Maybe for You--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel

by Nicole McLaughlin

  Rolling over, she grabbed her journal from the bedside table. She’d avoided it for the past week because she hadn’t known how to face her own thoughts. In many ways, this journal had been her way of communicating with Nate’s spirit when she felt the need, and part of her felt like if she didn’t write it down, she could keep the truth and the shame from consuming her.

  But now that she’d talked with Joel, the secret was out in the universe. It had penetrated her bubble of denial.

  Day 446

  I’m pregnant. I’m terrified. What will happen now? Everything I had planned is ruined. What am I going to do with myself? I don’t want to be a mother. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

  I’m so sorry, Nate. So, so sorry.

  Today I intend to feel, I have no idea. But I do need to tell Jake. Soon.

  Her phone buzzed on the bed and she picked up, revealing a text from Charlotte.

  CHARLOTTE: How you feeling? Up to sampling cake today?

  Oh God. She wasn’t sure if she could, but damn, she was going to try.

  *   *   *

  A shower had gone a long way in making Alex feel better. The tea that Joel had made her had also helped. By the time Charlotte pulled up to the house, she felt somewhat normal.

  “How are you doing?” Charlotte asked as Alex buckled her seat belt.

  She turned and forced a smile. “Better.”

  “Good. We’ve all been a wreck worrying about you this week. Especially Jake. He has worked out that I know about you two and has been texting me constantly for updates.”

  “You’re kidding. Why doesn’t he text me?” Or maybe he had and she hadn’t always replied. Yeah, that was it.

  “I don’t know. But you should call him now that you’re feeling better.”

  “I will. Promise,” she said as they headed toward the highway. “This illness has just taken a lot more out of me than I expected.”

  “Oh my God, I can imagine. Girl, you were wrecked that night. I’d never seen anything like it. Salmonella is no joke.”

  “Seriously. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” Except she’d go through it again to not be dealing with what she was right now. God, she was horrible. Horrible.

  Thankfully for the rest of the drive to the cake decorators, Charlotte rambled on about ideas she had for her and Dean’s wedding. Alex actually enjoyed listening and even giving her thoughts. For a few minutes she could just pretend life was going on as normal.

  When they pulled up to a small house she was surprised. “This is the baker?”

  “Yes. And just wait until you see the kitchen she has in the back. Jill’s cakes are legendary. However, we’re using her granddaughter Julia. I’m pretty sure Jill is priming her to take over her business so she can retire.”

  They got out of the car and headed around the side of the house. They went through a tall wooden gate and sure enough, there was an addition built on to the back of the house. Next to the door was a sign: JILL & JULIA’S CAKES. BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

  Charlotte pointed at the sign. “Ooh, look. She’s made it official and put Julia’s name on the sign.” Just then the door opened and an older woman with shoulder-length grayish blonde hair stood inside.

  “Charlotte, so good to see you,” she said, stepping aside so they could enter. She immediately turned to Alex. “I’m Jill.”

  “So nice to meet you. Alexis.”

  “Jill, Alexis is my fiancé’s younger sister. The one we were here choosing for last year.”

  Jill immediately turned and grabbed Alex’s hand. “Of course. Oh sweetie, I was just heartbroken to hear of your loss. How are you?”

  Did she have a moment? Or six hundred? Alex thought. But instead, she just smiled and replied kindly. “Much better. Thank you. I’m really excited to be here myself and help Charlotte pick her cake.”

  Giving her hand a quick pat, Jill turned and led them into the packed room. But what a room it was—lined ovens, shelves filled with cake pans, mixers, and all manner of cake-decorating paraphernalia. The giant island in the center took up most of the room. And it smelled divine, like butter and vanilla.

  “Julia will be right out,” Jill said. “She just got back from a party delivery for this evening.” Just as she said it, a young woman with a brunette ponytail and a pink apron stepped through a door that obviously connected the cake kitchen to the house.

  “Sorry to keep you waiting,” she said. “So good to see you both.” Alex was glad they didn’t repeat the sad introduction, but instead got right to the business of cake tasting and looking at cake photos. It made her realize how much fun she’d missed out on by not being able to plan her own wedding. Then again, maybe it was for the best.

  After nearly eating their weight in cake samples, Charlotte and Alex had come to a mutual decision on two flavors. Chocolate-chip cake with chocolate-fudge filling for one layer and carrot cake with cream-cheese filling for the other. Alex had verified Charlotte’s suspicions that, although Dean never got that excited about sweets, he really liked carrot cake.

  By the time they left, Alex had actually started to feel happy. Spending time laughing with other women had helped tremendously. Once they were back in the car, Charlotte turned to her. “How about some coffee? There’s a great place down the street from here.”

  Alex nodded. “Sure.”

  Before long they were seated outside, sipping lattes and soaking up the sun.

  “It’s such a gorgeous day,” Charlotte said, angling her head up to the sky.

  “It is.”

  “I’m so happy to have you doing some of this with me. We really need to discuss what color bridesmaid’s dress you’d like to wear.”

  Alex’s eyes went wide. How had she not thought of that yet? How pregnant would she be in April? Would she be pregnant in April? Just thinking the question to herself made her feel dizzy.

  “Alex, are you okay?” Charlotte asked, touching her arm.

  She looked up. “Yeah, why?”

  “You just suddenly looked … green. And your eyelids sort of fluttered.”

  “No, I’m fine. Sorry.”

  Charlotte’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you’re feeling better? Did the hospital tell you to follow up with a primary care doctor? You should go to mine.”

  Alex shook her head. “No, no. I’m okay.”

  “Is it too much wedding talk? I’m sorry, I should have known.”

  “No, Charlotte. I promise, it’s okay. I’m excited to be in the wedding, and help you plan. But…” Their eyes met, and suddenly the weight of her secret, and the pain of the unknown was so intense she felt like she could no longer shoulder it on her own. “Charlotte, I need to tell you something. But you can’t tell anyone else.”

  “What is it?” The concern in her voice was obvious.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Charlotte’s lips parted, her eyes widening. “Oh my. Is it … Jake’s?”

  Alex nodded.

  “Oh honey…” Alex could tell Charlotte was searching for words. Finally she grabbed Alex’s hand and smiled before finishing. “That’s the most amazing news.”

  Alex’s chin dipped and her eyebrows went up. That was not the reaction she was expecting. In fact, it was so sincere and kind, she immediately started to cry.

  The look of panic on Charlotte’s face made Alex cry even harder. She could feel the eyes of coffee shop patrons on her but right now she didn’t care, she just wanted to sob and let out all of her frustration.

  She wiped at her eyes as Charlotte sent an awkward smile to the people around them. “Excuse us. Sorry,” she said as she stood, stuffed one coffee in her elbow, the other in her hand, and then grabbed Alex. “Come on, sweetie.”

  She shuffled them into the parking lot and over to the car. By the time they were sitting inside, Alex had somewhat pulled herself together.

  “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what just happened.”

  Charlotte smirked. “You’re pregnant. That’s
what happened.”

  “Oh God.” Alex cried out, letting her head fall back on the headrest. “I can’t believe this, Charlotte.”

  “How is Jake taking this? I mean, no wonder he’s been so worried about you. I’m surprised he hasn’t knocked down Joel’s door.”

  Slowly, Alex looked at her friend. “He doesn’t know.”

  “What?”

  “The only people who know are Joel and now you.”

  Charlotte’s head jerked back. “You told Joel?”

  Alex shrugged. “Apparently the sound of daily yakking is a dead giveaway. Who knew?”

  Charlotte frowned. “You poor thing. How far do you think you are?”

  “Maybe seven weeks or so. To be honest, I’ve tried not to think about it.”

  “Why not? This is amazing.”

  “No, it’s not. Charlotte, I don’t want to have a baby. I want to move to Virginia and work for the CIA. I was not meant to have a family … my chance died.”

  They were silent for a moment and Alex wiped a tear from her eye.

  “Alex, a pregnancy is an incredible gift. I hope you realize that.”

  Oh no. She met Charlotte’s eyes, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I can’t believe how insensitive that was.”

  She gave her a small smile. “No it wasn’t. You’re dealing with something huge right now. Your feelings are normal. I just hope you can try and look at it a different way. There are people desperate to get pregnant. It’s a miracle. Truly.”

  Alex wished she could see it that way. She really did. But right now it felt like a tragedy, and every single fear she possessed come to life. How in the world could she keep a human life safe? Every person she’d loved that much—except one, her brother—had died and left her alone. How could she handle being a mother? Loving something so fiercely and also being responsible for caring for it all alone? It was unthinkable.

  “Maybe this was exactly what was meant to happen,” Charlotte said. “Maybe Jake was meant to happen to you. There is no doubt that he cares for you a lot.”

  Alex shook her head. “Not like that. Even if he did … a baby, Charlotte?” she pleaded. “This is Jake we’re talking about. The man who has slept with women all over the South.”

  Charlotte hesitated. “Is that what this is about? That you don’t want a baby with Jake?”

  Was that it? “No. I don’t even know why I said that.”

  “I think you need to tell him. Right away. Things always seem more difficult when you feel alone. I promise you. And you won’t be alone, no matter what. Dean and I are here for you. Always.”

  Twenty-One

  Jake shut the door to their storage building across the back alley of the Stag. He and John had just moved a few more barrels over to the main building to begin the bottling process. Since they were still a small operation, it was all hands on deck when it was time to process a finished product. The bottling, labeling, packaging, was all them. Over the past year or so, they occasionally enlisted the help of Charlotte and Jen. Sometimes even friends, but for the most part, the four of them—Jake, TJ, Dean, and John—did the work.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, surprised and decidedly happy to see Alex’s name attached to a text. He opened it up.

  ALEX: Busy today?

  JAKE: Barrel-processing. Want to come help?

  ALEX: Sounds like a blast. But I was thinking more along the lines of lunch.

  He stared at the screen in shock. She wanted to get together. Immediately he replied.

  JAKE: Yes.

  They hadn’t seen each other since the night she’d gotten sick, well over a week ago. She’d texted a couple of days later to thank him for the giraffe, but that was it. Every other time he’d tried to reach out, he’d been met with silence. Several times he’d tried to get information through Charlotte, but she’d assured him that Alex had just been through a lot and was resting. The wait had been killing him, and he’d been close to showing up on Joel’s doorstep more than once. He’d even driven by. Twice.

  ALEX: I still don’t have a car and Joel went to the doctor. Can you pick me up?

  JAKE: Of course.

  He glanced at his watch. It was already 10:45.

  JAKE: I can be there at 11:00. Is that too soon?

  ALEX: No. That’s fine.

  He shoved his phone into his pocket and looked at John. “Hey, man. Can we pick this up after lunch? Something came up.”

  “Sure. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything’s great.” He glanced at his watch and thought through all the possibilities. “I’ll probably be back around one or so. Actually, I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

  John smirked. “Take your time, man.”

  Jake just laughed and headed for the front of the building. He went into the restroom and checked his face in the mirror. He looked tired and he was a week short of a legitimate beard, but there was nothing to be done about it now.

  Heading to the alley, he got in his Jeep and made the short trip across Maple Springs to where Dean’s father lived. When he pulled up, Alex was sitting outside on the front step.

  She stood up as soon as she spotted him, and his heart lodged in his throat. She always looked beautiful, but today her hair was in a ponytail, there were dark circles under her eyes, and she had on a pair of cutoffs with a baggy shirt. This wasn’t the Alex he’d spent two weeks on the road with, and all he wanted to do was hold her.

  He pulled in, and before he had a chance to get out, she walked straight to the passenger door and got in.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile.

  “Hey,” he said, reaching out to grab her hand. “It’s so damn good to see you.”

  Her eyes widened, her cheeks blushing. “Good to see you too.”

  His eyes ran over her body. “You feeling better? I’ve been out of my mind worrying about you.”

  “I’m better, yeah.”

  But something was wrong. No doubt in his mind. He began to back out of the drive. “Where do you want to eat?”

  “Actually, before we do that, can we just maybe go somewhere and talk. Like the lake?”

  Before he took off, he stopped in the middle of the street. He turned and looked at her. “Alex, is something wrong?”

  She gave him a pretty smile and squeezed his hand. “I just missed you. And I’m really not that hungry.”

  He wasn’t entirely convinced she was being honest with him, but he nodded and took off toward the Maple Springs lake on the west side of town. It wasn’t very big, but he found an area to park near some playground equipment and a couple of picnic tables. There was also a dock with a bench, and he figured she might like to sit out there since it was such a nice day.

  “I haven’t been out here since high school,” he said as they walked out to the dock.

  “I can only imagine what you were doing out here in high school.”

  “You’re better off not trying,” he said, and she laughed.

  The sound was like a balm to the anxiety he’d been suffering from for the past couple of weeks without her close by.

  There was a slight breeze coming off the water, but luckily the air was still warm enough that it was pleasant. Alex sat down on the bench, pulled up her legs, and crisscrossed them.

  “Now be honest with me, Alex. How have you been feeling?” he asked, resting an arm around her back.

  “Okay. Thank you for the giraffe, by the way,” she said, smiling.

  He chuckled. “I hoped you’d like it.”

  “I did.” She looked down at her legs. “You know, it was kind of funny because…”

  When she didn’t finish her sentence, his brow furrowed. Finally, he dipped his head and touched her chin. “Alex, look at me.”

  She shook her head, not allowing him to lift her face up to his. He inhaled, panic settling into his chest. What was going on? Was she seeing someone else? Moving away early? Did they find out that it wasn�
�t food poisoning she had, but something worse?

  A tear fell on her bare leg and he instantly went down to his knees on the dock in front of her, grabbing each side of her waist, trying to look up into her face. “Alex, babe, talk to me.”

  She wiped at her eyes and looked away from him, out at the lake. “I can’t,” she whispered through tears.

  “Alexis, you’re killing me right now. Tell me what’s wrong. Is it me? Did I do something?” His voice was frantic, but he didn’t care. All he wanted to know was what was wrong, and how he could make it right if possible.

  She shook her head and finally met his eyes. “Jake,” she whispered.

  “What? Tell me.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He froze there, on his knees, his arms resting on her legs, his hands on her waist. Slowly the earth began to spin around them. He registered cold air on his face and then goose bumps broke out on his skin.

  “You’re pregnant?” he heard himself ask quietly.

  She nodded. “I found out in the hospital. They did blood work in the ER.”

  “So…” He looked down at her soft hands resting in her lap, and then his eyes ran up her torso, her baggy shirt. He wanted to touch her, hold her. Lifting his head, he repeated his earlier statement. “You’re pregnant. With my baby?”

  Her lips trembled. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?” he asked. They’d done everything right—he thought. They’d used a condom every time, even though it had obviously failed them somehow. This wasn’t her fault.

  “I’m sorry because this was not supposed to happen, Jake. We had a plan. I had a plan. What in the world are we going to do?”

  He sucked in a breath, completely at a loss for words to say. One thought kept running through his head. My baby. She’s pregnant with … my baby. Inside of her. A gut-wrenching, raw and protective feeling came over him as he looked at her. How did he make her understand that there was no reason to cry?