength.

  “How could you, after everything you know about me?” I say, my voice low and controlled. I’m struggling to hang on, feeling like I’m going to faint. He tries to speak, but I put my hand up in warning. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.” I take a deep breath. “Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t show up on my doorstep. I don’t want to see you ever again.” I can barely get the words out of my mouth my throat is so dry.

  “You don’t understand,” he beseeches me.

  “I can’t do this. Not again.” I turn toward the elevator. He doesn’t make a move, but his eyes never leave mine. I hit the button and wait, tears still streaming down my face. All things considered, I’m holding up pretty well. I don’t want to totally lose it in front of him. I don’t want to give him a reason to try and comfort me. It’s taking every fiber of my being not to curl up into a ball on the floor.

  The door to the elevator opens, and I back in. “Goodbye, Chase,” I whisper. I see Chase make a move toward the elevator as the doors close.

  Back in my apartment, I lock the door behind me. I lean against the door as I fall to the floor. I can’t bring myself to stand because of the immense pain I feel. I can’t breathe. I need to breathe. I sit for a moment trying to calm myself down, but it isn’t working.

  I crawl across the apartment toward my bedroom, tears streaming down my face. I pull myself up to the bed sobbing uncontrollably. A howling, my heart is broken cry. I am devastated, yet again. After such a short amount of time, Chase has really gotten under my skin. This hurts more than when I caught Evan. I cry until I can’t cry anymore.

  I awaken from a nightmare, covered in sweat. I struggle to catch my breath as I look at the clock. Two thirty A.M. I’m cold. I never changed or got under the blankets. Then, without warning, the events that led to me lying on top of my bed come flooding back. I’m hoping it was just a bad dream, but I know it wasn’t.

  I stare up at the ceiling, tears beginning to flood my vision once again. How did I not see this? I knew he’d been acting really strange, just like Evan had. Is it possible I wasn’t enough for him? The woman that left his apartment, she was wearing designer clothes and designer shoes. She fit the part of a wealthy woman. I work in the dirt for most of the day or stinky seawater. Maybe he just wanted out of our relationship but didn’t know how to tell me. Why wouldn’t he tell me? He told me he would do anything for me, keep me safe. How is sleeping with another woman doing any of that?

  The feelings I have for Chase, I can’t help but think I might have felt the same way about Evan when we first started dating. It’s been so many years, I can’t remember. How can anyone want another person so badly that it hurts forever? Eventually it must go to a place that is comfortable, like it was with Evan and me.

  I probably felt the way I did because Chase was someone new and different, someone I thought was too good for me. Taboo. Is it possible that if I had given Evan a second chance he could had been faithful? Chase and I wouldn’t have worked anyway, it couldn’t have. There are too many differences between us.

  Maybe I should move back to Long Island. I don’t know if I can get out of the lease, but I know I can’t live this close to Chase. I need to get rid of all of the furniture that he purchased; I don’t want to owe him anything.

  I’m no longer sad, now I’m angry. Really fucking pissed. Angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. Angry at Chase for lying to me. At this point, I don’t think there’s anyone I’m not mad at. I get up and change into something warmer, get under the sheets, and try to fall back to sleep.

  I don’t sleep well. After going through my morning routine, I grab my phone. Crap, I forgot to charge it. Not that it matters, I don’t want to talk to anyone anyway. I do need it for work, though. I’ll charge it in the car on my way.

  Once in my Jeep, I plug in my phone. I turn it on and start my drive in to the office. At least I only have to stop in for some paperwork; I don’t want to talk to anyone today.

  I’m afraid to turn on the radio. there are so many songs that remind me of Chase. My phone powers on, and there are several pings that come from it. Five messages and another dozen texts; all from Chase.

  I delete all of them without reading or listening to them. I don’t want to read his excuses. I know that if I hear his soft voice, I might cave. I find my music folder on my iPhone and choose one of my favorite get-it-together songs. Hitting play, I hum along with the lyrics and sing the refrain aloud. “Breathe, just breathe.” It reminds me that there is nothing I can do at the moment. There is no rewind button to life. I am determined to concentrate on work and try to forget the pit of despair I am in.

  All week long, my phone rings and beeps from calls and texts f
rom Chase. If I didn’t need my phone for work, I would turn it off. It keeps ringing and ringing. Finally by Wednesday, I’ve had enough. I answer the phone without looking at the caller id. “Stop calling me! I don’t want to talk to you!” Just as I’m about to hang up, I hear a familiar voice on the other end.

  “Hey, I thought we were good.” It’s Evan. Crap.

  “Evan?” I say in shock.

  “Yeah . . . you okay?”

  “Yes . . . no . . . I don’t know,” I say. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “I can tell. I called to see if you wanted to go out for a drink Friday.” Hmm. A drink. That could help with my nerves. I’m not so sure having drinks with my ex is such a good idea. Although, at this point, nothing I do seems to be a good idea. Fuck it.

  “Sure, what time?”

  “Say around six?”

  “That will work. I’ll be on the island anyway. I’ll call my mom, and tell her I’m staying there. Where do you want to meet up?”

  “How about the Oar. Same as last time.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Yeah, bye,” and I hang up. Ha. Drinks with my ex. That would set Chase off if he knew. I’m not going to worry about it since the point is moot.

  It’s still happy hour at the Oar, so the parking lot is crowded. I make my way to the inside bar and get a glass of wine. Some of my old regulars from Anthony’s are here and buy my first round. I wave a thank you and sit by myself thinking about and reliving the past twenty-four hours.

  I’m halfway through my second glass when Evan comes up from behind me. “Hey.”

  I turn around to see his smiling face. “Hi,” I greet. He orders a drink and squeezes in between my stool and the woman sitting next to me.

  “You sounded weird on the phone. Everything okay?” He sounds concerned.

  “Chase and I are over.”

  “Chase?”

  “The guy I was dating. His name is Chase.”

  “Oh.” He’s trying so hard to hold back a smile. He adopts his serious face. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not,” I mutter under my breath. I know deep down he’s jumping for joy. He was so distraught when he learned I was dating.

  “I’m sorry that he made you this unhappy.”

  “Can we drop it? I want to relax and forget about Chase.”

  “Sure.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and starts kneading them. I want to tell him to stop, but it feels nice. I roll my neck around, stretching my aching muscles. “How’s your new job?”

  “I love it.”

  “That’s great.” He runs his knuckles up and down my back, applying pressure as he goes. I loved when he used to do that. I finish my glass, and he orders me another one. “Have you eaten anything?”

  “Not since breakfast.”

  “You should eat something. I don’t want you to get sick.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “I’ll order the crab dip. I know how much you love it.” He waves one of the bartenders over and places the order. As he speaks to the bartender, I remember how comfortable I am with him. It feels almost as if we didn’t split up. But we did.

  My phone rings . . . again. I look at the caller ID. It’s Chase, not that I’m surprised. He’s been blowing up my phone all week. Evan is looking over my shoulder and takes the phone out of my hand. “Hey, give that back,” I protest. Not only doesn’t he give it back, but he answers it. Shit.

  “Hello,” he answers nonchalantly. There is a brief pause, most likely Chase trying to figure out who answered my phone and why it wasn’t me.

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you, so stop calling her.” I can hear a low murmur coming from the phone. He must be yelling. “She’s not your concern anymore. She’s upset and confiding in me.” The murmur is louder now. “I’ll take care of her,” and he hangs up. Holy shit.

  “That was unnecessary,” I snap at him.

  “What?” he says, all innocent now. There’s a smug smile on his face.

  “I can handle my own shit. I don’t need you to do it for me.” He hands me back my phone, having the decency to look contrite.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again.”

  The bartender places the crab dip down in front of me. The couple that was sitting next to me leave, so Evan jumps at the chance to sit down.

  He was right. I am starving, and the wine is starting to make me light headed. Evan slides the bar stool closer to me so our legs are touching. “Why don’t we do something this weekend?” he suggests. “It will keep your mind off . . .” He pauses, searching for the right word. “Things.”

  “I don’t know. I need time to think.”

  “C’mon. It’ll be fun.”

  “Let me think about it.” He nods and continues to pick at the dip. I don’t want to sit home all weekend. It will cause me to think about Chase, and I might be tempted to go over and see him. I’m not sure hanging out with Evan is the smartest thing to do.

  Everything that happened with Chase was so quick and intense. It was bound to burn out fast. And as much as I’m still angry at Evan for what he did, I’m more hurt that Chase, knowing what happened with Evan, could even think of being unfaithful.

  Evan looks over at me. “What are you thinking about? There’s smoke coming out of your ears.”

  “Ha ha.” He chuckles at my comment. “Thinking about what I’m going to do with you.” I shove him. He exaggerates my push and pretends to almost fall off the stool, making me giggle. This is what it used to be like with him. Comfortable and safe. I can relax around him. Suddenly, a thought pops into my head. “Have you seen her?” I ask, my face as impassive as I can muster.

  “Have I seen who?”

  “You know who.” I take a sip of my wine as he tries to answer.

  “No. I told you it was a one-time thing. A very big mistake at that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.” He turns to face me. “I said that day on the docks that I was sorry and I would one day earn your trust.” He takes a deep breath. “I want you back, Liv. Now that you’re free, I hope you will give me a second chance.”

  “I don’t know if I can trust you.”

  “What can I do to make you believe in me again, to gain your trust?” I think about it for a minute. I’m not sure. I start to reply but he cuts me off. “What if I were to make a commitment to you. A promise to never do anything to hurt you.” He swivels on his stool so his whole body is facing me. He looks weird, nervous almost.

  “I don’t know, I . . .”

  Without warning, he stands up and drops to one knee. Holy fuck! He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box. “Marry me,” he says as he opens the box. “I’ve had this ring for over a year. My hope was to ask you over the summer, but . . .” he trails off. “I kept it in hopes that someday I would have the chance to ask you.”

  I am stunned speechless. He looks up at me, waiting for an answer. The entire bar grows quiet, watching our every move. “Evan, I . . .” I look at him then the ring. Wow. It’s beautiful. A very plain band with a round solitaire maybe a carat in size. I think I’m in shock.

  “Well? What do you think?”

  Holy crap. I always knew this day would come, but that was before Brandi. Everything with Chase was so extreme, could I have been rebounding? Chase made me feel beautiful, though. I mean, I know Evan thinks that way, he just never shows it. He says he made a mistake. He insists it was a one-time thing. Can I hold him responsible for that? Do I want to give up all the years we had together for one mistake? I do love him, but is it enough? Was not forgiving him the wrong move?

  I look down at him and say, “Evan, do you really love me?”

  A tear rolls down his cheek. “Liv, of course I do. I am so sorry and will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just say yes.” He silently begs me to say yes.

  I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol speak
ing, but a yes escapes from my lips. He jumps up, grabs me off my stool and swings me around. Everyone in the bar is applauding. He puts me down and slips the ring on my finger.

  “I want us to be married as soon as possible. I was thinking next weekend.” Wait, what? “I know you love the beach, so I was thinking of Key West. We could fly there next Friday night and be home late Sunday.” Wow, he’s moving fast.

  “I don’t know, I-”

  “I don’t want to wait for you to be mine any longer. I’ll make all of the arrangements. We’ll leave after you get off of work on Friday.”

  Holy crap. What is with the urgency? Does he think I’ll change my mind? This is crazy. I can’t possibly plan a wedding in a week. There are so many things I need to do.

  “But I need a dress . . .”

  “It will be a beach wedding. Nothing fancy. Just the way you always wanted, remember?” It’s true that I never envisioned a fancy wedding with all of the extras and add on’s. Just a few select friends and immediate family.

  “What about Brenda? I don’t know if she’ll be able to get the time off.”

  “I’ll talk to Brenda.” Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

  “No, let me. She hates you.”

  “All right. You talk to her. Besides, we can always have a small party here when we get back if she can’t get off.”

  “No, she has to be there.” I take a large swig of wine, finishing the glass. Evan tries to call the bartender over, but I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes. I’m tired and should get to my mom’s house. I’ll need to spend some time with her this weekend. Okay?”

  “Okay.” He pays the check and helps me off my stool. Turning to me, he grabs me and kisses me. Before my brain can register what’s happening, he releases me. “You have made me the happiest man alive,” he beams.

  I wake up late the next morning, almost forgetting I’m at my mom’s. My head is killing me. I pop a few Motrin in my mouth followed by a water chaser. Ugh, I feel like I got run over by a bus. I look down at the ring on my finger and start to remember the events of last night. Crap, I need to call Brenda. She is going to kill me, and not a quick and painless death either. I haven’t had time to tell her about Chase. She is going to go ape shit.